Friends
"Real Friends tell you the Ugly Truth. Not Pretty Lies."
It is days later that Loki wakes to much fanfare. His mother crying and father pale. His brother loud and happy. Like a bull. They ask him what happened but all he remembers is being trapped as the mage started to carve into his belly. After is a blank slate. Frigga cries harder but smiles, glad he is well. Father is grim but wishes him a quick recovery and Thor proclaims his first kill will be much grander than "some weakling mage".
Loki isn't sure what he feels. Everything is numb. His emotions mute. He sees the world as if through a glass window and far away. The world seems fake, a construct imitating what once was there. Colors are faded and sounds are forced.
The healers, even lady Eir, are afraid to touch him. They treat him as if he were the most delicate of spun glass. Or a feral beast moments away from rampaging. What has happened? Staying in the healing chambers, the memory comes to him, and he finds himself at ease for the first time in days. When the mage started his chant, used the knife to cut into him, Loki feared and trembled but could not move.
He tried to scream but found his voice silenced.
But not to the being inside of him. Loki called out to it, begged with all his will for it to save him...and it answered.
With all the mercy of a Jotunheim winter storm and the scorn of Muspelheim's deepest, hottest fires, she came. She invaded his every limb, her very being burned and yet soothed his soul. Aches he didn't know were there, brushed and eased with delicate care. She was everywhere within him. She was him and she put the mage on his back. She sought to gut him like the swine he was.
Only the ritual circle stopped her. Its magic bringing her to her knees through sheer force. Still she persisted, dragging their body to the edge of the circle and all the while they screamed in unison, in fear and defiance. He feared they would die, that this is how they would die and had no idea how to stop it. She dared to defy the odds against them, uncaring if they lived or died.
For a single glorious moment they were one and the same.
Loki remembers that moment clearly. All the world was understood and everything made sense. He was mad with knowledge of the future, of every future there ever could be and still hungry for more. But not for the futures that could be. No he hungered for the future he wanted. For he had the knowledge that he could change his fate. He could! If he only had to will to try and did he ever have the will! No more would he care for the whispers that speak of the end of Asgard because of him. No more would he care for a throne where the people did not want him.
But he didn't know how. How does one change their path? How does one carve a new future among the limitless possibilities of doom? Loki needed an answer and already he knew who he needed to go to.
Loki does not tell his mother.
Later, alone in his room, he turns to his mirror, determined and a little scared. Loki starts the motions to mediation his mother has started him on and enters a trance. It is as private as he can make to avoid Heimdall's sight. Its original use, according to his mother, is allow one to better reach their seidr. He takes it a step further and calls out.
"Hello?"
"Hey kid, about time you got here."
"Who? Who?" He struggles to focus, to keep his nerves and wits about him. The being, the woman, is...amused but chatters on.
"My name is Alice. I like games, books, and days at the beach. Some drunk jackass killed me and I think I was supposed to be reincarnated as you. Something obviously went wrong but its cool. I only woke up about two weeks ago so I'm a bit social starved. What about you? How are you?"
"Um. I. Hello?" Damn his tongue! He has never had someone so open with him or show such obvious concern besides his mother. Thor cared in his own way, undoubtedly, but always took after father. A warrior in training through and through. While Loki, though no less a prince than his brother, is considered...lesser. Lesser in a way he doesn't understand.
"Too much? Right. Sorry. It been way too long since I've talked to someone and your just a kid."
"I am Loki son of Odin." He manages to find his voice before she can retreat. He came here to talk after all. "I had just started my training in magic when...when..."
"Yes. I know. When that asshole tried to fuck with you. No worries I took care of him."
"Yes. Thank you." he says sincerely. "Mother has started teaching me and says she will be my teacher from now on."
"Lets hope she's a better teacher than a mother then."
"You don't like her."
"I don't like or have respect for anyone who hasn't earned it. Especially a woman who ignores her child's fear, real or imagined. That's just callous and cruel. You don't deserve to be treated like that, like you're lesser or something. That's just wrong and if I had my way, I'd make sure they knew it."
"Do you know why?" this woman obviously knew more than he did. But would she answer him?
"I do." she pauses and Loki can feel her thinking, assessing her next words. "I want to say its not important but it is. I want to say it won't change anything but it will. It will change so much for you. In ways I can't even begin to understand or guess."
"Will you tell me?" Loki could feel his heart begin to race and a familiar fear worm its way to the surface of his thoughts.
"Not everything and not right now." Loki almost lost his focus, his connection with her wavered, and he thought he could feel his heart break. "You need to get stronger and smarter first."
"I don't understand." He didn't. He could feel her words both hurt and mend his doubt. "I-surely knowing now would help me?"
"It would and it would not. If you accidently slip up, would you be able to escape punishment or retaliation? Would you be able to see the backstabbers as they came to you offering support or sympathy? Make no mistake little prince, Asgard is a den of vipers and they won't hesitate to swallow you whole if it benefits them. Its like a game to them and Odin always raises the stakes."
Suddenly, he understood her. She wasn't keeping information to bait him but because she wasn't sure he could defend himself in the event the worse should come to pass. She wanted to tell him but was unsure if doing so while he was so vulnerable is a wise action. Alice didn't want him to remain ignorant but neither did she want to jeopardize his life. Yet, despite this uncertainty, she was willing to compromise. Something he has seen happen only between people of equal standing.
It was...nice, to be treated as someone's equal.
"Than I will do so." he vows. "I will become stronger and wiser. I will earn the right to know what you tell me and to guard the knowledge you share with me Lady Alice."
Suddenly he can see her. Her soul, bright and luminous like a star, smiles at him. Pride and joy wrapping around him in a fierce hug. This is her. This is him, what he is supposed to be but is for some reason separated from.
"I accept your vow Loki Sky Traveler."
The little prince's heart skips a beat but also burst with joy and ambition. For that was a name to aspire to and an existence that was greater than any kingship.
"And I shall start with this. You are Loki the Sly One, the Trickster, the Shape Changer, the Sky Traveler and..."
Here she takes a deep breath, bracing herself for her next words and so Loki follows her example. For what she has spoken thus far are said with pride and glee, awe and a fierce protective depth he can hardly begin to comprehend, he can tell what follows will not be. But she will speak them because she believes he deserves to know. Loki has never appreciated someone as much as he does her.
"...you are the adopted son of Odin."
That does not make the words hurt any less.