The S.S Friend Ship
“Maaaaaan,” you stretched your arms with a long sigh, twisting a flood of salt from your hair, courtesy of Ibuki’s splash fight. Peko stared quietly into the distance, hands tucked to her knees. She was in her swimsuit but remained on the sand.
“Everyone’s having so much fun,” she said, picking a quick glance toward the side, and then back to the screaming children.
“...hm?” you said, in the middle of glaring at Fuyuhiko around her shoulder. He cracked an aggressive eye open from the tree he was leaning on, somehow making that one action look as if the whole world was out to annoy him. You locked eyes. He flipped you off and walked further down the shore. You threw a pebble at his back, which missed severely. “Aren’t you going to join us?”
“I…I’m not…” she pressed her fingers together. You marveled at the crack she was able to produce. “...is that really okay?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“W—well…i… it’s just…?” she seemed to trail off, not knowing where she herself was going.
“...oh! Don’t tell me you don’t know how to swim?” with a coy smirk, you nudged her in the elbow.
She blinked. “...huh?”
“I see,” you nodded to yourself, “a master of land and sword, a newbie at sea… oh my god, now that is cute.”
“H…huh?”
With a grin, you clasped her hands in yours, “fret not! Today is the day! You’ll be a master amphibian in no time!”
“Um…” she blinked, staring hard down at your hands. “O…okay…”
You grinned, bringing her knee deep into the water. “It’s okay! Your days of tremoring terror are over—oohhhhh yeah water sweet water.”
“Ah…” Peko blinked. In an instant, she submerged herself beneath the water, splashing up with more grace than a professional ballerina. “Indeed. How strange. This water is quite warm.”
“I know, right? I didn’t think it was possible to get such a good temperature!”
“Agreed… it feels more like a first-class hot tub than an ocean…”
“Uh, no, this is still an ocean—I don’t think it’s that warm…”
She closed her eyes. With a silent stretch and exhale of breath, she suddenly leaped backwards.
“Woah—!” Her shadow whirled under the waters like an eel—twisting and turning and holy shit how is she so fucking fast !?
You tripped trying to catch up with her, getting at least two good mouthfuls of seawater.
“Ack—” Your head met a stiff wet surface. The surface yelped back, ahoge springing to life through fear.
“What the—!?” Hajime fumbled. He was clammy and cold and oddly shiny under the light.
You cradled your head, “that’s my line! Why the hell are you so hard!?”
“What—why are you running across the beach like a freaking maniac!?”
“I was trying to catch up with Peko since I’m giving her swim classes! I didn’t realize she was Ariel’s disturbingly dexterous grandma!” you paused, scanning him up and down. He was fully soaked—his ahoge was even drooping ever so slightly. “...ugh,” suddenly, your earlier interaction hit your full force. You shuddered under the hardest cringe you’d probably ever experienced in your life.
“Uh…” he gave you an awkward look, “are you okay…?”
You wheeled around. “...don’t talk to me.”
“Huh? What—what did I do!?”
“Fuck’n—I dunno, everything!? Ruin my life and reputat—HOLY JESUS!” your ankle hit something weird and slimy. The impact made the weird slimy thing sprout limbs and flail, splashing up water like its life depended on it. A gasp popped out along with a Nagito-shaped head.
You looked at Hajime, who sighed. “I was in the middle of trying to teach him how to swim. As it turns out, he’s really good at floating, but not very good at…staying alive.”
You snorted as you stared down at the wheezing boy, hacking up lungfuls of water at a time.
“The first time he went in he forgot he couldn’t breathe underwater,” Hajime shrugged, recalling the sad memory.
You shrugged, “hey, it happens to everyone. One time I tried to do a backflip on a wet rock and cracked my pelvis.” You lifted up the thigh of your swimsuit, “check it, I still have the scar.”
Hajime gave you a jaded look, “did the doctors also diagnose you with terminal stupidity?”
“Ayyyy, fuck you. You’re tainting my first beach experience.”
“It’s not a first if you’ve done it before, no matter how long.”
“Wow, we got a real Negative Nancy over here. Really ruining the mood with your Nancy-ness.”
“Why do you use every name in the book except the one on my birth certificate?”
“Oh, c’mon, nicknames are cute. I mean, there’s nothing that says ‘we are friends’ more than nicknames, right?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “I don’t really use them that often, even with my own friends…”
You slung yourself over his shoulder, ignoring the prickles of hair that dug into your cheek. “Then consider yourself special! Cuz I got a bunch of nicknames for you, cuck!”
“...special, huh…?” he stared into the water, muscles laxing. The faintest curve tipped up his lips. He raised his head to you, “I still hate that last one, though.”
“Ugh, fine. Ruin my fun, why don’t you.” With a growing smirk, you flicked his forehead.
“Hey!”
“You should smile more. It’s a good look on you. Although… I suppose the scarcity adds to the charm.”
“W—what the hell…!?”
“Scoooore!” You finger gunned at him. “Got ya!”
“You…!” he sighed. “You really can’t just—! You know…!”
Nagito tilted his head, “How has he been gotten?”
Both of you jumped.
“What—when did you—how long!?” Hajime sputtered like he was caught with a knife to your throat.
