Under Pressure

Tony stares at the phone for a long time before he sighs and picks it up. Shuri’s evidence was solid, he found his own evidence too, and things weren’t adding up. Natasha had to know and whether that meant she’d been lying for years or she was unaware that she was way older than she thought she was. Tony had noticed that she didn’t seem to age but thought that she was just aging exceptionally well- Pepper hardly looked older too so it wasn’t exactly unheard of but given Natasha’s actual age, well. Steve and Bucky were the only two people he knew that aged like that.

The phone rings and he hopes that Natasha picks it up but given how things ended he wasn’t so sure she would. He had been confused by her reaction but when he looked up HYDRA files on the Red Room he realized why. Natasha said her past was her own, a repeated phrase she seemed to live by, and after reading what HYDRA had on the program he could see why. He could also see why she had reacted the way she did. If he thought children were going through or about to go through what she did he wouldn’t have been pleased with his immediate inaction too even if he was right to look up the kids. At the very least it would have given them a place to start, though in actuality all it did was give them all more questions than answers.

“You better have information,” Natasha snaps at him and he lets out a breath of relief.

“I do. Namely that you’re either a lot older than you think you are, and all those missing kids? They went missing mostly during World War Two. You knew them, or I think you did,” he says.

Natasha doesn’t speak for a long time and Tony lets her process this. “I thought my information was wrong,” she says eventually, her voice soft.

Tony lets out a small sigh, “Nat, I know this must be hard- I really can’t imagine- but something is wrong here. Something isn’t right,” he says.

“I know,” Natasha murmurs. “But I don’t know where to go from here.”

“Where exactly is ‘here’?” he asks, at least hoping to get her out of wherever she was.

“Germany,” she says and he nods, calling on FRIDAY to get a plane ready to leave.

*

Natasha sits in the passenger seat of the plane looking lost and confused, not something that was popular for her so Tony lets FRIDAY take over. She didn’t have as much flight practice as JARVIS had but she knew how to operate his suits well and she wasn’t entirely inexperienced with planes. The only way for her to learn was to do it and he had faith that even if she managed to mess something up he could fix it. Natasha doesn’t say anything about it either, another rarity given how little trust she had in most anything but herself.

“What happened?” he asks her softly.

She lets out a loud sigh and slouches further into her seat. “I don’t know. I thought I had a trail and then I lost it and- I’m sorry. For the way I reacted to you,” she says, looking away a little.

Tony shrugs, “its fine. I get that you were uh… not thinking straight. Its not like I haven’t been there,” he points out. And usually with much bigger and deadlier results. He had no place to judge Natasha for her reaction.

Natasha remains silent for a few moments before letting out a breath. “I thought I was on to something, but I lost my trail,” she says.

Probably intentional. Tony guesses that she picked up on something whoever was messing with them didn’t want her to find and they had to work to kill Natasha’s interest. “I’ll get Shuri to look into it later. Right now I’m more concerned by the fact that you’re apparently the same age as Steve,” he says.

He hands over his files but he sent the information to her when he had gone to go get her. She undoubtedly already read the information but she goes over it again, fingers lingering on the picture of her with one of the missing kids when they were teens. “I remember her,” she says. “But not being alive at this time. I thought I was born in the eighties,” she murmurs.

So did Tony and that’s what all SHIELD records said. HYDRA records gave her several different birth dates, suggesting they knew she wasn’t born in the eighties but clearly had no clue when she was actually born. “The Red Room was an operation that only ran from just before World War Two to the early sixties. My guess is that no one realized because I uh… maybe possibly definitely hacked into Russian government records with Shuri and uh… stole the information to confirm our theories. But there were some other sketchy programs before that, which is what I think you were initially a part of, and then got put into the Red Room program.”

“You hacked Russia,” Natasha says, staring at Tony like he was nuts. He shrugs and she pinches the bridge of her nose. “Stark, you’re going to get us all killed,” she mumbles.

“Excuse you, they have no idea it was me and even if I didn’t manage to scramble all possible traces back to me, and I definitely did, Shuri definitely would have made sure that hack was completely untraceable.” Her methods were different, and as usual considerably better than his and he was totally taking tips from her. Mostly so that he could keep her out of his systems but you know, still.

“Who is this Shuri person you keep mentioning?” she asks.

“Wakandan princess, very smart,” he says and Natasha raises an eyebrow, smiling wryly.

