Fuck is Said A Lot and Jared Is Almost Forgotten In The Trunk and Plot's Almost All Set Up and Fuck Fuck Fuck
"Fuck!" Peter shrieks, tearing off his mask. He paces, snapoing his fingers as he twitches and fidgets, gnawing at his lip. Pincers clicking and spider legs whirring in action ands frustration fills him. He begins to chant. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, I will kill them all those pieces of absolute fucking shit!"
Beside him, Deadpool is standing rather still but going through a similar crisis. "You Cock-sucking dickwad, trash smuggling fucker!" He screams, and he begins to ramble. "Motherfucking shit-bag I swear when we're done with you hell won't be able to do anything worse! You whore-shaking, two-bit dingle fuck!"
[Ass Butt!]
[[Wrong fandom.]]
[Fucker!]
[[Cunt sucking, dick shaoed, chewEd up gum wad underneath some bleacher in a burnt down school!]]
[Elephant sized Dick getting a fucjibg blow job from a trump faced maggot!]
THIRTY MINUTES, FIVE SECONDS AGO.
Peter drives the van to the adress, propping his legs on top of the steering wheel and reclining the seat as he calls the client. He's dubbed the man Jared. He props the phone in between his ear and shoulder so he can rest his hands under his head.
"Hey, Jared!" Peter says excitedly, "Finally have your package! Open up the doors now, kay?"
"My names no- forget it, yeah, okay.." Jared responds. The garage door opens in the building, a fifty something story tower. Peter drives in, still just using his legs so he can recline. He almost crashes the van trying to park it by bending his body in a truly flexible manner to use his hands to brake. Once he's done, he hops out, looks around for cameras, and then kills everyone in the room in under five minutes.
It's very simple. There's thin spiderweb wrapped around his wrist and attached to very sharp, but pretty small blade. A few flicks of his wrist and everyone is dead. Silently. He's always been good at that. The plan - what was the plan? Peter chutes to the spiders, who he's informed of the plan. He's not sure why he's never thought of this before. He probably has and forgetten.
He walks quickly towards the elevator, taking the pass from one of the corpses to open it and head up. He needs to get on the first floor. He's three stories below the ground. Peter slides the blades back into his Web shooter, which is really more a wrist gadget than anything. A few seconds later, once he's sure their loaded up right, he steps out onto the first floor.
The next part is simple - pull the fire alarm. He does this, using a Web barely visible to stick and then tug. A few seconds later, while the fire alarm turns on he checks a screen on his wrist gadeget/Web shooter, and taps a few buttons. He'd hacked in using a virus prior, and he quickly begins to use the security measures to what he needs.
He walks quickly to a back door, ignoring the rush of people who all seem to ignore the out in a calm and orderly fashion part of every fire drill. He clicks another button, and the door unlocks with the clicks of bolts and whir of machinery. Cranking sounds as gears turn on the locking mechanism. He turns away, tapping more buttons furiously as more screens light up and show him security feeds.
Peter begins his movement towards the stairs, which he'd locked off with previously mentioned hacked features. More buttons being clicked as he hurries up, using his spider legs for faster travel. Deadpool is to come soon, but not yet. The security cameras haven't been cut out - he's doing that now, as his virus finally finishes. (It hadn't finished before.) He sends a quick message to Deadpool, and routes the quickest way up to the top.
By now, he's sure Jared and his large security detail are aware that the fire alarm was faked. That's good. The more aware the better. They don't know he's into their system, yet. Peter finally shoves himself out of the stairs, bumping into Deadpool. They don't bother with greetings, simply turning to the next elevator to take and running in whilst Peter deletes the safety mechanism that makes them go slower.
The elevator skyrockets upward.
"This is going along rather well," Peter comments, smiling widely at the other merc. Although he is exuding a rather manic-cheeriness, his eyes show a glint of something cold and deadly. Deadpool would have shivered had something similar not been hiding in his own eyes. Besides, neither could see the others eyes - courtesy of the mask.
That's the thing with mercenaries of questionable sanity. For the most part, their eyes are the most telling. That's why the masked ones are always the worst. It's horrifying to look into a sane man's eyes and expect mercy, but seeing none. It's worse to know an insane man's eyes hold everything and not being able to see them.
Frustrating, truly. "Just swimmingly," Deadpool agrees.
There's a snap of Peter's mental web, and he doesn't go flying quite as badly, though his back still hits the wall painfully.
[Oooonnnliiiinnneeee]
[[Ew. Hello, spindly.]]
