Bucky I...I...I lo-
Chapter Five: Bucky I… I...I lo-
Steve’s Point Of View
Steve’s Journal: Entry 8
‘I managed to get to the house last night but not without trouble. I was followed by about eighty of those disgusting creatures. Thankfully after climbing in a tree Bucky managed to see me. He wouldn’t have known I was there without Crook, that’s the dog he found by the way….. He found it for me. God I love him.
I was terrified in that tree. But I trusted Bucky and jumped from the branch. Of course he caught me I didn’t doubt him I mean I did a little but he managed to catch me so... I cried against him for a while. It was embarrassing until I felt him crying too.
I couldn’t help it I missed him so much and to see him alive and unhurt… I couldn’t stop the tears. They weren’t even from almost dying they were from seeing Bucky alive and well. He means everything to me. ’
Steve woke up alone in the bed. At first he was terrified that it had all been a dream, but then how would he have gotten to the bed? Then he thought maybe he dreamed Bucky was alive. But then how would he have gotten inside? His thoughts were interrupted as the door opened.
Bucky walked in in his.. In his boxers. That sent a deep blush to Steve’s cheeks. It’s not like he hadn’t seen Bucky naked before or anything it’s just… It has been so long and Bucky has changed so much.
“Morning Stevie I brought up breakfast. Thought you might be to tired to move your lazy butt.” Steve smiled sitting up slowly. Bucky had made eggs, toast, bacon, sausage, everything Steve loved.
“Morning Buck. God I feel great after sleeping on a mattress again.” Steve stretched out a yawn escaping his lips. Bucky climbed onto the bed and sat next to Steve, the tray between them.
“Well let’s eat up. You need a shower I bet. I took one yesterday after making sure the house was secure, and let me tell you.. The water pressure here, it's amazing. Honestly I've never felt better.”
Steve nodded listening to Bucky while he dug into the breakfast. A moan escaped his lips as he took a bite of the hot food. “God this is great Buck!” Bucky just smiled as he watched Steve eat happily.
It had been a while since anything was even close to normal for either of them. But this.. Being in this home. Being safe. It was something they had to get used to all over again. Each little noise made them both jump and reach for their guns. Steve didn’t even care if they did get attacked, as long as he still had Bucky with him.
After a nice long hot shower Steve was sitting on the couch with Bucky. His head against the others arm as he held Crook in his lap. “Buck… I was thinking about something while in the shower.” Bucky looked over his hand frozen in Steve’s hair. It was a habit that helped them both relax.
“I was thinking about this camp near Chicago. I heard it was pretty secure and not a single dead were able to get in. Do you think… Maybe we could go there? Together?”
Bucky smiled letting his fingers run through Steve’s hair again. “Yeah Steve.. Anywhere you wanna go. Anywhere you wanna look for help. I’ll go with you. I’m not leaving you again Steve. Ever, I promise.”
Steve smiled snuggling closer to Bucky. That’s when Bucky decided to start teasing.
"You know Stevie.. Just sittin' here with you reminds me how we're not gonna' be able to go on dates with pretty gals anymore. But then again seeing you curled up like this you look so adorable. Better than any gal I've laid my eyes on." Wrapping his arm around Steve, Bucky slowly trailed his fingers up and down his arm. He loved that Steve instinctively leaned back against him, and the way Steve blushed from the collar of his shirt to the tip of his ears. He wondered how far down that blush really went.
"B-Bucky! I-I'm not... Shut up." Steve looked away as he felt his cheeks heat up. Shivering at the touch he leaned back against his best friend, purposely looking else were.
"Aww come on Stevie don't deny it. You gotta' know how good you look." Slowly he ran his hand from Steve's arm to his chest. But he didn't move it, just held it there feeling the beat of his heart. "Nervous?"
"Buck stop it!" Steve quickly pushed him away scooting to the other end of the couch. " Just.. Stop. Its not funny anymore."
"Aww come on Stevie I didn't mean any harm."
When Steve didn't answer Bucky tried moving closer. "Steve... Come on I'm sorry I was just messing with you. Thought you'd find it funny."
"Yeah well.. I don't." When he didn't offer anymore Bucky stood up in front of him.
"Steve listen.. I'm sorry alright? Thought it would lighten things up around here. I'm sorry really... Forgive me?"
