Chapter 6
It took TJ a moment to register the unusual sound that woke him, but the second he felt the tremble coursing through Steve’s body he knew.
Nightmare.
He’d expected this. Despite Steve’s nightmare-free streak there was simply no way the day's events were going to let him sleep. Rubbing the blond’s back he tried to ease him into wakefulness.
The sudden gasp for air preceding a choking sob told him Steve was awake. Scooting closer, he wrapped his arm around the super soldier’s waist, leaning his head against the back of the blond’s neck.
Steve would talk when he was ready, but for the moment TJ simply held him close so he would know he wasn’t alone.
Steve’s hand grasped TJ’s where it rested on the blond’s stomach, clinging to him like a lifeline as he struggled to calm his racing mind and uncontrollable tears. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to sort nightmare from memory.
“I’m sorry.” He choked the words out in a whisper he wasn’t sure TJ could hear.
“Don’t apologize.” Steve sighed at TJ’s gentle reprimand.
“But…”
“No. I don’t care what supposed crime you are attempting to apologize for, I’m telling you to stop. There are no apologies needed. I just want to be here for you.” TJ whispered as fiercely as he could, not wanting to yell in Steve’s ear.
“I love you.” Steve could find no other words as he let himself sink into TJ’s embrace.
“Good. Because you’re stuck with me. And I love you too.” TJ kissed the back of his neck. “Now, do you want to talk about it?”
“I was back rescuing Bucky. Finding him strapped to that table. If I’d only been there earlier.” His words faded as he fought fresh tears.
TJ held him as tightly as he could. “You can’t change what happened. All we can do is work to find him so you guys can stage a rescue as soon as possible.”
“Meow.” Bucky and Peggy appeared at the foot of the bed.
“I’m assuming they agree with that plan.” TJ watched as the kittens walked along Steve’s blanket covered legs like a balance beam. “What do you think Bucky will think of his namesake?”
This earned a small chuckle from Steve as he considered it. “I don’t know. Though I guess it ruins Natasha’s theory that human Bucky reincarnated as this little monster.”
The furry monster in question tumbled off Steve’s side and nestled into the crook of his arm as Peggy found a spot on the pillow by TJ’s head.
“I guess they’re sleeping with us now.” Steve murmured as he fought a yawn.
“I suppose so.” TJ kissed the blond’s shoulder before closing his eyes.
***
Blinking slowly, TJ was surprised to realize the sun was peeking through the curtains. He’d expected a rougher night. Steve’s even breathing told him the other man remained asleep, nestled safely in his arms.
That thought made him grin. He highly doubted there was any physical scenario where Steve would need his protection and yet at night the soldier seemed more than willing to surrender himself to TJ’s guardianship. It was an unusual but not unwelcome realization.
Glancing around he realized the kittens had retreated back to their tree by the window at some point in the night.
Lying there, TJ let his hand trace along the hard planes of Steve’s side, enjoying the solid, warm presence snuggled against him. Letting his eyes drift closed, TJ let himself enjoy this quiet moment. The peace was interrupted very suddenly when he realized his dick hadn’t received the memo about everything Steve was dealing with and had decided to make itself known by pressing against that national treasure that was Steve’s ass.
Easing his hips back, TJ hoped Steve had slept through it all and would be none the wiser about his boyfriend’s ill-timed hard on.
The whimper made TJ freeze. He’d barely managed to put an inch between the offending tent in his pants and Steve.
TJ smothered a yelp as Steve shifted, pressing his very firm backside directly against TJ’s erection. This time it was TJ that whimpered.
“Is there a reason you’re retreating this morning? If memory serves correctly, usually you’re more than happy to help prod me awake with that.”
TJ whimpered louder as Steve squirmed against him. His hand gripped Steve’s hip, squeezing tight in an unsuccessful effort to still the grinding.
“I…” He hissed as Steve moved again, making TJ throb harder. “I didn’t want to seem like an ass with everything going on. I was holding you while you slept and didn’t realize…” His voice trailed off and he was positive his face was crimson at his admission.
“TJ, love, whatever else is going on doesn’t need to change everything. I appreciate you trying not to be pushy, but honestly I’ve lost so much to the madness this world keeps throwing at me - I refuse to lose anything of what we share to it.”
TJ let his head rest against Steve’s breathing in the now familiar scent of his partner
“You won’t lose anything of me, even if you aren’t in the mood.”
“Good to know.” Steve squirmed so he could face TJ. “However, as you might notice, “he thrust gently so his own erection pressed against TJ’s through their pajama pants, “I am very much in the mood.”
Steve leaned closer, capturing TJ’s lips as his hand snaked around to cup his ass, pressing the brunette harder against him.
***
Hand in hand, Steve and TJ made their way into the kitchen to start breakfast as the kittens tried their best to trip them. The pair were determined to head into the coming day with a sense of optimism, even as both had to admit there was plenty of worry to cloud it.
Still, they had each other. They had the entire team. Bucky was alive. And one way or another, they were going to save him. For the moment, they were allowing no other options.
Before they could begin cooking, the rest of the team trickled into the kitchen. To everyone’s amusement kitten Clint was perched atop human Clint’s shoulder.
