Chapter 22
Things were great after thanksgiving- amazing even. Post injury but pre kiss kind of amazing, back to where he would stay over on Friday’s and make breakfast Saturday. But it was different too, now whenever he left he would leave her with a kiss on the cheek- sometimes at night when he would slip in next to her he would steal a kiss on the lips that left her breathless. And it wasn’t only Friday’s now, sometimes he would come over random days of the week, and it left both Karen and Sophie smiling cheek to cheek when it would happen. Things were great.
The first sign of snow had been a few weeks ago, right before thanksgiving but that was just a little dusting- today it was an actual snowfall. Sophie had been delighted at school when they had been banned from playing outside- she knew that meant the walk home with Karen would be fun. Karen would let her play, make snowballs and snow angels- she had seen snow before but that was when she was still with her old parents. They didn’t want to do anything with her- let alone play with her. But Karen was different, Karen made sure she was happy. She loved Karen, Sophie wanted to be with her forever.
She liked going to school here, most of the other kids were really nice- she played with almost all the kids and had so much fun. Except for these three girls- Maya, Riley, and Alice. Alice was the worst, and Maya close behind- they were some of the older kids who were almost old enough to go Kindergarten. She didn’t like those girls, and they didn’t like her for some reason. Those three didn’t really like anyone, always saying mean things to all the kids- but they were already five and thought since they were the biggest kids they didn’t have to be nice to anyone.
She was watching the white fluff fall from the sky when she heard Alice’s voice behind her, “What are you doing?”
Sophie turned and looked over her shoulder at the trio standing behind her, “Just watching the snow, and waiting to go home.”
Maya walked towards her and snatched the Barbie she was holding out of her hands, “Who’re you waiting for? I thought we’re parents were dead.”
She ignored the stolen doll and the comment she tried to get her riled up with, “I’m waiting for my Mo- my Karen. Karen. I’m waiting for Karen.”
“Did you almost say Mom?? She’s not your mom. You don’t have a mom. That’s what I heard MY mommy say.” Alice stepped closer to her and Sophie clenched her hands together trying not to get mad.
“Yeah I heard you were an orphan-” Sophie clenched her jaw and tried breathing through her nose to calm down.
“I’m not an orphan! I live with Karen!”
Alice and Maya laughed at her, “Just cause you live with her, don’t mean your not an orphan.”
Her eyes started stinging and she felt the familiar feeling of her eyes watering, and she prayed they wouldn’t see her tears.
“Oh are you gonna cry?” Maya pointed at her.
“Of course she’s gonna cry- she’s a big giant orphan baby that nobody wants. I bet-” Alice didn’t get to finish that sentence, in the next second Sophie was on top of her. Yelling, and crying and hitting until the teacher pulled her off and put her in timeout.
That’s how Karen found her when it was time to pick her up, sitting in a corner with a red face m- puffy from crying.
“Miss Page? Are you Sophie’s mom?”
Karen was startled for a moment while she watched an ashamed look come over Sophie’s face.
“Uhhh… Yeah, I am. Is something wrong?”
The teacher walked her over towards the little girl in question, “Your daughter got into a fight today, I’m not really sure what about. Neither of the girls were very forthcoming about what happened.”
Karen bent down and waited for the teacher to leave to deal with another kid before asking what had happened.
“I hit her cause she was telling me how I was an orphan, and how you or nobody wanted me. They were being really mean, Karen.”
Karen’s emotions spiked at the girls who had bullied her little girl, angry that they had said that- knowing they didn’t come up with all the information on their own. Their parents obviously gossiped about Sophie and her situation, but she tried to keep it to herself. Unfortunately she couldn’t go and tell Soph it was wrong to hit people, and then go looking for a fight with this girls parents.
“Well, what they did was wrong Soph- but you can’t fight girls like that. Fighting will only get both of you in trouble. C’mon let’s go.” Karen picked her up after making sure her coat and backpack were on her, before leaving the building.
Soph was worried at first that Karen would be mad at her for fighting, but surprisingly she wasn’t. Asking if she wanted to go watch a special demonstration tonight, and Sophie wholeheartedly agreed. She spent the whole time home in Karen’s arms thinking about what those girls had said. About Karen not being her Mom. Sophie knew that she had a mom, but she was dead. And after living with Karen and doing all this great stuff with her, it kinda seemed like her old mom wasn’t so great. Even though it hadn’t been that long, it kinda felt like she couldn’t really remember her old mom all that much anymore. Not because she couldn’t remember what she looked like or anything, but because she didn’t really do all the stuff moms are supposed to do. Karen did a lot of stuff, a lot of mom stuff. So did that make Karen her mom? When the teacher asked her if she was her mom, Karen had said yes. But Sophie never called her Mom, she didn’t know if she was allowed too. Sophie had always called her Karen or Kare- would she be mad if Sophie did call her Mom?
All those questions ran through her head and she hardly noticed they had made it back to the apartment until the welcoming heat, bit the bitter cold of the streets of New York out of her tiny soul. She didn’t leave Karen’s arms, didn’t want to- not until she felt Duck jump up and lick the exposed part of her leg, begging her to play.
“Soph, I just want to say one thing. Okay?”
“Okay.” Oh god, here it comes. She’s gonna be mad.
“I don’t want you fighting with those girls anymore. I don’t want you getting in trouble,” Her voice was stern at first but then turned soft, “that being said, I’m proud of you. Don’t let those girls get in your head- they don’t know anything, okay? Now go get changed into something warm, cause we’re walking to the store.” Karen walked over to her and bent down, kissed her head and walked to her own room to change.
Sophie was shocked, she couldn’t believe Karen wasn’t mad. Couldn't understand why she wasn't yelling at her- it was all she had ever known, all her old parents had ever done. Yelled and hit- when they thought she had done something wrong- was this how it was supposed to be? Forgiveness instead of violence- everything with Karen was new. And Sophie wasn't sure how to interpret anything that was or wasn't supposed to be done.
It took awhile for them to leave the apartment but Karen and Sophie were finally walking down the street, heading towards the market. Sophie held her hand, but it was obvious how excited she was to be out here.
“Can we play? Do we have enough time?” Sophie murmured up at the woman who stood tall above her.
“Yeah we have about forty minutes till we have to be there, I thought we could go up and down the aisle and kinda window shop, but if you wanna play outside instead- we can do that.” While she said it, Karen secretly felt behind her for snow that she then made into a ball- the little girl couldn't contain her excitement so while she was distracted deciding what to do first, Karen made the first move.
The ball hit Sophie in the chest, and at first she was shocked before her face broke out in a smile and she laughed and made her own weapon. It was another five minutes of back and forth when Karen's phone started to ring, with her head in the clouds she didn't look at the number- just answered.
“Hello?”
Karen. Hey- it's me. The voice was a pleasant surprise that she welcomed, Karen put her finger up to Soph in mock surrender- who then proceeded to make Snow angels, while Karen talked.
“Hey you, what's up?”
I'm at the apartment, you're not here. Where are you guys?
“You must have just missed us, we left like ten minutes ago. What are you doing at my place?”
I got work tonight, so I thought i’d drop off a bag for tomorrow- y’know cause it'll be friday.
“Well that's awful presumptuous of you Frank, so sure you'll be staying over?” Karen silently laughed at him trying her best to sound serious.
Ummm-
“Well, presume away.” Finally he laughed with her, and she loved it- being this open and free with him. Free to joke, and laugh- she loved being like this.
Yeah, yeah- joke away. You didn't answer, where are you guys?
“Oh well I thought it would be cool if Soph and I went to that fancy supermarket down the street, there's this Christmas dinner cooking demonstration thing going on- and I thought it might be fun. Besides Soph had a rough day.”
Yeah? Well maybe I can walk you to the market, it's on my way. Wait for me?
Always.
“Sure, how long will you be?”
Just a few minutes, see ya.
He didn't know how long she would wait. And if she was being honest she didn't know either, she had no clue how long she would wait for Frank Castle- but she had a feeling it would take a lot to turn her from him.
“Who was that?” The voice came from the floor, where Soph laid on her back- the most accurate she had ever seen her. An angel- her angel.
“Frank, he's gonna walk with us to the market.”
“Cool, do you think he’ll be mad I got in a fight?” Karen could barely contain the laugh that threatened to bubble to the surface, Sophie not knowing how distinctly not accurate that statement was. She could bet Frank would be proud of her- not for the fighting, though she doubted he would object to the fighting- but because she stood up for herself.
“No, sweetie. I don't think there's a world where Frank could ever be mad at you.” And that was the honest truth, Karen never thought Frank could never be mad at either of them- sure he could get frustrated with her. But no matter what Karen does or did- she never thought he was actually angry with her.
Frank showed up not long after and saw a moment he wished he could have on constant replay in his mind- his two girls faces tinged with pink form the cold, snow in their hair- happy.
“Hey!” Sophie waved at him like he didn't know exactly where they were, and came running towards him- she jumped in his arms and he was in heaven. Heaven and Hell- the heaven he thought he was living, but stuck being afraid something would go wrong and turn into Hell. His own private Hell, a Hell only he knew.
He spent the next ten minutes watching the Heaven-Hell play out before him, and Frank couldn't help but inject himself into that scene- playing with them and running and being stupid, until it was time to go.
“So What happened today? I heard you had a bad one, Soph?”
A mix of embarrassment and fear crossed her face, “I uh- I got in a… in a fight.”
He could barely hear what she said, and couldn't imagine her fighting- when he looked up at Karen and saw her mouthing to him, ‘they were bullying her’
Anger coursed through him for her, but he knew he had to keep it inside- and maybe later take it out on some shitbag that deserved it tonight.
“Well, next time make sure to wait until they throw the first punch.”
“Frank! You can't say that- but if someone tries to hurt you, you fight back.” She reconsidered reprimanding Frank not wanting her to be a delicate little wallflower who was afraid to confront those who hurt her.
The walk to the market left the three of them in a better mood than any of their days had been, the whole time spent laughing and joking- happy. And that's what was so scary, most of everything all three of them had been through their whole lives was shit- but right now felt too perfect, too ready to break, too easily broken by someone who didn't want them to be happy. So allowing yourself to feel this happiness was hard on all of them- yet they couldn't help but bask in the glow their sunshine bright happiness left in its wake. The real fear was not getting caught in the shadow that followed the sun- a foreboding risk of unavoidable fear.
But they weren't in the shade yet, the sun still lit their path- and it followed Karen and Soph as they watched the holiday class for an hour and a half. Watching them make ham, and mashed potatoes, and pie- they let Sophie volunteer to layer the ham with pineapple because she was so cute and Karen took so many photos she couldn't choose her favorite. They walked around the store, looking at all the super expensive food that made them laugh at the difference from their normal grocery store.
They tried samples, first a spicy chocolate, then a cup of soy milk. “Wanna try it?”
Soph looked at it skeptically, “What is it?”
“Soy milk, it's like regular milk- but instead from a cow, it's made from soybeans.”
Sophie glanced down at the tiny cup in Karen’s hand with disgust, “Ew…. From beans?”
“Yeah, it's not so bad. Why don't you give it a try?”
The little girl nodded her head and took the cup, drinking the whole thing- and then looked back up at Karen with a still disgusted face. “Not very good.”
She couldn't help but laugh, Sophie was trying new things- becoming her own little person. And Karen loved it, that little shy Soph was out of her shell- trying new foods and getting in fights, very different from who she was before. The coughing should have been the first clue. Soph asked for water on the way back home and they stopped at the bodega at the corner of her street, but kept going. The duo made it home, and everything was great. Everything was fine- except for the occasional cough.
Then a thud.
Happy.
Panic
Sun.
9-1-1, whats your emergency?
Shade.
She could hardly remember what she said.
What happened.
“I-”