Abandoned

"Why are you wearing that?" 

It was the first time Thor had spoken since he'd stomped into the tower, and Tony wasn't sure how to answer. He was supposed to be Loki, so any answer that wasn't dripping with sarcasm would be suspect. 

"Would you prefer me naked, brother?" 

Thor's mouth twitched as he glared at Tony, and they both tried very hard not to laugh. Instead, Tony reached down to pet Fennie's head, giving Thor a very pointed look. He was amazed when Thor actually understood what he was trying to convey. 

A few hours later, Thor was sitting at the kitchen island silently contemplating what he was going to do about Odin's demand when he noticed that Tony had finally stopped talking. The metal man had been babbling for twenty minutes about how he- Loki- could just become an Avenger; how they could protect him from Odin, and how they couldn't let Odin take him away when he'd made so much progress. Thor looked up expecting to see Loki's image, but instead he saw Tony- then Loki- then Tony. 

"Stark-- what is happening?" 

"I don't know... I'm obviously not doing this. Does the illusion wear off after a time, or--?

Fennie leaped away from him when she noticed that he wasn't who she thought he was, giving him a look of pure contempt before strutting over to the couch and making her bed there. 

Thor stood, knowing there was something very wrong if Loki's illusion was slipping in and out. 

"I must go. Loki is in trouble." 

"Loki...come on, man. Look at me," Bucky whispered. He wasn't exactly sure if his friend could hear him, but Hel had said it was his job to convince Loki to go back home, and he'd be damned if he failed. 

"You have to come back. You have to come home. Everyone is waiting for us. Sleipnir is just outside. He's so excited about going to Earth, or Midgard... whatever you guys call it. And Fennie. What will Fennie do if you don't come home? She needs you. She doesn't even like Stark, and she merely tolerates me. You're her dad too."

Loki could hear Bucky's voice, but he was just so comfortable. He'd never felt such comfort in his entire life. He remembered feeling horrible guilt and gut-wrenching longing just before his mind went blank and he ended up...here- wherever that was. Was he asleep? He wasn't having nightmares, so he couldn't be asleep. Was he dead? Were they all dead, and he just didn't remember how they'd died? It was too confusing, so he decided to ignore it and just focus on how good he felt at that moment. 

"Let me stay instead. Make him wake up, and I'll-- I dunno-- I'll take his place." 

Bucky was on the verge of begging Hel to do whatever she could. She just stood there like she wasn't the queen of the underworld, and Bucky was beginning to get extraordinarily pissed off. Loki was her father, and she was just letting him die. 

"I'm afraid I can't do that. You see James, all these years I've waited to see my father again. I want him to live. I truly do. But I'm far too selfish to pour my entire soul into convincing him to go back. Don't you understand that?" 

She reached down to touch Loki's face, and Bucky flinched. He did understand, but he also knew that she was being a brat. 

"Loki, if you don't wake up right now, I'm going to stay here too! You want me to live, don't you? I can't do this without you. You're my best damn friend. You don't treat me like a time bomb, and you make me feel like I'm not alone." 

He looked up at Hel again; determination lighting his eyes. 

"I'm staying with him, no matter where he is." 

Hel shook her head. "You can't. Only the dead are allowed to stay here, James." 

Bucky glared at her as he took his hidden dagger out of his boot, holding it up to his throat. 

Thor knew that if he returned to Odin, the All-father would have no sympathy for his adopted son. In fact, he'd rather leave Loki in Hel than help him out of whatever situation Loki had gotten himself into. However, he had no idea how he would get to Hel without Odin's help. As he called out to Heimdall, he realized he would have no choice but to either tell his father what had happened, or live with knowing he could have helped Loki but chose not to. 

When he arrived in Asgard, Thor could see that things were tense. Heimdall's face was drawn, and he searched the realms as if he was looking for something important. 

"Thor. Where is your brother?" 

