Chapter 1
“In the event of a physically traumatic experience, the body goes into shock and the person becomes numb as a defense mechanism in response to the overwhelming physical pain. Emotional wounds react in the same way. The gaping hole left in my heart after his death seemed numb and not real for a long time. But after the shock wore off, the pain and grief hit like a cement building. The longing will never leave me-it has become a part of me. I don’t know who I would be without it. Side effect of losing someone so important to me at such a young age.”
Tears fill May’s eyes but she wipes them away before they can fall. She had come to Daisy’s bunk trying to find Daisy who was late for dinner. (She was never late for dinner.) After receiving no response to her repeated knocking, she tried the doorknob-unlocked. Looking around the room she found a notebook that had fallen to the floor, laying open with the pages facing the floor. She had only wanted to pick up the notebook and place it on the nightstand, but in doing so she glimpsed the words scribbled on the page in Daisy’s scrawl and she couldn’t tear herself away. Now May stood in the middle of Daisy’s room, frozen, when Daisy entered the room.
“May! What’s up? I was about to head to dinner but got distracted by this- Wait are you okay? May?” Daisy spoke, noticing her SO’s state. May slowly turned toward the student who had come to be much more to her. With her movement, Daisy saw the book still settled in May’s hand and she lunged forward to grab it.
“Why are you reading that? This is private.” Daisy exclaimed while cradling the book to her chest, looking confused and hurt. She turned to May looking for answers, her face turning from upset to furious.
“I didn’t mean to-it was on the-picked it up-didn’t mean” May tried to explain but her words coming out fragmented and frantic.
“Get out.” Daisy stated, teeth gritted, attempting to hold her own tears at bay until May left. May stopped at the door and choked out a quiet, “I’m sorry” before closing the door and making a beeline toward her own bunk where she allowed herself to cry. Cry for the girl who had gone through too much in her short life, the girl who had become like a daughter to her, the girl who helped heal the deep-rooted wounds caused by Bahrain, the girl she doubted would ever talk to her again.
When the door shut in Daisy’s bunk, she collapsed unto the carpeted floor, sobbing while still clutching her notebook. Sobbed for the father she missed with all her heart. She wasn’t actually mad at May, she knew she would never purposely do anything to upset her. It was just unexpected and she didn’t know how else to react. Seeing May holding the book in which she poured out her soul scared the shit out of her and made her feel more vulnerable than she has felt in a long time. Her dad was for her, and only for her….But maybe she did overreact a bit. She should go apologize to May, she was probably feeling hurt at Daisy yelling at her. Slowly, Daisy stood up from the floor, wiped her face with her sleeve, put the notebook in her nightstand drawer, and set out for May’s room. (She had no idea if she would be there, but best check there first anyway.)
About 45 minutes had passed when May heard a hesitant knock on her door. Slowly, May got off her bed where she was sitting after she had taken a shower to calm herself down emotionally. Showers always gave her a peace of mind she rarely found anywhere else (other than tai chi of course.) She opened her door to find-surprisingly-Daisy. Her face covered in dried tear tracks and smudged makeup, and fidgeting with the sleeves of her oversized sweatshirt. May was surprised Daisy would seek her out so she simply stepped out of the way and gestured for Daisy to come into the room. Daisy took a few steps forward and May closed the door behind her. Now the two women stood awkwardly in the room. May didn’t want to break the silence out of the fear that it would cause Daisy to run back out the room. Daisy knew she had to speak first, but she hadn’t thought out what to say so she just had to jump.
“I’m sorry I overreacted. I know you would never intentionally hurt me and I should have allowed you to defend yourself before I yelled at you.” Daisy spoke, while looking at the floor, scared May would be mad at her and tell her to leave. At the silence that met her words, Daisy slowly looked up to May and found her SO looking at her with a mixture of warmth and sympathy.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Daisy questioned.
“You are astounding. You amaze me on a level I didn’t know was possible.” May replied with wonder in her tone.
“How? I just screamed at you for something that was so not scream-worthy and then kicked you out! You should be mad! You should hate me! Something!” Daisy yelled, her tears returning to her cheeks. The outburst didn’t seem to surprise May at all, didn’t even flinch at the onslaught of words hurled in her direction. In fact, she took a few steps forward until she was within arms reach of Daisy and wrapped her arms around the near-hysterical girl. Daisy’s insults soon devolved into violent sobs and she wrapped her arms around May who gently guided the pair down to the floor where she pulled Daisy unto her lap, their arms never breaking contact.
Daisy wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but her sobs had quieted to a few stray tears. Her head was on May’s shoulder and both sets of arms were still enveloped around each other. The silence was broken by Daisy’s stomach grumbling, reminding her that she still hadn’t eaten dinner. The two women slowly and regretfully pulled apart and stood up.
“I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have overreacted.” Daisy repeated.
“It was my fault. I didn’t mean to hurt you but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I did. And you had every right to be upset with me. I think sometimes we forget how much you’ve been through and had to endure. I’m sorry you ever had to live through all that.” May stated, and she meant every word. She really had no idea how this young girl in front of her is still standing, let alone be one of the most optimistic people she knows, someone who always sees the good in people.
“Let’s just call it even and go get something to eat. I’m starved.” Daisy offered with a smile. May returned the smile as the two agents, who had become something closer to family, walked out of the room and toward the kitchen.