Distance
Both of you had stopped walking, the entrance of the tower within eyesight.
You open your mouth to say something. To convince him that moving out is what’s best.
But can’t.
He brushes your hair back behind your ear as you bite your lip.
“Keep your apartment,” he tells you, “just in case you ever need to get away. It can be crazy here.” He throws his head back in the direction of the tower at the last part.
“Bucky, I don’t… can we talk about this inside?”
In just the short walk and elevator ride to your floor, you could tell that all of the playfulness from before was gone. Even with your hand in his, it was clear that your response to his request had been disheartening for him to hear.
Once at your floor, Steve and Sam greeted you both, and after a short acknowledgment in return, you and Bucky made your way towards your room.
No sooner than the door closes, Bucky begins.
“You don’t want to stay,” he states.
“That’s not it. That’s not it at all. I do want to.” You sit on the edge of your bed and run your hands over your hair, trying to sort out your own thoughts.
There’s no mistaking the confusion on his face as Bucky tries to make sense of you’re attempting to say, waiting for you to continue.
“I…” you close your eyes and prepare yourself, “I don’t think it’s what you really want, Bucky.”
When you open your eyes again, the look of confusion that was on his face just seconds ago is gone. He now stood there in front of you looking stunned, even hurt, as if you had just smacked him across the face.
Looking as if he was the one having trouble finding the right words this time, you continue. “It’s just that you work so hard to put so much space between us. Even now. You want me to keep my place? And you won’t even let me in your room!”
Bucky doesn’t move from where he stands. Brows furrowed, he turns his eyes towards the ground and appears to be considering what you’ve just said.
You stand up and walk over to him, gently placing your hands on his cheeks.
“I don’t want to live at the tower, Bucky. I want to live with you. Together.”
He pulls you into him, arms wrapping around your back, face nuzzled into your neck.
You also don’t hear him when he speaks. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
You let him just hold you for a moment before you say anything. “Can we sleep in your room tonight? And talk about this again in the morning?”
The dread was easy to see in his eyes, as he pulled his face away from your neck to look at you.