Crocodile
The day turns grey.
The morning rain clouds up the window as Jane presses her forehead against the glass and lets out a deep breath. She draws patters on the glass trying to distract herself as she listens to Claire talk to Bucky outside of the room. They talk about the check out and the pricing, before switching to a hushed conversation that Jane believes is about them leaving to Cinders so quickly. She looks at the unmade bed, and the bags all packed on top of it, and walks towards hers to zip it close. Bucky’s bags look a lot less heavy than hers does, and she wonders if he is going to come back to Catalean after Cinders, or if he will continue his journey to Maraud like he wanted to.
Jane reaches for her satchel and pulls out the wrinkled map, she glances at the door and when she sees it still close, she opens Bucky’s bag and puts the map inside. Whether he is abandoning her or not, she would still want him to find his way to the Freelands safely. She considers leaving a note or something, but Bucky says goodbye to Claire and she gets no time for it.
She tried to think about something to say after that morning exchange, but he remained too quiet, too closed off. Like everything had already been said and done. Bucky locked himself in the bathroom then, and she didn’t hear the shower being turn on but minutes later he came out dressed in jeans and a shirt. He was in a hurry to leave and she too was in a hurry to reunite with Darcy, even if that meant saying goodbye to Bucky.
She hated that her goodbyes always came unannounced.
Even when the word hadn’t been said it had been a goodbye when Julia told her she would be safe with the maids, when Darcy told her that it was okay when they were separated once they arrived to Arcadia, or when her father kissed her forehead and said he was sorry… And then Bucky the night before. If she had known telling him she loved him would mean goodbye she would have kept it to herself. She wouldn’t have told him she wanted to take her to Maraud and stay with him, she wouldn’t have asked him to kiss her and she wouldn’t have let him take her.
Jane takes a shaky breath in, “I didn’t say it”
I didn’t say I love you.
She turns to Bucky and Claire, but when he turns and doesn’t even look at her she realises it didn’t matter anymore.
Claire says politely, “Thank you for visiting” she says, “Goodbye”
Jane manages a smile.
Bucky doesn’t say anything.
He doesn’t say anything for the next long, excruciating minutes as they walk away from The Eye of The Sea.
“Slow down”
She finds herself saying all of sudden.
Glancing at her he feels the pang of regret bloom in his chest, where his heart feel heavy and not there at all at the same time. He stops walking, keeping his distance from her, and Jane lets the heavy bag on her shoulder fall to the ground. She is panting as if she ran a marathon, and he knows is because she is having a hard time keeping up with his fast pace. Despite the weather being cold since that morning, a drop of sweat rolls down her forehead, and her cheeks are coloured pink as she breaths harshly through her mouth.
“It’s almost nine” He says.
Jane looks at him, and he can tell she is angry.
Anger had always protected him from the pain. So when Jane walks up to him and slaps him hard across the face he lets her. He lets out a small chuckle, rubbing his jaw with one hand.
“Why are you doing this?!” She yells, “Why do you want me to leave?!”
Let her go.
He swallows thickly, “This is what-“
“No, Bucky, no” Jane shakes her head, “You- you said... You said yes”
Bucky glares at a woman who walks too close to them trying to pick up the conversation, and then turns to Jane, “We gotta go”
Jane looks like she was slapped. And when Bucky walks up to her and reaches for her bag, she moves his hands away. He tries again, and she repeats the action putting a hand on his shoulder.
“If you really want me to go, just tell me why” Jane’s voice is strained, like she’s being held by her throat as she speaks, “What did last night… Meant”
Bucky looks around, running a hand through his face and hair.
Break her heart.
He looks at her again, eyes narrowed as he moves closer to her face.
“I had a itch to scratch and you wanted to know how it felt"
What hurts the most is not the fact that he knows those words will haunt him for the rest of his life. What hurts the most is that Jane stares at him in silence, eyes filled with sadness and… Disappointment. She gives a step back and nods softly, picking up her bag and continue to walk towards the dock.
Jane might be seasick. She feels the world is moving without her somehow, her vision unable to focus on anything as her eyes stare at the distance infront of her. Bucky wishes he could say something or had something to say at all, but he knows that he can’t. For Jane to be able to be safe he had to let her go, Bucky was… He was never going to be enough.
He realises he’s right – and that Darcy was right – when the ferry approaches the other end of the large body of water between colonies and Jane finally lifts her gaze. He is leaning against the railing Jane is holding onto, and when they are closer to the dock, almost immediately, she reaches for him.
“It’s her”
He looks at when her hand grips the sleeve of his leather jacket, and then at her. She takes a shaky breath in, brown eyes displaying a variety of emotions in just a fraction of a second. Shock, incredulity, relieve, and finally joy. Her cheeks and nose turn pink and her bottom lip trembles, before she takes another deep breath in, like she’s gasping for air, and then lets him go. He shuts his eyes, leaning against the railing before he looks ahead.