"He's... at the tower. You saw him. He's playing with Fennie. I just spoke with him," Thor lied. He knew Heimdall could see right through him, but he didn't know what else to do. 

Thor started to walk away, knowing that Heimdall couldn't stop him, really. Besides being physically stronger than Heimdall, Thor was a prince. It was treason for him to act against the All-father's son. He felt guilty for even thinking such thoughts after the way Heimdall had protected him and Loki throughout their entire childhoods. 

Before he could leave, Heimdall grasped Thor's arm just as he had when Thor was a child. 

"I know he's not at the tower, and Sleipnir is missing. I want to help you, but you must tell me where he is. I cannot see him."

A single drop of blood hit the floor. It seemed no one in the room heard it, but to Loki it sounded like breaking glass. 

Suddenly, the bliss he'd felt just moments before was gone. The air that came rushing back into his lungs felt like fire, but he wasn't going to allow his friend to do this. He flung himself at Bucky with every ounce of strength he had, knocking the dagger from his friend's hand and landing them both on the floor in a heap. 

"Stop!" 

"Not one more, James. Not one more innocent person will die because of me. Especially not you. What the fuck were you thinking?" 

Hel stood watching the pair of them, smirking to herself. Bucky had been right. She could have made Loki leave, but she wanted him to know that someone on Midgard loved him just as much as the people who were there in Hel. She'd known that Bucky was that person. Why else would that man have come all the way to Hel with Loki? 

Bucky lay panting on the floor as Loki glared down at him. He grinned; overcome with relief that Loki was back. 

"I'm not innocent. I've killed more people than you could ever imagine, Loki. I remember every single one of them, and they haunt my dreams. You're the only person on Earth who doesn't treat me like I'm one breath away from becoming an assassin again. I literally cannot go back there without you. That's what I was thinking." 

Loki reached out a hand to help his friend stand, but Hel interrupted them.

"Where did this come from?" 

Her eyes were wide as she stared at the object that had rolled away after Loki and Bucky's brawl on the floor. She bent down to pick it up, smirking. 

"I haven't seen one of these in... a very, very long time. Did you bring this with you, papa?"

Loki eyed the golden apple before turning to stare at Bucky. "No, I did not. Bucky?" 

Bucky stared at his feet for a moment. 

"I stole it while you were talking with Sleipnir at the stables. I knew you needed it for Fennie, so I thought..." 

"You didn't steal it for yourself?" Hel asked incredulously. 

Bucky chuckled. "Hell no. I've already been alive for over seventy years. It ain't all it's cracked up to be. Why would I want to be immortal? Fuck that." 

Hel let out a deep throaty laugh, slapping Bucky across his back. "I like him." 

Turning to Loki, she suddenly grew serious. 

"Papa, you know I would love to keep you here, but you must go back. You have at least one friend who truly needs you," she nodded toward Bucky, "and several children- including this...Fennie...who need their papa. You can go back knowing that we are safe and happy. We love you, and you have a place here, but only when you're ready. It's not time yet. There is so much more left for you to do." 

Angrboða, who had remained mostly silent, stood and took Loki's hands. 

"My love, I never meant to cause you such pain. I only wanted you to know that I still love you. I will always love you. And I'll be here waiting." 

Silent tears started to stream down Loki's face, but his Angel wiped them away. 

"You're the strongest man I've ever known. Go back and live. Tell our babies that I love them. Then come home to me when you're ready." 

Thor had one question for Heimdall before he could go any further. 

"Where is mother?" 

Heimdall's hesitation told Thor all he really needed to know- Odin had expected him to bring Loki back, and when he did, Odin wanted Frigga to be away from the palace. 

"She's in Vanaheim. The All-father sent her to take care of a small political matter." 

Thor shook his head. "He sent her away because he didn't want her around when Loki returned. He knew she would stop him...again." 

Heimdall nodded. "Thor, where is he? We need to find him before Odin does." 

