Chapter 11
You hid away in your room for almost a week; making Tishala check the corridors before you left your room. It was very junior high to hide from your crush but the crush had tried to kill you and you weren't afraid of him, but you had been hurt by the fact that he was trying to push you away. It was confusing, to say the least.
"How long are you going to hide away, child?" Tishala disapproved of your methods highly
"I don't want to make him feel suffocated," You frowned, "I'm almost everywhere he turns,"
"Gettin' sloppy, babygirl," Sam laughed and you froze in the corridor, "I caught you,"
"Am not getting sloppy," You said grumpily
"Are too," He smirked and you realized that he was probably right, "Where you goin'?"
"Lunch," You pointed towards the way to the pantry
"How about we eat in my room?" He offered and you cocked a brow, "Steve's showin' Barnes around. They'll probably head to eat soon,"
You nodded, "Thank you,"
"Bucky, you gotta talk to Y/N," Steve tried again but Bucky shook his head
"I hurt her," Bucky repeated the same thing for the hundredth time
"But she still came back," Steve reasoned, "Just talk to her,"
"She was stupid to come back," Bucky growled and Steve was taken back with the sudden change in his attitude
"Buck," Steve sighed, "I've known you all my life," He took a deep breath, "And I know I swore to be with you till the end of the line, but, this, all of this, this isn't helping anyone,"
Bucky met Steve's eyes and his brows furrowed
"Y/N cares for you," Steve stated once more, "She still loves you. Don't let her think that she's in the wrong,"
"She is wrong," Bucky mumbled and Steve took a deep breath
"Fine," Steve resigned, "But don't push away the only woman that has had her heart set on you for decades,"
Sam had taken you to his room and with all the wine with lunch, you were telling him stories about the good old days. You were sure that the laughter was echoing outside the room too but you didn't care. The buzz of the wine was welcomed after the stress of the months you'd been in Wakanda.
"You know," You laughed, "Steve walked in on me and Bucky 37 times,"
"Damn, girl, you kept a count?" Sam chuckled
"Of course!" You giggled, "And that's just the times that we were really going at it,"
"Poor guy," He laughed, "Probably had to bleach his eyes,"
"Towards the end," You mused, "His reactions were just deep sighs and annoyance," Sam roared with laughter, "We weren't any decent about it either,"
"What do you mean?" Sam cocked a brow
"I kept inviting him in," You were laughing so hard that tears were falling from your eyes
"God," Bucky groaned, "You're perfect, so perfect,"
He was rocking into you slowly and touching your depths with each thrust. His lips connected with yours and he tasted salty because of the sweat that was glistening on his skin. Your nails dug into his shoulders as a leg wrapped around his torso.
Bucky's lips dragged open-mouthed kisses along your throat as you moaned loudly.
"Shhh," He said softly, "You gotta," He thrust into you all the way, "Keep," You moaned, "Quiet,"
You groaned and pushed him off. You straddled him and your nails left angry marks on his chest. With a roll of your hips, Bucky grabbed your thighs and soon enough, you were riding him. Your breaths deep and laboured as you two tried to keep it quiet because everyone knew that no married people lived in the apartment and sex sounds would've been very frowned upon.
You didn't care, you wanted to scream Bucky's name but Bucky wanted to keep a low profile.
"Fuck," He grunted and you moved slower, taking him in deeper as you clenched around his length
"Hey, guys, did you want-," Steve opened the door as Bucky came inside you and you two froze
You wanted to laugh but Bucky was finishing inside you and you were trying not to keep rocking against him. However, you were thanking your lucky stars that Steve could only see your back and that Bucky was planted so deep into you that he wasn't visible either
"Again?" Steve sighed and closed the door
"You're welcome to join us!" You shouted loudly, "23," You told Bucky and he rolled his eyes
"Can't hear you!" Steve yelled from the other side and you laughed as you leaned down to kiss Bucky again
"See?" You whispered against his lips, "This is was happens when you tell me to keep it down,"
"I love you," Bucky smirked and you looked at him with a grin
"I love you," You smiled as you kissed him again
"But you know," You remembered, "Sometimes, Steve would just slip out of the house and get into all sorts of trouble,"
"You're tellin' me that the great Captain America snuck out of the house to get into back-alley fights?" Sam laughed at even the notion of such a thing and you nodded
"That's exactly what I'm telling you!" You giggled
"Man, we need to eat together more often," Sam smirked
Another few weeks passed without incident and then the inevitable happened. You were in the pantry, getting yourself a midnight snack. Except, it wasn't a midnight snack because it was almost 2 in the morning. The Palace was asleep and you didn't want to bother the servants with your needs.
