Will You Keep Fighting When I’m Gone?
The rattling sound of the train was the only thing in his head. The mild vibrations, lulling him, cold air rushing over his body. He managed to look up just in time to see Bucky, shield in his hand, walk towards the man in the metal suit. He wanted to shout out, wanted to warn him but no sound left his mouth. In slow – motion, he watched the blaster go off, watched Bucky raise the shield and - »Bucky! «.
Bucky was hanging on the outside of the train, close, so close.
»Hang on! Grab my hand! «
He was reaching out, reaching further and further, while the wind was tearing at his body, trying to drag him out of the train. A squeak, a loud crack. The world had stopped turning and Bucky was falling, falling, falling…
With a gasp, Captain America sat upright in his bed. One glance at the alarm clock told him that it was 3.30 a.m., time to get up then. It was a familiar routine by now, after three months in this new century, this new world, gym, breakfast, 21st century 101, lunch, gym, dinner, gym, 3 to 4 hours of sleep, repeat. He hadn’t left the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility again after that first time right when he had woken up. There was no need. He had a room here, plenty of food and no desire to see what he had lost during the seventy years he had spent in the ice. It was too much. It was something he couldn’t think about because once he started, he didn’t think he could stop but as long as he kept himself busy he was okay. He really was. And it wasn’t like there was nothing to do, quite the contrary, he had so much to catch up on, technology, history, politics, culture, he sometimes didn’t know where to start.
Crack.
Another punching bad went flying through the air and the Captain sighed. That had been the third one this week and it was only Tuesday.
»Trouble sleeping? «, the by now familiar voice was Nick Fury asked. Captain America didn’t bother to turn around, simply hung up another bag and continued boxing.
»I slept for seventy years, sir. I think I’ve had my fill. «, it was a bad lie and he had no doubt that Fury could see right through it but he didn’t mention it, instead he stepped further into the room. »Then you should be out, celebrating, seeing the world. «, he said and the blonde almost snorted. Almost.
»I went under, the world was at war, I wake up, they say we won. They didn’t say what we lost. « What I lost…
»We’ve made some mistakes along the way, « the director admitted, »Some very recently. «
It was actually quite funny how the world had changed but this…this would always be the same. People in power making a mess and then expecting others to clean it up for them.
»You here with a mission, sir? «, the Captain asked because what else would Fury be here for? And he wasn’t disappointed. »Trying to get me back in the world? «
»Trying to save it. «
The mission, as it turned out, was the Tesseract. The very same Tesseract that the Red Skull had used to win the war. Or tried to use anyway. The Captain just wished people would stop using technology they didn’t understand; it always ended bad.
»Is there anything you can tell us about the Tesseract that we ought to know? «, Fury asked and Steve just couldn’t help himself, »You should have left it in the ocean. «
Obviously, he accepted the mission; anything to take his mind of things these days, and as it turned out, he was even more popular now than he had been seventy years ago. There was Captain America merchandise, for fuck’s sake. And Coulson. The Captain figured he should have been used to fans fawning over him except he hadn’t had that during the war and now...now he wasn’t sure anymore how to handle it. Natasha Romanov was easier. She was tough, a bit like Peg – nope – and the way she had looked at him when he had called her ‘ma’am’ had been priceless. But despite that, he really wasn’t sure if he liked her. Or trusted her. Now that he thought about, really thought about it, the same could be said for everyone he had met so far. Everyone was nice enough. Some people looked at him with awe and couldn’t get a word out, others were congratulating him on his victories, everyone treated him with respect. They all saw Captain America and they loved him. The Captain hated it.
The future was odd, nothing like he had imagined when he’d been younger. Nothing like the Stark Expo – no! – people were unexpectedly rude, clothes were odd, there was color television, portable phones, the Internet, and now apparently there were also flying ships. Holy cow, Bucky would have– NO!