“Smarter than you?” she asks and he nods.

“Considerably. I’m thinking of introducing her to Riri Williams- kid from Chicago who’s also quite intelligent. She isn’t better than me yet, but she will be. I think they’ll get along but I’m not sure about it. Penny for your thoughts?” he asks, smiling.

Natasha looks shocked, which offends him. He only gave himself the credit he was due, it was hardly his fault that was usually all the credit. And when he was wrong he admitted it- he was wrong about being the only one able to build a mini reactor and he owned up to it. Even if Vankov could eat a dick for all he cared. “I um… have no idea what to do with any of that. What else has been going on? Any new drama in the world of Tony Stark?” she asks, asking for a distraction without actually asking.

Tony lets out a sharp laugh, “yeah, I slept with Bucky, who also has a secondary personality Steve doesn’t know about and also it turns out that he’s been emotionally abusing Bucky since he’s been back. Oh, and Rhodey is ready to eat Steve alive over this Accords business.”

“I told him to go with it- the public needs more trust in us and- you know what I’m leaving that alone because Rhodey apparently wants to vore Steve,” she says, snickering. “And you better have a more detailed account of that entire Bucky thing because that was so not enough information,” she tells him.

He frowns, “what is ‘vore’?” he asks and Natasha’s eyes light up in a way that tells him right away he was going to regret that question.

*

Bucky grins at him, “my weird observations of the modern world have given me a pretty large Twitter following,” he says. Tony, who was following Bucky and got him half that following thanks to that nods because he knew.

“You accidentally educated people on the banana apocalypse,” he says. It wasn’t something Tony even knew about until Bucky tweeted that bananas weren’t right anymore and because he thought Bucky was being dramatic- Yasha didn’t seem to notice a difference- he discovered that the bananas Bucky would have been exposed to weren’t around anymore. Yasha became a thing after this happened so he wouldn’t taste a difference.

“And people like my memes!” Bucky says excitedly.

“You’re actually pretty proficient at using editing softwares,” Tony says. He’s discovered how to make short cell phone videos that were surprisingly dramatic and hilarious and thanks to FRIDAY’s help he figured out how to use a couple different ways to edit videos and pictures. He was surprised by Bucky’s interest in technology but his endless questions were welcome and pleasant. At the moment he was trying to figure out coding and Tony was more than happy to help using Shuri’s coding style. Technically he was learning it too so it made his ability to teach more effective. With other coding style he kept leaving out important information by accident because he forgot said information was important. The risks of having so much information you no longer knew where to start.

Bucky smiles, looking down at the ground for a moment, “thanks,” he says softly.

“You’re welcome. So what meme of yours got popular this time?” he asks, curious.

“A couple random Winter Soldier memes about plumbs. I didn’t think the public would relate so much, they were mostly inside jokes with myself,” he says honestly. “And one about being a cyborg that got pretty popular in a couple disability communities randomly.”

Yeah, Tony was jealous of that but he did appreciate that he didn’t have an arm ripped off in a train accident. He still wished he was a cyborg though. “The plumb memes seem random and amusing to the public- something small and ridiculous that humanizes the Winter Soldier in a way they don’t get anywhere else. Actually given the possible legal action that might be taken against you I’d advise you continue to drop small hints of who you are as a person- humanize yourself to the public. It’ll make viewing you as a cold blooded killer harder and public opinion can go a long way in keeping you from being thrown in jail.”

Bucky frowns, “I’m not sure I should be kept out of jail. Its not like I didn’t kill those people…” he says softly.

Tony shrugs, “so you did, but it’s the circumstances that makes things… muddy. You weren’t acting on your own accord with your own plans. People forced you into it and in a lot of ways you had no choice. So yeah, maybe you killed my parents but not because you wanted to, or even planned to. You were just the weapon HYDRA used,” he says. It had been hard at first to accept that, but it was true. Eventually he learned to accept that and he hopped Bucky could too.

“I should have resisted,” Bucky mumbles, jaw clenching in a mix of frustration and guilt.

“Every person has their limits, Bucky. It wouldn’t have mattered how much you resisted, they would have found that limit eventually. The only thing you’re actually guilty of is being in the wrong place at the wrong time,” he says softly.

Bucky considers the ground for a long moment before he sighs. “Do you actually believe that, that I’m not really guilty for killing your parents?” he asks.

