Nightlight

Neon opened her door as quickly and silently as possible, painfully aware that she was half an hour late and, more importantly, also a whole day late. She winced slightly at the low rumble of the sliding metallic door as it closed behind her, seemingly too loud in the silent, dimly lit corridor. It was currently 12:30 midnight, but it would be around 12:30 noon where they were headed.

The thing was, midnight was way, way, way too early for Fade to be sleeping, so Neon wanted to take extra care to not alert her she was leaving.

Unfortunately, that plan almost immediately fell into pieces when the door behind her opened, revealing a curious Fade peering out from her darkened room that made the shadowy hallway look bright in comparison.

Neon stared at her for a second, probably looking like a deer caught in headlights, as Fade properly stepped out of her room upon seeing it was just Neon. The older agent's gaze raked over Neon's current attire, all casual clothes to be worn outside, raising her eyebrow at Neon in a silent question that the Filipino couldn't find the words to answer. All she could think was something along the lines of 'shit, I don't have anything'.

"What, I don't get a hello?" Fade finally joked after the couple seconds of awkward, somehow tense silence. Neon heard an underlying tone in Fade's voice she couldn't quite identify beneath her joking words. She didn't have time to identify it either as Fade spoke up again. "Where are you off to?" she asked. "You didn't come over earlier."

"Uh," Neon hesitated, brain trying to work in a panic. With how worried she'd been over the fact that she was so late and that the next available time was only now, Neon realised she'd completely forgotten about her and Fade's daily cuddling and catching up. Usually, it was her most favourite time. "Uh, I've got a mission," she finally said. It wasn't the complete truth, but Neon would argue to death that it wasn't a lie, either.

Fade stared silently at her for a second, face not changing, although Neon noticed her hands were clenched into fists by her side. Fade then nodded, offering a small smile. "Good luck, and be safe," she said softly.

With how distant she was, it was obvious to Neon that Fade was disturbed, unhappy, and it upset her. She figured Fade had been having a rough time with Nightmare, especially with how dark her room was, and without her to keep her distracted, it had gotten worse. She ran forwards to hug the stiff Turk tightly, pressing her head against her chest in a silent attempt to comfort her.

"I'll be fast," she promised, glad to feel Fade's body relax and her hands wrap around her, even if they were slightly hesitant.