Steve Rogers was a hard man to read and coming from Natasha that was saying a lot. He seemed so…unfazed. She tried to imagine falling asleep and waking up seventy years in the future. Not a thought she wanted to pursue any further, but this man…he didn’t seem to care all that much. He was quiet, yes, his face was hard and when he spoke it was obvious that his vocabulary was a bit outdated, he stayed away from the technology and his eyes had nearly fallen out of his head when the Helicarrier had set off but apart from that…stoic calmness. He was a good fighter, too. His moves were smooth but Natasha was sure that he could be even better, given the time and the training.
This is actually kind of familiar, the Captain had said. That was probably true. He had, after all, spent over a year fighting a war and when it came down to it, every war was in some way the same.
So…this is the great Captain America, Tony thought, a pretentious, self – righteous, oh – so – noble excuse for a superhero. He still remembered every word Howard had used to say about him, good man, Captain America, he had gushed, brave Captain America. Tony had hated it.
Captain America would be disappointed in you. And now here he was, and Captain America was disappointed in him. Great!
»I know guys with none of that worth ten of you, «, the Captain spat at Tony really wanted to laugh. Or cry. But mostly laugh.
»You're a lab rat, Rogers. «, he countered, » Everything special about you came out of a bottle! «. It was a bit of a low blow but what the hell…I’m Tony fucking Stark. And then all hell broke loose.
Captain America was angry. Scratch that. Captain America was pissed.
It really was always the same. He had thought he had left HYDRA behind when he had flown the Valkyrie into the ocean, evidently, he’d been wrong. And what’s worse, this was S.H.I.E.L.D. using HYDRA weapons. Peggy’s heritage. Don’t think of that, he reminded himself once again.
It was hard to do anything if you had to interrupt your own thoughts every other minute because they went places they shouldn’t go, so he tried to actively avoid thinking all together. He wasn’t a soldier, soldiers followed orders, except he’d never been that kind of man. He had always been someone to disobey, do what he thought was right, stand up and push back. But no one seemed to know that. What people knew was that he was Captain America and therefore he was a role model beyond compare, everyone wanted to be like him. Virtuous, strong, polite and heroic. It was actually quite easy. All he had to do was not think and that went hand in hand with what he had planned on anyway so really, it was a win – win situation.
Wow, if Bucky could – GODDAMMIT NO!
There was a press conference.
Steve Rogers AKA Captain America was back from the dead and Steve…Steve sill showed little to no signs of distress which was…distressing. However, Natasha did think that she had picked up on a few of the man’s tells. His smile was a little too bright to be natural, his shoulders were tense, his answers reserved. And he never spoke of the past. Ever.
»Mr. Rogers, how does it feel to wake up in such an unfamiliar environment? «, one of the journalists asked.
»Unfamiliar, ma’am. «, Steve answered and there were a few chuckled from the audience, »I went under the ice in 1945 and woke up in 2011, I was shocked but I think I’m handling things as good as can be expected. «
Another reporter, a short man with thick glasses stood up, »Do you miss the old days? «
»Some of it, other things not so much. The prices nowadays are insane. «, more laugher.
»What about your old friends? Your comrades from the army? «
»Most of them got to live a long and fulfilling live. It’s nice to hear that they were happy. « And there’s another thing, Natasha mused, no straight answers.
»Do you intend to stay Captain America? «
»It seems like the world could use a few heroes right now, if I can be part of that, I’d be honored. «
And on and on it went. Not a rude word left the Captains lips. He just kept on smiling.
Tony was not one to admit defeat easily. Or mistakes. But in this case, he had to say, at least to himself in the solitude of his workshop, that he might have been wrong. Maybe.
Steve Rogers wasn’t what he had thought he was. There was something more to him, something that didn’t meet the eye and that, he was pretty sure, the Capsicle didn’t want anyone to see. Nevertheless, Tony saw it. Or at least he thought so. Little glimpsed here and there, shining through the blinding image of Captain America. Tony just wasn’t sure what it was quiet yet.