Abandoned

Loki couldn't stop thinking about Stark's offer regarding Hel. Of course he wanted to see her again, even if she rejected him. When he'd gone in search of Jor, he'd been terrified that his serpent son would turn away from him, but he hadn't. And when he'd sought Fenrir out, he'd been sure that after years of being chained up in Norway, his other son would do the same. That hadn't happened either. In fact, he was standing in Fenrir's training facility at the Avenger's compound at that very moment contemplating what he would say to Tony.

What in the Nine was that madman planning anyway? Loki had told him in no uncertain terms that the only way to see her again was to die, yet somehow he was still on board. 

With Fennie wrapped in his arms, Loki strolled over to Bucky who somehow always knew what to do about his problems, even if the soldier couldn't seem to get a grip on his own. 

"Stark says he can figure out a way to see my daughter," Loki muttered.

Bucky's eyes widened, but he still stared straight ahead at Loki's enormous son who was chasing Steve around and around the giant enclosure, gaining on the super soldier with every stride. Steve dodged, but Fenrir sidestepped and caught him by the straps on his uniform, dangling the Captain gently between his massive lips. Slobber dripped down onto his shield as Steve laughed. 

"But didn't you tell him you'd have to go to Hel for that? As in die and go to Hel?" Bucky shook his head.

"He's fuckin' nuts. I think the guy just wants to prove he can. He hasn't stopped to think whether he should." 

"Fetch!"  Steve yelled as he threw his shield across the training facility. Fenrir bounded after it as it flew, chomping his massive teeth into the Vibranium in midair. 

Loki laughed. 

"At least he's found a way to play with my son without ending up in his mouth." 

Bucky turned abruptly, staring at Loki. 

"Didn't you say that you had another kid? Besides Jor and Fenrir and Hel?" 

Loki closed his eyes and tried to reign in his temper. He hadn't mentioned his other son, but Thor had, and now Loki was going to have to talk about him again. It wasn't the most pleasant topic, especially considering the fact that Loki probably wouldn't ever see him again. 

"Yes," Loki breathed, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

Bucky held his hands up in defense. 

"I know, I know... I'm sorry. I won't bring it up again." 

Loki patted the soldier's arm to let him know that they were okay before turning to leave. He wasn't upset with Bucky, but he needed to be alone. The mere thought of Sleipnir made Loki's chest ache. He had carried Sleipnir. He'd given birth to him. Then he'd had to give him up, and Loki felt as if he'd lost a piece of his soul in the process. 

"Where's the dark lord?" Tony asked as he strutted into the common room. 

Bucky knew Loki was laying on his bed brooding, but he didn't want to tell Stark. If Loki didn't want to talk to him, he certainly wouldn't want to talk to Tony. Bucky figured the best way to stop Tony from finding Loki was to pick a petty fight. He was great at picking petty fights. 

"Why do you insist on calling him stupid names? I mean, we all know you love the guy." 

Like gasoline on a tire fire, Bucky's words made the entire room erupt. Tony's ears turned crimson as he gritted his teeth. 

"Love? It sounds like you're the one who loves him. Are you two like- " 

Bucky didn't let him finish. 

"Hey man, fuck you! He's the only person besides Steve who even spoke to me for the first six months I was here. You treated me like I was going to flip my shit any second even though I haven't hurt anyone in years." 

Everyone in the common room was suddenly silent. They stared between the two men as if waiting for one to make a move, but neither did. Eventually, Tony let out a small huff of air, turned around dramatically, and left the room.

Bucky chuckled. His plan had worked flawlessly. He headed down the hall to try to coax Loki out of his dark mood. 

"What was that all about?" 

Bucky had almost made it to Loki's room when Steve stepped out of the shadows and pulled him into another room. Bucky sighed. He should have known his personal probation officer would question this type of behavior.

He turned to face the Captain. 