He lifted a confused brow, “well, I didn’t exactly leave…”
“...oh. R…right…”
Nagito made another confused noise. Various slices of his cloud hair flickered up to the sky, but most of it tapered to his skull. His swim trunks practically melded around the curve of his hips, jutting out idly.
“Soooo… can’t swim, huh?” you whistled.
He gave an owlish blink. “No. I haven’t really involved myself in that many bodies of water.”
Hajime snorted, “I can tell.”
“Wait wait I wanna see,” you jumped, “do a freestyle!”
He smiled, “no thanks.” He suddenly perked up with a wide beam, “oh, hey, Peko!”
“Huh?”
You snapped around. Peko was wringing droplets from her hair. She nodded in acknowledgement. “[Name]. I’m all warmed up.”
“Huh?” you blinked.
“For our lessons. You said you were going to train me, right?”
“Oh, sorry,” you stuck out your hand, “I don’t know how to swim.”
Everyone made a face.
“I…I see… I apologize for making assumptions, then.”
“Peko, I’m sure you have nothing to do with that,” said Nagito, sending you an unimpressed look.
You shrugged, “whaaaat? I mean, I said I’d teach her. I thought it couldn’t be that hard, yknow?”
Their faces deadened further.
You sucked in air through your teeth, “I mean, yeah, Peko’s too good for me to teach,”
“Everyone’s too good for you to teach,” said Hajime.
You pulled his ahoge, internally snorting at how it stretched.
“Wait wait wait no—what the hell!? Stop! Stop it! I don’t want to see that!”
You released.
It went back with a ferocious slap. “Seriously, you can let go n—Ow!”
Nagito laughed. “Wow. Honestly, at this point, it just feels like we’re all stuck in a really weird fever dream…”
“More like a fever nightmare…” Hajime massaged his scalp, glaring at you. You shrugged.
“Oh, come on, Hajime. Surely it’s not that bad, right? After all, just having to make friends doesn't hurt anyone.” Nagito raised a finger, “it could even be beneficial, after all. In the end, Usami seems to have our best interests in mind. And, who knows? Maybe this will turn out to be one of the best things you’ve ever experienced,” he laughed to himself.
“if you added that you were the reincarnation of Patricia Hearst, I might've actually took you seriously...”
“Huh? Why would you want me to say something so arbitrary?”
“…sarcasm…?” all of Hajime’s bravado flipped to uncertainty. “Look, er, just—whatever. I’m not having this conversation again. I’m just… gonna stop thinking about it, okay? Since you guys are so relaxed… I guess all that worrying I did was pointless.”
You clapped him on the back, “hey, not necessarily. We definitely still need those questions answered. We just don’t need to spend every second in a hysterical breakdown about it, y’know?”
He let out a disgruntled noise. “...hey, Peko, what do you think?”
“...huh?” she blinked, a little surprised to see all of your eyes on her.
Hajime quickly backtracked. “Er—well, I don’t know. Ever since we met, you’ve been pretty quiet… how are you holding up with this whole thing?”
“Hmm… well… I can’t say it is of too much importance to me.”
“...really?”
She shook her head. “Friends have never been a priority of mine.”
You slung your arm over her shoulder, “well, then what do you consider to be a priority?”
She thought for a moment, before looking up in resolve. “My duties.”
You hummed. You were getting that ‘fighters honor’ vibe, but it was oddly off. You shrugged. Not your business. “Well, it’s vacation time, baby! Friends are a priority today!”
“Oh, okay.” She nodded hesitantly, “then what do we do first?”
“Uhhh…” you glanced around. “Well, we could just take a dip.”
“I still don’t know how to swim,” Nagito raised his hand.
“Wow Nagito, you’re so useless.”
“You can’t swim either…” Hajime lifted an unamused brow.
You laughed. “Oh oh, Peko, can you show us how you did that thing?”
“What thing?”
“The eel thing! That was so cool!”
“Cool…?”
“Yeah! You were like super slippery and shit, and like your bones dissolved! How do you do that?”
“Er… well, it’s pretty simple, I just dive under and swim…”
You hummed. With a deep breath you went under. “OW—owowow!” You immediately shot up, cradling your face, “I forgot I wasn’t wearing my goggles!” As if it would help erase your mistake, you shoved your snorkeling gear over your head.
Hajime slapped his hands over his face, pulling down on the bottoms of his eyes.
“Hmm…” Peko thought to herself, “I could… teach you how to swim, if you want…?”
“Wait—seriously? That would be so fuckin’ cool!”
Okay, on second thought, it was kind of hard. Your limbs were burning. This exercise was a lot more exertive than simple running or anything like that. Peko was pretty harsh with her teaching, too.
"Straighten your back and make sure when you go up to breathe it isn't so clunky. It's messing up your form. Make sure you can tread water for at least two minutes. It's good you got floating down, though. You're quite relaxed in the water—that's a good sign."
"Really?" You took a manic gulp of air, but it still wasn't enough. "I don't feel very relaxed."
"Yes. On this note, I do believe a break is in order..." as she said this, Peko took a seat on the shore. Oh thank god.
You let yourself collapse into the sea, pulling up your goggles. The sand was gross, but the water was nice.
Meanwhile, "Nagito. Hey, Nagito..." Hajime awkwardly prodded the boy. "Are you ready to start, uh...practicing?"
He drifted lazily across the water cover. "No, I think I'm out of stamina."
