In His Arms

Leo loved his papa.

He didn't know anything about how he'd come to be with us, not yet. He had no clue that his papa had ordered his birth mother's death. Had no clue that the reason he lived here with us is because his papa had taken over the city and forced its citizens into refugees. Had no idea that his papa was the reason so many people were so miserable. And so, he adored him. Hung off his every word, listened carefully and tried to please him. Because that's what children do. And because my son loved him, and because I love my son, a piece of me adored his papa too. Loki had this way about him. This charm. When we first met, when he first gave me the option to save my family, I hadn't recognized it. I hadn't truly felt the full effect. I did now.

As I walked back into the room with Leo, I couldn't help but smile softly. Leo took off, letting go of my hand in favor of racing at his papa with arms outstretched. Loki smiled, because of course he did. Kneeling to hug the boy and listen intently as Leo went over all the things we'd done today. I found my mind wandering, thinking of all the pros and cons of this small royal family.

"And then mama got upset and she sent me to play." He finished, pulling my attention back onto their conversation.

"She did?" Loki questioned, glancing up to me before looking back down. "And why is that?"

"Because the bell dinged and I went to look." Leo responded, gazing towards the floor.

"Ah." Loki said knowingly, standing tall once more. "Well listen to your mother and she won't get upset."

"I know." Leo responded, looking up at his papa. "Can we eat now?" Loki nodded, turning the boy around and giving him a gentle push.

"Go. See what the servants are making." Leo took off excitedly, as was his M.O., barreling past me in favor of food. Crossing my arms, I turned to look as my son raced down the hallway to investigate what dinner might be. I sighed as Loki came up behind me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me flush to his back, trapping me in his arms. "The bell isn't just for him." He said solemnly in my ear.

"I know." I whispered in response. The bell system was put in place so that whenever fighting was visible from the tower, Leo and I would know not to look out the window. In the very beginning, every time I saw the fighting from the tower I would bawl uncontrollably. Everything I knew and loved was being destroyed before my very eyes, and it was all because of my husband. I think it began to annoy Loki that when he came home I wouldn't look at him, wouldn't speak to him, would jerk away any time he tried to touch me. He had to force me to come to bed because I didn't want to be anywhere near him. So he implemented the bell, which rang when fighting came close enough for us to see.

"Tell me, little one, what does it mean when the bell rings?" He asked, his breath tickling my ear.

"We're not to look." I answered softly, pulling away as much as I could. Loki tightened his grip.

"You know I don't like it when you disobey." Loki growled. I blinked away tears.

"I know."

"Then why?"

"I couldn't." I croaked out.

"Couldn't what?"

"Look away. I c-couldn't look aw-away." I hated the way he treated me sometimes, like a child or a pet, certainly not as an equal. But, as he'd told me many times before, we were not. Equals. He was a god and I was a mortal. My life was fleeting. We were not equals, and yet he'd chosen me to rule alongside him. I felt a kiss on my temple.

"Next time you won't look to begin with." He sighed, tightening his grip once more. Loki had this weird sense of possession. Any time he was feeling particularly in charge he'd hold me tightly to him, which I often didn't mind. Today however, the grip felt as if he were choking me, like I'd bruise and break if he held me this way any longer.

"Please stop." I whimpered. "You're hurting me." Immediately the grip loosened, and the death trap turned into somewhat of a loving embrace.

"You must be hungry." Loki murmured. I looked ahead, praying for some sort of interruption. I didn't want to be forced into his embrace anymore. Like in the beginning, seeing the destruction and pain had turned me off of wanting any sort of contact with my husband. "Let's go to dinner." His arms fell completely away from me, which I took as an opportunity to put as much space between us as I could before he'd jerked me back towards him and secured my hand in his. "Together."

--

That night, after dinner and bath, Leo sat on his bed and waited. Usually I would read to him, tuck him in, and sing until he fell asleep. Sometimes, when I felt particularly sad for my city or for my family or even for myself, I would curl up next to him and we would sleep side by side until Loki came searching for me. Tonight, I'd planned on laying beside him and singing until we both were so tuckered out we couldn't keep our eyes open. That is, until Loki came in. 

