Falling Stars

“Did you get home safe?” read Tom’s text.

We had just arrived to L.A. and it was still dark outside. My body clock was completely off with all the traveling that I decided to unpack all my suitcases at 2 in the morning. I hadn’t fixed my stuff since my trip to Australia because I was too tired then but now I had all the energy in the world.

I was putting my clothes in a laundry bag, more like shoving, when my phone lit up.  I walked towards my bedside table where I had put it to play music and saw Tom’s message. His body clock must be off too.

“Yeah. You?” I replied.

“Yup! Already landed in L.A.” he replied back. “How was the flight?” he added.

I honestly couldn’t remember. Since this whole falling for Tom thing started, my mind hasn’t been itself. It’s all cluttered and confused. I barely slept on the flight back, not even a blink. My mind kept going back to how I acted in London and what Darnell had said, “What if he does?” then it would alternate with memories of me with Tom before this whole situation happened, before I realized that I had fallen in love with this nerd. Was it possible that he could like me too? I shook my head. I don’t want to put myself up just to be let down.

“Fine. Yours?”

“Fine.”

What do I reply to that? I stared at the screen, thinking if I should say something more or leave the conversation as it is when I saw the little bubble that meant he was typing something. Then it disappeared. I heaved a heavy sigh. That’s it? Then the bubble came back.

Then was gone again.

Came back again for awhile like he was writing a long message.

Then gone again.

Like he was hesitating.

What is he typing?

“Z.”

Wow. One letter.

“Yeah?”

“Can I call you?”

I stared at his last message and squinted my eyes at it. I looked at the clock: 2:08 am.

At 2 am? Can he call me at 2 am? Do I have the wits for this? But I can’t avoid him. Not like I did back in London. Of all the places I could’ve been a jerk to Tom, I did it in his own city. Darnell was right; first and foremost he was my friend and I can’t go acting crazy around him by taking him out of my photos and avoiding every chance I get. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, blowing the hair that had fallen on my face. I typed “Sure.” Then his name appeared on my phone and I clicked the green button to answer.

“Hey..” his voice was quiet and low. I little smile crept on my face. I don’t know why but hearing him made me happy. The mere sound of his voice reminds me with every second, I fall harder.

“Hi.”

“Can’t sleep?” he said.

“Yeah…”

“Me too” and then there was silence. This was excruciating. I need this to stop. No matter how I feel I don’t want this to be awkward. I looked at my suitcases and thought of telling him about what I was doing.

“So—“

“I-“

We spoke at the same time. “Uh, sorry. What were you saying?” he said.

“No it’s fine. What were you going to say?” I said.

“Oh… uhm…” he said and then silence fell on us again and so I decided to cut it.

“I’m trying to fix my stuff…from all the traveling. It’s harder than I thought it would be.” I laughed weakly. “I wish I had already unpacked before. Now they’re all just… here….you know what I mean?”

“Oh that’s cool. I mean, not cool, I-uh…Do you need help?”

“Darnell is already asleep and I already asked Noon and he said no.”

“Well…uhm.. I can…uh.. come over? I can help you.” My eyebrows shot up. I was surprised. At 2 am? I checked the time on my alarm clock. I wasn’t losing it. It was 2 in the morning and he was offering to come over? To unpack my stuff? Huh?

“I mean. If you want. That is.” He added.

“You can? I guess. If… I mean it’s two in the morning Tom…”

“I know but I have all this energy…”

“Same!!” I laughed.

“Yeah, so. Am I coming over? Use my spidey skills on your luggage”

“You know you’re not really Spider-man, right?” I had this wide grin on my face. Ear to ear, as they say.

“What? I am. I am Spider-man,” he said pretending to be hurt. “I’ll be there in 15 minutes” and then he dropped the phone.

Ohhh shit…

What just happened? Is Tom really coming over here at two in the fucking morning. Do you know what it sounds like? It sounds like a booty call. I mean. He didn’t call me for that— But I mean the situation. What would other people think? What would they— WAIT. No. I don’t care about what other people think, remember? Right. So. He’s just coming over here as a friend. I need to remind myself of that. I owe him anyways for how I acted back in London. The guilt was evident, like a lump in my throat.

