Chapter 6
“What the fuck is going on? They were torturing him, Tony!” Steve yells to the man in the Armani suit, who looks perplexed. Steve wasted no time getting to it once Clint let him in the office.
“Torture? No look I didn’t sign off on anything with Barnes. I swear.” Tony says, holding his hands up. “I didn’t even know he was moved”
“Right.” Steve nods. “Then who do you have working for you?”
Tony shrugs. “I hired a bunch of ex SHIELD agents.”
“SHIELD agents? What would SHIELD agents need out of James so bad they need to torture him?”
Tony and Clint look at each other for a brief second almost as if they’re about to go on topic about something else but they shrug.
“Unless they’re not SHIELD agents” Barton suggests, getting back to the subject at hand.
“What? Hydra?” Tony asks.
Clint shrugs.
“No. There’s no way we did months work of background checks. We looked in-”
Barton gives a knowing look.
“Fuck!” Tony exclaims and begins pacing.
Steve stands there waiting to be let in on the information the other two men seemed to share. Steve looks at both of them waiting for it but doesn’t get an answer. He sighs. “That still doesn’t explain what Hydra would want with an unstable vet.”
“Are we still talking about Barnes?” Tony asks.
“Yes we’re still talking about Barnes! Who else would we be talking about right now?” Steve’s voice picks up in frustration again.
Clint and Tony both look at each other confused.
“Well they probably want to get him back to the way he was.” Tony states matter-of-factly
“The way he was?”
“You know, before you found him.”
“You mean like a few weeks ago? I thought he went missing.”
Tony rolls his eyes. “No i don't mean a few weeks ago I mean a few years ago. They probably want to brainwash him again turn him back-”
“What do you mean again? He’s been brainwashed before?” Steve asks face wide in shock.
Tony looks at him. “I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or?” He turns to Clint. “ Is he being sarcastic?”
Barton shakes his head unsure. “Steve you…? You know Bucky was brainwashed right? Became an assassin.” Tony talks to Steve slowly, almost as if he was a child.
“Bucky? Who’s Bucky?”
Now Tony stares at Steve shocked, a little scared, and then his face turns suddenly to intrigued. “Hmm you know I was a bit suspicious…” He starts and now both Clint and Steve are staring at him, questioning.
“About what?” Steve asks.
“You coming in here begging me to take this ‘stranger’ in and help him but I thought it was just you being ...well trying to be funny and you visited him all the time so I figured that was it but…”
“But what? What are you talking about.”
Tony looks to Barton. “Barnes isn’t the one with the memory issue here,” Clint seems to get it now. Tony looks to Steve. “...you are.”
“What?” Steve asks, waiting for one of them to bust out laughing. Clearly this was a very unfunny joke. Was James in on it too? But when neither of them smile or laugh Steve realizes they’re serious “No Tony this is crazy!”
“This is not crazy! I mean I don't know why it’s happening but-”
Steve shakes his head. “This is bullshit.” He storms out of the room, pounding on the elevator down button to get it to come up faster. “Look just because I don't remember exactly what happened to some ex military guy with a missing arm doesn’t mean my brain’s been played with by a secret nazi agency”
Tony pinches the bridge between his nose. “Barnes isn’t just ‘some ex military guy’ Steve he’s your-”
“My what?’ Steve interrupts. “My friend?”
“Yes. You knew each other since you were kids.” Steve starts shaking his head. “You grew up together.”
“No.”
“ You lived together you-”
“No”
...loved each other.”
“Jesus Christ, Tony!” Steve yells, pressing the elevator button with more ferocity.
“Look I swear!”
“Yeah and loved?” Steve turns back to Tony. “What do you mean by loved? What was he my boyfriend?”
“Yes.”
“I already have one so nice try.”
“Yeah and when’s the last time you saw him?”
“Well I’ve been spending all my time up here so-”
“So what? Tell me his name.”
“What?”
“Tell me his name. Tell me your boyfriend’s name.” Tony crosses his arms.
The elevator finally dings.
I have to go,” Steve walks in.