“I thought you didn’t like him?” Bruce teased as the archer took the kitten to join his siblings and started preparing their breakfast.
“He’s grown on me.” Clint shrugged.
“JARVIS,” Tony spoke up as soon as he’d finished giving everyone a quick hug. “Be a dear and give us a status update and any highlights of what you’ve learned while we slept. Not to dive right into business, but we’ve got a wayward Bucky to find.”
“Of course, sir. I’ve given you all access to everything I found of The Winter Soldier’s activities over the last several decades. I haven’t processed them yet as I was focused on gathering all available intel and compiling what I could of how Sergeant Barnes became The Winter Soldier.”
Everyone nodded at this statement as they finished getting coffee or tea and settled around the table and counter while TJ started mixing pancakes and Steve made the bacon.
“There is a folder with all the compiled information about The Winter Soldier’s creation, but should anyone wish to avoid that particular trauma, here’s the short version. Sergeant Barnes was one of the first and most successful soldiers to be created as part of the project. He was tortured, his mind erased, his body kept in cryostasis when not in use.” JARVIS sounded unusually distraught for an AI as he spoke. “According to the records, he should have no memory whatsoever of his former life and his missions should be stored in such a way he doesn’t recall them unless specifically triggered. They’ve turned him into a weapon that is supposed to have no autonomy, no ability to make decisions counter to his orders.”
“Then how…” Steve started but couldn’t finish.
“The human mind is an amazing thing,” Bruce answered. “From what I’ve heard, Bucky was no pushover, so I’d guess he didn’t submit willingly and his mind managed to bury what HYDRA thought they removed. Something about seeing you, hearing your voice, or even something you said must have put a crack in HYDRA’s programming.”
Natasha stared at Steve, seeing the pained expression on his face. “I’m with you till the end of the line. That’s what you said to him when he was about to kill us. Those words meant something.”
Steve nodded as he tried to find the right words to explain. Feeling TJ press against his back, arms wrapping tight around his waist, he finally spoke. “Those words were spoken more times than I can count. Long before we went to war. Those words were the vow of brotherhood between us. A commitment we both made.” Steve swiped as the tears threatened to spill.
“Something tells me that vow saved you on the ship and if we’re lucky whatever crack they created in the HYDRA programming is going to help us save him too.” Tony’s voice was etched in determination as he crossed the room to stand directly across the counter from Steve. Reaching across he grasped Cap’s hands where they supported him on the counter. “We’re going to find him, Steve. We’re going to bring him back.”
Steve could only nod as he met Tony’s stare, but TJ gave voice to his thoughts. “Thank you, Tony.”
With one final squeeze, Tony let go. “JARVIS, keep digging and let’s find a way to locate him. They can’t stay on the Lemurian Star forever.”
“Of course sir. I’ve been monitoring the ship’s location via Natasha’s tracking beacon since Natasha and Captain Rogers were aboard. I borrowed a few of our Stark satellites to keep an eye on it and as of yet have seen no other arrivals or departures. I will continue to monitor and let you all know as soon as that changes.”
“Thanks, J.” Tony nodded approvingly at the AI’s course of action. “So what should the rest of us do while we wait for something to happen on that front.”
“I’m going to read through the mission files. We don’t know what shape his memory is going to be in, so assuming his memories are patching themselves back together I want to be familiar with things so I can help if needed.” Steve couldn’t hide the grimace at the thought of what he was going to find in those files.
“I want to do the same. He doesn’t know me, but I feel like it’s important to go into this as aware as we can be so he doesn’t feel like our trying to help is based on our ignorance of what he’s done. He needs to know we don’t hold that against him.” TJ flipped the pancakes as he spoke, missing the expressions of awe on the faces of several of those gathered.
“I’ll get a message to my parents and ask them to confer with the healers on Asgaard. In many ways our healing is more advanced than what is found here, so they may have some insights into helping him once he has been recovered.” Thor rose from his chair, going to stand by the windows. “It can’t hurt.”
“No. It can’t.” Natasha quickly agreed. “Actually I may do the same with a connection I made in Wakanda a while back. They tend to keep to themselves, but I believe I might be able to convince them to assist.”
By the time breakfast was served, everyone had claimed some way of either helping to find, understand, or ultimately aid in Bucky’s recovery.
Looking around the table, Steve almost felt like he’d entered into an alternate reality. “I…” he started but then wasn’t sure how to continue.
“If you’re about to launch into some speech about how much you appreciate us supporting you since you’ve never really had that when trying to save Bucky in the past you can skip it. We know, but more importantly I believe we’ve all reached the point where there are no circumstances where we wouldn’t do exactly this for anyone here.” Tony stopped as he realized everyone was staring at him with complete shock on their faces. “What? Like I’m the only one that was thinking it.”
Pepper tried to smuggle a small chuckle. “No Tony. I don’t think you were the only one.”
Before anyone could say another word he shoved a big bite of pancake in his mouth.
“Thanks Tony.” Steve met his eyes across the table, amazed that he’d ever thought Tony was anything less than a wonderful person that would do anything for those he loved.