Looking up he looked towards the kitchen before nodding. "Fine.. I forgive you." Standing up he put Crook down before he knocked into Bucky's shoulder a small smile coming to his lips. "Come on I think the kitchen is in need of a good scrub. We can do it how we used to. You wash I dry. Yeah?"
"Yeah Stevie.. Just like the good ole' days."
The two did the dishes side by side. They didn't want to use anymore water than necessary so they chose not to use the dishwasher. As Bucky washed and Steve dried the room fell into a comfortable silence that was until..
"Bucky!" Steve cried out immediately dropping what he was doing and going to his side. Looking down Bucky let a deep scowl coming to his face as he saw the knife embedded between the plates on his hand.
"You need to be more careful Buck. I don't think there's a mechanic around to fix up those wires if you brake anything, and I don't think I should be poking around in there." Carefully Steve took the metal hand into his and slowly removed the knife. He knew how much Bucky hated his arm. But yet he never once blamed Steve for it, even though he constantly blamed himself.
It had been a boring summer afternoon when Steve had the idea to go exploring around a construction site near by. If they had been a little more cautious about where they were stepping it probably wouldn't have happened. But both boys were having fun and being reckless. They had gotten six storys up when Bucky lost his footing on a piece of plywood. He had fallen straight through down to the ground. Along the way his arm slammed into hanging metal cutting through his skin. By the time he landed on it his bone was already poking out.
It terrified Steve even worse that he was now during the apocalypse. He thought Bucky had died. Every time Steve called his name he got no response, and by the time he got down to him he was covered in blood unconscious. He immediately called for an ambulance, but he still couldn't get Bucky to respond.
By the time everything was sorted out the doctors had been unable to save Bucky's arm. Steve knew it was all his fault he was the one who suggested going to the construction site after all, and he was the one who didn't move fast enough to catch his best friend.
Of course they were able to give Bucky a replacement for his arm but it took several before they found a good one. The first one didn't move right, the second one didn't move at all. By the time they got past ten they finally found a good match. Bucky absolutely hated it and even tried ripping it off several times. The only reason he stopped was because of Steve, because he knew he could protect him better with his new arm. But he still hated it. It looked absolutely nothing like an arm should. For starters it was metal that got him plenty of stares, he hated the look of pity in their eyes.
After Bucky was released from the hospital Steve spent every night for a month at Bucky's house trying to help him adjust and become comfortable with his arm. He kept insisting it was his fault but Bucky never once blamed him and continuously told him it wasn't. He tried everything to make Bucky like his new arm, but nothing worked. He would hold it and trace the patterns of the plates, he tried telling Bucky how cool it made him look. But nothing worked. Sometimes he would paint it while Bucky slept so he would wake up to a new design in the morning, though the paint never stayed on long so he continuously redid it.
It did help though since soon Bucky got used to having it around, but he still hated it. He just stopped trying to rip it off every chance he got. Every time he caught Steve staring he would tell him it wasn't his fault, that he knew Steve would have caught him if he could. But it didn't help he still felt responsible.
"Sorry." Bucky mumbled trying to pull his hand away. But Steve gripped it tightly rubbing circles with his thumb, though he knew Bucky couldn't feel it.
"Hey Buck... Buck don't be like that please." When he got no response he slowly let go. When this happened he knew Bucky would be like this for a while. "I'll let you finish up here alright? I'm just... Gonna head upstairs."
When he got no response Steve put down his rag and went upstairs to their bedroom. He hated when Bucky got like this he always felt like it was his fault. Reaching over to grab his bag Steve pulled out his journal.
Steve’s Journal: Entry 9
'Being back with Bucky is like being home again. I feel... I feel safe but.. Every home has their problems, has things going wrong.
I hate when things go wrong.
Buck and I were washing dishes just like old times, him washing and I dry. Except.. A knife got stuck in the plating on his metal arm, that's why I usually wash.. Oh yeah did I mention he has a metal arm? That's probably a big thing. It happened a long time ago. I'll write about that some other time.
Anyway...
Buck got real quiet and was just sort of staring at it. It hurt me to see him like that, it does every time. It's because I know that he's remember how he'll never again feel anything with that hand. How inhuman it is.
He wont even let me take the blame for it'
Steve stopped writing when he spotted something smudged against the pages of his journal. It looked almost like the plating on Bucky’s fingers but no.. Bucky wouldn’t have gone through his thing.. Would he?
