Abandoned

Loki was slumped against a bookshelf surrounded by all of Tony's liquor bottles when he and Bucky entered the small private library a few hours later. All of Tony's now empty liquor bottles. Of course, Tony didn't blame him. Nor did he care. He just hoped Loki wasn't completely wasted. It was almost three, and Tony was certain dragging a drunken Loki into the quinjet would take more than his power of suggestion and Bucky's super human strength. 

Tony looked at Bucky. "You're up." 

Bucky nodded solemnly before reaching down to gather Fennie into his arms. The kitten had curled against Loki's hand and was purring gently as if she knew just how to comfort the god. Tony almost wished he could just leave them there. 

Bucky stood back with Fennie wrapped up tightly before saying anything, and Tony wondered what he planned to do. 

"Loki," Bucky whispered. 

Suddenly, Loki was on his feet with a dagger in each hand. Tony jumped back a few inches but Bucky merely chuckled. 

"He's not wasted. I told you he'd be fine. That Asgardian shit is a lot  stronger than this." 

"They call my son the Loch Ness Monster?" Loki asked in disbelief.

Even on Midgard, Jor couldn't escape the torment. It seemed the curse of being Loki's son followed him no matter where he went. 

"Actually, most people just call him Nessie. He's a legend. Kinda like his old man." 

Tony handed Loki a glossy book filled with photographs of the region where Jor supposedly lived. It was beautiful, but Loki knew his son couldn't possibly be happy there. 

"Where does he live? There is no way he could hide amongst the people here. Jor was massive even as a child. He could wrap around me several times."

Loki suddenly recalled how Jörmungandr liked to wrap himself around Loki's shoulders and suck on his own tail. He always thought it was Jor's way of soothing himself when he was anxious, especially when he was surrounded by hordes of Aesir. Loki felt a sudden wave of regret so strong it almost took his breath away. Seeing Jor for the first time since he was a baby was going to be excruciating. Loki suspected his son wouldn't exactly be thrilled to see him. After all, he should have fought harder to keep Jor safe. He should have fought to the death to keep him on Asgard, but he'd been a coward. He'd been so afraid of losing his other children too. In the end, he'd lost them anyway. 

Perhaps Jor would be so angry with him, he'd do what Loki should have done to Odin. Maybe he would put him out of his misery. Loki might even thank him for it. At least it would be an end to all of this pain. 

Stark pulled Loki out of his thoughts by pointing to a marker in one of the photos. 

"See that? That is Loch Ness. That's the lake where your boy lives. He's made quite a name for himself. Tourists go there all year just to catch a glimpse of him, but most of them go home disappointed. Every once in a while though, he shows himself- and you'll be proud to know he scares the hell out of them. They say he looks like a dinosaur, but that can't be right. It's probably because no one has ever seen his body; just his head." 

Tony noticed the way Loki was hanging on his every word. Loki had never listened to anyone that way before. His expression was far from happy though. Loki looked like he was going to face a firing squad, and once again Tony wondered what Loki and Jor's relationship had been like. 

"Hey- are you okay? Are you sure you even want to do this?" 

Loki's glare told Tony not to push any further, so he backed down immediately. As he started to walk away, he heard Loki mutter. 

"He's my son. I have to see him at least once more." 

The remainder of the flight was quiet, and Loki was left with his thoughts. Fennie had curled up in his lap and fallen asleep, and he stroked her fur thanking the Norns he had her to keep him company. As much as he enjoyed his banter with Bucky, he couldn't face the soldier. His mind was so clouded with memories and unhappy thoughts, he didn't think it was wise to be around anyone else. 

Would Jor even recognize him? If he did, would he speak? Did he remember how? What would he say to the father who'd failed him so completely? 

Perhaps it was a family trait; abandoning children in their time of need. After all, his own father had left him, hadn't he? Maybe he was exactly like Laufey. Maybe he had abandoned his children. He'd allowed Odin to snatch Jor away. He'd allowed him to lock Fenrir in chains. He'd even allowed him to banish his only daughter to Hel. 

Loki glanced down at Fennie once again. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve anyone. 

"Loki..." 

At some point during the flight, Loki had fallen asleep again, and Bucky had been tasked with waking him up. Fortunately he was wearing a harness, so he couldn't attack anyone this time. Bucky had learned the hard way that Loki had been conditioned to defend himself upon waking. Bucky didn't know what had happened in Loki's past to force him to behave that way, but he felt sorry for him. There was no way Loki ever slept well if he was prepared to strike at all times. 

Loki jerked awake, reaching for his weapons. 

"It's okay... we're- we're here. Do you want to go alone, or do you want someone to come with you?" 

Loki looked to Tony. He almost couldn't believe that Tony would allow him to go alone. 

"I'd like to go alone, if that is okay. I will not flee. I give you my word that if I do, you may put me down." 

Bucky flinched at Loki's words. "Geez man." 

Tony shook his head. "He's not going anywhere. There's nothing out here for miles." 

