Abandoned

Loki didn't think gods could have coronaries like humans could, but he was very close to having one while watching Fennie playing with Fenrir. Fennie was perched atop Fenrir's head while Fenrir ran around and around his new "training facility" Stark had commissioned for him. The place was enormous; fit for a massive wolf who was training to be an Avenger. As much as Loki trusted his son, the sight of Fennie gripping Fenrir's fur with her tiny claws was giving him anxiety. However, Fenrir looked so happy, he decided he wouldn't trade that for his own comfort. 

"Your boy is doing very well."

Stark had snuck up behind him as he was watching his two kids. They'd discovered that Fenrir was completely unwilling to track someone unless he knew exactly why he was doing so. He had to have details. Fenrir was extraordinarily passive, so he had to know some pretty incriminating information about a person before he was willing to think about harming them. However, when he had absolute proof that someone had committed a heinous crime, he'd tear them limb from limb. To say that Loki was proud was an understatement. 

Loki covered his eyes as Fennie slid off of Fenrir's head, and the great wolf caught her with a swoosh of his massive tail. 

"It's alright, dad. Fenrir has some kick-ass reflexes. He's a force of nature... just like his papa," Stark smiled. 

There were times when Loki looked around and couldn't believe how far he'd come in the last few months. It had all started with Fennie. He owed his entire life to a tiny abandoned kitten. A few months ago, he would have scoffed at the mere idea, but now he wouldn't have it any other way. 

"About that- your other kid---" Tony started, but Loki shook his head vehemently. 

Loki did not want to talk about Hel. There was no way he could 'visit' her as he'd done with Jor, and there certainly wasn't any way he could bring her back to the tower. Odin had taken one look at his baby daughter and declared her unfit for Asgardian society simply because she didn't look like everyone else. He'd said she would never fit in with the Aesir; that they would never accept her; she would be shunned. Loki would have died before he allowed that to happen, but Odin and his Einherjar had come in the dead of night to tear her away from his lover's sleeping arms. He would later learn she'd been sent to 'rule the underworld,' which had consequently been named after her. Loki had tried to retrieve her many times. He'd even tried to die in order to see her again, but he had a sneaking suspicion his daughter wouldn't allow that to happen. 

Stark looked confused by Loki's sudden change in mood, and he started to walk away, but Loki quickly touched his shoulder. 

"It's...complicated." 

Stark laughed and waved his arm toward Fenrir, who was still running around the complex. 

"It's more complicated. My daughter is...the ruler of Hel." 

Stark let out a barking laugh. "I shoulda known. Well, when you want to pull on that thread, let me know. I'm in," Tony said nonchalantly, and he strolled away. 

Loki had just managed to stop thinking of Hel and her uniquely beautiful face when Bucky walked up beside him. 

"When do you think you'll be joining him?" He jerked his head toward Fenrir. 

Loki frowned. "Joining him how, Barnes? Running around the training center?" 

Bucky laughed and slapped him on the back. "No! I mean-- when are you going to join the team? Don't tell me Stark hasn't asked." 

"He hasn't. Come on, Bucky. Tony may have forgiven me, but he's not going to allow me within five hundred yards of any top secret weaponry," Loki rolled his eyes. 

"Dude, you are top secret weaponry. Give it up, man... you're going to be an Avenger before it's all over."

Loki stood and watched his son and his cat for a while longer before retiring to his room. He couldn't stop thinking of Hel and how she'd been so young the last time he'd seen her. She was just a baby in Asgardian years, but her face had gotten her tossed out of the home of the gods. Every time Loki heard Asgard described that way, he wanted to blow things up. Yes, it was the home of the gods, but only because Odin made sure to throw away anything or anyone he deemed to be imperfect- including his baby girl. 

He remembered the day she was born. He'd known she would be different, just as Jor and Fenrir were, but he'd had no idea she would be the single most beautiful girl he'd ever laid eyes on. Perhaps that was how all fathers felt about their daughters. It seemed her face had been divided...one half looked quite like the Aesir; perfectly peachy skin and a  blushing pink cheek. The other side looked very much like the Jotnar, but with a few exceptions. The skin on that was pale white instead of blue, and though she did have some bloodlines on her forehead and cheek, they were not very pronounced. The eye on her 'Aesir' side was green, while the one on her other side was the bluest he'd ever seen, and her hair was as black as his own. Loki couldn't understand how anyone could look at her and not see her striking beauty. 