Shaking off that thought Steve put his journal back in his bag. But then another came to mind. Maybe Bucky had his own journal he could find it and see.. No. No he couldn't. He didn't want to spy on Bucky like that. But.. Maybe just a peak of what he has in his bag wouldn't hurt.
Peaking out the door he made sure Bucky wasn't coming before pulling his bag over to the bed. "Sorry Buck." He mumbled before dumping the contents onto the bed. What was inside was.. Surprising.
Sure it had some of the same things Steve did a blanket, extra clothing, water. But what Bucky also had was pictures. Not just random ones either, he had pictures of him and Steve and a lot of them. Pictures ranging from when they were kids to just a few weeks before all this happened.
One by one Steve looked at all of them. He counted ninety-eight in total. Picking out his favorites he wanted to memorize every detail, just in case he never saw them again.
Steve’s Journal: Entry 10
'I guess I got a bit curious and went through Bucky's stuff. I know it wasn't right but I just couldn't help myself and.. His bag was full of pictures of us. I'm talking a lot of pictures ninety-eight to be exact. He had some of my favorites too.
There's the one where Bucky has me wrapped in his arm, we're both smiling like idiots. I got a black eye and bloody nose and his shirt is ripped in the most random of places. We got into a fight in the alley well.. I did but Buck always shows up. His ma took that picture of us. She used it as an example for the other kids on why they shouldn't get into fights. But I remember Buck stole it from her sayin' he liked the way I smiled in it.
There's another where I'm about ten and Bucky's sitting beside me in the hospital. My ma is asleep on a chair in the back of the photo but so am I in the bed. He has this worried look on his face.. It was one of the times nobody thought I was gonna make it. I like it though, he has such emotion in his eyes it's.. It's nice.
I got a few more that I love but those two really stand out to me. It means a lot to me that he kept these..'
Putting everything back into Bucky's backpack Steve left the room in search of Bucky. "Buck?" He found him downstairs still standing next to the sink. "Hey..." He slowly walked over letting his hand slide over Bucky's metal one. "Buck?" As soon as Steve's hand covered the metal Bucky snapped from his thoughts looking up at Steve.
"S-Sorry pal I.. I'm sorry." Steve smiled looking down at their hands.
"It's fine Buck. You just worried me is all.. Why don't you let me finish up here and you go nap or shower, or what ever alright?"
Bucky nodded letting a sigh escape his lips. "I.. Yeah I guess a shower sounds nice." Slowly he pulled his hand back as he headed towards the stairs. "I wont take to long. How 'bout we watch a movie after?"
"Sounds great Buck, I'll pick something good." Smiling to himself he turned to the sink to begin working on the dishes.
Bucky’s Point Of View
Walking into the bedroom Bucky noticed Steve's journal on the bed, a smiling slowly coming to his lips. Had Steve been writing about him again? Reaching out for it he quickly stopped himself. He couldn't keep betraying Steve's trust like this.
But he couldn't help himself he needed to know. Opening Steve's journal Bucky flicked to the new pages. His smile fading as he read about Steve blaming himself for his arm. But it quickly came back, as well as a blush, as he read about Steve looking at the pictures he carried around. He couldn't help it those pictures meant everything to him. They reminded him of better times.
Shutting Steve's journal Bucky placed it back where he found it before making sure the door was locked. "He's gonna drive me insane.." He spoke to himself as he walked into the bathroom. "I have to tell him I mean.. This is getting a little ridiculous." Smiling to himself Bucky thought of what it could be like for them to be together as he stripped down for his shower.
---Sort of (not really) sexual situation warning!!!---
Stepping under the spray of hot water a loud groan left Bucky's lips. He was glad his arm was waterproof of this would have only made his mood a lot worse.
Running his fingers through his hair Bucky's thoughts couldn't be drawn away from Steve. How his delectable, not little at all, bubble butt bounced with each step. The way he licks his full pink lips. But the best had t be the way he called out for Bucky in his sleep, so soft, so sweet. That alone could make Bucky, or anyone else hard in a second, and Steve had no idea he did any of this.
Groaning Bucky leaned his head back against the tiles. He should have kept his thoughts off Steve. He really didn't want to waste anymore water than he had to, it took energy for it to be filtered and ran through the heater again. But he didn't want to tell Steve not to come into the room while he masturbates. Bucky let out a huff of laughter, he could see how that conversation went down.
He'd ask Steve not to come in and of course being Steve he'd get curious and either ask why or walk right in. If he asked why Bucky didn't think he could give a straight answer with out going red. And if Steve came in well.. He didn't want to go down that road just yet.
Letting out yet another groan Bucky peaked out of the shower to make sure he locked the bathroom door. Taking a deep breath Bucky leaned back against the tiles and closed his eyes. If Steve got him into this mess than he'd get him out of it.
Bucky's thoughts drifted to that sinful mouth. The way Steve's tongue slid across his lips to wet them, his pout, his smile. But then he imagined what that mouth would feel like around his cock. The way Steve would try to take all of him, and Bucky was certainly no average man if his arm didn't already say that about him. Would Steve gag? Would he be able to take all of it?
Though his imagination was certainly vivid he wished he could feel the real thing. He wished he could feel how hot, how wet it would be to slide down Steve's throat. Would it be his first blowjob? Would he have practice? Or would he just fumble and gag, covering Bucky's cock in his saliva?
As his knees grew weak as his thumb slowly slid over the head of his cock he wanted Steve so badly. Letting out a muffled moan as he bit his bottom lip, he didn't want Steve to hear him. "Nnn fuck Steve."
---Warning Over---
Suddenly a loud bang threw Bucky from his fantasy. Turning off the shower he didn't stop to grab a towel before throwing open the bathroom door running out of the room. Drenching the floor in the process he ran down the stairs making sure to grab the railing quickly before he slipped. "Steve!?"
Steve’s Point Of View
Steve was laughing as he poked his head out from the kitchen. "Sorry about that Buck! The oven door slammed open. You were taking a while so I decided to make some-...." A deep blush quickly spread over Steve's face and down his neck once he saw Bucky was naked. Of course they had both seen each other naked before they practically grew up together. But this... He had never seen Bucky like this. Dripping wet, his hair down, and with an erection!
Growing up sure he stole a few glances but he had never once seen Bucky hard. Sure he knew Bucky wasn't exactly average while soft and Steve imagines he would more likely be a show-er but this.. Oh he knew Bucky was definitely a grower and he couldn't keep his eyes off it! It was.. All he could think of was Wow.. And how he would love to just drop to his.. He mentally pushed that thought aside 'Bad Steve! He's your best friend!'
Seeing Steve's reaction Bucky looked confused before he looked down realizing he was naked. Blushing he looked back up at Steve. "Oh Steve I uh um I.." Looking around he quickly grabbed the throw off the couch covering himself. "Sorry I uh I heard the bang and I uh.. What um.. What were you saying? You're making some what?"
Quickly turning back to the kitchen Steve tried to push his thoughts away. "I was just uh.. I was saying I made some spaghetti pie.. You should.. You should go get dressed if you want some."
"Hmm? Oh yeah.. Yeah I'll go do that." Bucky quickly ran back up the stairs. Once he left Steve let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He had just seen Bucky naked, wet, but what really got him was Bucky's erection.
'Bucky he's.. I mean.. God I shouldn't be thinking about him like this but.. But I can't help it. Was he.. I mean obviously he was but who.. We don't have any magazines or anything was he.. Could he have been thinking of me? No.. No I don't think he would I mean.. Maybe. No Steve.. Steve don't get your hopes he was just.. God he was ugh!'
Shaking his head he pushed his thoughts to the back as he occupied his mind with cleaning the kitchen. When Bucky finally came back down Steve smiled seeing his best friend in such tight jeans, but his blush was still there. He could imagine how Bucky stuffed... "I have a plate for you sitting on the-."
"I'm sorry!" Bucky blurted out interrupting Steve as he walked over to grab his plate from the kitchen island. "I didn't.. I didn't mean for you to see that I just.. I got scared when I heard the bang I thought the worst. I should have grabbed a towel or some pa-."
"Buck.. Shut up you're rambling. It's fine honestly. I mean we've both seen each other naked it's no big deal alright?"
"I.. I guess just. Sorry."
Rolling his eyes Steve grabbed his plate walking to the couch. "Come on Buck the movie is waiting."
While watching the movie Steve noticed Bucky kept glancing at him. Sighing he turned toward him crossing his arms. "Alright spill, whats up with you Buck?"
"Hmm? Wha.. What do you mean?"