Thor closed his eyes. "Hel. He's in Hel. Can you get me there?"

"I can, but it won't be easy or pleasant. Are you sure you want to do this?" 

Thor nodded. He and Loki had been through a lot, but Loki was still his brother, and there was no way he would stand by while he was in trouble. 

Loki pulled his Angel close, hugging her to his chest and breathing in her scent for as long as he could. The knowledge that he had a true friend who cared enough about him to stay in Hel just to be around him gave him the strength he needed to stay present and alive. He still couldn't believe Bucky had risked his life by stealing one of Idunn's apples. There were plenty of Asgardians who wouldn't dare. Idunn protected them with a fierceness he had always resented and admired. She only gave them out once each year, and only to those who truly needed their power. Bucky had either been ignorant or incredibly brave. Loki would wager it was the latter. 

Touching her face and kissing her forehead, he backed away. "I love you, Angel. Take care of my boys. Don't... don't let them forget me." 

Fresh tears came to his eyes as he thought of Narfi and Váli, and as he made his way to the doorway, he saw them both standing there. 

"Papa, how could we ever forget you? You're our hero. We both wanted to grow up to be just like you," Váli said, hugging Loki tightly. Narfi nodded as he wrapped his arms around Loki as well. "Now don't let anyone forget about us. And...come back soon. We miss you." 

Just as Loki, Bucky, and Sleipnir were about to walk through the gates, Hel stopped them. Bucky thought it was due to the slightly obscene hand signal he'd shot at the giant guarding the gate, but was relieved when Hel smiled. 

"You know, Sleipnir can come here any time he chooses...and he can bring things," she looked up innocently. 

Bucky glanced at Loki, not understanding. 

Hel continued, "Letters, gifts, anything you want..." 

Loki's eyes lit up as he looked down at Sleipnir's smug face. "You'd let him do that for me?" 

His daughter took his hand, squeezing it gently. "It's the least I can do, papa. I love you, and I miss you. I think Narfi and Váli would be thrilled to see Sleipnir once in a while, and Angrboða would love to get some letters from you." 

The journey to Midgard wasn't quite as long as the one from Asgard to Hel, but it was filled with deep conversation. Bucky wanted to know what Loki had seen while he was between life and death, and Loki wanted to know how Bucky had managed to steal one of Idunn's apples. He also wanted to know what could have possibly prompted Bucky to hold a dagger to his own throat. 

"I'm not worth all of that, Bucky. What about Steve? What would he have done?" 

Bucky shrugged. "Steve has lived through my death before. He'd live through it again. He has everything going for him. He's the hero. I'm..." he paused. 

"You're more of a hero than you know." 

It wasn't much, Loki knew, but it was all he could manage at the moment. Somehow he knew that Bucky understood. 

As they walked into the tower; Sleipnir trotting along beside Loki, Tony looked around for Thor. 

"Back already?" 

Loki scowled. "Were we not gone long enough for you, Stark?" 

"Well, your brother left this afternoon. He muttered something about you being in trouble, and I think he went to Asgard. Did he get all that drama with your old man sorted out?" 

"What drama? And he's not my old man." Loki rolled his eyes dramatically, and Sleipnir snorted. 

"Oh shit. You don't know. That means..." Stark's eyes roamed around as if he was searching for a thought that had absconded. "That means Thor never found you. He went to Asgard looking for you because he thought you were in trouble...but here you are. Now Thor is... fuck. Well, I guess that means my plan is the one we're going with."

Tony walked toward Loki and placed both hands on Loki's shoulders.

"How would you like to join the Avengers? I'll admit it's sudden, but there's a lot I need to catch you up on. Asgardian drama. That kind of thing. We need to be able to show the old man that you're working with us, not against us," Stark babbled.

"So, what do you say? Are you in? Your kid would be thrilled."

Loki stood gaping at Stark as if he'd lost his mind while Bucky grinned. "Told you."