Chapter 14
You're back in the room, the cell stinking of blood as ever. You wonder how you got here- as you remembered, the Avengers had rescued you.
You hear footsteps and shiver at the deja vu. It can't be real, right?
But the patterns tell you they are.
You yank at your arms and realize there are chains wound around them. You're starting to get afraid.
The door opens, and you look up, hoping to see Cap or Nat or Tony, but instead you see a heart-stopping sight.
Bucky.
He parades into the room and you feel yourself shrinking away. The memories of you and him, kissing, sharing stories, just being there for each other is instantly banished by the thoughts of him carving words into your skin, slashing knives across your body. You shudder.
"Time to open some old scars....doll."
Doll.
You try to persuade yourself it isn't the same person, that it's the Winter Soldier and not Bucky, but that nickname triggers something in you.
No matter what you tell yourself, he's Bucky Barnes.
He grabs your wrist, as always, and examines the scars engraved into the skin: harshly cut letters, HYDRA.
"Partially healed, doll?" He smirks. "You can't get rid of me."
From his collection, he once again takes out the scalpel and traces the words. Then, suddenly, the knife hovers over the H.
"Please..." You sob.
He devilishly grins, and sinks the weapon into your skin.
You start to scream.
"(Y/N)!"
The pain is unimaginable.
"(Y/N)! Kiddo!"
It feels so real. You're never going to escape.
Bucky pulls the scalpel out and starts with the Y.
"Oh, god, she's not waking up! Tony, what do we do?"
"Please..." you weep, and it escalates into a scream. You scream so much they all seem connected, like you're not even breathing.
"Call Nat!"
Buck and the Winter Soldier is the same person.
"GO! NOW!"
His laugh drives a stake through your heart.
"Please, baby girl, wake up...."
"You're never going to escape, (Y/N). I'm doing this cause I love you." He kisses the H and Y, and lets the relief linger before shoving the knife into your skin, following the trail.
"I'll do anything, please, (Y/N) Stark.... I know you can do this. I know you can defeat your nightmares, because you're strong and you're Tony Stark's daughter."
"No saying you love me back? That's a disappointment, doll." Not hesitating, he rips apart the R. Tears are streaming down your face, and sweat mingles with the salty liquid. You feel like you're going to die.
"Tony! Cap told me and I heard- oh, god."
"Last letter, doll. Since our session is short, we'll have to treasure the moment, won't we?" He blows you a kiss. "Join me and become an asset of HYDRA, (Y/N). It's fun. Killing people, I mean."
"(Y/N)."
The knife plunges into the final letter, tearing a grotesque scream from your lips.
"(Y/N). Remember when me, you, Wanda, Peter and Cap went together to Dairy Queen just the day before yesterday? It was fun, wasn't it? You had Red Velvet and Vanilla. You love Red Velvet and Vanilla."
Bucky disappears, and the scene changes. It's you lying in the bathtub right now, and you drag the knife across your skin. You just want to die.
"I think it worked, a little, anyway. Instead of screaming her head off she's sobbing."
"When did you get here?"
"A few minutes ago. But it's heartbreaking."
Why wouldn't they let you die? Why couldn't you be a normal girl in a normal place with a normal life instead of Tony Stark's daughter? You hated yourself. You hated your life, your memories.
"She's crying so bad. Oh, god, baby girl, just wake up... you're frightening me. You wouldn't want your old man to have a heart attack, would you?"
"Shh. Remember what flavor Peter had at Dairy Queen?" A different voice.
Peter had a chocolate volcano. I remember. We teased him for being childish....
"Yeah, you're right, (Y/N). Remember what flavor Cap was fascinated with?"
Cotton Candy.
"Right. (Y/N), we had a fun time, didn't we? Focus on the good memories."
Good memories?
The word registered itself in your head a hundred times.
Scenes flashed before your head: Tony pridefully grinning as you presented to him your own hand-built robot, whom you named Kiddo after what he called you; You shooting energy flashes at moving targets like hit-the-duck-with-a-gun; Tony taking you to the amusement park and groaning when you insisted on riding the highest, most scariest rides; going girl's night shopping with Nat and Wanda; laughing at Peter's dumbfounded face when he listened to Cap ranting about his younger days; sharing a bag of chips with Clint as you watched <Lord of the Rings> and commented on how you could be scarier than Gandalf, or how you could totally beat the scary demon on the bridge whom Gandalf shouted "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" to, or how Hawkeye could totally shoot better than Legolas, or how Hulk's feet were bigger and stinkier than the hobbits'.
"Clint!" You gasped and sat up.
You looked around to see everyone glancing at you uneasily; Tony, who slumped in his chair, looking relieved, Nat, whose hand you were holding, Cap, who was leaning over with a concerned expression, and Clint, holding your other hand. And in the distance, two very loud snoring sounds.
"Yeah, kid?" The archer smiled at you. "Good to see you're back."
"I..... I woke all of you?"
"(Y/N), you were screaming so loud you almost woke Thor himself." Cap frowned. "Are you okay?"
You took a deep breath. "Y... yeah, I'm okay. Wha-what time is it?"
"Three in the morning."
Four hours of sleep.
Not bad, considering how you had three the night before.
"Sorry. You can, uh, sleep now." You tug the sleeves of your oversized hoodie nervously over your hands. "Thanks. For being good friends and all that shit, you know?"
Cap's mouth opens in realization. "Oh, right. I have a, uh, friend who's going to come live with us from now on. He has a bit of.... PTSD, like you. I already discussed this with Tony and he said sure. So he'll be moving in."
"Great." You say dryly. "I hope we get to be friends."
Cap nods and plodders back towards his room. Nat, after giving your hand one final squeeze, heads towards her room too.
Tony looks at you for a long time.
"I love you so much, kiddo. You know that too, right?"
You nod, and he presses a kiss to the top of your head before walking out. The others trail out one by one until the only ones left in your room is you and Wanda.
"You know, (Y/N), if you're troubled with those thoughts I could always take a look."
You shake your head. "It's fine."
"Or you could talk?" She suggested. "Girl's night, right?"
"Wanda, can I tell you something?" You really didn't want to burden her with the knowledge, but you feel that if you don't tell anyone, you're going to burst. "Something you won't tell anybody?"
She nods. "You can trust in me, (Y/N)."
"When I was in HYDRA." You take a deep breath. "You know what happened to me, right?"
"Yes. The Captain tortured you and tried to force you to become his soldier, but you resisted and finally got freed."
You shook your head. "Before that."
"You had to make some modifications to their systems and things." She nodded. "Improve their security and things."
You lowered your head. "While I did that, I was.... roommates with another guy...." Tears began to pool in your eyes. "God, this is so painful...."
"You don't have to share if you want." Wanda rubbed your back soothingly, but you shook your head.
"No. I have to do this now. So.... they this guy was.... nice, and...." You pulled your knees up to your chest and rocked back and forth. Wanda moved from the chair to the side of your bed, next to you.
"And?"
"And..." Your voice was a bare whisper. "And I fell in love with someone named James Buchanan Barnes."
She just nods. She doesn't know about him, not yet.
"It was great for a week or so... then... it went wrong...." You sobbed. "They found out about my powers and tortured me, but it wasn't the Captain who tortured me. Remember he hates getting his hands dirty."
"Then.... then who?" Wanda looked horrified.
"The man I fell in love with... they wiped his memory. He was the one who tortured me...." You took a deep breath.
"He was the Winter Soldier."
Realization dawns on her face.