Chapter 9
Your eyes burned with tears until they went dry and Steve had quieted down as well but Bucky was still crying. His loud cries had died down to soft weeping and he couldn't stop. Not really. You took a shaky breath, unsure whether the procedures had worked or not. You tore your gaze away from Steve and Bucky to look across the room. T'Challa stood at the doors that were open, his expression didn't give anything away, or maybe it did but your blurry vision wasn't very helpful.
"Steve," You rasped, "Stevie," Your hand fell to his shoulder and he met your eyes, "Did it... did it work?"
Steve gave you a tight-lipped smile and soft nod. You felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders and you understood that Bucky cries weren't out of frustration but rather they were because of the feeling of freedom.
A few men entered and took Bucky with them, to help him clean up and settle him in his quarters. Steve went with them and you stayed on the floor.
"He will be alright," A strong voice told you and you saw Wanda coming towards you
"He's tough," You tried to smile but the tears weren't stopping
"He will heal," Wanda assured you, "Will take time,"
"I have too much time," You confessed
"I looked into his mind," She suddenly said as she sat down in front of you, "He remembers you. All of you,"
"You don't seem to be happy with that," You narrowed your gaze and Wanda looked away
"He remembers everything," She whispered and that's when your heart dropped
"Oh no," You clapped your hands over your mouth and your heart broke
Bucky remembered things, that was good, but he remembered everything, that wasn't good.
"Go out with me," Bucky smiled
"Now, why would I do that," You shot back
You'd met Steve and Bucky a few months ago and had become really close with both the boys
"I see the way you look at me," He whispered in your ear and you almost shivered
"My eyes, Barnes," You composed yourself, "I get to look wherever I want, however I want,"
"Is that it, sweetheart?" He chuckled and you turned to face him, he was dangerously close and his hands were holding the sink behind you, trapping you, "Come on, doll, just one date. What could go wrong?"
"We could end up hating each other and then Steve would have to pick between us," You said softly, "And we both know that you may be his best friend but he loves me more,"
"Or..." His voice trailed off as he stood barely a few inches away from you, "We could fall in love and Steve wouldn't have to pick,"
"You talk too much," You giggled and his smile made you weak in the knees
"You're welcome to shut me up," He stated cockily and you leaned closer, deciding that maybe one little kiss won't hurt
Your lips brushed against his and he pressed his body against yours. Bucky's hands pulled you closer from your waist and you looped your arms around his neck. He tasted almost sweet. To say that you felt sparks would've been an understatement. It was as if your body had been frozen and Bucky's lips had awakened or rekindled a fire that hadn't been touched for far too long.
You pulled him in and his hands travelled below your hips as he picked you up and set you on the counter beside the sink. Your body reacted to him almost instantly as your legs wrapped around his waist.
"I figured we can have soup tonight," Steve suddenly entered the small apartment and you two broke apart
"Stevie," Bucky began, "You're home early,"
You slid off the counter and smoothed out your dress. You noticed that Steve was taking his coat off and hadn't noticed you and Bucky kissing. When Steve finally turned around, he saw your flushed cheeks.
"Sorry about the heating in this place, Y/N," Steve sighed, "Bucky had to get that fixed,"
"It's alright," You turned to the calm yourself down, "I'll call someone myself,"
"Hey, I forgot," Bucky defended himself and Steve was avoiding eye contact with him, "You alright, pal?"
"Stevie," You went up to him, "What happened?" You saw his swollen lip and a bruise forming on his cheek
It wasn't as bad as you'd seen him be. A few days would make it fade away and Steve would be good as new.
"No big deal," He shrugged and Bucky joined your side
"Another fight?" Bucky groaned
"Hey, they had it comin'!" Steve argued
"You can't fight the world," You said softly, "Even when most of them deserve it," Steve smiled as he looked at you, "But at least you're getting good at it,"
"You're encouraging this?" Bucky looked at you
"We both know that he's not going to back down, so, he might as well know how to fight," You shot back
"No, he needs to be safe and not start fights in alleys!" Bucky shouted and you groaned
"You're not gonna be around to babysit him all the fucking time, Bucky!" You matched his volume, "Steve should know how to defend himself!"
Bucky and you began arguing and Steve rolled his eyes as he moved around the apartment, making dinner for the three of you. The fighting between you and Bucky had become background noise for him.
"This is your fault!" Bucky shouted
"Oh, yes! This is my fault," You laughed, "He was fighting way before I met you lot and he will continue after I'm gone,"
"Wait, what?" Bucky halted suddenly, "Where are you going?"
"What?" Your voice dropped too
"You said after you're gone," Bucky's voice softened, "Are you going away?"
"If mom and dad are done fighting," Steve's voice cut through the sudden quietness, "Dinner?"
"Will you not be visiting the Sergent?" Tishala entered your room
Bucky had been awake for almost a week and you didn't know how to approach him. Steve had told you that when Bucky had finally calmed down, the weight of his past actions had begun to take a toll on him.