"But I'm also kind of very late," Neon added, a bit sheepishly as she backed out of the hug. Fade just nodded, and Neon turned and sped off to the hangar with her thoughts whirling and anxious over the state of her girlfriend.

~~~

It's stupid, Fade insisted to herself as she curled up on her bed.

She'd survived so many years without companionship, family, anyone she could rely on safely.

She'd pushed away any potential friends in fear they would turn around and stab her in the back.

So why the hell, Fade wondered aggressively to herself as she swiped a hand over her face to rid herself of her bothersome tears, am I so wound up over Neon?

Fade had waited in her room, redoing her henna all throughout the night. Usually, if they didn't have dinner together, Neon would arrive at around eight or nine and they'd talk for a few hours, relaxing together and unwinding.

Sometimes, most times, they would cuddle on Fade's bed, Neon usually falling asleep in the process. Despite that, the cuddling was probably Fade's favourite part, something they hadn't done for a few days, and she'd been looking forward to coercing Neon into bed with her.

But for hours, Fade waited. At first, she figured Neon was just running late, but it was already 10pm now and she was convinced Neon wasn't coming.

The Filipino hadn't sent her a text, either, notifying her she'd be busy. It was just absolute silence on her part except for the multiple openings and closings of the door beside her that signalled Neon's entries and exits in and out of her room.

It was probably very irrational for Fade to wonder whether Neon didn't want to be around her anymore. But, then again, for someone who had been completely abandoned by their family upon discovering her Radiant powers, it was probably understandable that she was worried about being left alone again.

Or, Fade couldn't help but think as she rolled over on her bed, I'm just making up excuses. I shouldn't be so bothered about this. Just accept it or suffer for no reason.

But Fade couldn't accept it, couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness, the fear of abandonment. She rolled back over as Nightmare snaked around her head, sensing her inner turmoil and silent fear.

What would you ever be to her? A nightmare. Instilling fear in everyone around you. Showing them their darkest fears. Would she really accept you forever? Take you as her own forever?

Squeezing her eyes shut, Fade tried to ignore Nightmare's whispers as it threaded its web of half truths all around her head and twisted her heart painfully.

You can't hide from the truth. It's all just temporary pity that will soon be exhausted. Then you'll break up, and who knows how much of her you'll see? How much of her you'll hear? All you'll have are bittersweet memories, twisting and fading over time. What will you be left with, then?A vague feeling, a sense of loss, a wish for more, but hope gone.

There was nothing she could do to escape the poisonous promises. Nightmare resided in her head and was aware of all her fears, even the ones she didn't know herself. Sending it out to hunt someone else was hardly an option, given she was still in base and the closest non agents were miles away.

Fade didn't know how long she'd been lying there, rolling around restlessly, clutching her head, whimpering to herself, feeling her heart tear itself to pieces as Nightmare conjured up hundreds of different scenarios of how Neon would abandon her. All she knew was that, suddenly, she heard the sound of one of the doors to the dorms opening again.

Head shooting up, the distraction allowed Fade to shake herself free of Nightmare's influence.

As silently as it came, Nightmare dissipated, temporarily satisfied with its feed but still exuding its influence over her. Depending on who was outside, maybe Fade could distract herself from Nightmare for a tad longer.

Standing up from her bed, Fade glanced swiftly at her mirror to make sure she looked acceptable and not like she'd cried within the past hour and went straight for the door with a speed that belied her mental exhaustion. She wanted to catch whoever it was before they were gone, desperate for some contact with another being that wasn't a nightmarish entity that fed on fears.

Since when did I become so weak to Nightmare's influence? Fade wondered as she opened her door a bit to peek through.

Standing outside in the faint light, wearing a thick jacket and long trousers, was Neon.

The Filipino turned around in surprise, eyes wide, and Fade quickly stepped out of her room to face her.

All thoughts died in her head as Fade looked into shocked brown eyes.

In that moment, with all of Nightmare's influence still fresh and swirling around her head, all Fade could think of was how her eyes held fear, worry, and surprise. Why would she have those emotions if she wasn't doing something she wasn't supposed to be? What was that something? Was it related to their relationship?

Realising a silence had stretched out between them, Fade tried to cover the hurt and fear that was lurking just beneath the surface. Instead, she tried to crack a joke. "What, I don't get a hello?" she managed, glad her voice didn't crack or do something equally stupid to betray her inner turmoil.

Neon didn't answer, so she pushed on, desperate to get her to talk and confirm that their relationship was still fine and intact. "Where are you off to?" she asked. She wanted to ask why Neon didn't tell her anything, but caught herself. It wasn't Neon's job to tell her everything, even if they were girlfriends.

And honestly, Fade wasn't too concerned about where Neon was going. Missions to all around the world were common, and she wouldn't be surprised if Neon was going to somewhere in Russia again. Instead, she said the thing that was in the forefront of her mind. "You didn't come over earlier," she added, indirectly asking the silent question hanging in her head.

"Uh..."

The sound of Neon's voice, so caught off guard, would have been endearing and amusing had Fade been teasing her instead of asking a simple question. Was it so hard for Neon to tell her where she was going? Why she had been busy? What secret was she keeping?

Her heart pounded as she waited for Neon to answer, hands clammy as she grabbed at the side of her shirt, fists clenching to keep herself still.

Fade did her best to keep her face straight as Neon finally stuttered out what had to be a fake excuse. "Uh, I've got a mission," she told Fade.

The way Neon said that sentence sounded so fake and unconvincing it almost broke Fade's heart. There was no way something wasn't up, no way Neon wasn't lying to cover up whatever she was actually doing.

What is your secret, Neon? What do you feel for me? Fade lamented in her head, wishing her powers could work without probing for fears and forcefully dragging them into the light.

Instead, she just nodded, accepting Neon's lie with the best smile she could muster, wondering if Neon could even see it in the dark. "Good luck," she said. "And be safe."

Even if Neon didn't like her anymore, Fade knew her feelings for the electric agent couldn't just go away. They came from her heart, an appreciation that grew every day because of the companionship and care she received. It was something she could never take without feeling touched and loved, something she couldn't just ignore or forget one day. Fade would continue caring for Neon and watching out for her, even if her feelings were no longer reciprocated.

The idea was depressing and made her heart wrench in pain, but what could she do?

Fade was too caught up with her own thoughts to realise Neon had dashed forward, enveloping her in a tight, warm hug with her head pressed into her chest.

The act of affection startled her so much she was frozen for a second, but she quickly relaxed and reciprocated the greatly appreciated gesture. The warmth now seeping into her was something she needed to fight off the residue of Nightmare's influence, its final, desperate clutch on her fears slowly fading.

That simple act mostly dissipated Fade's worries, the genuine warmth that radiated from her soothing her.

"I'll be fast," Neon said, and Fade could hear the sincere tone in her voice after her previous hesitant one.

Fade closed her eyes briefly, hoping to stay in the comforting hug for longer, take in her warmth for longer, remove any chance of Nightmare returning, but Neon was already pulling away before she had the chance to fully enjoy it.

Opening her eyes, she found Neon staring at her feet, the slight blush not visible had Fade's eyes not been already adjusted to the dark.

"But I'm also kind of very late," she said, sounding endearingly sheepish as she scuffed her foot. It made Fade's heart beat faster and throb slightly in choked want. She sounded so much like the normal Neon it hurt. Even more so because Neon was now leaving for who knows how long to who knows where.

Unable to speak because of how her throat had clenched up from all the emotions she had been going through, Fade just nodded.

Neon turned and ran off without another word.