Chapter 7
“Petra, baby. I'm so sorry.” With an apologetic look, Lydia eyed her daughter through the rearview mirror. They were running late and she had failed to give Petra the perfect ponytail the girl always had for school. “I promise I'll get your hair up and ready before seven tomorrow.”
“It's okay.” Petra ran a hand through her unkempt curls. “I look like a lion, I like it.”
Knowing that Petra's teacher and friends might beg to differ, Lydia smiled at Petra's ability to choose positivity. “You're still the prettiest though. Mane and all.”
“When's Sharon coming home?”
“Oh, honey. I don't know. In a few days maybe.” Liked it or not, Lydia had to admit that she was suck at parenting alone. They both barely survived the first 24 hours without Sharon. Lydia had no idea how messy they would be when those hypothetical few days end. “We should give her some more time.”
“Can you pick her up today? Call her. Say you miss her. A lot."
Lydia was more than willing to say she misses Sharon. She could even say it ten thousand times or a few million more. Anything to bring Sharon back home. She just needed to sort a few more things first. No. Not a few more things. Just one thing. One fucking person that Petra should never know about. "Let's wait at least until tomorrow, okay?"
“Tomorrow?” Those round eyes went even rounder. “We're not having dinner with her tonight too?”
“No, baby. I'm sorry.” Their dinner last night was a kitchen disaster, to say the least. All courtesy of Lydia's subpar cooking skills and her tendency to get overconfident upon facing any hurdle.
Petra looked away, gazing out through the window. “Will you cook again tonight?”
“Maybe not. I can make sandwiches though. Egg salad.” Lydia, who was carefully gauging for reaction, immediately retracted her steps upon witnessing Petra's scrunched-up nose. “With ham or bacon, if you want to. No? How about grilled cheese?"
Petra shook her head, still not returning her father's tender smile and even more tender gaze.
“Well, if sandwiches do not sound good, what about we whip up some homemade pizza together? It could be fun.” It was a bold suggestion but Lydia knew there was canned pizza dough being sold somewhere. It couldn't be that hard to use an oven and she could rely on youtube instructions instead of trusting her guts this time.
“Can we get McDonald's instead?”
The tender smile instantly morphed into an amused one, Lydia looked at her daughter fondly. “Of course, baby. We're getting McDonald's for dinner tonight.” She grinned at her daughter who finally smiled back. No need to hide. They both knew Sharon was the master of their kitchen, the captain of their ship.
They arrived at Petra's school in the nick of time. Perfect for Lydia because she didn't have to make small talk with other parents. The only setback was, with no Petra to pay attention to, Lydia finally had to face her own thought as she drove for work.
“Can you just trust me?”
“I can ask you the same question, Lydia?”
It was clear that Sharon knew something was wrong. She always did. The only one capable of recognizing the slightest change in Lydia's mood. The first to anticipate the littlest tilt of Lydia's attitude. Sharon who had never needed to push this far for Lydia to fold.
Truth be told, Lydia did feel an immense need to fold. She had been seconds away from confessing yesterday. Any other day, any other problem, it would have been so uncomplicated to just tell the truth and beg Sharon for mercy after. This mess with Krista was different though. The timing couldn't be any more awful too. Lydia just couldn't imagine divulging everything to Sharon now. It might hurt her deeply. It might affect their baby. Besides, what good could it bring? What Sharon could do to fix this mess? Lydia could handle this alone. She already did, didn't she?
Last night, a few e-mails had been sent to fellow principal conductors from Lydia's private account. The next plan was to make a few calls and some less personal e-mails. She knew all the right people to contact. People that she could puppet to ward Krista off. That was all she need, making sure Krista had no access to her family and then waiting long enough for the girl to give up. She would make the girl give up.
With the help of Francesca's efficiency, this matter wouldn't even take half of Lydia's morning. In fact, she wanted this stuff to get sorted out before practice. Parking on the roadside to give Francesca the details, Lydia grabbed her phone from the holder only to be immediately greeted by a text from the girl herself. Francesca was asking for a day off. No. Not asking. She was informing Lydia of her day off.