“You can't can you?” Tony sticks his hand in the doorway of the elevator, stopping it from closing. “Tell me his name, Steve.” Tony requests again but Steve rolls his eyes and pushes Tony’s arm away from the door.
They close and Tony shakes his head, walking back into the room they just left. He tells Barton to bring up people only they trust as he goes over to one of his dozens of computers and starts typing in.
Steve watches as the door closes finally. He shakes his head out of the confusion of the last half hour. He’ll go home...no he’ll go to Barton’s place, check up on James and wait till someone else,probably Barton, returns home. First he’s got to tell someone he won't be home till later.
He walks down some stairs when the elevator lets him out, trying to remember where exactly he was trying to go. It’s not long until he realizes he’s made several wrong turns and ended up somewhere he probably wasn’t supposed to be, once again. He walks quickly to find a way back or out of the building anything until he hears muffled voices and he soon realizes he’s near where he found James the other day. He creeps around the corner and dips his head near the slight opening of a door where he heard the voices coming from.
“How did this happen?” One man exclaims, Steve watches him pacing back and forth.
“I’m not sure. They must’ve had reinforcements. Took the men out then took the asset with them.” Another man in a shaky voice responds.
“So we lost him...again!”
Asset? Are they talking about James?
“What of Rogers?”
The hell did he have to do with this?
“Does he still not know?” the voice’s question continued.
Know what? Was Hydra keeping tabs on him too? But why?
“He doesn’t seem to show any signs indicating he does.”
“Well that’s good at least. Now does someone want to explain to me how the hell the Winter Soldier escaped from us AGAIN.”
The Winter Soldier?
“We thought with...we thought taking Roger’s memories will keep them apart. And in the assets already weakened state there’s no way they should’ve found each other.”
Memories? My Memories? Was Tony really on to something? Was James telling some sort of truth?
Steve’s mouth goes slack and he tries to focus on the rest of what the men are saying but he was stuck on ‘taking Roger’s memories’. That can’t be. He can remember things. He can remember back to that day. But why can’t he ...he cant remember before James came in. He was…….what was he doing? He was with his boyfriend who’s name is...who’s name is...who’s name he can’t remember.
“You put him in that apartment with one of our agents and still?”
Agent? Steve’s rubs his head, trying to take all this in.
“We didn’t want to cause suspicion. If he didn’t allow Rogers to take the asset in. Rogers would have wondered why and fought it. Plus he brought him to us, sir. I mean...technically.”
Steve sucks in his breath. He did this . He brought James back to where he was running from.
“And look how that worked out!” The man, presumably the leader, at least in the room. “Is Rogers still in the building?”
Steve holds his breath as if suddenly the men could hear him breathing, hear his heart beating rapidly in his chest.
“I’m not sure, sir”
“Get eyes on him,” The man orders. “Find out where he’s going. Then you’ll find the Soldier.”
Steve hears footsteps coming towards the door his ear was on and he moves quickly away from it. By sheer luck he finds a room to hide in and waits for the men to leave. He finds that the room he’s in leads to another room, which leads to a hallway and soon he finds an exit.
He takes it and hops on his bike, checking behind him to make sure he isn’t being followed.
He texts Tony a quick apology and that he “knows now” with little explanation, which Tony takes and sends him a “come by tomorrow as early as you can”
He messages Clint as well asking him to make sure he didn’t have a tail. Clint sends the eyeroll emoji.
As soon as Steve had left Tony by the elevator Tony calls Bucky. Bucky picks up after the third ring.
“Tony?” Bucky’s voice sounds confused. What could’ve happened that would warrant a call from Tony to him.
“He doesn’t remember you does he?” Tony gets right to it and the ever present lump in Bucky’s throat is back.
“No.”
“There were so many signs” Tony admits. “I’m sorry I didn’t catch it sooner.”
“Not your fault.”
“I should’ve paid more attention.”
Bucky sighs. “Do you have a way to fix it?”
“Working on it.”
Buck nods, forgetting phone calls can’t translate that. “Okay.”
“You don't sound too happy about it? Lose confidence in me?” Tony jokes.