Okay. So. We’re going to be calm and col-lec-ted. I know I keep telling myself that and then when Tom comes the “zen” in Zendaya flies away. Boom. But it has to be different now. So what do I do? I paced back in forth in my room, biting the bottom of lip. “What do you think I should do, Noon?” I looked at Noon who was comfortable in my bed. He rolled over with his feet up in the air and his belly facing the ceiling. I giggled. “I didn’t ask you to play dead, son…”

Act. You’re an actress. Then… ACT.

“I’m actress.” I told myself out loud. “Yeah! I’ll just act like we’re just friends. Because we are. Yeah. You got this. You got this.” I started jogging in place and punching the air like Rocky Balboa “I GOT THIS.”

Ding.

I got a message. Tom texted that he was already outside. Oh shit. But what do I look like? I ran to the mirror and saw my reflection. I was wearing a big T-shirt and sweatpants. Nothing out of the ordinary, to be honest. My hair was tied into a loose ponytail that sent my curls everywhere. There were dark circles under my eyes, too.

“GAHHH!” I said to my reflection. No. We’re not going to fix myself. Tom has seen me this way and we are going to ACT. ACT LIKE I DON’T LIKE HIM. “Go Zendaya, guuurl you got this.” I pumped myself up and went down to get the door.

I opened the door to Tom who was hugging himself so tightly. His breath created small white puffs in the air. “W-w-what t-t-took you so lo-lo-long?! I-It’s fuh-fuh-fre-freezing!” he stammered, rubbing his arms up and down to warm himself. I closed the door behind him and laughed.

“You’re such a wimp.” I walked past him and towards the stairs.

“Hey! You try going outside!”

“No thanks!” and continued climbing up the stairs. Tom followed, taking two steps at a time to catch up with me. When he was close enough, he put his hand on my arm.

“WOAH! STOP!” I jumped. His hand was REALLY cold. I stopped climbing up the stairs and looked at him. He looked smug with his hair tousled. Honestly Tom, you’re not making this whole acting thing easy for me.

“I told you. You were going to let my butt freeze out there.”

“Some spider-man huh?” I teased.

“Well, you’re on a roll tonight!” he laughed. We walked inside my room with all my stuff scattered around. There was a pile of shoes and another pile for my clothes. I had several laundry bags that I already filled. Noon was walking about my piles, trying to find a place to nuzzle himself in but then he spotted Tom and ran to him. “Hey! Hey, boy! Did you miss me? Yeah, you did!,” Tom said as he picked up Noon and gave him a little shake. He put him down and Noon ran back to my bed. I smiled at them. My son and my…Tom… not even my Tom. Just Tom.

“Wow that’s a lot of stuff” Tom commented as he rubbed his hands together to get himself warm.

“I’m gonna use my spidey-skillzz pew pew pew” I said mocking him and pretending to shoot spiderwebs from my wrists.

“Fuck off!!!” he said then proceeded to follow me to the other side of my mountain of clothes and shoes. “So what am I supposed to do?”

“Don’t touch my clothes” I sassed.

“What? But I thought the whole point was to—“

“Bring down the laundry bag over there. I don’t want you touchin’ my delicates”

“I don’t want you touchin’ my delicates” Tom mocked my feminine voice and started to lift up my laundry bag.

“I’m sorry, you said something?” I teased.

“No ma’am Zendaya. I was simply saying you look awfully ravishing tonight” he replied, exaggerating his British accent.

“Just bring it down to the laundry room, Alfred,” I said, copying Batman’s voice. Tom laughed and for a moment I thought this was going to work. If I can just put my feelings aside, this was going to work. I nodded to myself.

“Hey Tom!” Tom had already left the room but when I called him, he peeped his head out from the doorway.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks,” I said and gave him a genuine smile. He returned the smile back at me and I could feel myself melt from where I was standing.

“Sure, love.”