Tony sighs, allowing himself a moment before he nods. “I didn’t want to admit it, not at first because I was angry I didn’t know how they really died, and even more pissed off at Steve for not telling me. I’ve always felt guilty about the way I left things with my parents and now I find out that their deaths were even more senseless? I don’t know who I hated more, you or myself. But I needed to know what happened, how it happened. By the time I finished with those HYDRA records I just couldn’t hold you responsible for what you did. I’ve been held captive and tortured too. I know that you give in,” he says softly.

“You escaped. You were stronger,” Bucky murmurs.

“I was lucky enough to have access to materials and a man that gave me enough courage and hope to escape. If it wasn’t for Yinsen I would have died several times over and I never would have gained enough strength both physically and mentally to do what I needed to. You had nothing Bucky, nothing but torture. It isn’t hard to see why we ended up in totally different circumstances.” And Yinsen… he had always planned on dying for Tony and he fucking resented that. Tony was the one who deserved death, still did, and yet innocent Yinsen ended up dead instead. Don’t waste your life… Tony wonders briefly he had failed Yinsen in a way he promised himself he wouldn’t or if Yinsen would be happy with who he became. He was more forgiving than most so Tony genuinely doesn’t know what he’d think. Point was Yinsen was the only reason Tony was here in any capacity, not because he was stronger than Bucky.

Bucky looks down, still guilty. “You’re a better man than you should be,” he says softly.

Tony shakes his head. “I’m not a good man, Bucky. If you knew even a small amount of my past you’d know there’s nothing I can do to make up for what I’ve done- my body count is far higher than yours. But I do try my best to be fair.” Even before, when he was stupid enough to think that people had morals and limits that matched up with his own naïve assumptions he tried to be fair. Granted it was impossible to be fair when you were looking at the world with such rose tinted glasses but he tried to go for a more realistic approach now.

“I know all about your past. Even if Steve didn’t tell me I know how to use Google because FRIDAY taught me- you were the first thing I looked up. So you have a shitty past, that’s not who you are. I’m not convinced that’s who you were either.” Tony lets out a soft laugh, shaking his head at Bucky’s unshakable faith.

“That is who I was, Bucky. Selfish, egotistical, naïve, ignorant- all of it. Some of it hasn’t changed either.” Try as he might but he still saw things in ways that were too… limited by his own world view he guessed. That was why Ultron happened.

“I know selfish people better than most,” Bucky says, “and as much of an asshole as you were, and you were an asshole, I don’t think you were near as selfish as you think you were. I’ve watched interviews; you said you thought people had limits, accountability. For someone with little faith in government systems on the surface you actually held too much faith in them. And in your business partner. That doesn’t read like a selfish person- it reads like a good man with a façade in a world that isn’t nearly as good as he is. You’re a good man, Tony. And I know that because of your interviews, because you took me in without thinking about it, because you went to Germany to get Natasha without a second thought, and because you keep track of young minds with potential so you can help them succeed. Give yourself credit.”

Tony smiles, looking away because he didn’t believe that, but Bucky’s evidence was solid. He wants to explain how none of that really mattered when you spent years of your life warmongering and finding more efficient ways of killing people en masse but he doesn’t. Bucky won’t be convinced anyways because he’s a good man too. “Thank you,” he murmurs.

*

Yasha disliked Bucky on the best of days, but he was growing to dislike Bucky more and more each day. First of all his being stronger cut into Yasha’s time, and it also meant he gave running fucking commentary on Yasha’s life. But mostly he really didn’t like Bucky because Tony liked him too. He didn’t realize it and neither did Bucky, who was also growing feelings he had no damn right to have way too soon after leaving the last dipshit he dated.

Tony notices because of course he does and like usual he brings Yasha tea. “What is it that has you in a foul mood?” he asks, perching on the small outdoor couch beside him.

For a long few moments he considers not saying anything, or lying, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t do that though, instead he sighs. “You have feelings for Bucky,” he states more than asks.

“Yeah,” Tony tells him, surprising him with his honesty. “I don’t like lying. And it helps that you have the same face.”

Yasha resented that too. He doubted anyone would understand how limiting it was to wear the same face as another person. Even twins got the benefit of their own body but him and Bucky? They were two people in one body and that was a hard situation to be in. Thankfully there weren’t more of them in their head. “Why?” he asks, wanting to know more about Tony’s thought process. Sharing a face wasn’t enough to develop feelings for more than one person when they were so different.

