Chapter 13
You don't think things can ever be the same again.
They try to undress you and clean your wounds, but you know none of them will ever understand.
Not even Tony.
The only one you let into your room after you get back is Natasha, because she's been through this before, and although it isn't the same circumstances necessarily, she can still understand. She tries to persuade you to let Cap in too, and even though you know he's not the same as Bucky or the Captain, you can't help feeling frightened at his muscular form. You don't let Thor in either. Both of them scare you.
Tony visits occasionally, but only when you're not nursing your wounds, because his heart shatters into a million tiny pieces when he sees what HYDRA's done to you. He rarely ever sleeps anymore, preferring to spend time working to take his mind off things.
To prevent yourself from thinking of anything, to keep your head clear, you paint, make music, listen to music, work your ass off even though Nat says it's bad for you.
You do these things to stop yourself from thinking, yet you find yourself standing in front of a charcoal sketch of James Buchanan Barnes.
His ghost comes back to haunt you, even after what happened; you can't forget.
It's a burden you have to bear because of the fact that you have these goddamn powers, the fact that you live with the Avengers, the fact that you're Tony Stark's goddamn daughter. All those things put a target right on your chest.
You've been able to avoid all the bullets.
Until now.
You talk with Nat about things you couldn't talk about with others. You don't tell her how Bucky was the one who tortured you, though- and they all think it's the Captain who did, anyway.
You wake up at night screaming, because in your dreams knives are dragged across your skin painstakingly slow, and you see the cold, dead stare of the Winter Soldier that makes you shiver in fright.
They try to help you adjust and you lose control of your powers more often, waking up from your dreams to find that you've set fire to the blankets, or you're sleepwalking at the speed of sound, or the things around you started floating because you messed with their gravitational energy or you've woken everyone because you triggered the radios to a high enough sound it sounds like someone screaming really loud.
You hesitated. "Wha-" Struggling to form the right words. "Wha- what have you been doing while..." You just pointed at yourself.
Nat's gaze softened, knowing it was your attempt to make a decent conversation.
"We..." she thought. "We went and beat the bad guys."
Although you didn't feel like it, you plastered a smile on her face just for her sake. "Who was the bad guy?"
Nat shrugged, wrapping a bandage around your torso. "It was a mysterious guy that lived for over fifty years."
"Yeah, but who?"
"He was called the Winter Soldier."