I can do this. This friendship means more to me than what I feel. Tom is such a good guy. Genuinely good and great, that’s why I HAVE the feelings. I can’t just push him aside without an explanation. Look at him helping me out with my stuff. Who does that? What guy would do that for his friend?

You need to be stronger, Zendaya. No more freaking out. The more you do crazy shit, the more he’ll pull away for sure. And you can’t do that because…

Because I’m used to having him around.

“Okay. What’s next?” Tom jumped into the room with his hands spread out like a toddler showing off as if proud for bringing down a bag of laundry. I shook out of my trance and looked around.

“Uhm… You can start getting some of my shoes and just arrange them in my closet. By pairs!”

“I wouldn’t dare not to put them back by PAIRS!” he dramatically said with big eyes. I laughed. “You better not break any of those Tom!” I shouted after him as he went into my closet with at least 4 pairs of shoes in his hands. I sat down and started shoving another pile of clothes into a laundry bag.

“Ohh.. What’s this?” I heard him say from inside my closet.

“Tom?” I shouted. He didn’t answer.

“Tom? What are you doing?” I tried again but still, no response. I stood up from where I was sitting on the floor and walked to my closet. “Tom what the — FUCK?”

Tom was wearing my dancing shoes, the ones I used for Dancing With The Stars. I had kept them because they carried so much memories and a feat that I will never forget. At 16, I learned to dance ballroom, a style outside of my comfort zone. I was the first youngest contestant on the show, not to mention I had to dance with a guy so much older than me. But Val was cool. I found a big brother in him and he had taught me so much not just in dancing. He taught me to believe in myself and to keep pushing because there’s more to me than I know. And I taught the grumpy old man to laugh. I miss Val.

“I didn’t know you still had these!!” Tom said excitedly. “I fit in them too! I didn’t know your feet were THAT big! How did you dance in them? I bet you kept stepping on his—what’s his name—Victor?”

“Fuck off!” We were both laughing. Tom looked RIDICULOUS. I don’t know why he decided to wear my shoes but it DID fit him. “And it’s Val!” I added. Tom modeled around with my shoes. He kept trying to do a fierce face and putting his hands on his waist. I kept laughing at the whole scene.

“Take those off! They have sentimental value!!” I exclaimed, holding my stomach because it was hurting from all the laughing. Tom kept posing like a supermodel, flicking his invisible long hair along the way. “Seriously Tom, you’ll —“

And he tripped. “Ooof!”

“…hurt. yourself.” I laughed hysterically. How is it possible that he danced Rihanna’s Umbrella in heels but can’t even walk in my dancing shoes! He never fails to give me an ab workout from all the laughing. I was literally bracing myself for dear life. I was laughing so hard, I was on the ground with my eyes shut.

“Okay. Taking them off,” he said, defeated.  He sat up and took off my shoes. I looked up and he was already standing over me with my dancing shoes dangling from his hand. He held out his other hand and I took it to stand up.

“You wear them” he said as he held my shoes in front of my face without letting go of my hand.

“Why?” I said, with tears in my eyes from all the laughing. He just shrugged. I looked at the shoes. I did miss dancing with these even if I hated them the first time and was happy to have ended my relationship with it after Dancing With The Stars.

“Can I have my hand back?” I said and he let it go. I got the shoes from him and walked to my bed and started putting on my dancing shoes.

“There. Happy?” I said as I stood up from my bed. These shoes felt like home now. They eventually molded around my feet as I kept dancing in them.

“Not quite.”

I looked at him with a face that said, What the fuck? He just laughed. “We have to DANCE in them! That’s why they’re called dancing shoes,” he said

“We? But YOU don’t have dancing shoes!” I teased. Tom walked over to me and held both my hands. He walked backwards, facing me, pulling me into the center of the room. “Yeah, but I think Val was just as short EVEN with the dancing shoes” he teased back. I laughed.

“Wait,” he said. He let go my hand and pushed around my clothes and luggages to give us more room.