Really? Right now? With no prior notice? She replied, feeling herself getting annoyed.
I'm sorry, maestro. This is an emergency. Everything's ready for today's practice though.
Emergency?What emergency? She quickly texted back. What kind of emergency warranted such a drastic measure? It's not like the girl had a family here in Berlin. Not getting any reply after one full minute, Lydia could only seeth on her own. Huffed out a breath, she put the phone back and started to drive again. All those calls and e-mails would have to wait until tomorrow then.
“Cancel it.” Heike glared at her sister, hands busy helping Dashiell into his sweater. “Or wait until I come back.”
“It's fine, Heike. I can do this.” Sharon, already in her coat, grabbed her keys from to bowl by the door. “Should I drive you guys?”
“No. No. I'm fine. Go with her, Heike.” Dashiell spoke up from where he was hunching on the couch. His hands gripped his side as a slight grimace appeared on his face.
“No, Dash. You need Heike.”
“It's fine, Sharon. I can go to the hospital alone.”
“Don't be ridiculous, you look awful.”
“I always look like this. Right, darling?”
“Stop it!” Feeling herself getting loud under pressure, Heike ping-ponged her glare between her partner and Sharon. How she ended up with these two stubborn humans as the two most important people in her life was always beyond her. “The two of you!”
“Heike, calm down.”
“No, you calm down! Sharon, you're not allowed to leave this house unless I go with you.” Heike now had both hands on her hips, feeling her heart rate climbing with every word. “And you, Dashiell Robert. What I've told you about skipping your meds?”
“Sorry.” Dashiell held out his hands so Heike could help him stand up. “This is the last time, love. I promise. Now breath. We can't have both of us fainting right now.”
“Shut up.” Heike took a few deep breaths anyway. “Alright, Sharon. Listen. I'll drive, we'll just get Dashiell admitted then come to your fucking meet-up together.” Wrapping a hand around Dashiell's waist, Heike secretly prayed for her sister to listen this time. “You can't face that bitch alone.”
“I won't be alone. Francesca's coming with me.”
“Who?”
“Lydia's assistance.”
“Oh.” Heike could feel her furrowed brows relax a bit.
“Told you to calm down.” Sharon smiled, coming around to hug Dashiell and kiss his cheek. “You be fine, okay? Can't imagine how bitchy my sister will be without you around.”
Dashiell's laugh was short-lived as Heike elbowed him for the audacity but the man survived a kiss to Sharon's cheek along with a good luck wish.
“Now,” Still smiling, Sharon dangled her keys. “Should I drive you guys?”
“Don't be ridiculous. The hospital is too far away from the highway. “ Heike sighed in defeat. Dashiell was not really in danger. This had happened before to the dumb man she loved so much but still, Heike couldn't just let him search medication alone. “You go. We'd be fine.”
“Thank you.”
“Update me, okay? Every second if you must.”
Instead of simply agreeing, Sharon gave Heike a teasing smile as she walked back to the door.
“And tell that Francine girl to never leave your side!”
“Francessca, Heike. Francessca.”
The way her heart thumped in her chest, Francesca was sure she would die of a heart attack soon. Staying under Lydia's power for too long did this to her, making her nervous about slipping on little mistakes. Going behind her boss's back like this was so not her. So dangerous to both her career and her mental health. The tone in Lydia's reply didn't help at all. Francesca's heart shrunk just by reading the text. “I'm about to lose my job,” Francessca muttered under her breath. “Should have told her I come down with diarrhea instead."
Her heart had thumped exactly the same way yesterday when Sharon texted her, asking her to set a meet-up with Krista. Here in Munchen. At the airport. So the girl could fly in and out as fast as Francessca could arrange. Had Sharon gone crazy? Had she gone crazy for agreeing to that insane demand? “Shit, I'm going crazy.” Francessca held her head with both hands, seriously wishing this was just one of her nightmares. She had a lot of them lately. Nightmares. “Somebody kill me.”
“Pardon?” The Uber driver threw a questioning look over his shoulder.