Leo lit up, eyes wide with excitement. That's how he always looked at his papa. With loving excitement. Like a dog looks at his human. 

"Papa!" He exclaimed, wiggling to the edge of the bed. 

"Hey now, back in bed you. Papa will come over to say good night." I said, trying to keep some sort of control. Leo groaned but did as he was told, scrambling to get under his blankets. 

"Mama, will Papa tell the story tonight?" Leo wondered, eyes glimmering with hope. 

"Maybe. If you're lucky." I said, glancing to Loki. He nodded, moving towards the bed. I scooched to the side, laying by Leo so Loki could sit at the edge of the bed. I ran my fingers through Leo's locks as Loki began to speak. 

"What would you like to hear about tonight?" 

"Uhhhh..." Leo stalled, glancing to me. 

"Papa isn't from New York." I offered. "Maybe he'll tell you about his home." For a moment, Loki's gaze turned angry, but it fizzled out quickly. 

"Papa! Will you tell me of your home?" Leo wondered in awe. Loki stalled, and by the look on his face was unsure of what to do or say. I was upset with him, but that didn't mean I wanted him to flail in front of our son. 

"There are nine realms, right?" I prodded. Realization struck Loki and away he went, explaining that he wasn't from New York, he wasn't from America, he wasn't even from the planet. He explained the nine realms and how the planets were connected. Leo was completely engaged, and I found that I was as well. The way he spoke lulled me into a calm, and it wasn't until I felt myself being hoisted up that I realized I had drifted off. It took me a minute to remember I wasn't in the mood to be touched by Loki, so I didn't stiffen until we were already almost to our bedroom. 

"Not tonight." Loki said, placing me on upright our comforter. "Not tonight." 

Still half asleep, I sunk my body into the bed, placing my head on the pillow. I felt a tingling on my body, a hint that Loki was using magic. Cracking an eye open I saw that I was now in pajamas. I felt Loki's body take its place next to mine on the bed. I scooted closer to the edge but he swung his arm around my waist, pulling me into him. 

"Mm-Mm" I groaned in protest, shimmying away. 

"Do I really disgust you that much?" His voice rumbled from behind me. 

"How would you feel, sleeping with the person who destroyed your home." I said without thinking. Immediately he'd sat up straight and pulled me up with him. Dazed, I opened my eyes to see him looking intently right back at me. 

"You chose this." He hissed. "You could always go back to your life. Your family can die, and you can be free of Leo." My lower lip quivered as he gripped tight to my upper arm. "Well?" He seethed. I whimpered, not daring to respond. "You have the honor of being my queen and all the perks that come with it. I could take that away if you'd rather go back to fighting for your life every moment." I looked down, focusing intently on the comforter. Would he send me back? Would he take my family from the place he'd put them in order to protect them and throw them back into the fight? Would he take my son from me and send me back to a life of struggle and hunger and heartbreak? He might. The very thought of it brought me to tears. 

As angry as I was, he was right. He didn't force me to accept his offer. I chose to trade myself for the safety of my family. If I bothered him enough, he could take it all away. 

I must have looked like such a pitiful mess, tears rolling down my cheeks, mouth struggling to stay in a straight position, head turned down. My body was shaking as I tried to hold myself together. I heard Loki let out an exaggerated sigh before he let go of my arm and gripped my chin, forcing me to look up at him. 

"Forget this happened." He said, peering into my wet eyes. "Forget about this argument, forget about the destruction you saw today." It occurred to me that he was about to do a magic thing, to make me forget everything that had just happened. And a big part of me didn't mind. A large part of me wanted to forget. So I nodded as well as I could with my chin in his grasp. He leaned in, letting his lips linger by my ear. "Let's go to sleep, little one." Letting go of my chin, he grasped my face between his hands. I opened my mouth to say something, but honestly I didn't know what I was going to say. And it didn't matter. Because within seconds, my vision became blurry and I fell into a deep sleep.