You were quietly fixing yourself something to eat when the door creaked open. When you turned to look, your eyes met the same shining eyes that had left you breathless decades ago.
Bucky didn't move as he stood frozen in the doorway when he saw you.
"Don't worry," You said slowly, "I was just leaving,"
You picked up your plate and left him in the pantry. You didn't want to, of course, you didn't want to leave. You wanted to hold him, tell him that everything would be okay and kiss him deeply. However, you also knew that you had to move at his pace, no matter how long it would take.
Bucky nodded and kept his eyes glued to the floor as you brushed past him. He stayed still for a while after you'd left. He didn't want to push you away, he wanted your closeness, he wanted to feel you against his skin but he also knew that he dangerous. He was haunted by his demons but Steve had told him that you still loved him. Even after everything, you loved him and he couldn't understand why.
He knew that Steve was his friend. Steve was there through his worst. He was there during the Accords and during the war, but so were you. Even then, he couldn't paint you to be a warrior. In his eyes, you were precious, delicate, fragile, whereas he was rough, broken, unwanted.
Bucky's eyes darted through the pantry and he made a split-second decision as he walked out empty handed, making his way towards your room. He knew you were next to him, of course, he did. He was trained to observe his surroundings. He had also noticed that you tiptoed around him and avoided his paths.
Before he knew it, he was standing at your door, unsure whether he should knock or not. He took a step back and decided against it.
You'd thought you felt someone pacing outside your door, so you opened it and found Bucky walking away.
"Bucky," Your voice was so small that it was a miracle that he even heard it
He turned and his eyes showed fear. Your fingers twisted over the doorknob as you turned it unsurely and bit the inside of your cheek. You two stared at each other in silence.
"Do you want to come in?" You asked hopefully, "I'm having a sandwich," You pointed a finger into the room, "We could share if you're hungry,"
"No!" You squealed, "No, make your own!"
"Oh, come on, doll," Bucky laughed, "You're supposed to share,"
"I don't want to," You scolded him
"But I thought you loved me," He pouted
"I love food more," You whined but Bucky only laughed
"If you two are done," Steve spoke with a mouthful, "That was really good,"
The sandwich over which you and Bucky had been fighting, well, Steve had just eaten all of it
"My sandwich!" You gasped
Bucky nodded and you gave him enough room to enter, closing the door behind yourself.
The quarters that T'Challa had provided everyone were basically like hotel suites. You gestured towards the sofa but he sat in the chair at the table.
You moved around the room silently as you took another plate and put half the sandwich in it and placed it in front of him. Bucky was still trying to make himself seem smaller. He hunched when sitting and kept his hands between his thighs with his knees closed.
You filled a glass with water and placed it next to the plate but didn't move away; almost forcing him to look at you. He didn't look up. You took your own plate and sat across him. You noticed that he was trying to not use his left arm at all costs.
"How are you doing now?" Your voice echoed in the silence
"Better," Bucky stated but didn't meet your gaze
"Sleeping better?" You took bite of your sandwich and Bucky didn't answer, "I missed you," You said sincerely and that finally made him look up, you saw confusion in his eyes, "Don't be so surprised," You smiled, "I've missed you for a long time,"
"I'm not the same anymore," His eyes fell to the plate as he began to pick apart the bread
"I know," You nodded, "But I missed you because you weren't here, the way you are now,"
"Why?" He glared at you
"Why what?" Your brows furrowed
"Why did you miss me?" Bucky asked and you realized that he was asking why was he ever worth missing
You pushed your plate aside a took a deep breath, "I missed you for a lot of reasons," You began softly, "One of those is that I like having you around,"
"I hurt you," Bucky repeated the same statement and you sighed
"Bucky," You said softly, "No, you have to look at me," He looked up and saw your smile, he was more confused than before, "You really think Steve's never hurt me?"