“No. No. No. Just talking to myself.” Francessca gave an awkward smile, checking her phone. She was late thanks to Sebastian and his penchant for over-demanding. Half an hour late to be exact. “But it will really help if you go a little bit faster.”
“When is your flight, ma'am?”
“Uh... no.” Francesca glanced at her phone. Two missed calls from Sharon just toppled onto the single one from Krista. This was crazy indeed. “I just have a meeting with friends at the airport.”
Sharon. Sharon Goodnow. A smirk tugged the corners of Krista's lips as she saw the woman walk through the gate. This wasn't their first meeting. The handshake and the small talks they had shared in New York months ago were still ingrained in Krista's memory. She could recognize the woman from miles away but Sharon didn't even seem to be aware of her watching eyes.
Krista couldn't really see what Lydia see in this woman. Yes, Sharon Goodnow had probably looked pretty ten to fifteen years ago. Those lips would have been a killer when she was younger but really, her smile lines were so clear now. So did the wrinkles in the corner of those eyes. And those out-of-date curls? Come on. Lydia Tár could do so much better.
The sex? Krista hid her snort in the sleeve of her hoodie. It couldn't be that good with that age and that body. There was even a pouch belly easily spotted under that boring beige coat. The woman clearly needed to work some fat out, taking care of herself a little. A little plastic surgery or two wouldn't make a dent in Lydia's savings, would they?
To be fair, Krista could also spot the long fingers of the violinist and imagined one or two wild stuff but that was it. Krista was sure no one could be as vigorous and as devoted as herself in making the maestro cum. Because that night in Ucayali, she did make the maestro cum. Twice.
Maybe it was her brain? Krista mused as she slowly walked toward Sharon, pulling her beanie deeper to hide her hair. Lydia Tár loved winning arguments but never liked it easy. Maybe Sharon was one of the few who was brilliant enough to challenge the maestro's opinion. Or was she the only one who could stand the bullying long enough?
Hold on. The woman that arrange this meeting couldn't be that smart, could she? Couldn't be that strong? Why would someone invite the mistress in? This act reeked of insecurity and inferiority. And the pre-booked flights? Krista snickered quietly again. How dense Sharon was to think that Krista would voluntarily board the flight of her choice? Did she actually think Krista doesn't possess the wit to cook up some counter-attack? That her father wasn't wealthy enough to grant her access to a private flight?
Krista had been desperate, saving Berlin as a last resort before Francesca contacted her. Now she had reason to fear Lydia's threat no more. It was Sharon who invited her. She didn't come to mess around with Lydia's family. It was the other way around. Lydia couldn't blame her for this mess.
“Hey!” Krista stopped in front of Sharon as they both hit a rather crowded area just a few meters before the cafe where they were supposed to meet at.
“Huh?” Sharon halted her steps and looked up. Krista wasted no time, wrapping a hand around that shoulder as if they were the best of friends then forced Sharon to turn around.
“Nice to meet you again, Sharon.” She whispered. “Let's go back to where you just came from, shall we?
Sharon glanced at the passenger seat beside her. Krista was taking off her beanie slowly, flipping her hair in what could only be described as a well-practiced move. The girl probably felt the need to display how long and luscious her red tresses were. An attempt to assert dominance, perhaps? Sharon couldn't help but feel like she was heading toward some sort of girl fight. Not that she minded, though.
Sharon wasn't gonna lie, the hair was beautiful. The face too. Krista's outfit of hoodie and jeans might look simple but Sharon knew the whole stuff was branded. So far, everything about this girl was actually predictable, even her preemptive action to move their meeting spot. Sharon just didn't expect to be herded into the parking lot like this.
“Nice car.” The girl commented, giving the high-end leather covering the console a once over. “A gift?”
“No.” Sharon bought the car for herself as a birthday present three years ago. She could still remember Lydia helping her choose, even offering to buy her the latest model instead of this one. "Bought it myself."
"Really? Let's hear the engine.”
Sharon started the car, catching Krista's scrunched-up nose within the corner of her glance. Lydia didn't like the noise the engine made so Krista was probably feeling the same. Two sides of a coin, indeed.