Tony's eyes met Loki's. "If you need one of us, we're right here. If you need anything..."

Loki knew that anything meant anything including emotional support. He wasn't sure he felt completely comfortable relying on the Avengers for that, but he felt a certain warmth toward the metal man. He knew it wasn't easy for him to offer, especially after everything Loki had done to him. 

Loki stepped out of the quinjet, taking in his surroundings. He was thankful that no one else was around, but he figured that was no coincidence. Stark had vast resources and had probably made sure the area had been cleared prior to their arrival. Loki silently added one more thing to the growing list of reasons he needed to thank the metal man. 

The lake was beautiful and serene, and Loki had the sudden desire to plunge into its depths, but he knew he'd probably never resurface. He had no idea what to do, or how to find his son. What if he called out to Jor, and he didn't come? What if Jor couldn't even hear him? All he could do was try.

"Jörmungandr... are you there, my son?" 

Loki felt something wet at the corner of his eye, but he ignored it. He couldn't stop now. 

"Jor! Are you here?"

There was no movement at the surface of the lake, and Loki's heart seized up in his chest. His son wasn't there. The Avengers had done this as a prank. He'd known it all along. Thor must have told them to do this to him for some sort of retribution. 

How could they? How could Thor even convince them to do something like this? What a colossal waste of resources! Had Fury even known about this? 

"Jor..." He sobbed. He suddenly realized that he was more prepared to face his son than he'd thought. He needed to see what had become of his boy. He needed to see if his unique and beautiful child had even survived Odin's cruel judgment. The twisting agony in Loki's chest was too much to bear. He'd needed to feel some sort of resolution, whether it be positive or negative. But now, he would be left forever wondering. 

Loki dropped to his knees in the grass and wailed at the top of his lungs. All of the pain and regret from the last few days came pouring from his throat. Tears streamed down his face as he screamed his son's name over and over again. When he'd cried himself hoarse, his hands tore chunks of grass and earth from their roots, and he tossed them violently toward the lake. The wind blew in his direction, sending dirt flying back into his eyes, but Loki was too far gone to care. He blinked it away and continued his pointless assault on the sea. 

His eyes burned so much, he thought he saw ripples in the water. A shape formed at the water's surface. 

"Papa?" 

Loki blinked. 

"What did you say?" Loki choked. 

"Papa, is that you?" The lisping voice came again. 

Loki thought he saw a familiar face in the distance, but he knew he could very well be hallucinating. He didn't care. If this was the only way he could talk to his son, so be it. 

"Jor, my- my son...is that really you?" 

The figure grew larger, and Loki blinked to clear the tears from his eyes. The familiar serpent's head was enormous. Loki couldn't believe his Jor had grown so big and mighty. It was no wonder the people of Midgard thought he was a monster. They should fear him. 

"Papa!" 

Before Loki realized what was happening, Jörmungandr had completely left the water and was towering over him on the grass; his tail wrapping around Loki's body in great waves. 

"Jor, I- I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry," Loki said through choking sobs. 

"Holy shit, guys!" Natasha shrieked. 

Until that point, everyone inside the quinjet had been quietly observing through the tiny windows, and trying in vain to hear what Loki was saying. 

"So...that's Nessie. The Nessie," Tony muttered. 

Bucky cleared his throat. "No, that's the Jörmungandr. We just renamed him because we're ignorant mortals." 

"I think you've been spending way too much time around Loki," Steve commented. 

"Dude, he is fucking huge," Tony exclaimed. "Do you think Loki is in danger?" 

Bucky huffed. "That's his son. Of course not." 

"His son might want to kill him..." Natasha whispered.

Bucky was suddenly afraid Loki might actually be harmed. What if Jörmungandr didn't remember Loki? What if he had lost his...humanity? Bucky opened the quinjet door just enough to hear what Loki was saying. He stood there for a few moments listening to Loki and his son, but before long he couldn't take it anymore. Bucky slid the doors closed, clinging to Fennie with tears in his eyes. Loki would be okay. He had to believe that was true. Loki deserved to be okay for once. 

"Why are you sorry, Papa? You did nothing wrong. How did you find me?" 

Loki couldn't believe his own ears. How could Jor think he was innocent? How could Jor think Loki's cowardice was excusable? 

"I- I let you down, Jor. I let Odin snatch you away from me. I was a coward. I'm a terrible father. I tried to hide you away so the people of Asgard wouldn't mock you. I couldn't even stand up and tell them to stop. I didn't deserve you. After Odin took you away, I lost everything." 

Loki dropped his head, hoping the ground would swallow him whole. He couldn't stand there and face his son for one more second. It was just too much. 

Jor wrapped himself tighter around Loki's body, and Loki thought surely this was the moment. This was the moment he had been waiting for. The moment one of his children would finally get their revenge. 

"That was not your fault, Papa. One day, I will repay the Allfather for his misdeeds. But you had no part in those."

As Jor's words sunk into Loki's brain, he slowly began to realize that Jor wasn't trying to squeeze the life out of him.

His son was hugging him.