"Don't play dumb you keep staring at me. What's up?"
"Oh well I uh.." He didn't think Steve noticed. "Alright it's just.. I..I. I lo-... I love your cooking and was just thinking we have about eight years of food piled inhere maybe you could make something extra like a cake or.." Bucky started rambling his cheeks turning red.
"Woah woah Bucky slow down." Steve laughed putting his plate on the floor to let Crook finish it. "I heard you mention something about a cake but everything else was sort of lost to me. But yeah if you want a cake I can make one."
Bucky groaned loudly, frustrated. "That's not really what I.. Ugh never mind."
"Hey no.. Buck what is it? You alright? It's not about your arm is it? Or is it about before because I told you that-." Running his flesh hand through his hair Bucky couldn't take all the questions anymore.
"I read your journal!" He blurted out looking away as Steve became quiet. "I'm sorry alright? I read your journal and I don't regret it because I love you and I needed to know if you felt like that too and ugh! Steven Grant Rogers I fucking love you!"
After Bucky's confession the room went silent.. "Steve?" He turned around nervously. "Are.. Are you upset with me?"
"You.. You read my journal?" Bucky nodded looking down at his hands. "And.. And you feel the same way?" Again Bucky nodded. "Buck.. Look at me." Slowly he looked up as Steve took his hands into his own. "Say it again.. Please say it again."
"I.. I love you Steve."
"Again."
"I.. Love you Steve."
"Again. Say it again."
"I love you Steven Grant Rog-." He was interrupted as Steve yanked him forward by his shirt their lips crashing against each others.
Slowly Steve pulled back a smile on his lips. "I love you too Buck. I have since we were kids but.. You probably knew that already you jerk."
"Of course I did punk." Leaning forward he placed a soft brief kiss to Steve's lips.
"Stevie... Steve.. I need to ask you something important." Reaching under his shirt Bucky pulled off a chair with two wedding bands on it. Pulling one off he took Steve's hand into his placing the ring onto Steve's palm. "Steve... Will you marry me?"
His eyes widened looking up at his best friend. “Well damn Buck. You could at least ask me out first but…” A bright smile came to his face. Seeing it all Bucky could think was ‘ During all this hell and the kid still has the brightest smile on his face… That’s why I love ‘im. ’
"You know what.. We've been through so much already yeah. Yes Buck I'll marry you. Find a damn priest for me and I'll gladly marry you you jerk." Leaning up he places a deep kiss on his best friend, now fiance's lips.
"Really?! Oh Stevie I've got to be the luckiest man alive right now!" Pulling Steve into his lap he slowly slid the wedding band onto Steve's finger as well as one onto his own. "Don't go backing out now punk. Apocalypse or not it's a permanent thing."
“I’d never dream of backing out jerk. I just hope you don’t get cold feet on me.”
Laughing together Steve leaned back against his fiance as Bucky wrapped his arms around his waist.
“I love you Steve.”
“I love you too Bucky…… But one of us has to clean up the spaghetti."
Steve’s Journal Entry: 11
‘I know Bucky is just going to read this anyway but I have no problem with that now. I want to continue this journal so everyone knows my story. Knows our story Bucky.
Alright so… I saw Bucky naked today. All I could think of was… My god he’s amazing. Wow.
Oh shut up you haven’t seen him soaking wet running from a shower with that.. That… With a damn baseball bat hanging from his legs! And I mean.. It had started to go down when he got down the stairs so imagine that thing at its full length! Sorry Buck but wow.. I never really looked at you when we undressed before. I didn’t want you to know about how I felt but well…
No need to hide that now. But besides seeing a god naked Bucky naked. You'll never believe what happened.. Besides the idiot telling me he has been reading my journal well.. He admitted to being in love with me and well you already know how I feel about him. But that isn't even the best part.. He asked me to marry him!
Yes I know you’re probably thinking that's the dumbest idea during a zombie apocalypse but… No… If I die I want it to be as Bucky’s husband. As his. And he as mine. There is no other way I’d like to go. And… If something were to happen and I know you won't like this Bucky but.. I need you to be the one to put me down if it does. You’re the only one I trust.
I love you Bucky. Now you and the world know it too. Hurry up and find that priest for me will you? Ugh I can't believe I'm going to be Mr. Steve Grant Rogers-Barnes. Mr. Steven Barnes... Steve Barnes... You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this day.'