“Quite nice for this old model, huh? Let's give it a run."
“Alright.” Sharon revved the engine slowly without shifting out of the neutral gear. She was a bit unsure, feeling a little unsafe. Trying not to guess what the girl wants, Sharon focused on getting the girl to talk instead. “Any particular destination?”
“Your kid's school maybe?”
If Krista had hit a button, and yes she had hit it hard, Sharon didn't let it show. “Lydia wouldn't like it if we do.” She used Lydia's name to divert.
“So, you're afraid of her too?”
Sharon tilted her head to one side, not answering but mentally noted that Krista WAS afraid of Lydia.
“Why did you ask me to come?” The girl clearly couldn't stand the silence.
“To talk.”
“We can talk over the phone.”
“I prefer talking face to face.”
“Why don't you come to New York?”
Sharon stayed mum again, eyes glancing down at her belly. This could be easier if she could fly to New York. Heck, this could be so much easier if Lydia could just consult her before trying to ruin a young girl's career in such a thoughtless way.
“Now that you see me, what are you going to do?”
“Talk.” For the first time since Krista forced her into the car, Sharon let their eyes meet. Actually hurt by the fact that those eyes mirrored so much of Lydia's gaze, Sharon held still. These were the important seconds, they both need to know that Sharon was not afraid. “Would you care to?”
“Let's just drive around first.” Krista broke contact first, leaning back and resting her feet on the dashboard. “Shake off some people that might be looking for us at the moment.”
Saying nothing, Sharon hit the first gear and got the car out of its parking spot.
Francesca literally hyperventilated, having to grab the counter to stop herself from fainting. “What do you mean no one come?” She croaked after one full minute of trying to regulate her breath and failed. Her eyes helplessly stared at empty table 7 in the corner of the joint where Sharon had set their appointment with Krista. “No thin, blonde woman coming? Curly. A little taller than me.”
“No. We're very sorry. Would you give up the reservation for table 7, miss? We're a little packed today.”
“Seriously no one?” Francesca was a moment away from grabbing the waitress by the collar of his white crisp shirt. Sharon had informed her that she was at the airport a few minutes ago. Krista did the same too a few seconds after. If they weren't at the table, where could they be?
“Someone did ask for Table 7.” Another waitress came behind the counter. Female with bold red lipstick color. “Not blonde though. Red hair. Beanie. Hoodie. LV and Zegna, mind you.”
“What's LV and Zegna?” The male waitress frowned at his friend.
“You and your lack of fashion knowledge.” The female waitress shrugged before focusing back at Francesca. “She asked if someone has table 7 reserved. I said yes and offered to sit her down although we're not really open yet.”
“What time was it?”
“I forgot the exact time but it was early. Around the first flight in, I think.”
“Shit.” Francessca rubbed her face and grabbed her phone from her bag all at once. “Did she stay?”
“Nope. Leaving immediately. Is everything okay?”
“Yes. No. Oh, God.” Francesca backed away. This was crazy. She was going crazy. Krista didn't take the assigned flight. Sharon had to deal with Krista alone.
Running in no particular direction, Francesca tried to spot Sharon but it was hard in a public space like this. Her call to Sharon didn't reach out no matter how many times she tried. Trying Krista's number was definitely out of the question because she didn't want to trigger the girl into doing crazy stuff. As the clock ticked by, everything seemed to both literally and mentally spun faster around her. Coming to the nearest bin after nearly half an hour of searching and panicking, Francesca retched and puke all her stomach content out. She only had one option now.
“You fool!” The problem with her phone was Lydia only thought of it as a mere machine. A distraction that needed to be shut down all the time during practice. So it was already five minutes past twelve when she saw the one dozen missed calls from Francesca and that one long message summarizing everything. “You fucking fool!”
“I'm sorry, maestro. Sharon made me. She asked me to not-”
“Shut the fuck up!” Sebastian and the other members were staring but to Lydia, the only thing in the hall right now was herself and this monstrous anxiety that grew tenfold every second. She was halfway to the door when it hit her that Francesca wasn't there to rush behind with her keys and her bag. “Where are you?” She turned around sprinting for her stuff before running back out.