"You didn't do anything."
"That's harsh, isn't it, Hajime? I may not be as fit as you all, but that doesn't mean I'm not trying."
"You don't look like you're trying."
"Haven't you heard? Looks can be deceiving." He hadn't moved a single limb in the water.
"Aren't you having a good time," you huffed.
He smiled, "yeah. This is pretty fun, actually."
"You're not doing anything!" said Hajime, slapping a hand over his face. He turned around, "I need a drink."
"At your age?" grinned Nagito, "scandalous."
"I meant juice or something!"
You leaned back and looked at the horizon. Ocean everywhere you looked. No rock landings, no boats, no buoys. Just where were you?
"Considering the temperature and all that, we're probably somewhere down south, right?" said Nagito, floating by you.
"...are you gonna stop that? Feels kinda weird to be talking to a white log."
"I'm not a white log."
"Metaphorically speaking, that's what you look like."
"Hm. Okay," He dropped to his feet with a splash.
You groaned, "man, Peko's ruthless! I'm gonna be sore for the next three weeks."
He laughed. "Well, she is one of the top athletes. I wouldn't expect any less from her. Who knows? Maybe by the end of the week, you'll be able to lift cars and punch bad guys."
"I'm learning how to swim, not how to be an anime protagonist."
"You're right. If anyone's the anime protagonist, it'd probably be Ibuki, or something."
"Why Ibuki?"
"Well, she's got a distinct look, lots of energy, does her own thing..."
"I mean, maybe like, super long ago. Put protagonists now are kinda bland, aren't they? If we were to pick a protagonist...what about Hajime? Typically, the more eccentric characters end up as side characters, so a grounded one like him would work perfectly. When it comes to that, hey, maybe even you could be a protagonist."
He laughed, "oh, no, I'm far too ordinary to be any sort of protagonist."
"Ordinary doesn't matter though, right? And you'd have a pretty hot design, so I'd imagine your fanbase would be pretty large..."
He waved his hands, "No no no, my design would be tacky. If anything, my fanbase would consist of a dried up piece of gum."
"Oh, don't be modest," you elbowed him. "You're tolerable, sometimes."
He grinned. "Thanks."
A harsh breeze tugged at your hair. "Who knows, though?" you smugly crossed your arms, "maybe I should be a protagonist."
"No offense, but you're not really good enough to be anything of the sort."
"Okay, well, full offense, you're an asshole. I never did anything to you! Just what kind of person do you think I am?"
He raised a hand, ticking down his fingers, "Annoying, loud, obnoxious, self-centered, manipulative, vulgar, short-tempered, childish, petty, dull, envious, the list goes on, really, but I've only known you for a day, so who knows?"
You sighed. "you really had a whole spite list, didn't you? Fine, then, if you hate me that much, then I won't talk to you."
He shrugged, "hey, I didn't say that. Those were just things I noticed. It's not like I hate you, or anything."
"You're really going to reverse-tsundere me?"
He grinned, "Really, I don't think I've been that rude in the first place, have I?"
"Are you being serious right now?"
A panicked voice called from the distance. Your heads snapped around.
"What's—?" you blinked. Peko was standing and glancing about in a panic, from the sands, to you, to everyone else. "Is it just me, or are we getting rapidly farther from shore?"
Nagito glanced around, eyes blowing wide, "riptide!"
With that declaration, you plunged into darkness.
Fuck...! Shit! you flailed, head only barely scraping the surface in increasingly distant intervals. You tried your best to get your goggles on, but they slipped of your head. Shit! Shit shit shit! You squeezed your eyes shut. The salt was burning.
Your eyes shot open.You were staring at the bright blue sky. "Agh!" You yelped, a sharp tug pulling beneath you back into a cold, wet surface. Your eyes traveled around you. You were in the ocean. The waves were crashing. The island was a blotchy outline in the distance. You let out a shaking, cautious breath.
"Guess we're both logs, now," you eyes snapped to the grinning Nagito.
"Did I pass out...?"
"Uh... no?"
"Oh..."
"Here, by the way," something flopped on your stomach. The plastic glinted under the sun—your snorkeling gear. Carefully, you worked it around you with one hand.
Nagito snorted. "You look funny."
"Eyes to yourself."
He laughed, "oh! Yeah, about before... what kind of image do you have of me?"
"Huh?"
"Remember? What we were talking about? I think... you dared me to insult you, right?"
"I didn't say that. Also, why are we talking about that? Aren't we like, dying?"
"Eh. Well, you win some, you lose some. That's just how this luck of mine goes. Besides, we're not exactly dying, right? This is like... pre-death stage."
"Are you high? Pre-death is dying."
"Pre-pre-death, then."
"I'm not arguing grammar with you, I'm being confused. Aren't you going to try to find a solution?"
"Well...today was a pretty lucky day, so it makes sense something like this would happen. I don't know why you're here, though. I mean, that's the thing about luck, right? We'll live. Just wait for the current to carry us back to shore, or something."
"Hey, I get you're the Ultimate Lucky Student, but aren't you relying way too much on that right now? Do you realize how far that riptide sweeped us? And, like, don't they usually have warnings if riptides this big can occur?"
"Again, that's just how my luck is," said Nagito.
You laughed, "near-death scenarios?"