[Capitalize!]
"Hello," Peter says conversationally. The elevator dings, and they both run out in different directions.
The next part is a little tricky. Peter has to run down and place and manually rewire a few things, and Deadpool has to place a bomb in a specific place. There's the ripping of metal from the wall, and Peter's fingers gain burns as he touches bare wires with no fret nor worry for his fingers.
When he's done he shoves the metal back on, and heads over to the lab, grabbing some chemicals and shoving them in a pouch on his belt, before taking a bunch of others. Then he heads back down to the elevator, where Deadpool is practically bouncing.
[Back!]
[[Guess we do have a range!]]
[Good test!]
[[To that fucker!]]
Deadpool has started back up with his usual rambles, and Peter doesn't listen as they jump in the elevator and he works his magic again. The elevator starts going up, and a minute later they both walk out aND head down the same hallway.
Peter raises one foot and slams it down against the metal that's fallen over the door. It bends, and one kick more, the whole thing flies off and across the room. Peter walks in with Deadpool, smiling serenely as his pincers slide out.
"Hello!" He singsongs, "I've brought a friend!"
~
In ten minutes, Deadpool has brought the man to a sniveling mess of tears and sobs. Peter has been watching with a rapt interest, noting the man's behaviour with vulture-like interest.
"I'll tell you everything!" The man sob, "Just please, please, stop!" He begs. Peter blinks, getting up and pulling Deadpool's and back when he aims a gun at the man's temple.
"Tell us everything?" Peter questions. "What do you mean?"
[Everything of what?]
[[Shot don't kill him something else is at play here!]]
[Gasp! Conspiracy?!]
"Please don't kill me," the man sobs. Peter clicks his pincers together. "I didn't know!" Jared cries.
"Tell us everything?" Peter repeats in attn agitated tone.
"About Weapon X!" The man yells. "Why they want Deadpool and you!"
Peter stops. The world freezes. "Me?" He whispers. "If you don't start talking, I will invoke more pain than you could ever imagine." He growls, and the man's snivels.
"Their finding all their failed serum experiments!" The man yells, "and all their failed soldier experiments! They want them all back to test! I have the files! Please, take them, just don't hurt me!"
The man, with shaking hands and racketing sobs, opens up a file cabinet and shoves the file at them. Files. Plural. The entire drawer is filled with it. Peter growls, snatching one at the top which should hold the summary. He and Deadpool read it, and there's a moment of quiet before Peter screams, and uses a foot top shove the desk against the wall. It slams, and there's a thud as the man smashes against the wall, pinned by the desk. Small cracks from his ribs. The man sobs harder.
"Fuck!" Peter shrieks, tearing off his mask. He paces, snapoing his fingers as he twitches and fidgets, gnawing at his lip. Pincers clicking and spider legs whirring in action ands frustration fills him. He begins to chant. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, I will kill them all those pieces of absolute fucking shit!"
Beside him, Deadpool is standing rather still but going through a similar crisis. "You Cock-sucking dickwad, trash smuggling fucker!" He screams, and he begins to ramble. "Motherfucking shit-bag I swear when we're done with you hell won't be able to do anything worse! You whore-shaking, two-bit dingle fuck!"
[Ass Butt!]
[[Wrong fandom.]]
[Fucker!]
[[Cunt sucking, dick shaoed, chewEd up gum wad underneath some bleacher in a burnt down school!]]
[Elephant sized Dick getting a fucking blow job from a trump faced maggot!]
"Fuck!" Peter screams rather unhelpfully, and he grabs the files that would most likely hold him and Deadpool, shoving Deadpool his as he skims through his own. "Fuck!" He repeats. He starts chanting it again, fury ripping through his veins. Spiders chittering their similar opinions on the subject.
Deadpool's hands are shaking in fear, much like Peter's, but there still reacting violently. Throwing things around the room and destroying furniture whilst verbalizing their curse strewn thoughts. At one point they knock out Jared, but that's of little importance.
Once their a bit calmer, Peter shrinks the papers, puts them in a zip lock bag, and shoves them in his pouch. They head down the elevator and fly down the stairs to the basement, where Peter puts some chemicals in things, and the water gushing down from the sprinklers, now armed with a small amount of chemicals, ignites the bombs. Then Peter grabs a vehicle at random and floors it out of there, and he stops five times so they can switch vehicles before he entualky crashes one and they just run back to his safe house.
He almost forgets Jared in the trunk.