Neglected Happiness

After almost 10 minutes of quiet sobs and heartbreaking cries Bruce stands up from his seat beside the bed and goes over to the front door, "I'll call in Bucky and give you two some time alone." He leaves without question and Bucky comes in.

He replaces Bruce on the wooden chair and quickly grabs Steve's right hand with both of his, their fingers tangling together.

"Stevie? C'mon baby, how's the pup?"

He doesn't answer, instead shaking his head and pulling his hand out of Bucky's to cover his red and ruined face. They sit there, Bucky staring at Steve trying to think of something until his husband finally chokes up.

"The pup..."

Bucky leans closer, tears starting to well in his eyes.

"It..." He starts to sob again, covering both his palms over his face. Tears start to slowly trickle down Bucky's cheeks as he watches his beloved cry so hard, it's unexplainable. No. No. Don't say it. But he needs to know. He has to know.

"The baby, Buck..." Steve whimpsers. C'mon. Tell me darling.

"I-It suffered inside me." He sobs out, continuing on. "Bruce did everything he could."

"Darling, breathe. Just say it slowly. Please baby." Bucky shuffles closer, butt still on the seat as his entire body slumps over the bed so he's staring up at Steve with eyes locked onto the roof above. He idly rubs his thumb over Steve's thinned fingers, patiently waiting for an answer. Any answer.

The tears don't stop but Steve breathes, inhaling, exhaling, closing his eyes. But even when he does to face reality, he can only sob again. "We lost her." In the smallest voice possible, he whispers, face scrunching up.

Bucky's whole world stops. His heart stops. His brain feels like it's been pierced with a bullet. He feels stabbed. Attacked and thrown away. His emotions overwhelm him the second the words ring through him and he inhales, holding his breath as long as possible. Then, he releases. All that's happened, all the suffering and crying and pain and exhaustion- and this is what Steve gets in return? No. Fuck no. He doesn't fucking deserve it. None of this. He deserves the whole globe. The heavens. The angels and all the blessings. He deserves so much more.

Bucky can't answer and shakes his head, dropping it into the bedsheets and letting himself go. It was a 'her'. A little princess. Exactly what Steve wanted, and he never got it.

*****

Bucky comes out of the elevator, tipping side to side carrying his trusty friend in his hand. He giggles and hiccups, forcing his wobbling legs to go over to the kitchen island. His body slams against the marble so hard he feels a rush of blood come around his face and some even start to stream out of his nose. But he doesn't even feel the pain. Instead, he chuckles, vision starting to blur.

"Mr Barnes, you're intoxicated. I'm going to contact-"

"Don't J. It's...okaay." He giggles again and starts to walk over to the living room, over to a bookshelf where there's framed photos of him and Steve. Most of them filled with Steve, whether it's his smiling face or him elsewhere on a trip with Bucky. His hand lifts up and he pulls off one with him and Steve laughing together in their wedding suits. That smile. I haven't seen it in so long.

Suddenly, a wave of anger washes through him and he slams the glass frame onto the shelf again, small shards deep into his flesh. Still no pain. He doesn't feel anything and turns his hand around, palm facing upwards as small drops of blood bead out and fall onto the ground. It's a lot more blood than expected, but he doesn't care. Because he can't feel it.

"Bucky? Why're you up so late? Jarvis told me you're si-" Tony stops in his tracks seeing Bucky in the dark, back illuminated by the moonlight from outside. Slowly, Bucky turns his head to see Tony, Sam, Clint and Bruce together, all frozen as they peer wide eyed at him.

Clint's eyes drop to the bottle stuck in Bucky's hand. "Hey man, how much have you been drinking?"

"I haven't drunken anything." Bucky chuckles carelessly as he looks back at his bloody hand.

The four men sigh then approach the brunette, Sam putting a hand over the mans shoulder. "C'mon, lets get to bed." He smiles.

"No." He retaliates.

"Bucky...come on. It's 1:30 in the morning. Where the hell did you even get so much alcohol?"

"I...I ran down to the corner store. Got m'self some uh...Whiskey and, and..."

"Definitely something else. Alright, hand over the bottle. We'll take you to your bedroom." Tony gestures a hand to the bottle, demanding it to be given up on. But Bucky shakes his head feeling slightly annoyed as he backs away from the group starting to surround him.

"Fuck you. No."

"Bucky. Don't be like this."

"No!" He throws the bottle to the ground and backs away even further, and everyone else sighs.

"James, whatever is going on, we're here for you. We'll listen to you but we need you to calm down." Bruce smiles, I fucking hate that smile, and Bucky growls.

"Get away from me. Leave me alone." His hair falls down over his face and he shakes his head, chest lifting up crazily as the men come closer and closer to him. They all stand cautiously then when Clint takes a step too close, he's smashed over by the metal fist and is wrestled onto the ground. "I said get away!" He shouts as the other three try pull him off.

He flings an arm backwards, shoving everyone away. Clint kicks him in the stomach and escapes from Bucky's grip on his neck. "Bucky! Stop!"

"No! No!" He lets go of Clint, throwing the man out of his hands and stumbling back with his hair ruffled and clothes all messy. He takes short breaths trying to graps onto air. "I won't stop! No! My baby is dead! And Steve's still sick! He doesn't fucking deserve this!" He cries out, tears wildly flowing down his face and flicking everywhere with his sharp movement. No one talks, all watching him break down with his bloody hand staining his clothes.

"Steve is sick! He can't even get out of bed! He did everything for the baby and this is what he gets?! A mis-fucking-carriage!" No one still responds. Speechless. "He deserves so much. He deserves all the gems and diamonds and everything else. He deserves the world. Why can't he even get the happiness he just wishes for? At least a second." Bucky sinks to his knee's.

"He was treated like shit all his life. I did nothing to help him. All I did was sit beside him while he cries every night and begs for help and relief. I did fucking nothing." Bucky cradles his head in his hands, feeling the cool liquid rub over his face. Then it shoots up again, directly at Bruce. And he grumbles, getting onto his feet and stomping towards Banner.

He grabs the man by the collar, "You did it! You fucking killed her! The baby! This is your fault!" Bruce stutters and trips over his words, trying to pull himself out of Bucky's mighty strength.

"You killed mine and Steve's pup! You fucking murde-"

His vision goes black after feeling a force go against the side of his cheek, and he falls onto the ground.