It wasn't just Hel's looks that were unique. She also possessed a gift for seiðr that Loki hadn't known was even possible. He'd always been under the impression that seiðr had to be taught, but Hel had been born with more talent than he had as a fully grown, fully trained adult sorcerer. It was subtle at first, but he could feel the underlying current of energy surging in her skin, especially in her right side- the Jotun side. Then two days after her birth, she became hungry and objects began flying around the room. She'd screamed and cried, and her little arms had flailed, and Loki couldn't do anything but try to protect himself from breaking glass. He remembered exactly how proud he'd felt, and how he had begun making plans to tie everything to the shelves. 

Loki heard his bedroom door creak, and he sighed. The only person who was stupid enough to simply walk into his room without knocking was his brother, and he certainly didn't feel like talking to him right then. 

"Get out." 

He didn't. Loki assumed he wouldn't, but he had to try. He sighed louder. 

"Loki, I... I know you're not going to talk to me, and I understand why, but I came to say I'm sorry. For everything," Thor shrugged. 

Loki didn't know if Thor expected him to just pretend that his meager apology was going to fix everything, but it absolutely would not. Not only had Thor been complacent when Loki had lost his children, but he'd mocked Loki afterward. 

"I know that isn't going to change anything between us, brother. I just wanted you to know. I wish I could do something to make up for everything I've done to you." 

Loki almost let him walk away, but changed his mind at the last moment. 

"You can," he muttered.

Thor turned abruptly, with an expression on his face like Loki had just proposed to him. Loki almost laughed. When Thor wanted something, he looked like a begging dog; so obviously desperate. It made Loki want to toy with him a bit more just to be cruel, but the request he had in mind was going to be difficult enough. 

"What is it, Loki?" Suspicion suddenly colored Thor's expression, and Loki realized his brother would never fully trust him. That was probably smart. 

Loki paced his room for a moment, twisting his fingers together. 

"You failed to protect my children when they were young; failed to notify me when Odin was coming for them. Now my son is an Avenger, and so are you. I am asking you to look after him- to protect him when I am not around to watch out for him. I realize he looks like a giant hulking beast, but he is far softer than any of you realize." 

It was difficult for Loki to imagine his son in a situation where beings with superhuman strength were attacking him, and Loki wouldn't be there to keep him safe. He wondered if that would make him a good father or a bad Avenger, or both. He knew they protected each other as part of a team, but he also knew that he would throw every single one of them from a cliff before he let his son come to harm. Definitely a bad Avenger...

Thor nodded solemnly, and turned to leave. 

"Oh, and don't you dare tell him I said that." 

Loki heard a chuckle as Thor lumbered down the hallway. 

A tiny mewl and a familiar laugh broke the silence in Loki's room. He looked up from his book to see Bucky and Tony standing at the door. 

"Hey man, we thought you might want this back," Bucky said, chuckling at Fennie.

She had climbed up his shirt and was dangling from his shoulder. Loki laughed, reaching for her automatically. He'd known she would be fine with Fenrir, but he was happy to see her after a few long hours without her. Tony looked like he wanted to say something, and Loki suddenly dreaded whatever it was. He didn't really feel like talking, especially after his chat with Thor, but there was no avoiding Stark when he was on a mission. 

"Are the myths true? About your daughter?" 

Loki sighed. He wondered if he looked as exhausted as he felt. 

"Some of them, yes. For the record, we named her Hel before she was sent to Niflheim. When she was given the task of ruling over the dead there, her domain was named after her. Not the other way around. I did not name my daughter after your fiery place of damnation." 

Stark looked interested, so Loki continued. 

"She isn't some evil goddess as some stories proclaim. She cares for those who have died of illness or old age. You see, Odin has quite a prejudice against non-warriors. He doesn't think they belong in Valhalla. He doesn't think they are worthy to spend eternity there with him and his precious warriors, so his Valkyrie deliver them to Hel. Perhaps if mortals didn't refer to their place of eternal damnation as hell, then the relatively benign place my daughter rules over would not seem so bad." 

Stark nodded, looking thoughtful. 

"So, you're saying that in order to get there, you have to die?" 

Loki nodded. 

"Alright big guy. If you want to see your daughter, I will find a way."