"Yeah, pretty much, actually. If something really good happens, something really bad will happen, and vice versa. It's usually pretty extreme like this, too. Like, I got to meet actual Ultimates today! And, well, now I'm dying."
"Seriously?" you grinned as you thought of what it might be like to have such an ability, "you must live an exciting life."
He laughed. "Exciting's one way to put it." He hummed. "By the way... did you answer my question?"
"What was your question?"
"I forgot."
"Are you shitting me?"
"Oh, hey!" a head popped up between the two of you. You jumped. Akane grinned, "so this is where the two of you were, huh?"
"Akane?" said Nagito, "what're you doing here?"
"Well, they came up to me and told me you guys were swept away by the ocean, so Nekomaru thought it'd be a good opportunity to train me by makin' me go find ya!"
"He seriously let a single person go save two people's lives...?" Your brows squinched.
She scoffed, "of course! How could I live knowin' I couldn't even make it out this far?"
Nagito blinked, at her, and the medium outline of Jabberwock island island in the distance. He laughed nervously, "'this far', huh...?"
You squinted, "true, it doesn't look that far..."
"I think you might need to check your hubris," Nagito lifted a brow. He quickly let out an oof when Akane hooked him and you under the stomach, charging forward with a power up scream.
Is she seriously going this fast with just her legs!?
Your ribs dug hard into her arms. I think this is way more deadly than drowning...!
Despite that, a grin cracked onto your face. You watched the world blur before you, felt your stomach squeeze tightly against her bicep. You thought you were going to vomit. Your face smacked hard against the water several times, and you had to spit out gross salt in your laughter. The sun was high behind you in its chase.
Sometimes you could see down there—maybe a glimpse of coral and fish you couldn't identify. All you knew is you were definitely coming back. Well, maybe once you learned how to swim. If you learned how to swim.
Okay, maybe I'm not coming back.
¤¸¸.•´¯`•¸¸.•..>> *Obtained Hope Fragment.*<<..•.¸¸•´¯`•.¸¸¤
Nagito sighed, collapsing on the sandbank. Hajime was freaking out. You couldn't contain your laughter.
"Seriously, how the hell did a riptide happen!?"
"No idea," grinned Nagito.
"Did you guys have fun almost dying or something? Why is [Name] laughing so hard?"
He gave a non committal shrug. "Signs of psychopathy?"
"You kidding?" You shot a wide grin at Akane, who was giving you a confused look. "That! Was! Awesome!" You put a hand to your chest in a deep breath. "I mean, lost on the open sea through a conveniently huge riptide? Hitching a ride on a basically a pro dolphin? Is there anything cooler than that?"
"What you described to me is an acid trip," said Hajime.
"Wait, who's the dolphin in that analogy?" said Nagito.
You tackled Akane in a huge hug, "that was so fucking cool!"
"Uh..." A bead of sweat formed at her hairline. She awkwardly patted you on the back.
Realizing you forgot about the boyfriend thing, you quickly took your hands back. She only seemed confused, though, so you lowered them.
"I don't really get it," Akane picked at her ear, "but I guess you must be a swim-lover, huh? I'd love to have a race with ya sometime!"
"Oh, no, I can't swim and I'm never doing it again," you beamed.
"Huh?" she tilted her head, "weren't you havin' fun, though?"
There's nothing fun about something you can't even do.
Besides, everyone looking at you when you flailed like a seagull was fucking embarrassing!
“...are you alright?” Peko’s face met yours from above. She took a careful seat next to you.
"Yeah, why?"
"I..." she looked down to the ground in shame. "I'm... I'm sorry..."
"Huh? Why?"
"...nevermind. This was your first time near water, wasn't it? It must've been horrible, having that be your first experience."
“Well, I’ve been to the beach once before…but I got pretty badly hurt, so I never went again…” You showed her your scar. She hummed.
“That’s not good.”
You laughed, “is it? I mean, maybe you know scars more, since you’re a swordfighter and all, but—”
“No, I mean…your resolve.”
“...wha?”
“Fear is not something that should be listened to. It is one of the biggest weaknesses one can have. If you find yourself afraid of an opponent, you should face them even harder. If you find yourself beaten down, that simply means your resolve isn’t strong enough. You aren’t supposed to falter…” her eyes trailed to the horizon, and while you could see the colors reflected in her eyes, you could also see something that ran much deeper. “To do so is the greatest failure.”
You tilted your head, “well, fear’s also a survival instinct, you know. It keeps you safe from danger.”
“...sometimes, survival is the last thing you need to worry about.”
“...huh?” Those weren’t words you expected to hear from a fighter, or someone who seemed as iron-willed as Peko.
She closed her eyes. “It’s of no importance. My point is…” her sharp eyes whirled into you. “You need more training. Especially on an island like this…knowing how to swim is very important.”
You groaned, stretching your arms behind your head. “Do I have to? I mean, Easy for an athlete like you to say. You must’ve mastered swimming in the womb.”
“That is… quite the unsightly image you’ve provided. Either way, I assure you, swimming was not easy to learn for me, either. When I was three I was thrown into a swamp, and wasn’t let back onto the surface until I could do at least three laps around it.”
You stared at her expressionlessly. All too soon were you hit by the realization of your sheer inferiority. I know that was probably extraordinarily traumatizing, but…is it weird to be jealous that she’s alive? If only you were as capable of a person—okay, you know what? Shut up.
