Chapter 2
Sam immediately went into their room once they got home. They threw their backpack into a corner and started crying. No one was home so they were able to just let it out now; their sobs were heart-wrenching.
They hissed when they accidentally touched their bruised temple while wiping their face. Yesterday-night they had seriously thought about confiding in Laura about their identity.
It had somehow seemed like it would have been easier than telling their moms, but now that Laura had found out and had effectively outed them in front of other classmates, they couldn’t believe that not even 24 hours ago they had thought it to be a good idea to come out to Laura. By now, it was likely that their entire class knew. They had turned off their phone on purpose; they were likely the latest topic in the class group chat by now.
Laura, their best friend, or rather former best friend now. How could they have been so wrong about her? How could they go back to school tomorrow and sit next to her? Sit amongst all these people who had laughed about Robin and hadn’t stood up to any of that? Who had watched them be tripped by Laura?
They were so exhausted from crying that they fell asleep and only woke up when they heard commotion from the living room. They woke up with a startle. Shit, one of their moms was home. They walked into the bathroom and were taken aback by what they saw when they caught a glimpse of their face in the mirror. There was dried blood under their nose and the blueish- green bruise had swollen up quite a bit. There was no way they would be able to hide that from their moms. They also noticed that the sweater they were wearing had blood stains on it. Sam took it off and threw it in the hamper.
They tried to clean themself up as best as they could but couldn’t muster up the courage to go to their moms. They could hear both of them talking and cooking dinner. What were they going to say? Would they believe them if they made up a story? What if they found out about what had happened at school today? What were they supposed to do if their moms found out about their identity? And what if they didn’t accept it? They had no one to turn to as their best friend hated their guts now. They were angry at themself when they noticed that they had started crying again. Their bloodshot and swollen eyes only added to them looking quite miserable.
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Meanwhile, Carina had been planning on talking to her child this evening. They had both become increasingly concerned in the past few months and weeks. They had noticed their child had become quieter and had spent more time in their room by themself. They had stopped confiding in their moms about anything really and both had noticed the weight loss and the more excessive exercising. Maya had started making dinner as she had been home first. They both assumed that their child was still at soccer practice.
“I really don’t know what’s going on with her. I know that puberty can make kids more irritated, but I feel like there is much more going on. Can you remember the last time she met with any of her friends?”, Maya asked Carina while stirring the spaghetti.
“No lo so. I agree that there is something wrong with our bambina. Why don’t we try to talk to her after dinner? I hope that she'll listen. By the way, where is she, she should be home by now.”, Carina said worriedly, checking the time.
Just as Maya shrugged, Carina’s phone suddenly rand, starling both women a little.
“It’s her soccer coach.”, Carina let Maya know, who was now solely focussed on her wife.
“Yes, hello.”, Maya saw Carina’s face shift from confusion to more worry.
“She wasn’t there today?”
“Ok, thank you for letting me know. Yes… bye.”
“What do you mean she wasn’t there”, Maya asked with a harsher tone than she intended.
“I don’t know. Her coach said she never turned up and the other girls didn’t know anything about her. Did you check her room when you came home?”
“No, I just assumed that she was at soccer practice.”
Maya turned off the stove, no longer interested in making dinner, though the firefighter in her made her turn off everything out of instinct.
The moms hurried over to their child’s room.
“Lucia are you in there?”, Carina called out while knocking on the door.
Sam was startled out of their thoughts and their heart started pounding. Their moms must know that they didn’t go to soccer practice. They would see them like this.
“Leave me alone.”
Both moms were slightly relieved that their child wasn’t missing.
“Lucy, we’re just worried about you. Why didn’t you go to soccer training today?, Maya asked trying to hold back her anger about her child scaring them like that. No answer. "Can we come in?”
Sam was panicking inside their room. They hated the name their moms called them. And it wasn’t even their moms’ fault. Sam stayed curled up in a ball on the bed while their thoughts were so loud that they only noticed that their moms had come in when Carina carefully rubbed their back.
Maya and Carina’s concern only grew when they saw their child like that.
“Bambina what happened?”
Sam made sure that their face stayed buried in pillows. They wanted to start deflecting and shutting their moms out again but after everything that had happened today, they had reached their breaking point. Their moms gentle touch was so soft and nurturing that it led to another breakdown. What if they would never be able to feel that again? What if they were wrong about their moms, too? What if they reacted just like Laura had? Where would they go?
“Lucy, you need to breathe.”, Carina and Maya had continued to gently stroke Sam’s back but when they started hyperventilating instead of calming down, Maya gently pulled them up into her lap as they all sat on the bed.
Sam missed the concerned glances between their moms when they saw Sam’s bruised face.
“It’s gonna be ok baby. Whatever happened, it’s gonna be ok. Me and your mamma, we will always be here for you. Just breathe.”, Maya tried to reassure her child and was confused and concerned when that seemed to have the opposite effect. Sam was now in a full-blown panic attack.
