Chapter 2
Fourteen years ago today, my Dad died. As such I don’t like today. Every year I dread its return and just try to hunker down and get through the day with as little attention to the date as possible. And every year for the past fourteen years, I have survived this day, but never truly lived it. I live every other day, I go on with my life. But June 5, for the past fourteen years, has not given me the same courtesy. I usually muddle through, trying to act normal-go to school, chores at St. Agnes, and when I got older go to work, etc-all while trying the whole day not to break down. Praying that no one and nothing reminds me of the date. At the end of the day, I sit in my shared room, wishing I had some Grape soda because it was his favorite, cry when everyone has gone to sleep, and then fall asleep wishing my life were different.
This year, however, was different. I was all prepared for the usual routine. I had a grape soda hiding in the back of the fridge on the bus, a netflix tab waiting with a sad movie. I know the drill. But, for the first time in fourteen years, I had a good day. I ended up eating lunch with Fitz and Simmons which led to me hanging out in the common room watching hulu while they argued about the designs of their newest piece of tech. Eventually I stepped in and decided the three of us needed a break. Today was a rare day when the bus was grounded so we walked to Walmart and on our way we stopped at a cheap diner and ate an early dinner. We took pictures of trees that were just starting to bloom. We took our time, marveling at having no where to be and nothing immediately endangering our lives.
When we got back we started watching ridiculous youtube videos and just hung out together. As the night went on May and Coulson joined us and we decided to play a board game and ended up playing headbandz (which technically isn’t a board game, but it’s the thought that counts, right?). After a while, it was dark outside and we decided to sit outside. FitzSimmons and I danced around the field we were landed in and kinda just goofed around for a bit, music playing from a bluetooth speaker Fitz had made. May and Coulson sat on a blanket, not wanting to dance but also not wanting to stay in the jet. It was a lot of fun. After coming inside we decided it was time to head back to our rooms and call it a night.
I genuinely had so much fun and I didn’t know that was even possible. I obviously was still sad today, I still thought about and missed my dad, but I was also able to live my life. Maybe other people don’t have this issue and everyone is really confused right now or maybe everyone understands it and are super bored right now, I don’t know. All I know is that I feel immensely grateful towards my new team (family) for being amazing friends and cheering me up without even knowing what they were doing. They, of course, had no idea what today was to me. I know, without a doubt, that if I had not been with them today it would have been a repeat of all the other years.
Everyone always talks about a light at the end of the tunnel and trying to find it when going through something horrible, and I think I found mine today.