"Steve?" He whispered and you nodded
You stood up and pulled your chair closer to Bucky, "I don't remember if I told you or not... but it was after the experiment,"
"Steve," You gasped as you saw people take out your friend but it wasn't really him
This Steve was taller, more muscular and cured of every allergy and sickness that he had. You saw Peggy was downstairs and suddenly the gunshots echoed. There was an explosion but because of the commotion, no one realized that you were supposed to die as well.
You saw him run out at a lightning fast speed and you were left alone. Your clothes had burnt off but the energy of the blast had just powered you up rather than disintegrate you. You slipped away and tried to find something to wear. Peggy had run out after the one who had fired the gun, Steve was close behind her.
When Peggy returned, you were in a very weird outfit of ill-fitting.
"The fire from the explosion burnt my clothes," You offered weakly and she nodded
"Did you get hurt?" Her eyes swept all over you
"No," You breathed, "Lucky, I guess,"
"Indeed," She stated and you opened your mouth to say something but that was when Steve finally came back and you didn't know how to react.
"You look taller," You commented
"I can breathe better," Steve laughed
"You're as tall as Bucky now," You smirked and he hugged you
A sharp pain shot through you and you almost screamed. Steve suddenly let go and you fell to the floor.
"Careful, Rogers," Peggy scolded Steve and helped you up, "Are you alright?"
"I think I felt something crack," You held your sides
"He broke your ribs," Bucky almost growled, his protective streak was showing and you knew that you were reaching out to him
"No," You laughed, "I healed quickly but he did crack three ribs,"
"You weren't mad?" He looked at you and you shook your head
"I wasn't," You smiled, "Wanna know why?" He nodded, "Because it was an accident and I forgave him. He didn't even have to apologize,"
"I'm different," Bucky spoke softly and you nodded
"Yes," You whispered as you lifted his face to look at you by caressing his cheek, "You're different. You've been different from the start," You saw him swallow, "I've loved you for a long time, James Barnes," You smiled, "I'm not about to stop anytime soon,"
You leaned closer and he let you so you leaned your forehead against yours. Bucky took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"I told you when you woke up," You looked into his out of focus eyes, "We'll figure it out together,"
"I'm broken," His voice was weak and pained
"And I don't mind that," You whispered as your noses touched
Inside you were hoping, praying, dreaming for Bucky to lean in just a fraction so you could kiss him for the first time in far too long.
"Y/N," He mumbled and you smiled even though tears were beginning to form in your eyes
"What's on your mind, soldier?" You asked shakily as you pulled away to look at him
Your hand fell from his cheek to his right hand, which he held onto firmly.
"What's on your mind, soldier?" You giggled as you twirled in Bucky's uniform shirt
It wasn't buttoned and he could see the curve of your breasts through the open shirt. Your legs were bare and only a very sorry excuse for an underwear barely covered your womanhood
"You," Bucky smirked from the bed
"I think this looks better on me than it does on you," You said slowly and made your way towards Bucky, who was on the couch as you slow danced to the soft music playing the in the back
"I'd prefer you without any of it," He said huskily as he pulled you into his lap
"You," Bucky whispered slowly and you smiled, "I missed you," He suddenly knocked the wind out of you as his strong arms wrapped around you and he pulled you towards himself
You couldn't breathe properly because he was squeezing too tight but you didn't have the heart to tell him to let go. Bucky breathed in your scent and you relaxed into his embrace as he pulled you into his lap. It was an awkward angle but he was close and that was all that matters.
You didn't even know that you were crying until Bucky pulled away and you noticed the wet little patch on his shirt. He wiped away your tears and looked into your eyes as if searching for an answer.