“Lucia, can you look at me?”, Carina said with a loud and clear tone, but Sam just shook their head. They couldn’t face their moms right now, they couldn’t talk, they just wanted this all to go away.
Maya and Carina were at a loss about what to do. The felt helpless as their child seemed to refuse their help and neither of them had any clue as to what was going on.
Maya tried to calm them down in a more practical way.
“Ok, try to take a deep breath in… and out.”, she exaggerated her own breathing and hoped that their child would follow her breathing pattern. Slowly but surely their breathing started to calm down.
“That’s better.”, after a few minutes their breathing was at an almost normal rate again just with the occasional hitch.
“Can you tell us what happened?”, Carina asked, gesturing to their face.
“Um… I was tripped and I stumbled into a door.”, Sam decided to go with some version of the truth but continued to avoid their moms’ gaze.
They flinched when Carina gently touched it to examine the damage.
“I’m sorry that looks really painful. Let’s get some ice on that.”, Carina suggested, also to get her child out of their room.
“Come on.”, Maya helped Sam to get up from the bed and into the living room. They sat down on the sofa while Carina got some ice and a glass of water.
“What could have possibly happened to get Lucia in a state like that? Is she being bullied at school? Is that what’s been going on? But why didn’t she tell us?”, Carina’s thoughts were racing.
After Sam’d had a few gulps of water and Carina had gently applied the ice, they all fell into a tense silence again.
“What really happened?”, Maya asked gently.
Sam felt like they couldn’t speak, even if they wanted to. No matter what they would say, their moms would surely find out eventually.
“You know that you can tell us anything, right? Whatever it is, we are here for you, Lucy.”
That name brought tears to their face again. The question was, would their moms still be here for them, even if they weren’t Lucy or Lucia? If they were no longer their little girl or bambina? Would they still love them as Sam? Would they look at them differently? Would they be ashamed to tell others about their child from now on? Would they even accept the concept of transgender and non-binary?
“It… it was Laura. She tripped me and I fell into a door.”
This was amongst the last things either of their moms had expected.
“Laura? Why would she do that?”, Maya exclaimed.
“There was this new person in class today, and Laura said some mean things about them and I… I didn’t agree with her.”
“What? Why was she being mean to the new student? This doesn’t sound like Laura. What… what did she say?”, Carina was confused.
They waited for their child to start speaking again but Sam averted their gaze and couldn’t muster up the courage to speak these next words.
“Lucy, what’s going on?”
Sam’s whole body stiffened when they heard that name again.
“I… I need to tell you something…”
“You can tell us anything.”
“I… do you promise…”, a sob escaped their mouth and made the next words sound more feeble than they wanted them to “do you promise that you’ll still love me?”, their voice broke.
Carina and Maya shot concerned looks at each other and moved to console their child.
“We will always love you. There is nothing you can do that could ever change that.”, Maya promised, and Carina nodded. Neither of them had any clue what this might be about.
“I… I have been struggling with this for some time now and I... I can’t keep this from you any longer. I… I’m not a girl. I… always thought that I just wasn’t that feminine, but I’m just not a girl…”, they broke down sobbing and were too scared to look up at either of their moms.
“Does this mean that you are a boy?”, Carina asked gently.
Sam shook their head. Their mama’s voice hadn’t sounded angry or upset.
“I… I’m neither a girl nor a boy, it’s called… non-binary.”
Sam still couldn’t face their moms.
“Oh sweetie, we know what non-binary is.”, Maya reassured them, smiling a little.
“That’s ok. We love you no matter what.”
Sam almost couldn’t believe what they were hearing.
They looked up to Maya who was smiling at them. They looked over to Carina.
“I’m so proud of you. And I’m sorry if we ever made you feel like this was something that you couldn’t tell us. I love you so much.” The little family all cried happy tears for a little while. Sam was so overwhelmed. During the last few hours, the amount of people who knew about their identity had increased dramatically and it hadn’t exactly been their choice. But despite of everything that had happened at school earlier, they couldn’t help but be so incredibly relieved about how their moms took it.
“So, do you want to use a different name and/or pronouns?”, Maya asked.
This question brought tears of appreciation in Sam’s eyes as they nodded. They took a deep breath and said those words out loud for the first time:
“I… I thought about Sam, and I want to use… they/them pronouns.”
“Sam, I like that name.”, Carina said.
Sam took another deep breath, they were so grateful, this really couldn’t have gone any better.
“Thank you so much, I was so scared.”, they admitted.
“You don’t need to thank us for loving you the way you are. I know that may parents don’t accept their children, but this should be normal.”, Carina said.
They sat on the sofa in silence a little longer when a rumble form Maya’s stomach interrupted it. The little family started laughing.
“Come on, let have dinner. I’m starving, we hardly had any time to eat during the shift, we had so many calls.”