Tony shrugs, “I can’t choose which parts of you to love, Yasha,” he says softly.

“I’m not part of Bucky,” he says in a tone that’s a bit too sharp.

“Yes,” Tony says, “you are. Not in a… physical sense, or even a psychological one, but you two are as wrapped up in each other as two people could possibly be. You were developed as a coping mechanism for Bucky- in a way you’ll always be a part of him. And he’ll always be a part of you; you’ve outright stated that he still uses you as a way to escape. It makes you connected in a unique way and sometimes its hard to tell where that line stops, where the two of you stop bleeding into each other. I can’t choose to ignore that, and even if I wanted to it would be impossible. But if it makes you feel better I love you both for different reasons.”

He’s completely unaware of what he said and that’s why Yasha believes it- people had a hard time faking that kind of honesty and he knew the tells. Tony didn’t have them. “You love us both?” he asks and Tony only seems to realize then, making an annoyed face and sighs.

“Yeah. Bucky is eager, curious, intelligent, and soft. Traits that I admire because I don’t share them, at least not the way Bucky has them. And you- you’re passionate, sarcastic, understanding, harsh sometimes, almost aggressive but never in an imposing way. You’re so different from me, from Bucky too, and its… I don’t know how to describe it. But your unapologetic presence is heady, attractive. And the contrast between you and Bucky has its own strange appeal. Like I’m watching two sides of the same person work together and against each other. It’s a powerful thing,” he says, head tilted to the side as he considers this for a few moments.

The way he says it feels earnest, and he struggles to put it into words and maybe that’s why Yasha doesn’t feel like he’s some kind of freak show someone finds interesting for all the wrong reasons. He knew the way people who were different were treated- like they were oddities to look in at, staring as much as they pleased and asking questions people thought they had a right to ask. Tony doesn’t seem to want to look in places he had no right to though- it was more like he had been looking to understand and maybe understood a little too much. Yasha doesn’t like his feelings for Bucky because he’s never been the sharing type. He wonders what Bucky would think too.

“I… wish you didn’t. Love both of us,” he clarifies, staring down into his tea.

“Me too- but it would make things more complicated. I think its best to love you both for all that you are, for what both of you have to offer. If I didn’t I’d worry about how accepting I’d actually be- whether or not I loved only one of you because I didn’t think the other was really there, or if I didn’t like one of you entirely. I think that would be worse,” he murmurs.

Its best to love both of you for what both of you have to offer. Yasha considers the words before he sighs, sitting back in his seat. He’s surprised when Tony moves closer, curling into Yasha’s side. He wraps his arm around Tony right away, pleased when Tony allows himself to sink into the touch. “This is a surprise,” he says softly.

Tony shrugs, “Bucky has been developing his own interests at pretty rapid speeds. You’ll catch up eventually I’m sure, but you have a disadvantage when it comes to social interaction. Bucky already knows how to interact with people; he just needs to relearn how to do it in a modern way. You have to start basically from nothing thanks to HYDRA but you’ll figure out how to do it. You already took an ungodly interest in horror.”

Yasha laughs, “the atheist finds my interests ‘ungodly’, wow. And I know how to interact with people fine, better than Bucky probably. The problem is that I only ever interact with them to get something I want, like I did with you at first. I don’t know how to not do that,” he says softly. Bucky never seemed to want anything in particular when he talked to people and Yasha didn’t know how to emulate that. Tony laughs though.

“People only ever talk to each other because they want something. The problem isn’t that- its that you’re usually more… goal oriented I guess. Try aiming to interact because you like the person’s personality, or you think they’re knowledgeable on a subject you want to learn more about, or because you just want to spend time around them. People still have goals when they talk to others, its just not usually information they’re looking for,” he says.

That… was helpful. He considers Bucky’s interactions, his thoughts that he would catch. Companionship, Yasha decides, is his main goal. He liked being around people in a way Yasha didn’t but knowledge was a suitable goal. He liked learning about new things so maybe he could try that. Or maybe, if he was lucky, he might run into someone like Tony that he just liked being around. He doubts that, but he would consider it when talking to people.

“I love you too,” he says eventually. Tony doesn’t say anything, just presses his head to Yasha’s shoulder and allows the moment to linger.