It starts out very simple: Banner has nice hands.
Which is, obviously, not a strange thing to notice on a friend. Hands are important in battle, to keep the weapons steady. Thor supposes they’re useful for science stuff, too, which he guesses is not bad either, and that’s where Banner comes in. When he’s working on some weird new research, his fingers pick up the tools very carefully, and Thor can see that they’re long and somewhat elegant. They’re calloused, though, no doubt consequence of all the times they turned green and smashed buildings to pieces. Still, Thor watches, and it kind of just pops on his mind – that, you know, Banner has nice hands. They’re nice to watch, and, before he knows it, Thor’s mind starts wandering, and he thinks they must be nice to touch, too.
That’s when it gets complicated.
Banner has nice eyes.
That comes up when they’re on Earth, Banner talking to Darryl, trying to convince him that there was indeed a purple maniac man who wanted to wipe out half of the universe and they stopped him. Darryl seems to have some trouble wrapping his mind around the idea, and Thor quickly forgets him to watch Banner talking. He has these big, brown eyes. Now that Thor knows what puppies are, he can’t help but see a similarity. But it’s bigger than that. There’s a warmth in Banner’s eyes, something beyond his intelligence and apparent frailty, and it burns right through Thor as he stares, and his mouth goes strangely dry.
That… Is kind of a strange thing to notice in a friend, Thor admits. He doesn’t know why it fascinates him so much, but it does, and he can’t help but notice the way Banner’s eyelashes curl above his eyes, giving the warmth a small touch of delicate beauty. Thor watches carefully, wishes to feel that look on him, and surprises himself thinking it wouldn’t be a big loss if those eyes never turned green again.
Banner has a nice mouth.
This one is a slow process. It starts with a simple curiosity, when Banner licks his lips quickly and nervously after a battle, and Thor can’t help but follow the movement with his eyes. Then, it turns into something slightly more intentional – Thor watches the way his lips curl and press when Banner is trying to hold back a laugh, the way they move when he speaks, the way they chew distractedly into a pen when Banner is working. At some point, Thor lifts his glass to drink and straight up misses the mark of his own mouth because he’s too distracted watching Banner’s, and, yeah, that is as strange as it gets.
“…And he has nice hands.”
“Uh,” Steve frowns. “Okay?”
Thor rolls his eyes, frustrated. Steve is supposed to be the Avenger he can count on to explain the intricacies of human behavior to him, mostly because anything Thor doesn’t know is something Steve just learned recently, too. “I’m calling you in dire need of help here, Rogers, okay? Is that all you’ve got to say to my troubles?”
“It doesn’t really sound as troubling as you seem to think.” Steve says, and there’s a glimpse of a smile on his face. “Frankly, it seems that you’re just pining.”
Thor laughs. Over the years he has found that, while Steve is undoubtedly the paragon of human virtue, he can have an unusual sense of humor. “That’s a good joke, friend, but I was hoping to get some real advice.”
Steve smiles fully this time. “Just be honest about it.”
“What?”
“You know, let him know how you feel. You can start by calling him by his first name, for example. Just, you know, some kind of… Courtship.”
Thor’s eyes widen. “Courtship? I don’t want to court Banner!”
Steve laughs. He is openly mocking Thor now. “It sounds like you do, though. And you’re awfully bad at hiding it.”
“I-What?”
“I’m just saying.” Steve shrugs, and Thor curses the fact that humans haven’t figured out a way to punch someone over video calls yet. “You can try spending more time with him, too. You can come to his lab…”
“And what? Create a war that drives apart all of our friends and makes us stop talking to each other until an insane Titan threatens to destroy everything we’ve ever known?”
There’s a moment of silence.
The paragon of human virtue flips Thor off and hangs up on him.
Thor is aware that that was not his finest moment. He sends out a raven with an apology, but gets no answer. Still, he can’t get those words out of his head.
The thing is, however, that Thor does not pine. Pining is for the unworthy, those of frailer bodies and minds. Pining is for Stark and Rogers and their strange, unbearably slow human courtship. Pining is not for the son of Odin, the heir of Asgard, the god of thunder (and not of hammers). Pining is so beneath Thor he could honestly say he doesn’t know what the word means. Because he doesn’t! Really! He gets why it would seem like it, for lesser minds, but there’s just no way he’d ever…
“Thor?” Banner asks, his nice, huge eyes blinking in his direction, clueless and innocent and adorable.
Ok, maybe his friends’ weakness is rubbing off on him a little bit.
“Uh, yes? What is it?” Thor asks back, suddenly forgetting where he usually puts his hands.
“I asked which movie you want to see tonight.”
Thor frowns. “Tonight is your night to choose.”
Banner grins a little, shyly, and Thor pretends he doesn’t suddenly feel warm inside. “Uh, yeah, it would be, but you and Darryl got really upset with The Cove last week.”
Thor shudders at the memory.