Sometimes, people were just better. In every aspect. Deal with it.
“That’s… something. I mean, your parents could’ve at least made sure the water wasn’t dirty.”
“In the real world, water can be in any quality, don’t you think? If you’re going to make it, you have to master it in every condition.”
“Wow…” you whistled, “so, you’re like, good at everything, then, aren’t you?”
She hummed. “Yes. I suppose I am.”
You laughed. “That’s crazy. I remember I once handed my mom a drawing, and she tried to hang it up on the fridge,” you broke into snickers, sinking yourself in childhood, “and every day as my dad went to get breakfast he’d scream because of the hideous amalgamation that was my drawing. In the end, he made us take it down,” you rolled your eyes.
Peko only stared, so you continued talking to fill in the silence. “Man, though, sometimes I wonder just a little about what it’d be like to be one of you guys,” you leaned back, casting her a big glance, “I mean, Ultimate level abilities? Awesome from birth, start to finish? It’s like those little five year olds you see on the internet mastering Mozart.” You dramatically sighed, “truly, a zero sum world we live in. To make their children feel better, mothers take the dignity from us common folk...”
Peko tilted her head. “...is that how it is?”
You leaned your head on your hands. “Well, for a lot of people, yeah. It’s kinda pathetic, isn’t it?” you smiled, “those who can’t even feel good about other’s accomplishments.”
Peko looked at you. The water rippled and glistened, Akane back to getting tips from Nekomaru. Ibuki howled in her laughter as she drowned Kazuichi. Hajime and Nagito giggled and shook their heads cynically.
So many people… so many differences…
Yet, things were going okay. For now, at least, life was good.
“Perhaps that’s the difference between Ultimates and not, then.”
“Hm?” your eyes snapped to Peko.
“Patheticness.”
You whistled. “What’s the story behind that conclusion?”
“I think…there is a difference between ability and destiny, and it must be forged with one’s own hands. Ultimates get where they are through hard work and training. When looking at a five year old on the internet, the Ultimate practices to surpass them. When an average citizen does it, they complain about how much the five year old surpasses them.”
She blinked. “Right… in the end, it all comes down to dedication…although, I won’t deny that some are born with different capacities. Even still… you can still find a use for everyone,” her eyes drifted to you, as if looking for confirmation, “right?”
You let out a long hum, instinct sorting every one of her words in your head. “Yeah. I mean, when it comes to world structure, everyone’s got their own take, and no one’s wrong.” You smiled, “unlike preschool, though, that doesn’t make everyone a winner. When it comes to capacities… yeah. I think everyone’s got something they’re at least decent at. Personally, I think to be good at something means you’ve got to be bad at something too.” You hummed, “that’s already kinda what it looks like for evolution, right? Well, you’re probably not a TierZoo guy, so it doesn’t matter.”
She held her head down for a moment. “Could…you teach me how to make friends?” Peko wrung her hands together.
Your head vinyl-stopped. “...huh?”
“I—I just think it could be beneficial for the future,” she quickly justified, “having allies, I mean… so, I was wondering if you could let me know how you do it… you have a lot, right?”
“Well, yeah.” You laughed, scratching at your chin, “can’t say I expected that question…I mean, you’re cute, though, so of course I’m gonna say yes.”
She quickly waved her hands in defense, “I—I’m really not…er, whatever you’re thinking, it’s not true!”
“You kidding? With the face you’re making right now, people would hound over you in no time!” You held your hands in a theatrical pose, “‘Peko, please, the love of my life... date me!’ they’d say.”
She went even redder. “I—I’m not… I—I thought we were just learning how to make more friends, right? Not really like, a relationship, or anything…”
You waved your hand with a dismissive sigh, “friendships, romance, it’s all the same, right? The line is practically non existent now a days. They all cross paths eventually.”
“R…really…?”
You snickered to yourself, “well, except for your actual crushes. Those are always the ones who you’ll have absolute friendship with. Probably less.”
“I… see…”
“Anyway, how should we start this little lesson?” you turned, only to find Hajime already staring at you. He jumped, averting his gaze like a flash of lightning.
Nagito laughed. “Sorry about that. I have to say, I was also pretty intrigued when you started talking about Ultimates, Peko. Do you really believe that?”
“Um…well…” she shifted her gaze uncomfortably, “I’m not sure… I suppose, in the end, they are just my thoughts, so it’s not too important…”
“You kidding?” you nudged her in the ribs. She remained stiffer than a flagpole, though. “You have such cool monologues! It’s always so interesting to hear about the worldviews of other people, don’t you think? And besides, you’ve got a pretty admirable mindset going on! It’s not like you’re wrong, either, it’s pretty easy to drop things. Frankly, I gave up on that talent stuff suuuper long ago.”
“I see… well, you seem quite fulfilled, so…” her lips lifted into the smallest, awkwardest smile, “I suppose that was the best course of action.”
“...fulfilled? Really?” Nagito tilted his head, gaze tilting to you, “what do you mean by that?”
“Yup!” you grinned, shifting to comfortably cross your legs. “Gather ‘round, children. Cuz I’m about to tell you a shocking story—see, even your charming, super cool [Name] wasn’t always this charismatic.”
