Chapter 5
He can’t believe he’d forgotten to ask off work. He’d made sure he’d done it the last four years and couldn’t believe he’d forgot this year and was stuck at work as he tried to find someone to cover the rest of his shift.
Five years to the day since Bucky had died.
And Joey was stuck home alone because of it.
He’d even reach out to Tony, who apologized but had some mandatory meetings to attend and was having Ruth watch Peter for the day.
Around 3 in the afternoon, Sharon came to the rescue. She had just gotten off a 24 hour shift but was kind enough to take the remainder of Steve’s as he promised her multiple favors in return. Before he left he sent a text to Jo’s phone, letting her know he was coming back. He drove a little over the speed limit back, having felt terrible when he told Joey he’d forgotten the night before. The kid looked damn terrified at the very idea, but nodded because what else could she have said?
He called her name after unlocking the door to the apartment, frowning when he didn’t hear anything in response. He calmly checked each room, looking around her room for any clues. She’d left her phone on the bed and had several unread messages and missed calls…he went to check the key rack – and sure enough found her keys missing.
“Joey!” he called out again, louder this time as he tried once more in the front yard. Fuck. He walked a little around the block, knowing she’d occasionally sit out back under the tree. No one there either.
He went back into the apartment, looking everywhere for a fucking note she might’ve left. Sure, she didn’t know he had gotten off work early, but she should know better than to leave without the phone she had just gotten back.
Incredibly irritated, he left his own note in case she should come back to call him asap before grabbing his keys and leaving.
He checked the regular places he knew she liked to hang out at, as well as at a few of her friends’ houses. Nothing.
Okay, now he was genuinely starting to worry. He held off on doing anything irrational, repeatedly telling himself she was probably fine. When three hours had passed, he called Tony. It immediately went to voicemail followed by a ping indicating a text message.
[In a meeting, what’s up?]
He took a breath as he typed his response.
[Have you heard from Joey? I got off work early and she wasn’t at the apartment. Took her keys but left her phone…]
He gripped the wheel as he sat in the parking lot he’d pulled off to, waiting for his reply.
[No I haven’t. But I can help you look. How about I pick you up from your place in 15 minutes? Been looking for a good reason to get out of this meeting early anyway…]
Steve found himself smiling at that.
[You sure Pepper won’t mind?]
Steve was even scared of that woman, all 115 pounds of her.
[..not since I just told her why. She said to call her if necessary ;) see you in 15]
Despite the circumstances, he found himself laughing a little. He would argue about driving, but he hadn’t slept well since they’d named a date for Rumlow’s trial. He knew Joey hadn’t slept great since that night…and tried to keep that in mind as he waited for Tony to pick him up to look for her.
Tony suggested to look at places she and Bucky would have gone to together, which was two other places Steve hadn’t thought of. Afterward, with no sign of her, Steve finally realized he knew where she’d be.
He directed Tony to the cemetery Bucky was buried at.
Sure enough, sitting there at the top of the hill was a teen curled in on herself. Tony got out of the car with Steve, walking along with him as they approached her. He noticed Tony stop short of sitting next to her, following his line of sight as the blonde realized she was clutching a mostly empty bottle of vodka. He opened his mouth to reprimand, but stopped when he heard Tony coughing loudly at him, looking at him pointedly before sitting next to her.
“Hey Jo,” the brunette said gently as she whipped around to face him – apparently too blazed to even notice they’d walked up to her.
“Tony! We were just talking about you! What are you doing here, man?” she slurred a little at him. Steve coughed loudly to make his presence known, frowning as Joey whipped to the other side to look at him.
“Oh no, it’s the alcohol police!” she said before laughing at her own joke.
“Where the hell did you get that bottle?” he demanded, ignoring the glare Tony was throwing his way.
“I paid a kind older gentleman outside a liquor store. He was really nice, most guys just demand to see my tits but he just took the money,” she explained innocently as she stared at her father’s tombstone.
"Are you fucking kidding-"
“Steve!” Tony hissed as Steve looked back at him confused. He had every right to be angry right now. Tony shook his head furiously, maintaining eye contact as Steve felt himself slowly relent.
Maybe Tony had a point, he might be too mad to talk to her. His anger stayed burning in his chest as Tony put his arm around her, Steve only able to stare at that damn bottle.
“Hey kiddo, how about we get you home, huh?” the man suggested as he rubbed her arm in comfort. She suddenly shook herself from his embrace.
“No! I don’t wanna go back there! I want to remember my dad, not look around and think about that…fucker,” she gritted that last word out making Steve’s eyebrows shoot up as she confessed, “he threatened to rape me.” Tony looked back at Steve both looking panicked as they turned back to the girl still staring at the tombstone.