"You're crying," Bucky stated with worry and you nodded, "I'm sorry,"
"No," You sniffed as you smiled even though the tears kept falling, "I'm happy,"
"Happy?" His brows rose slightly and you nodded again
"I'm happy that you came back to me," You said softly as you tucked a stray hair behind his ear, "I'm happy that you're letting me in," You caressed his rugged cheek, "And I'm happy that we're together,"
You saw Bucky's lips quiver and a smile formed slowly. He leaned closer but even then you couldn't comprehend what was happening until his lips touched yours. Everything seemed to slow down and it was only a chaste kiss, which was over as soon as it had begun.
When Bucky pulled away, you rested your forehead against his, intertwining your fingers behind his head and shared your breathing space.
"Missed you," His repeated with a low voice
Bucky pulled you closer and you slid into his lap without hesitation. He kissed you again but it was different, it was urgent and needy. You gave into him easily and his left arm kept you in place, whereas his right hand caressed your cheek and moved down to your neck. He was gentle, maybe too gentle. He tasted sweet as he swept past your lips and his tongue curled against the roof of your mouth.
You couldn't suppress it, a moan escaped your lips as he kissed a trail down your jawline.
"Shhh," Bucky spoke against your skin, "We gotta be quiet,"
You chuckled as he smiled, not just a smirk or a ghost of a forgotten smile. Bucky smiled and it creased the corners of his eyes. Suddenly, his cheeks didn't look dull and colourless anymore and it seemed like he'd finally come home to you.
"I love you," You breathed and he pressed his lips against your again
"Say it again," He mumbled against your lips
"I love you," You looked into his eyes and he pulled you in for a hug, "I love you, I love you," You chanted softly in his ear as you ran your fingers through his hair
"Can I stay?" Bucky whispered and you nodded against his neck as he held you
"Always," You pulled away and got off his lap gingerly, "Come on," You gave him your hand and led him to the bed
It was a different century when Bucky had shared your bed and as soon as his arms wrapped around your waist to pull you close, you realized that all the years in between were meaningless.
Bucky's arms wrapped around you and it caught you off guard.
"What are you doing?" You laughed
"Tryin' to sleep," He kissed your shoulder, "So, you know, shush,"
"No, I mean," You turned to face him, "What are you doing in my bed?"
Bucky and you had been together for a while but you would still sleep in different beds at night. When you sleptover, Steve would usually take the couch, whereas you would get on of the two beds in the apartment. However, this time, Bucky had gotten the couch and you'd been sleeping for a few hours.
"Doll, I'm tryin' to sleep," Bucky sighed dramatically
"Bucky," You looked into his eyes and he smirked as he gave you a chaste kiss
"Couldn't sleep without you," He said softly and you giggled, "Doesn't make sense to sleep in different beds when we do everything else in one,"
You laughed loudly but he kissed you to quiet you down
"Stevie's sleeping," He explained and you nodded
You two looked at each other a while and he parted his lips to say something but decided against it
"What?" You asked but he shook his head, "Please?" Your voice was barely a whisper and even in the darkness you saw his eyes shine
"Nothing to worry about, sweetheart," He said slowly as he made you turn back to your original position and held you so close that his chest was pressed against your back
Bucky kissed your shoulder again and you relaxed in his arms. You were almost asleep when you felt Bucky stir.
"I love you," He whispered softly and if you had fallen asleep, you could've never heard him
A smile broke out on your lips and your fingertips danced lightly on his hands. You felt him freeze in shock that you were awake but he slowly relaxed again.
"About time you were awake for it," Bucky chuckled
"Oh?" You whispered and he kissed your neck
"Been sayin' it every night for five months," He confessed, "First time you were awake,"
"We've only been together for two months," You turned to face him again
"I've known you for almost five," He smirked and you understood that he was trying to explain that he had loved you since he'd known you
"I love you, too, Barnes," You rested your head on his chest and wrapped his arm around your shoulder
You were asleep and you didn't feel Bucky stir. He took a deep breath as he tried to remember your scent and every curve of your body that was somehow fitting into his like a puzzle piece falling into place.
"I love you, too," He whispered against your shoulder but you were in a deep slumber because your dream was lying in your bed and holding you in his arms