“Yeah, I get it, really.” Banner continues. “But I’m researching the life and preservation of marine species now, and the only other movie I can think of is Blackfish, which is, like, even worse. Uh, not from a movie perspective, I think, I hear it’s really great, but-“
“We’ll watch it.” Thor interrupts. “It’s your turn to choose, Bruce, so it’s only fair me and Darryl respect your choice, regardless of our feelings about the works displayed.”
Ban-Bruce’s eyes widen. “Well, ok, I guess.” He says, and he smiles – he’s got a strange, dorky smile, Thor notices. A nice smile.
Darryl passed on movie night, refusing to entertain what he called “Bruce’s masochist taste for documentaries”. Now, watching what can only be described as ninety minutes of the cruelest and ugliest side of humanity, Thor kind of gets his point.
Bruce is sitting right next to him on the couch, though, and he seems completely wrapped by the story. Thor tries to enjoy the movie, but the moment he hears the cry of the mother whale mourning her son, he feels tears welling up in his eye.
“Thor?” Bruce asks. “Are you ok?”
It’s not shameful for a warrior to cry, Thor knows, but, if this is indeed a courtship, it wouldn’t be advisable, at least not by Asgardian standards. The initial part of courting someone involves impressing them through charming talk, often accompanied by boasting of your most badass feats in a recent battle. It most certainly does not involves weeping over baby whales at 1 a.m.
“I’m fine.” He says, dabbing his eye slightly, doing his best to hold the tears back, but the mother whale cries again, and, Balder, how can humans call this entertainment? “I just… Just…”
“Oh, Thor.” Bruce says, and Thor wants to think the fondness in his voice is not his own imagination. He doesn’t get time to think about it, though, because, the next minute, Bruce is curling up next to him, hesitantly offering Thor his blanket and patting his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, buddy. I know it’s hard to watch.”
The use of the word “buddy’ makes Thor frown a little - because, no, definitely not how a courtship should work – but Bruce widens his eyes and takes his hand off his shoulder immediately, and Thor grabs his wrist nervously, attempting to reassure him. “No, no, I… I enjoy the comfort.” He says, lamely, but apparently, it’s enough to soothe Bruce, who, slowly but certainly, passes an arm over Thor’s shoulders, pulling him into a hug.
It’s… Slightly uncomfortable, Thor has to admit, because there’s no way of denying him being held by Bruce is not the most physically logical arrangement for either of them. He curls up in the couch, trying not to lay his full weight on Bruce’s chest, but the sound of Bruce’s heartbeat and the feel of his hands making soothing circles on Thor’s back is almost enough to make him forget it.
“There’s, uh… Laws against this type of thing now.” Bruce says, and there’s a pink streak on his cheeks, which, in Thor’s opinion, only compliments the warmth of his eyes. “It’s an ongoing battle, but captivity is becoming rarer by the day, thankfully. And this movie was a big deal when it came out, it really helped…”
Thor feels his eye getting heavy at Bruce’s words, focusing on the sound of his voice and heartbeat. He dozes off in a few moments, and, fine, that’s not how any courtship is supposed to go, ever, but he doesn’t really mind it.
The next day, Darryl seems extra nervous during breakfast. Darryl is always nervous, Thor thinks, and especially in the mornings, right before he leaves to go to that weird typing chamber he calls a job, but today he taps the table with his fingers in an almost distracting manner.
“Is something troubling you, my friend?” Thor asks, genuinely concerned.
Darryl sighs. He does this a lot when talking to Thor.
“Thor,” He says, slowly, massaging his temples. That’s also something he does a lot. “You know I like Bruce, right?”
Thor raises his eyebrows. “What?”
“I mean, I like Bruce, he’s a nice guy to have around. He’s probably the friendliest of your, uh… Coworkers.” Darryl makes a face, and, ok, Thor has to admit maybe leading the introduction of his team with Valkyrie and Loki was not a good idea. “But, you know, there’s a certain degree of privacy people need to have, even between roommates. And I know, yesterday was just movie night, no big deal, you guys were actually cute when I woke up, but I just… Uh… Wanted to make sure you know, like, your room has a lock for a reason.”
Thor feels his face heating. “Are you suggesting-“
“I’m just saying, man, you’re kind of… Out there with your habits sometimes. And with Bruce, again, I like him, I’m happy for both of you, but I really don’t want to risk walking in on the two of you… Uh…”
“Darryl!” Thor exclaims. “Do you think me and Bruce are going to… On your couch?”
“That’s kind of what I was hoping to avoid, yeah.”
Thor thinks of saying something, but he kind of can’t, because now his head is filled with images of him and Bruce tangled around each other in the couch, Bruce’s nice hands on Thor’s naked chest, his nice mouth on Thor’s neck and…
Thor stands up, immediately, knowing he needs to either spar almost to death with Valkyrie or take a long, cold shower to get rid of the rush on his chest. Before he goes, though, he turns to Darryl, resting his hand quickly on his shoulder.
“Thank you for your advice, friend. I will think about it.”