Darcy is standing on the dock, accompanied by four Shadow Men. It isn’t until he hears Jane’s voice call Darcy, that he realises the ferry stopped moving and that it was only him on the deck. Darcy runs towards Jane, and they meet in the middle of the dock, throwing their arms around eachother in a tight embrace. Darcy pulls back and say something as she looks at Jane’s face, before she hugs her again and kisses the top of the head. Jane forgets about him, at least he hopes she does and about everything he said, and Darcy holds her hand as they walk away.
Turn around. He thinks.
But Jane doesn’t, and that’s alright. It has to be.
The Cinders is the second biggest Colony in the New World. It’s where most of the machines used come from, and home to the only factories left from the old world. They manufactured everything from textile, glass, to paper, and everything needed to built houses and buildings, even candy and canned food (although most people preferred to grow theirs since it was less expensive) that they exported all year long. It was also the less populated colony, and most of the people that lived there had to work at the factories.
They have working cars. And Jane twists her fingers nervously on her lap as Bucky is put in a different one than her and Darcy as they take them… Wherever it is they are going. She really doesn’t care, but she feels the need to ask Darcy. As if she can read her mind, or see that she is anxious Darcy reaches for her hands and intertwines their fingers before she squeezes softly. Jane glances at Darcy and offers her a small smile, before she continues to look outside the window, not wanting to lose sight of the car where Bucky was.
She looks at the open fields as they drive further into the colony and away from the oceanside. It’s like another world then – really every colony is, she realises – while Glassmere was white snow and clear ice, and Catalean was sand and blue sea, The Cinders is grey, green and gold. It side stretches before her like a great quilt of golden, brown and green squares held together by the thick green stitching of the hedgerows. Jane presses a button and the windows start rolling down, letting the cold air from outside in. She breaths in, practically sticking her head out of the window. For the first time in a while, since she started traveling with Bucky, she feels… Isolation, but even with the quiet of the fields and having Darcy finally next to her, she couldn’t feel at peace.
They drive for what feels hours and hours, until the air doesn’t smell like salt anymore, before Darcy speaks again.
“We are here” She says.
And Jane looks at her before the woman points out the window and the car starts slowing down. She follows her finger, and sees a tall stone wall topped with iron spikes. Behind, there was an old country mansion, high upon the hill overlooking everything else.
Is this home now?
Bucky doesn’t pay attention to what Darcy is saying as they walk inside.
He can’t help but feel as if they are being watch, despite the enormous mansion looking so empty inside, so much that when the doors close behind them there is an echo that comes back to them from the long hallway, which serves as the main avenue of traffic and entrance area to the adjacent rooms. Long windows that would let the rays of sun in if the skies weren’t clouded.
The spacious foyer is adorned with marble statues and beautiful paintings are hung on the walls. There is a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling and a staircase that give way to the second floor. From where there is a man looking at them as they enter, observing them, he is dressed in elegant garments and his hair is neatly styled. Jane and this man were the same kind of people, the thought wasn’t as comforting as it should be but it’s all he has left, and that Jane’s home had been just like this one before it had been burned down so she was probably used to that kind of… Opulence.
“At last”
Both Jane and Darcy look at him too. He is tall and his skin in pale, as he makes his way down the stairscase, his face is split into a wide grin that’s predatory, or mischevious in a way that makes Bucky slightly uncomfortable. He is wearing a dark green suit, and Bucky looks at Darcy and sees she’s wearing the same scheme of colors. So are the maids that rush to take their bags from them, and the man that closes the door behind them.
“You must be Jane”
Jane glances at Darcy, who gives her a nod. A silent conversation of ‘Is this okay’, and ‘it’s fine’. Bucky frowns, because Jane had said that she didn’t know Thor’s last name, but she did mention she had met him at least once. The man reaches for Jane’s hand and kisses her knuckles.
“It is a pleasure to meet you”
Jane offers a polite nod, “Likewise Mister…”
The man’s lips are pulled into a small smile.
“You must not recognise me” He chuckles, “Of course not, you were a child when we met, and very briefly it was”
Her brown eyes move from the man, to Darcy and then back at him. Bucky feels invisible, and under the man’s sudden gaze, he definitely wishes he was.
“This is Thor’s brother, Jane” Darcy says.
The man takes Jane’s hand and kisses her knuckles.
“Loki”
The bathroom was filled with steam when he finally turns off the shower. Bucky rolls his shoulders, feeling a pleasant ache between his shoulder blades, a similar to the one he felt after working out, or when he was warming up for a fight. He reaches for one of the towels neatly folded underneath the sink and rubs it across his body, staring at the cloud up mirror infront of him.