"I'll tell you what it's about. I'm sick and tired of everyone treating Loki like he's some kind of felon when he hasn't done a damn thing since the attack. When is everyone going to get it through their heads that it wasn't his idea? I mean, yeah, they're all friendly when we're going to meet his kids, but as soon as he's out of earshot they make jokes and call him names. It's fucking pathetic. The worst part is, he knows. He has better hearing than any of us- including you. He's a god. He knows what they say. He just ignores it because he's so damn used to people making fun of him behind his back. It's no wonder he's so fucking pissed off all the time. Did you ever stop to think about how he must feel on any given day? No. I'll bet you didn't. But I can tell you this; it's not much different from how I feel. Used. Discarded. Hated. Abandoned." 

Steve nodded, but didn't quite comprehend what Bucky was saying. All he heard was abandoned over and over again inside his head. He couldn't believe Bucky felt that way. He took Bucky's shoulders, squeezing them roughly as he always did. 

"I don't know what to say. I had no idea you felt that way, Buck. No one hates you, and we certainly haven't abandoned you." 

If Bucky were honest with himself, even he didn't know where that rant had come from. His argument with Stark really had been for the sake of allowing Loki some much-needed privacy. But now that he thought about what he'd said, he realized that he did feel like a prisoner at the tower. Everyone seemed to be watching him, especially now that he'd made friends with Loki. 

"You need to understand that Loki and I have a lot in common. How can you have such empathy for me when he has been through almost the same things? He was just as affected by that damn scepter as I was by Hydra's brainwashing. He didn't choose to do the things he did. He did them because he had to. He was just trying to survive."

"Steve, you have more influence over the rest of the team than you give yourself credit for. Can you please just... try to make them understand? He deserves better." 

Steve didn't answer. He merely nodded and walked away feeling more ashamed of himself than he had in a very long time. Bucky had been right. In his mind, Loki was still a villain even though he hadn't done anything to deserve that title since the attack on New York, and Bucky... he was just Bucky; his best friend who'd been brainwashed by Hydra. It wasn't fair, and Steve was going to change. Even if he couldn't change everyone else, he would certainly change himself. 

Bucky stood in the hallway for a moment taking long deep breaths of cool air. He hadn't gotten that worked up in a long time, and though it had felt good to let some of his feelings be known, it scared him. He didn't want to lose control. He sometimes wondered if he felt that way or if the others had made him feel that way. Had they convinced him that he would lose himself if he became emotional? Would he? He really didn't know, but he did know that he couldn't go on living like this; bottling up feelings because he was afraid to let them out. 

He wondered if Loki felt the same way. 

"Loki?" Bucky gently knocked on Loki's door, hoping his friend hadn't heard what he'd said to Steve but knowing that was a pipe dream. 

"Door's open." 

Loki wasn't laying on his bed at all. He was pacing the floor, which could indicate anger or deep thought.

Bucky was hoping for the latter. 

"Listen man, I'm sorry I brought that up earlier. I didn't mean any harm. I just know that if I had a kid somewhere..."

Bucky couldn't finish. Loki was facing the opposite wall staring off into space, but it wasn't long before he abruptly turned around. 

"Actually, I'm glad you did. Dying may not be the only way to see my precious daughter," Loki said with a smirk. 

Bucky sat down at Loki's desk. He figured if he was going to understand what Loki was about to tell him, he'd need ample blood flowing to his brain. 

"You see, Sleipnir- my other son- is a worldwalker. Have you see photos of him?" 

Bucky shook his head, and Loki opened a book he'd been toying with since the start of their conversation. Turning to the correct page, Loki handed Bucky the book. 

"This is a very crude drawing of my boy, but do you notice anything unique about him?" 

Bucky's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

"He has...eight legs." 

Loki smiled. "Yes, he does. Those eight legs make him very, very fast. Sleipnir doesn't require the use of the Bifrost or any other magic to travel between realms. He just runs through them." 

"But doesn't Odin have him?" Bucky asked, regretting the question immediately. 

"Yes, he does," Loki smirked. 

"And you're thinking of stealing him from Odin...the man who wants you executed," a voice echoed from the hallway. 

Bucky turned his head to see Tony standing at Loki's door. Both men wore the same smirk, and Bucky knew then that there was no stopping them.

They were going to Asgard.