“Dad would’ve beat his ass, would’ve been proud I beat his ass,” she corrected, smiling at the thought.
“Joey, you never told the cops he threatened to rape you…why didn’t you tell anyone?” Tony asked with a waver in his voice.
“I legit forgot about,” she said, “I didn’t remember it until later and by then I didn’t know if it would do any good.”Steve ran his hands over his face in frustration, stopping to grip some of his blonde locks.
“Can you tell us now?” Tony asked gingerly. She slowly turned to him before answering.
“After he shoved his way in – convinced I was lying about Steve – he cornered me against the wall… said he heard I was gay, ‘caught it from Steve,’ before saying how he could quote “fuck the dyke out of me”…that’s when I hit him with a knee to the nuts and vase to the noggin,” she finished with a little laugh. “So no, I’m not going back there.”
“I can't fucking believe–” Steve started.
“–Then come to my place, you know you’ll be safe there. We’ll drop Steve off to get some pictures of your dad while you and I get some Starbucks and donuts. How does that sound?”
“Drop me off? Why can’t you guys just wait outside for me?” he asked as Tony helped Joey to her feet, leaving the bottle on the ground and walking her back to the car.
“Because,” he started, not stopping to see if Steve was following them, “you could use that time to cool off and seriously think things over.” The blonde tried to not look offended as he quickly caught up to them and begrudgingly got in the backseat behind Joey.
“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” he asked as he buckled his seat belt.
Tony waited until they started driving to answer, probably just to piss Steve off more.
“It means if you even think about yelling at this child I will fucking dump you, okay?” He heard Joey gasp at that as his own mouth hung open in disbelief.
“Are you…really fucking tell me how to parent–”
“–yes, I’m telling you how to fucking parent, even if it costs this relationship because I fucking love this kid. I love you too but you’re seriously pissing me off right now.”
“What the hell did I do?” he demanded.
“She’s hurting, Steve! She misses her old dad, got abandoned by her new one and so she drank. Underage. Get the fuck over it! Honestly, part of me thinks you’ll dump me for my drinking any fucking day now. It’s a coping mechanism. You know what my parents did to help me cope with that when I was her age? They threw me in fucking rehab. What she needs is someone to love her and to listen. Not scream at her and punish her.”
“Tony…” Steve began, slightly less angry as Tony was starting to take up that space in the car.
“She thinks you don’t want her, Steve!” he confessed, evident by the gasp and silent “Tony” that came from the passenger seat.
“Jo…?” Steve asked in disbelief.
“Says you told her you didn’t want kids when she was 8, and four years later boom, she’s your kid. How do you think that made her feel? You know what else she said?!” he asked a little more forcefully.
“She told me when we first got together, I was an intruder. But later she realized “she was the intruder,” thinking she’d done more harm than good to you.”
“Tony!” Joey said a little more forcefully, obviously upset with this confession.
“Now, I know you love her. I see it all the time and I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt…which is why I’m dropping you off to think about what you want to calmly say to a sober Joey. I want you to think long and hard about how lucky you are to have her,” Tony paused as he pulled in to park in front of his apartment.
“And then…then I want you to think long and hard about this relationship,” he choked out the last words.
Steve felt his eyes get misty as he watched Tony grip the wheel.
“You love someone in spite of their faults…and I have a lot of them…including drinking. Which is why I haven’t done it in front of you since the first night we met…” Steve hadn’t realized that, frown deepening as he took in Tony’s words.
“I love you Steve,” the man confessed as he made eye contact with him in the rearview mirror, “but right now? I need you to get the fuck out of my car.” The sound of the doors unlocking shook Steve out of his trance, nodding as he made his way out of the car and onto the sidewalk.
Shame gave him goosebumps as he considered his first reaction to the news of her trauma with anger, as if it was in anyway her fault.
He watched them drive away, hating himself for how right Tony was.
How had he screwed up so royally?
The two people who he loved most in this world didn’t know just how much he loved them?
He clearly wasn’t telling them enough.
Or showing them enough.
Steve looked up to the sky, thinking for the first time how disappointed in him Bucky would be. He imagines it differently, if Bucky had found Joey crying at her mom’s grave, bottle in hand. How he would’ve just sat with her, probably take a swig of the drink as he pulled her onto his lap. Fuck, he was a much better dad than Steve would ever be.
And therein lied the problem.
Steve, in his thirty years of living, has never left Bucky’s shadow. He hesitated adopting her in the beginning, not wanting her to think he was trying to replace his brother. He never ended up doing it, thinking he never measured up to Bucky as a parent. Always introduced himself as her uncle, though he always internally thought of her as his kid.
All this time he thought Joey was mad at him for replacing her dad…and it turns out she was mad he hadn’t. He needed to let Bucky go in that aspect. Pull him off the ‘perfect dad pedestal’ to give Steve the chance to be her father figure. He’d never replace Bucky as her real dad…but he needed to stop with the uncle/authoritative guardian shtick.
Joey was right, he stopped being fun.
He pictures Bucky smacking the back of his head, like a light bulb going off as he thought of how his brother had told him once he’d make a great dad.
It was after he said he’d never have kids, just as Joey has said happened when she was 8. He remembers that conversation, though he also remembers giving her a hug and telling her “a niece was all he needed.” He would have to explain himself to her.
To both of them.
Fuck did Tony really not see how much Steve loved him? How head over heels he was for him?
He finally moved his feet to go back inside, knowing what he needed to do.
He took the opportunity to shower before grabbing the box of photo albums and home videos, showing up at the mansion about half an hour later.
He was glad to see Joey had showered and eaten, the two sitting in the living room with a half-eaten box of donuts while the teen sported damp hair. They stopped their conversation when Steve entered the room, the blonde glad to see an extra coffee sitting waiting for him at the spot next to Joey.
He watched them watch him, sitting next to her and stealing a glance at Tony. The brunette brought his coffee to his lips as he watched Steve put the box on the table next to the donuts, both of them waiting for him to talk.
“I owe you both an apology,” he began, ignoring the surprised looks on both of them. “You’re right, I haven’t been doing a good enough job letting the two people I love most in this world…know that I love them the most in this world.” He saw Tony smile out of the corner of his eye, but he turned to address Joey first.
“Joey, when I said I didn’t want kids, it was because I was closeted 22 year old and was pissed about it. It wasn’t because I didn’t enjoy little people…having kids would’ve felt like…conforming to the very hetero-normative ideas that oppressed me to the point of waiting 30 years to come out. You think I didn’t want you? Kid,” great, he was hoping he could hold off on the tears. “I’ve loved you since the moment I held you the day you were born. I stayed with you while your dad…stayed with your mom,” he said carefully.
“And since that day,” he said, not caring about the free flow of tears at this point, “since I was 14,” he emphasized, “I’ve loved you more and more than I thought possible. Even when you learned to roll as I was changing your dirty diaper. And when you made me read Green Eggs and Ham so many times I started reciting it in my sleep?” he took the time to pause, glad to see her smile at that. “Your first word was ‘dada’ but you know what your third word was? Seeb.” She laughed a little at that, curiosity reading across her face.
“…what was my second word?”
“’No’, I taught you that and immediately regretted it,” he said, cherishing her laugh. He took another breath before confessing the absolute truth.
“It was never that I didn’t want you…it was that I never felt good enough to have you.” Her head shot up at that, eyes equally watery as she looked at him in confusion.
“I knew I could never replace your dad,” he choked out that last word, heart always always hurting whenever he thought of his deceased brother. “So I never bothered trying. And that wasn’t fair to you, because you deserve a better dad than that.” He didn’t look at either of them when he finished, feeling a little raw inside. He felt the couch shift, looking up as Joey moved over to wrap her arms around him.
“You’re a great dad, Steve. I’m sorry I was a little shit today…”
“No,” Steve said as he pulled her onto his lap, engulfing her in a bear hug and soaking in her words. “You have nothing to apologize for, I should’ve requested today off. I’m so sorry Jo, if I remembered you wouldn’t have ended up drunk at his grave.”
“You don’t know that,” she countered with a smile in her voice. He laughed loudly, turning to smile at Tony who had laughed as well – tears in his eyes like the other two.
“I know I should have done better. And I will do better,” he made sure to lock eyes with Tony. “I promise.”
The three sat in silence for a moment, Steve just enjoying holding his kid in his arms, chest filled with warmth at how happy Bucky would be for them.
“I love you Joey,” he added for good measure, promising himself he’d say it more often. She squirmed a little in his lap, only to bury her head in his neck and wrap her arms around him again.
“I love you too,” she whispered back.
He rubbed her back for a few more minutes before looking over at Tony, who hadn’t looked away from the two but was watching them silently. The brunette smiled sheepishly back at him, looking like he was still unsure of their fate.