“Airport still. I'm thinking of reporting to security. Asking their help.”
“What stopped you? Do it now!” The parking lot felt like a million miles away now, Lydia just couldn't run fast enough.
“It might cause unnecessary scenes.”
“Make excuses, Francesca. Use your brain. Find them! I'm coming.”
Her stomach churned, Lydia pressed on the gas pedal of her Porsche like mad. The dirty SUV on the adjacent lot was parked too close Lydia hit its side upon backing out. She heeded not, threading out of the building as the SUV's alarm rang loud. At that point, nothing was as loud as the heart drumming inside her chest.
Oh, Sharon. What were you thinking?
Thinking of what Krista might do to her wife made Lydia sick. Her fingers went blue from gripping the steering wheel so hard. The only time to catch a breath was when Lydia had to stop at a red light. Breathe. She willed herself, loosening her grip a bit. Think.
The light went green and she hit top speed in a matter of seconds again, taking the third exit to A1 in record time. Sharon's not stupid. She surely had a plan. Continued to A8 which happened to be packed, Lydia could only imagine running over every slow car in front of her. She honked. She shelled out profanities. She couldn't care less.
Yes. Sharon must have planned this well. After a few miles of driving recklessly, Lydia slowly had her sanity grounded back. The last time they talked, Sharon had indirectly asked if Lydia could trust her. Lydia should trust her. Sharon definitely had a plan. Drawing a few deep breaths, Lydia nearly jumped when her phone rang in its holder.
“Heike?”
“Tell me you know where Sharon is.”
“Heike, I'm-”
“She went to meet your fucking mistress, Tár. Hasn't contacted me since she left this morning, not picking up my call either. Tell me she's with you!”
“Heike, listen.” Lydia took a deep breath. “I think we're losing her.”
“What do you mean we're losing her?”
Bracing herself, Lydia slowed the car down as she tried to explain this mess in the shortest and clearest way possible to her wife's sister. Expletives literally exploded from the phone one second after she finished. She expected this. She deserved the blame. Despite the unbalanced signal-to-noise ratio in Heike's voice, she waited for the elder woman to finish ranting before talking again. “Are you done now?”
“Fuck you, Tár! Fuck you!"
“I need your help. Dashiell's help to be exact.”
“Of course you do!” There was a rustle on the phone before Lydia heard Heike's partner greet her.
“Dash. Could you ask your people to pull Sharon's location?" She skipped pleasantries, letting the engine of her Porsche pick up a little speed. "Her cellphone is definitely still active.”
“You can't just ask the authority to track someone's phone, Lydia. Besides, I'm already retired.” Dash's sigh was loud and clear. “Are you sure this girl is that dangerous?”
“Of course she is!” It was Heike who answered.
“I can confirm, Dash. She has been stalking me for so long, even broke into my hotel room several times” She lied about the amount of Krista breaking into her hotel room but who cared? Sharon was more important.
“See! Track her, Dash!” Heike literally shouted behind. “I know you still have friends who'll do anything for you back at BND.”
“You two need to slow down. Sharon's phone still being active might mean she's the one who doesn't want to be found.” Dash sighed again. “Yet.”
“This isn't what she has planned, Dash!” Heike again. “She wasn't even supposed to meet that woman alone!”
“Please, Dash.” Lydia begged.
“I think we should wait. Give Sharon an hour or two to contact us."
Heike was not having it. The two were arguing on the phone and Lydia could only hit her head against the steering wheel. The road felt a bit blurry when she looked up three seconds later and she realized that it was due to tears that were brimming in her eyes. No matter how much she told herself to calm down, that Sharon was smart enough to see this happening, she still feared her wife's safety. Sharon's face lingered in Lydia's mind as she hit hard on the pedal gas again. She needed to find them; Sharon and their baby.
“Dashiell, please! I beg you!” She begged so loudly Heike immediately stopped yapping on the other end. Fingers trembling, Lydia felt her frustration lacing too tightly around her chest when she breathed a painful one out. “She's pregnant. This might hurt her and the baby. We can't risk it."