He had been meaning to leave as soon as Jane was left on the doorstep, or after he had at least said goodbye. But the man, Loki, had insisted upon all of them having dinner together. ‘A celebratory diner’ he said, that stupid, sardonic smile plastered on his face. Darcy had dragged Jane away then, even before he could refuse or accept staying, and Jane did turn around to look at him at the same time Loki told one of the maids to escort him to the guest room. there had been something in her eyes, like she didn’t want him to leave despite all that was said, and he told himself he could stay a while longer just until Jane was settled.
He wipes the mirror and leans on the sink, staring at his reflection looking back at him. Jane's voice echoes inside his head telling him he looked older than the twenty five years he had turned less than two months ago, and the truth was that he felt older too. Not because his body felt older, he no longer ached so dully everytime he woke, but because of everything that he had been through, everything he had endured. He replays memory of waking up next to her, her honey brown eyes soft as she spoke quietly to him.
That morning seemed so far away now.
He remembers too, that Jane would have been able to wake up to him next to him if only he hadn’t open the door to Caliban. And then he remembers earlier that morning, he opened the door to Claire… To Darcy Lewis.
"You stupid idiot"
Bucky chuckles bitterly, not wanting to look at himself any longer. Wrapping a large towel around his hips, he finally leaves the bathroom slamming the door close behind him. The maid who guided him – who insisted in undressing him to ‘throw away’ his clothes – was thankfully no longer there, but she had left clean clothes for him. Bucky grunts looking at the pressed black slacks and white shirt, wondering if the dinner was going to be a formal event or if he was going to be the only dressed like that.
He is zipping the pants when the doors open, and he scowls when the woman enters the room. Bucky is partly annoyed since he isn't ready yet, the shirt still open and his feet still naked against the rug, but partly relieved that she is also wearing formal attire – a long red dress with a slit on the side that shows her left leg as she makes his way towards him – and he offers her a polite nod, thinking that she would leave immediately. Instead, she looks at him from head to toe smirking as she moves closer.
"Need any help?"
Bucky scowls, and then shakes his head.
"I'll be ready in a minute, ma’am" He adds when she shows no sign of leaving.
"Hela" she tells him and he rises an eyebrow, “My name, handsome, use it” She clarifies tugging from the shirt, "You must not be used to these kind of clothes"
"That obvious" he says flatly.
Hela chuckles amused, buttoning up his shirt, "Not that is a bad thing, that leather jacket and dirt up jeans suited you"
Bucky stops her when she reaches for his belt, and she looks at him under her eyelashes before rising her hands with a smirk on her face. He doesn’t remember seeing her when they arrived, but he doesn’t mention it, instead continuing to dress. He turns to see himself in the mirror and Hela smiles at him, sneaking her hands to his shoulders. Her breath is warm as she leans in, lips brushing the shell of his ear.
"These ones look even better" Hela’s hands slither across his chest and shoulders, where she digs her nails slightly, making him tense.
He glances at her over his shoulder, “Were you here for a particular reason or did your High Commander order you to dress me?”
The woman lets him go and gives a few steps back, a sardonic smile curling her red tinted lips showing a line of pearly white teeth. It’s almost predatory, the way she walks making a circle around him with the question still unanswered. Bucky doesn’t like being stared at like a circus animal, even though he had practically being one most of his life, he follows Hela with his eyes but she just looks more amused than intimidated once she catches him glaring. Bucky often lowered his guard around women, but there was something about Hela that reminded him of Aida. And Pierce.
“He does not order me to do anything” Hela finally says, “I’m his sister above everything else”
And Loki.
“His sister” Bucky scowls, “You are Thor Odinson’s sister”
Hela makes a face, “Thor” she rolls her eyes and walks towards the bed finally leaving his space, “Is that why you came all the way here with Selvig’s daughter?” she picks up the tie left on top of the sheets, “You figure the reward for getting her back to her promised prince would be substantial” She cocks an eyebrow at him.
Bucky swallows tightly, but shrugs nonchalantly. Darcy and all those people had certain idea of Jane’s story that he knew he had to keep, so he would talk and say as little as possible until he could leave.
“She could have been lying”
He looks at her with the corner of his eye. Hela puts the tie around his neck, tying it almost too tight.
“Oh, but with those big bambi eyes…” She sighs, loosing the tie a little, “I bet she could get anyone to do anything for her”
She could indeed. Bucky thinks. He moves to reach for the shoes next to the bed, ignoring the way Hela continues to observe him.
“Too bad for her thought,” Hela sits on the bed crossing her legs, “My dear brother’s sudden death means she no longer has a fianceé”
Bucky turns to her, “What?”
She pouts her lips as she stares at her nails, “Thor died about three weeks ago” Bucky frowns and Hela stands from the bed with one swift movement, “Not to worry, Jack” Her tongue curls around the name like a suggestion, “I will personally see that you are… Rewarded for your efforts”
Bucky stares at Hela as she makes her way to the door. The woman turns to him as she opens the door, and winks when she finds him staring.
“Dinner is served” Hela winks, before closing the door behind her.