If You Don't Love Me Anymore, Lie
''No matter what happens I need you to remember that I love you''. ''Ward what's-'' ''There's no time to explain. You need to get somewhere safe alright? Don't move until I come find you''.
That should have been her first red flag, the panic in her husband's tone he never panics. Always calm and collected even with a gun to his head or a bomb in his hands. She's seen it firsthand how amazing he is under pressure, when they first met Skye was convinced he had no emotions at all, that nothing phased him. That of course wasn't true, but sometimes he still surprises her.
She's standing in the middle of the kitchen in the house they bought together, nothing special just an upstairs and downstairs with a small living room, no dining room. She's barefoot wearing one of his shirts, the phone clutched tightly in her hand. ''Grant what's going on?'' She hears him take a deep breath, he pauses. ''I'm going to give you a set of coordinates and I need you to''- Skye never does get to hear the rest of what he said.
Because their front door is suddenly kicked in and the small house is suddenly overwhelmed by men in tactical gear. Skye drops the phone moves to get the ICER hidden under the kitchen table, Fitz would be proud, when she's grabbed from behind and the rest of the world fades into nothing. The hours that follow would be the worst, she never would have suspected the events that are about to take place.
That her husband the man she's tied herself to in every way imaginable, loved with everything she has, is a liar.
Hail Hydra.
*
''Skye you really must eat something''. ''Not hungry''. ''You've been training for hours, you need to stop and refuel''. Skye glances over to Simmons, the other woman is wearing a frown, also holding out a bottle of water to her. There's such pity in her expression that Skye snatches the bottle and watches as Simmons begins to prepare a sandwich. ''How's Fitz this morning?'' Leo is a sensitive subject, for everyone on the base not just Simmons.
Who tenses but continues with her task. ''Better. His speech is improving''. ''Good, that's really good''. This familiar wave of guilt settles over Skye and Simmons gives her a knowing look but says nothing. Skye knows it isn't healthy to blame everything that happened with Ward soley on herself, obviously she couldn't control what he did. She isn't responsible for the lives he took or what he did to Fitz and Simmons.
He was their friend long before they ever got together, Skye had no influence on Ward's choices good or bad. But she can't help but feel like it's her fault. She was his wife if anyone knew anything about who he really was it should have been her. She should have expected something seen something, the wolf behind all the sheep clothing. But she didn't. Ward was too good, so flawless in his cover all this time, if he didn't want her seeing who he really was she wouldn't.
And that hurts. That someone who dug himself so deep down inside her, worked his way into her chest with soft words and a warm smile, could hurt her so much. Lie about who and what he was so easily like it meant nothing like she meant nothing, all their history their friends gone. Just like that in the blink of an eye. Because of him because of Hydra because he chose to follow a mad man instead of doing the right thing.
Instead of choosing Shield, the only home either of them had ever known. But Skye supposes she can't say that about Ward anymore, Shield was just a cover nothing more. When she was eighteen Shield recruited her for her hacking skills and she was sent to the Triskelion to work in the IT department. For six years she Simmons, Ward and Fitz all became a tight knit group. Always doing things together, went out for drinks, hung out at each other's apartments.
Ward was a Specialist so when he wasn't on missions saving the world or getting shot at one could find him wherever Skye or the two scientists were. Sometimes Agent May or Coulson would come down and have dinner with them or go out for a drink, but otherwise it was just the four of them against the world. Skye had never felt more at home than she did at Shield, it was her entire life.
She never thought it would all come tumbling down.
That Hydra would come out of the shadows hiding in Shield in plain sight, that the people she considered friends would become her enemy. That her husband the only man she's ever loved would be one of them, betraying those closest to him hurting everyone in his path. Some days she still can't believe it all came down to this. A secret underground bunker in the middle of nowhere fighting for her life day and night.
The threat of Hydra looming over their heads, worrying in her bed late at night if this will be the day Grant finds her. She hasn't seen him in months, not since that awful showdown between the two where he didn't pick her. Their team their family. When he lowered Fitz and Simmons into the ocean, the day their lives would never be the same. Much to her and Coulson's dismay Ward was never caught, never put in Shield custody.
He escaped with John Garrett, the Clairvoyant, the man everyone thought was a white coat ready to die for Shield at a moment's notice. But they all thought the same about Ward too. So now they fight the good fight in the dark, Hydra waiting around the corner at every turn. Ward never did prepare her for combat, he did teach her how to defend herself when she asked, but it was nothing compared to the training May has her doing these days.
Ever since the fall of Shield, Coulson and May have become an essential part in Skye's life, along with Fitz and Simmons. They are a team now with Coulson as the Director, May his right hand. She's actually going out on missions now along with Bobbi Morse and Lance Hunter, Trip and Mack as well. New additions to Shield but she loves them, they're part of the family too. Skye would fight to death to protect any of them.