"I'm not sure," You answered truthfully
"Captain Rogers said that he is doing better," She told you and you nodded, "Perhaps you should read to him when he is asleep?"
"I could," You agreed, "But I don't know what would I say to him if he woke up,"
"Finish the story that you wish to read," Tishala told you slowly, "And then, you talk to the man you once knew. Talk to the man you loved. Talk to the man that you are willing to love,"
Another week passed and Bucky was under extreme surveillance. Steve told you that his nightmares were all over the place but it was going to get better. You weren't scared of him, how could you be? You loved him too much. However, you were afraid of triggering something that could push him over the edge.
"So, why the doom and gloom, baby?" Sam visited you in your room
"What are you on about?" You cocked a brow
"Your boyfriend woke up and I've heard that you didn't see him," He looked at you before falling into your bed in your feet
"I saw him," You stated as you pointed out that you were there after he was woken up
"Babygirl," Sam groaned, "Why you gotta play?" You made a face and shoved him playfully with your foot
"What game am I playing?" You gave in
"If you're in love with me," He laughed, "All you gotta do is say so," You huffed and he chuckled, "We'll tell Barnes together that I stole his girl,"
Sam winked and you smirked, "You're terrible," You told him
He spent the afternoon with you to make sure that you were doing alright. Scott joined you two and the day passed lazily. You noticed how whenever Steve wasn't with you, someone else would be giving you company at all times. Whether it was Tishala or Sam or Scott, someone would always be around.
"He asked about you," Steve told you, "Said that he doesn't blame you if you don't want to visit him,"
"You know that's not why I haven't gone," You looked at Steve and took a deep breath, "We used to fight all the time, Stevie,"
"You two didn't fight," He chuckled and you rolled your eyes
"Really? What would you call those shouting matches?" You nudged him
"As I recall that most of those fights were because of me," He smiled
"No, they weren't," You narrowed your gaze, "Explain,"
"You guys always fought when I got into alley fights," Steve shrugged, "You taught me how to defend myself and Bucky thought that it was encouraging me to get into fights,"
"You're a fugitive now," You smirked, "I'd say Bucky was right,"
"Come by sometime," He told you again
"Come with me," You asked him and he nodded
"I'll be right there," He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his chest, "I'll always be here,"
It was almost a month after that you gathered the courage to actually see Bucky.
"Hey, Buck," Steve went in before you, "Got a visitor for you today,"
You saw that Bucky was sitting by the window like he would when he was living in your house. A leg folded beneath himself and another dangling off, the toe just about touching the floor. Bucky turned toward Steve lazily and then his eyes fell on you.
"Hi," You couldn't push out any other words
Everything seemed to have stopped and melted away when your eyes met. It felt eerily similar to when you'd found Bucky in Washington. Bucky had a ghost of a smile on his face. He got up slowly and took a deep breath. Steve had left the room but you didn't know. You felt frozen.
He reached out with his right hand and tucked a stray hair behind your ear. You swallowed visibly and his voice brought you to reality.
"Hi," Bucky's voice was low and raspy
"I'm..." You began but your voice cracked so you cleared your throat to start again but the way Bucky's eyes were drinking in your image was making your head spin
"What?" You finally asked as he kept looking at you
"Your eyes," Bucky stated, "They change colour in the light,"
"Stop, stop, stop," Bucky asked you suddenly as you walked in your garden and he trailed behind you
"What?" You turned around to face him as he leaned against a tree
"Did you know your eyes change colour in the sun?" He smiled and held your hands to pull you close enough so he could kiss the tip of your nose
You laughed loudly, "Eyes don't change colour,"
"Yours do," He shot back and you rolled your eyes, "No, really, they do! They go a few shades lighter when the light hits your eyes just right,"
"Yours don't," You narrowed your gaze at him
"Yes, they do," He smirked and you cradled his face as you looked at him closely
"Let me see then," You said with seriousness as you stared into his eyes, "Knew it," You said smugly, "Eyes don't change colour,"
"No," He said softly, "But they give me a reason to come closer to you," Bucky's hands pulled you until you were flushed against his body
Your face broke into a smirk and Bucky smiled too
"I missed you so much," You said shakily and felt the tears come again
Bucky moved quickly and he wrapped his arms around your waist, hugging you tightly as he breathed in your scent. You cried on his shoulder because, for the first time in your life, the universe had been kind to you. You felt his left arm wrap around you and his right hand hold your head as the fingers felt your hair slowly.
When you pulled away, Bucky wiped your tears with the pads of his thumbs and your tear stained face looked at him properly. There were bags under his eyes and there was barely any colour in his cheeks.
"Steve told me you haven't been sleeping well," You told him and he looked away from you, "It's alright, you know," You explained as you guided him to sit with you by the window, "It's alright to not be okay," He nodded stiffly, "We're gonna figure this out together,"
"Together?" Bucky looked at you as you sat in front of him, close enough to touch
"Together," You assured him