Hajime rolled his eyes. “And just what, [Name], could you possibly mean by that?”
“Well, to be honest, I was completely reclused as a kid. Your classic, sad, booksnob. Always tired, stuck in corners, that kind of stuff. I spent years studying, you know. Learning how to be open and expressing myself in a way people would like. The best way to ‘get good’, as some people might say.”
“And…” Nagito blinked, “this is what you came up with…?”
“Okay, I know you’re degrading me, but it was actually pretty effective!”
Hajime shared a jaded look. “‘Was’, she says…”
“Okay, well you two can go fuck a donut. Seriously, people professed feelings to me and stuff!” you laughed, “man, little me was so confused at first.”
“So… you turned them all down?” Peko pursed her lips.
“Oh, no, I accepted all of them. You have to experiment with this stuff, you know?”
Hajime tilted his head, brows scrunched, “why try so hard in the first place? I mean, being alone isn't that bad, isn't it?”
You rolled your eyes, "get some actual friends and then talk to me. Irrelevant question, next."
“...why are we even here?” Nagito cut Hajime a glance.
“Wait, how is my question not relevant?”
You smirked, “and, you see, that’s the key, Hajime!”
The boy jolted from your sudden burst in volume.
“The first thing to note when meeting a person is first impressions. But, when you want something long term, you have to keep the mystery high. That’s how you build suspense, you know.”
“...huh?”
“See, if I told you everything about my character, you’d get bored and leave,” you grinned, “that’s why I can only give you the tiniest bits and pieces, you know? I bet you think I act weird, being all energetic, right? And maybe that’s the reason you come back and talk to me in the future. After all, there’s no reason to keep playing a game once you’ve finished all the little bits and pieces, right?”
“I don’t know about that…” Hajime frowned, “I mean, sure, curiosity’s definitely a reason I might talk to someone, but I wouldn’t leave just because someone told me ‘too much’ about themselves or anything…”
You blinked, tilting your head at him. “Oh, Hajime…you’re not as sharp as your hair, are you?”
“What’re you—”
You surged forward, back bent as you glared directly into his wide olive eyes. “You’re a sweet guy, Hajime. And I’m telling you this as your friend, you know? You shouldn’t treat people like that.”
“Like… what?” he hobbled on a breath, carefully leaning back.
“Like we’re all gonna be nice to you when you want it.” You inched your nose closer to his, “tell me, would you enjoy hanging out with a friend if they were super boring?”
“Er, uh… well… I mean, it’s not like I’d leave them—”
“And that’s the problem. Life is meant for you to be enjoyed. You’re not meant to please other people. So why would you stay in a relationship you’re not happy with? Pity? Some twisted desire to be ‘good’?”
He cowered.
You were just trying to help him understand.
People need to come to this understanding at some point in their life. Especially kids. The sooner, the better, so they could move on and be happy with their own lives. “Good doesn’t exist, Hajime. Only half-decent. Everyone wants a relationship for something, no matter how trivial. Being all soft and pitying will only leave you used and battered, you know. Live for yourself. Gain for yourself.”
“I… um…uh…” he dazedly stared at you.
You smiled like a tender mother, lips gleaming. You suddenly jerked back, pumping a childish fist in the air. “So, make sure you take into account everything I’ve taught you today, class!”
Nagito held a hand to his chin. “Mystery, huh…” He met your gaze and smiled. “Interesting.”
“Yes,” nodded Peko, thinking to herself, “that was very informative…”
“We really got into a classroom environment pretty quick, huh…” Hajime wiped off the sweat on his cheek.
You grinned, “that was pretty fun! Thanks for asking me, Peko.”
She closed her eyes in a slight nod, “thank you for indulging me in my request. I’ll be sure to properly teach you how to swim next time, as payment…”
You made a high laugh, “uh, no, I’m good…”
She blinked, composure shrinking like cotton candy in water. “Y…you’re right, that was quite presumptuous of me. It’s your choice if there even is a ‘next time’, after all…I apologize. I assure I will not make such a mistake again.”
“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that! I’m just not good at swimming!”
“So…shouldn’t you get a teacher? O—of course, I’m not saying it should be me, or anything…”
You chewed your lip, “no, I mean like, swimming is…”
She held out a hand. “It is perfectly fine to not want to learn how to swim from me. Although I believe it is necessary for you to learn if you want to survive.”
“But it’s not fun !” you groaned, for lack of a better response.
Nagito looked at you. He looked at Hajime and sighed.
“What?” you cocked a brow.
“Well, it’s just…” he crossed his arms, “I don’t know how to feel about this We Make Women Distraught club going on.”
Hajime glared at him, menacingly. “Oh, don’t worry, we’re about to open the doors for men too.”
A stern voice shook through the whole island.
“All right, it’s about time we start packing up! The sun is starting to set.” Byakuya let out a huff. “Gather on the sand. We should do a head count.”
“Who the hell does this guy think he is…?” Kazuichi muttered, but hastily followed Sonia when she nodded with a mildly disappointed smile.
“Awwww, c’mon! Give us at least five more minutes!” whined Ibuki.
“No excuses. Get over here, less you want to be lost at night in a cold ocean.”
It was true. The sea was darkening, oranges fading to purples and colder blues.
“I dunno, sounds kinda poetic,” you shrugged.
“Need you make me repeat myself?”