“No, it’s not that. It’s just...he doesn’t remember anything. The bad...the good...but mostly the bad.” Bucky pauses. “Do you know how free he is now? He’s not burdened with anything. Should we really work so hard to make him remember every bad thing that’s ever happened to him? He can be happy, free.”
“He won’t remember you.” Tony says. “You’d really sacrifice your happiness to unburden him?”
“If it means he could be happy? Then yes.”
“Well then I guess it’s a good thing he wouldn't be?”
“Huh?”
“Have you seen him at all lately. I mean you had to ‘ve. He’s not the same Rogers we know.” Tony starts. “He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t laugh, he doesn’t enjoy things, he doesn’t joke around and to be honestly he’s way more of a cocky asshole then I thought he could ever be.”
Bucky lets out a small laugh.
“I mean he still has heart he’s not a terrible person but he’s certainly not happy, Barnes. And do you know why that is?”
Bucky stays silent.
“There’s no explanation really. Both of his parents are still dead, he’s still Captain America, he was still a tiny amnesiac who just wanted to stand up for himself, he still doesn’t like bullies but he doesn’t have you, Barnes. You helped make Steve who he is. Or who he was. So yes his happiness is remembering you. Even if it brings the rest of the bad shit with it.”
“How can you know that?”
“I just do. Plus I am a genius, I’ve been told.”
Bucky laughs. “Yeah, yeah.” He pauses again. “Thanks Tony.”
“We all want Steve back but you deserve him back especially.”
Bucky clears his throat, trying to keep his emotions down. “That means a lot”
“I’ll get working on this.I’ll keep you posted.”
“Sure. Thank you,” Bucky says and Tony hangs up, neither men into formalities.
Bucky stands up quickly, ready to fight when he hears the front door burst open minutes later. He breathes a sigh of relief and sits back down when he sees that it’s just Steve. But Steve seems different.
He comes rushing over to Bucky, his pace clearing the length of the apartment in a few strides. Bucky holds up his hands almost fearful.
“Touch me.” Steve says and Bucky’s mouth is left agape in confusion.
“What?”
“Touch. Me.” Steve says even stronger.
Bucky holds out his hand carefully and touches Steve’s upper arm, feeling the fabric of his shirt.
“No,” Steve says and he grabs a hold of Bucky’s hand with his, opening Bucky’s to trace his thumb on Bucky’s palm.
Bucky just stares at him.
“I don’t understand.” Steve says.
“Understand what?” Bucky asks.
“It’s ...so familiar but so foreign.”
“What is?”
“You. Your hands. Your touch your.-” Steve looks up from Bucky’s hands and at Bucky’s face. He looks into his eyes searching. Searching for answers, for recognition but it’s not there. Bucky sighs and looks down so Steve can’t look into his eyes anymore.
“I’m sorry,” Bucky says.
“For what?”
“I’m sorry I can’t make you remember,” Bucky turns to walk away, only slightly surprised this time Steve didn’t argue with him that he wasn’t the one with the memory loss.
He’s about to make distance between him and Steve when Steve grabs his hand again, stronger this time and pushes Bucky’s palm to his chest, to his heart. Bucky swears he feels a surge of energy crawling up his arm and into his shoulder. His eyes close in response and when they open again he’s looking back at Steve. Steve’s eyes are wide almost in horror but not because he feared Bucky but because he saw something, something Bucky didn’t see.
“Steve?” Bucky calls out.
“You...you’re.”
“Steve what is it? What happened?”
“I…”
Bucky waits. He watches as Steve turns quickly to the front door and before Bucky can say something else to him Steve is running towards it, the door slamming shut behind him before Bucky can even gather what happened.
Bucky sits down on the couch. Did Steve see something? A glimmer? Maybe he saw things he did as The Winter Soldier and that’s now all he sees when he looks at him. But that wasn’t me.
It wasn’t you. Steve would say.
But not this Steve. This Steve doesn’t know him. Bucky intertwines his hands and lets his head fall in them. Now believing he must’ve lost Steve completely this time.
“Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye”