The Distraction That Saved The Universe
Planning a strategy with the Guardians of the Galaxy as they called themselves was proving to be useless. Tony needed to come up with another plan; they’d need to distract Thanos when he arrived. He went to find Strange because honestly he might be the only one besides Peter that would be reliable.
“Hey magic man.”
Strange looked at him trying not to show he was annoyed.
“What?”
“I’ve got an idea but I want to see if you can do what I need you to. That portal thing you can do, can you move and close it to say cut off a certain evil asshole’s arm?”
“Yes but how do you plan to distract Thanos to stop him from seeing what I’m doing?”
“Leave that to me.” He said walking off saying nothing of his plan.
When Thanos arrived he found Strange sitting alone waiting for him. Before Thanos or Strange could even exchange words both were distracted by the loud cry and naked genius running in view of both.
“Loki stole my clothes! He threatened to make me kneel and to do unspeakable things to my butthole!”
Thanos was dumbstruck watching the genius that Strange easily made a portal and closed it to cut off his hand. Thanos roared in pain and before he could even try to grab the gauntlet Peter webbed it up from where he was clinging to Quill as he flew away overhead.
“Thanos!” Drax roared as he jumped at the titan to behead him.
“Yay, win for team Tony.” Tony cheered as he walked back over naked as the day he was born.
“How the hell did that work?” Strange asked while Tony didn’t appear to have any intention of getting dressed again.
“Because if you see someone streaking while claiming the god of mischief stole your clothing you stop to look.”
“A marvelous trick Anthony.”
Tony and Strange both turned to see Loki standing there looking amused.
“You have my thanks, your mischief was enough to resurrect me. Now, has anyone seen Thor? I’m sure he’s off someplace whining about my death again.”
“You know Thor?” Quill asked as he landed.
“Indeed, I am his brother. How do you know him?”
“He landed on the windshield of our ship.”
Loki just hummed before smirking at Strange.
“Ah, the man who thinks himself a sorcerer.”
“I will banish you to the dark dimension.”
“Been there, Dormammu isn’t fond of me after my last trick.”
Strange just glared.
“So can we go home now? I need to rub this in Rogers’s self-righteous face.”
“I hope you mean this situation, I would hate for you to waste that lovely ass on the likes of the captain.” Loki said; eyes locked onto his ass.
“Like I’d ever give that asshole the time of day. You though, I do owe you a drink.”
“Mr. Stark, can you please put on some clothes?” Peter whined as he covered his eyes.
“This is what happens when you’re a stowaway kid. So keep your eyes closed until we get back to earth because this iron man is staying Stark naked. Now, let’s go home.”
Strange sighed as he opened a portal to where the others were facing Thanos’s forces. They walked through with Drax holding Thanos’s head like some kind of trophy. When the others spotted them everyone froze whether it was because Tony was naked or the fact Drax held Thanos’s head it didn’t matter.
“I think I just turned gay.” Bucky said breaking the silence which seemed to signal Thanos’s army to run away as their leader was dead.
“I think we should see just how gay.” Tony said sending the man a teasing smirk.
“Bucky no!” Steve protested.
“Bucky yes.” Bucky countered as he approached Tony and Loki grinned at the captain before teleporting away with both.
“Was that my brother?” Thor asked confused.
“Yes and I hate him. Apparently he can’t make me happy by staying dead.” Strange grumbled before returning to the sanctum via portal.
Everyone else was just confused, Peter got grounded by May when she found out he went to space, and Loki, Bucky, and Tony all got laid.