“I…think we should listen to him,” Chiaki yawned, rubbing at her eyes and putting her controller back in her bag. “We can always come back tomorrow, anyway. We shouldn’t go back home with messed up schedules and stuff… well, at least not you guys...”
You really didn’t understand how she cared so much for a bunch of strangers. Just what was she getting out of this? Who cares when you slept? It was your consequence to deal with in the morning, after all.
“Awww, man,” Hiyoko pouted like she was going to cry, “I didn’t find a single crab…” All she had was a pile of pulverized shells by her feet.
Mahiru stretched her back, “well, I’m pretty worn out myself. I think Chiaki has the right idea.”
Peko frowned, “it seems Fuyuhiko left a long time ago…”
Gundham wiped the sand off his scarf. “Ridiculous. Partaking in the spread of a devil himself…Earthly food is but one method for the maladies of the soul to reign…”
“I—I… wouldn’t p—particularly mind if e—everyday was like this from now on, y’know…” giggled Mikan.
“Agreed,” Nagito smiled. “I think…from now on, we’ll all get along just fine.”
A chorus of agreement chimed through the class. It was time to eat up and head back to your cottages. The wait for dinner was jittery with laughter and hearty chatter. Teruteru was actually making really good smelling food. You weren’t sure you could pick up on a distinct flavor…all you knew was your stomach was starting to flip out. There was no way you could go to bed on saltwater and sand.
Honestly, you felt kind of…weird. There was something on the top of your tongue, a missing part, but you just couldn’t place it.
You stared at these people—your classmates?—that you’d started feeling like you’d known for a while, now.
You sipped your soda. These were good people. They were okay, at least. You had a good feeling about them, and you weren’t one to go against the magic of gut feelings.
There was something missing. Byakuya took a headcount, so it wasn't like someone was missing. Besides the rowdy chatter, nothing seemed different from before, either. Just teenagers having fun after a long day.
...Why haven't our kidnappers shown themselves yet?
A plate clattered next to you. Nagito slid into a chair.
“What’re you doing here?”
He held up his hands with a grin, “No need to be so hostile, don’t you think?”
“I’d say it’s a need when you’re interrupting my thoughts.”
He spoke through deliberate chews, “So, sounds like I’m not interrupting anything.”
“Hey, who’re you to dictate my intellig—“ you stared at him. “…what the hell is that.”
“…huh?”
He held out his mayo doused bagel, swirled on in a careful structure like some kind of high-class dessert.
“…this is a bagel,” he clarified for you.
“No, that’s an Australian Cupcake.” You made a wild gesture to the open bottle of mayo on his plate. The nozzle was thick and gooping. “What the fuck are you thinking!”
He blinked. “I’m thinking: well, since everyone else’s doing it, I should eat dinner too.”
“Dinner!? This,” you gestured to his mayocake, “is your whole dinner!? What about the actual food Teruteru’s trying to make!?”
He laughed, holding out a hand, “I would never do something as presumptuous as take the Ultimate Chef’s food for myself! After all, if I ate his food, I would only take portions away from other people who wanted it. …Don’t tell me you were planning on eating it?” He looked at you as if you committed a war crime. Actually, no, he looked at you as if he was gloating, because apparently you were committing the war crime, and he wasn’t.
You squinted at him. “Give me that,” you snatched his bagel out of his fingers and dumped the mayonnaise into a sad blob on his plate.
He sat there with his open hand, “…well, that felt very uncalled for.”
“Oh, you were calling for it, alright. Now, here’s what’s going to happen, okay?” You slammed your pointer finger into the table. “I am going to throw this tainted bagel into the trash. You, are going to close that bottle of mayo, and put it back where you found it. And then, we are going to wait for Teruteru to finish cooking, because he offered to, and you are going to eat normal food like a sane person would.”
He frowned. “…Is this gaslighting? Because this feels like gaslighting.”
“This is what not being a degenerate feels like.”
He sighed, “and there you go, insulting my lifestyle.”
“What you have is not a lifestyle. What you have is a mayonnaise-flavored shit.”
He pulled a low smile. “…metaphorically, or literally?”
“Buddy, this qualifies you for both.”
He stared at you. You kept your glare on him. Slowly, without breaking eye contact, his hand travelled to the mayo bottle.
“…what do you think you’re doing?”
He picked it up with both hands.
“…you—you’re putting that in the fridge, righ—“
He lifted it above his mouth and squeezed. For a good five seconds. Like some kind of old-time veteran with taste buds singed off, he swallowed.
You went into shock.
That didn’t just happen. I did not just watch someone do that.
This is a joke, right?This is all just some sick joke… you had to have been in some cosmic nightmare. Because… if this is real… How fucking could he?
He held out a palm, “…can I have my dinner back?”
Wordlessly, all you could do was drop it into his hand. Maybe if you gave it back, he would reveal of that as a joke, and you’d wake up from this horrorfest of a reality. If he said it was all some joke, he didn’t do that, he put hallucinogens in your drink—that was fine ! You could all go back to normal. This never would’ve happened.
With an all too cheery smile, he picked the mayo back up— no —and started repiping his bagel. The dollop was growing even taller than the last.
No.
Your head slowly slid into your hands. You were starting to sob, tearlessly. This is awful…this is just… too awful…
“...what the hell is going on?” said Hajime, placing his plate on the table. Nagito shrugged.