“Say, kiddo, Ruth should be dropping Peter off any minute…do you wanna go wait downstairs for him while I talk with Steve?” Tony asked, surprising Steve with the announcement. He thought Tony was going to pick Peter up tomorrow morning, smiling when he realized he must’ve asked Ruth to bring him tonight…so the four could hang out…as a family.
Joey climbed off his lap and made her way to the elevators, obviously aware of the plan beforehand. Steve waited until she left to get it out.
“I don’t care if she starts drinking when she’s 21, I just don’t want her to drink underage. I don’t care that you drink, I actually find you incredibly charming and maybe even a little sexy when you’re drunk,” Steve blurted out, pausing when Tony just looked surprised back at him. “I love you Tony. I love you so much it hurts. I’ve never liked birthdays, but I loved my 30th because I met you. You literally make me a better man.”
He took this opportunity to scoot closer to Tony, smiling when his love’s face blushed at the words.
“And I’m so sorry I haven’t made that anything but obvious to you, Tony. I love you so much…I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
That part he hadn’t quite planned on admitting. They were almost three months into their relationships, marriage was a little absurd of a thought. But he realized he said the right thing when he told the truth, loving the way Tony’s smile grew as he scooted closer to Steve.
“Well,” the man choked out, “guess I’m glad I put you in time-out…” Steve laughed loudly at that, only able to agree.
“Me too,” the blonde said as he leaned over to kiss the love of his life. “Maybe later I can uh…put you in timeout…” he said suggestively. The brunette snorted out a laugh, hand going over his mouth in immediate embarrassment. Steve simply removed the hand to kiss him again. He pulled back as he pet the face of the man he loved.
“I can’t imagine losing either of you…any of you,” he clarified when they heard the elevators ding again and the quick patter of footsteps approach. He stole another kiss from the brunette, relishing in the smile he felt against his lips.
“Daddy! Steeb!” the toddler shouted excitedly, throwing himself on top of the two men. Steve fumbled him for balance as he watched Joey join them on Steve’s side, extending an arm to wrap around his girl.
The family leaned back into the couch, making themselves comfortable as Steve sent a thanks upstairs for his life.
His incredibly lucky life he would be eternally grateful for.
The day of their wedding, Steve was having trouble wrangling the four and a half year old into his tiny tux. Joey stood unimpressed by their side.
“Come on Captain, we don’t have all day.”
Steve shot a glare her way. Ever since he was promoted six months ago, she only called him Captain when he was obviously failing at something. Like dressing a tiny tornado.
“I’ll go look for reinforcements,” she offered, ignoring Steve’s pleading look.
“Papa it’s too tight!” the boy complained loudly as he looked on the verge of a tantrum. May joined them a moment later, bless that beautiful woman, as she quickly joined Peter’s side.
“Petey what’s wrong? I thought you liked your tux?”
“It’s too tight momma!” he complained again, dramatically flinging his arms.
“Really? Cause it seems pretty loose if you can flail your arms about…” she said pointedly, not falling for his bs.
“Come on baby, we can’t start without you! You have the most important job as the ring bearer, remember?” Steve tried again.
“But Papaaaaaaa,” he whined out, making sure to drag the word out as far as possible.
“Uh uh,” May said, cutting him off. “We talked about this Peter. We’re not going to do anything to take away from Daddy and Papa’s big day, right? Cause we love them and we’re happy for them? Plus remember how Papa officially adopted Joey? He’s going to officially adopt you too! Lots of reasons to celebrate our big happy family! Just keep it on long enough to walk down the aisle and take a picture. I promise you’ll take it off after, okay?”
“Okay,” the boy muttered, finally relenting so Steve could finish helping him get dressed. The door opened as Tony peered in.
“Hey, is everything okay?”
“Yup,” Steve said as he pulled his boy in for a hug and kiss, grabbing his hand to lead the way to the wedding.
Sam served as his best man, bringing Sharon as a date to their wedding. Rhodey was Tony’s with Pepper being one of his groomsmen and absolutely rocking a pantsuit.
Peter was on his best behavior as he carried the pillow down the aisle, smiling at the men who each kissed him on the cheek. Joey, being one of Steve’s groomsmen and also rocking a suit, pulled Peter back to stand by her, the two smiling at their parents.
Neither made it through the ceremony without tears, turning to see not many others in attendance had either. Except Peter, who looked happy but a little bored.
After the ceremony they officially adopted each other’s kid, laughing as Peter excitedly removed the jacket of his tux in celebration.
“Yay Papa!” he shouted as he hugged Steve’s legs. The blonde leaned down to pick up his son, pulling him into his embrace as he stole a glance at his husband.
Who was smiling back at him, hugging their daughter.
FIN