He turns around and leaves.
“Uh, advice? Thor, you know that that wasn’t, like, an idea, right? That was, like, the opposite of an idea. I’m not trying to… Thor? Thor?!”
Thor spends the next two weeks looking for the perfect moment. Ideally, on an Asgardian courtship, that would be right after a battle, with the taste of victory and glory on both of their mouths as they delighted in each other’s bodies. But at this point he’s already accepted that human courtships are different, and, honestly, after a battle, the only thing Bruce wants to delight in is a cup of tea. Maybe the Hulk would be down for it, but Thor doesn’t want to court him.
(Well… Ok, he hasn’t given the idea much thought yet, but still. He at least doesn’t want to court him without Bruce’s permission.)
So, unable to follow what would be his usual plan of action, Thor feels… A bit lost, honestly. He keeps having impulses of leaning forward and kissing Bruce, sometimes during truly random, inappropriate moments - Loki has kept true to his word about not trying to kill him again, but Thor suspects that would change if their team lost the weekly charades competition because Thor couldn’t stop thinking about Bruce’s lips.
Plus, Thor doesn’t know if just kissing him is the right idea. Bruce is a man of words, Thor knows, and he guesses he would enjoy a proper declaration, but Thor doesn’t even know how to start something like that. He tries to write something down, but the best thing he can come up with is a poor copy of a phrase of the beautiful book about the notebooks Darryl likes so much, and it doesn’t fit, honestly – Thor is not a common man and there are tons of monuments dedicated to him, after all.
It all comes down to the day when, in the middle of breakfast, a raven lands on the window, scratching the glass with its paws until Thor lets it in. A more careful examination reveals to Thor that it’s a red, mechanical bird. It doesn’t stay long, though, just dropping a letter on Thor’s hands before flying away.
“Oh, you got your invitation!” Bruce says, excited. He’s drinking a glass of warm chocolate, and Thor does his best not to think about how his mouth might taste right now.
“My invitation…?” Thor opens the envelope, admiring the elegant, seemingly handwritten letter, before starting to read: You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of Steven Grant Rogers and Anthony Edward Stark.
On the other side of the envelope, there’s just "SUCK IT, ASSHOLE" written in huge, black letters.
Thor drops his glass on the floor. “Rogers and Stark are together?”
“I know, right?” Bruce says, with that small, dorky laugh that makes Thor want to end the universe in a thunderstorm. “I mean, they’ve been circling each other for so long now, I guess they can afford to skip a few steps. Took the world almost ending and all, but it’s great, isn’t it?”
There’s a noble part of Thor’s mind that agrees completely, feeling glad for his friends and their mutual happiness.
There’s a not-so-noble part of Thor’s mind that can only think he just got beaten on the “doing something about your feelings” race by Rogers and Stark, which is the equivalent of being beaten in a regular race by a legless turtle with a severe anxiety disorder. And, wow, that stings.
“We should get married.” Thor hears himself saying, and Bruce gapes at him while lowering his mug on the table.
“We-what?”
“Ok, no, scratch that. But we should… Get… Together. In some way.” Thor babbles, watching Bruce’s blinking eyes. He feels that same warmth he’s been feeling for weeks on his chest, and, fine, part of him wishes Hela would knock on the front door right now just so he can have an excuse to run from this conversation, but he knows he needs to say it. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“Oh.” Bruce says. “Oh. …Wow.” He continues, and Thor curses the fact that he never really attempted to learn all the possible meanings of human onomatopoeias. “Are you serious?” Bruce asks, his cheeks flushing slightly, his eyes sparkling with something Thor wants to believe is happiness, but he can’t be sure.
“Like a heart attack.” Thor says, and he hopes he got the expression right, because the look on Bruce’s face is hard to read. “I have been wondering the… The best way to, hm, court you. Or, or flirt with you, I’m not sure which expression fits best, really, I’m working with Rogers’ advice here and I think we can both agree that isn’t really the best-“
Bruce cuts him off with a kiss – a soft, chaste kiss that makes Thor’s heart flutter. He pulls back after a moment, licking his lips nervously, barely containing a giggle. “I… I have been thinking about you too.” He says, and his hands are warm, calloused, and perfect, touching Thor’s face. “I don’t think I thought about courting, though? But I, I guess I wouldn’t mind calling it this way.” He grins. “If you want to.”
Thor smiles so hard his cheeks hurt. “I want to.”
Bruce beams at him, and Thor leans forward to kiss him again, longer and deeper, while steering both of them out of the kitchen and into the living room. He pulls back for a moment to take Bruce’s hand, sitting on the couch and pulling him into his lap.
“Oh, that’s, that’s a good idea.” Bruce says, between kisses, his voice low and shaky in a way that sends a shiver down Thor’s spine. He smiles lazily, more peaceful and happy than Thor has even seen him before. “A lot more comfortable than the kitchen.” He mutters, his breath warm against Thor’s neck, and, wow. Thor really needs to thank Darryl later.