You soullessly lifted your head. “I’m…gonna…” You stood up on shaking legs. Your eyes traveled to the now completed food table, to his plate of good, normal food. You put your hand on his shoulder.
“...Hajime, never stop being yourself. Sometimes, in this cruel, cruel world, you’re the only anchor that can guide people.”
“...uh… t…thanks…?”
You walked off.
Hajime frowned. What was your deal? “...Seriously. What the hell happened?” He slid into the seat next to your vacant one.
Nagito wiped his face, “beats me.”
Hajime blinked at his food, thoughts stopping. “...you’re weird.” Ultimately, he decided not to involve himself in whatever might have transpired.
He laughed, “really? I don’t think I’ve done anything especially noteworthy…”
“Do you…want some of Teruteru’s food…?” He slid his plate over.
He grinned, “I’m full, but thank you!”
Hajime stared at his half-eaten mayo bagel. “...right…”
“Anyway,” Nagito leaned on the table, “I have to say, things didn’t turn out so bad after all, don’t you think?”
He sighed. “I mean, I guess…still, though…don’t you think there’s something… a little off? Right now…”
Nagito frowned. “You’re still going on about that? II thought you decided to have fun with everyone else.”
“I did…! It’s just…” he sputtered, “it doesn’t stop all your reactions from being weird, okay?”
“Really? I mean, when it comes to the majority, since you’re the only one freaking out, wouldn’t that make you the weird one?”
“I…” he scratched his arm. “I mean…”
Nagito laughed. “Just messing with you. Really, don’t worry so much! You’re probably just stressed since you also have the added burden of not remembering your Ultimate,” He tilted his head, “speaking of which, any clues?”
“Uh, well—” Hajime gave an awkward smile, “no.”
“Oh. Well, that’s a shame. Still, though, don’t worry about it. It should come to you eventually.”
“Right…” he breathed, “thanks.”
“Oh, I’ve hardly done anything to deserve your thanks! It’s only natural that someone like me would support people as amazing as you.”
“Aren’t you being a little harsh on yourself…?”
“Oh, please. It’s not like I worked hard to get my talent, or like it does anything noteworthy. Luck itself is just a concept, right? It might not even exist in real time. In the end, I’m just one space in a slot machine of branching options, too unimpressive to truly even matter. Haha! Unlike you guys!”
Why does he sound so happy about that…?
“Hmm, surely something here should jog your memory…” he tapped his chin, “maybe look into your hobbies. Is there anything you spent most of your time on, specifically?”
“Uh, not really…” he scratched at his chin, “unless being the Ultimate Manga Reader suddenly counts as a talent…”
Nagito grinned, letting out a big, low laugh. Hajime found his shoulders slowly untensing, and even throwing his own chuckle in.
Whatever kind of talent he had, whatever was behind this weird situation… just talking with his classmates like this?
It’s kind of nice.
“Well, if we’re taking guesses…” Nagito tapped his chin, “what about the Ultimate Tsundere?”
“...huh?”
The corner of Nagito’s smile turned sly, “oh, don’t think I haven’t seen the way you look at [Name].”
“...huh!?” He slammed his hands on the table, “Y—you’ve got it all wrong, okay!? There’s no way—I—I wouldn’t—!” his eyes were going everywhere about the room in a panicked flurry, “just—that’s not…! W—whatever you’re thinking, stop!”
Nagito blinked. He stared blankly at the hue of Hajime’s face. “...wait, seriously?”
“Hey! Guys!” You called, a fry sticking out of your mouth. You had a whole heap of food on a plate, making you careful as you walked toward them, but not careful in the way you brazenly flailed your hand as if they couldn’t see you. You swallowed, “this is fucking delicious! You’ve gotta try it—”
Nagito stared at Hajime. Hajime averted his eyes from everyone. Suddenly, Ibuki barreled into you, and it had to be a sheer stroke of luck nothing fell off your plate.
“[NAAAME]!”
“I—Ibuki!?”
She smashed her cheek into yours, “I missed you!”
“We met today…” carefully, you put the plate on the nearest table, which happened to be Byakuya’s. He glared at you, but Akane didn’t even seem to notice she was so busy shoveling food into her mouth.
“But what the hell, I missed you too!” You took the girl into a firm, crushing bear hug. She cackled.
“C’mon, c’moon! Ibuki just came up with an idea for a new track! It’s still a first draft, but you’ve gotta be the one to listen!”
“Really? Alrighty then,” you expertly took up your plate again.
“Yup yup! It’s called Am I a Bat or a Wolf, Cuz What the Heck am I Hearing!? ”
“Wow, that makes absolutely no sense! It’s perfect for you!” you cheered.
“Well, of course! I wouldn’t be the Ultimate Musician if I didn’t spice every single one of my songs up with that special Ibuki flare, y’know!? Now get over here, I gotta show the rest of the crew too!”
“Oka—” she yanked so hard you nearly fell into Fuyuhiko’s lonesome table. He snarled.
Ibuki tilted her head over her shoulder, meeting their eyes with a glinted gaze.
“...is she…?” Hajime gawked as she sat you down at her table of girls.
Nagito groaned. Just this once, he wanted a slice-of-life. How did he find himself in Love Seizure Bullshit Town?