But she can't deny there's something someone missing, and there probably always will be. No one could ever replace Ward as a member of their team, and definitely not as her husband. It's been a few months and she knows everyone is wondering when she's going to move on, find someone else. But she can't. The thought of being with anyone else besides Ward makes her nauseous. And she hates herself for it.
She should hate him and oh how she does, but just because he hurt her does not mean her love for him just vanished into thin air. She's still in love with him, a small tiny part is sitll waiting for him to come home to her. Skye knows that's not possible and would never tell anyone that, but sometimes late at night she'll stare up at the ceiling and wish she could see him again. That he'd just walk through her bedroom door and tell her it was all joke.
That he was a triple agent all this time, that his mission is finally over and he's come back to her. Alas, that will never happen. She'll always receive those sympathetic glances and whispers, not everyone trusts her here on account of being Grant Ward's wife. It's expected apparently that if he is a traitor she would know some of his secrets. He lied to everyone else just like he lied to her. Their story had such a happy beginning, but such a tragic end.
''Skye are you alright?'' Bobbi asks when she comes into the kitchen and sees the other woman staring off into space. ''Yeah I'm good''. Skye takes the sandwich from Jemma, offers a wink and rushes out of the kitchen. ''She's been training since four this morning''. ''Trying to get the Hydra husband out of her head''. Lance comments earing a hit to the ribs from his ex-wife. ''You know I'm right Bob''.
Simmons and Morse both glance at each other, yes yes he is.
Later that night when everyone is asleep Skye is hunched over her laptop the room pitch black, energy drink resting on the floor. Grant always told her how bad they were but she never listened. She can hear his slightly irritated voice even now, the small shake of his head when she cracked open another. Skye takes a sip the sharp tang flavor filling her teeth as she checks security around the base. All secure.
Next is something she does that no one knows about, an old email address she hardly ever uses anymore. It was one she's had since her days away from the orphanage and only Ward knows about it. She checks it still every night, hoping for something? That he's contact her? Why? It's not like he's going to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness, she doesn't want him to. She hates him she hates him and everything he's put her and their friends through.
God she misses him though. His laugh the way he says her name, how everything was safe and warm when she was in his arms. When she came home after a long day and he'd be there waiting for her a smile on his face, ready to hear about her day like it was the most interesting story. The feel of his hands on her skin, the cool silver of his wedding band as he cupped her face and kissed her.
The inbox is empty, not that she's surprised. She misses their house, their bed. It's still hard to sleep without him, the bed here is too cold too empty. Much like herself these days. She trains all day works her ass off, ready for the next threat that's bound to come. This is her life now. If you would have told her a year ago she'd be a field agent, that she would be without her husband lonely and sad, Skye would have laughed.
She didn't just lose her job or her life during the Hydra reveal. Skye lost Ward, her best friend. Her other half, the person she always thought would be there right next to her through thick and thin. The one man who up until that point had not left her, kept every promise he'd ever made her. Half of her does not think everything with Grant was a lie. No way he could have faked loving her for all that time, it had to of been genuine.
He's good but he's not that good, pretending to be in love with her? Not even Natasha Romanoff could stay in deep cover for that long and keep every emotion in check, no Skye believes Ward slipped with her. She knows he wasn't supposed to fall in love, she wasn't part of his mission. He did often say she was an unknown variable in his life, never saw her coming. They went through too much together too many horrors for him to feel nothing for her.
A year ago Skye would have sworn to everyone and everything under the sun that Grant Ward was a loyal Shield agent and husband, the best of the best. No way he could hurt her or Fitzsimmons, no way could he betray everyone he cares about for reasons she does not understand, and yes a small part of her wants to understand.
But putting her anger aside there had to be some other reason why he did what he did and she just can't see it. Right now she doesn't want to, Skye has no desire to dig into her husband's past whatever it might be and see if there's something more to his story. And if that makes her selfish and the worst person, then fine. There's still too much pain so much hate and anger inside for her to be reasonable about this.
Besides even if some miracle happened and Coulson forgave him, he was let back into the fold, Skye doesn't think anyone would accept Ward again. She wouldn't, Fitz and Simmons never would, May as well. There's nothing at Shield for Grant anymore, not even Skye.
These are the thoughts that keep her awake and crying into a pillow. She hates Ward how can she not? But she also loves him and wants to find out if there's more to this than meets the eye, she can't do that right now though. So she's waiting for the inevitable, his return to her life. It's bound to happen. There's too much history between the two, she doesn't think fate would allow them to be seperated for the rest of their lives.
The last time she saw Ward is not a pleasant a memory. It haunts her at night, the memory of his face as she cried in front of him. How broken he looked, losing everything he ever wanted all because of John Garrett. Whom Grant followed anyway even after she begged him to stay. Skye never thought Ward was capable of leaving her, they'd had rough patches in their marriage sure but he never walked out on her and didn't come back.
No way would Grant ever leave her behind. But he did, and there is nothing either of them can do to change it.