“So what are we doing? Cha-cha? Waltz?” I asked as he moved around the stuff and I tried to remember how each style was danced.

“Hm…just this.” He raised my left hand and put my right hand on his shoulder. He proceeded to put his free hand on my waist. He stepped sideways and brought me along. He swayed and I swayed along with him.

Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out.

Even though I was taller than him, I met his eyes. That calmed me. I smiled. He smiled back. The music played in the background and we swayed to it slowly. How does he do it? One moment I’m a nervous wreck, stuttering, tripping, and doing all sorts of stupid then another, he calms me. Heart beating fast but I’m comfortable.

“You think it’s easy…You think I don’t want to run to you. But there are mountains. There are doors that we can’t walk through,” the music played.

“Hey it’s you,” he was able to whisper into my ear because our heads were so close.

“Hm,” I said in agreement. I’m going to enjoy this. I’m not letting myself ruin this. I put my head on his shoulder. I had to bend a little but it wasn’t uncomfortable. But I’m not going to let you see what you’re doing to me. Our chests pressed against each other and he kept the lead, swaying me side to side. I moved my hand on his shoulder to around his neck in a sort of embrace. He moved his hand that was on the small of my back to around my waist. I wonder if he could feel my heartbeat pounding, trying to get out of my chest to meet his. I wonder if we could stay like this without these questions in my head: why did I have to fall for you? What’s going to happen? Am I always going to feel this way? Do you feel the same way? What if you don’t? Do I lose you?

“We’re bound to breaking. My hands…are tied.” The song ended. My phone played the next song — Beyonce. I lifted my head and pulled myself away from Tom. He smiled at me, I smiled back. I could drown in those eyes but Zendaya, FOCUS. “We should finish THAT” I said as I pointed to my pile of clothes and shoes.

After some time, we got through a lot of my clothes and returned my shoes back into the closet. There was one more suitcase left but Tom and I got hungry so we went down to the kitchen to eat some chips and eventually retired to the couch. Tom borrowed a sweater from me because he was still cold from waiting outside. I kept my dancing shoes and decided to wear fluffy slippers instead. We were laying on my couch, staring at the TV screen that wasn’t even turned on. It was still pretty dark outside and the only light was coming from the kitchen.

“Zendaya.”

“Hm?” I lifted my head to look at him. He was sitting on one end of the couch and I was on the other end.

“So..” he cleared his throat. “We… You and I…”

Oh no. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! He saw right through me!! I was giving off that vibe… oh no. OH FUCK.

“We’re okay right?”

“Huh?!” I said.

“I mean. In London? You were… I don’t know. I kind of got the feeling that you didn’t want me around. Did I do something wrong”

Oh thank god. I thought he was going to ask if “we’re ‘just friends’ right?” That “you know I don’t have feelings for you right?”

I didn’t reply quickly because I was internally celebrating that he didn’t think I liked him. Tom continued, “I’m sorry if I did. If I…I had done something to…”

“No! I’m sorry ‘bout that. The way I acted in London… was way… way.. off. I don’t know… what happened.” I mean I do but I’m not going to tell you that oh I accidentally fell for you, sorry. “But you didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t worry. We’re okay” I continued.

“Are you sure? You can be honest with me Z….” his voice was real quiet and I can sense the hurt. It must have really bothered him.

“I am honest!” Not about my feelings towards you but honest in every other aspect.

“I know it’s our thing to like joke around each other but if you ever feel like it’s going overboard, like if I’m hurting your feelings…”His face was in pain. What did I do? It must have been a big deal for him… me pulling away…

“Tom.” I touched his arm. “You couldn’t, okay. Even if you could. I would definitely tell you, okay. Listen, I am a girl of confrontation. You know that.” I bit my lower lip because although that was true in most circumstances, my feelings were not exactly something I would like to confront him with. Nonetheless, a smile crept up his face and I knew I was a goner.

This isn’t going away. How I feel. It’s going to stay but it doesn’t mean our friendship has to go. The way he asked me about London. It genuinely affected him. He doesn’t deserve that. I just have to keep THIS inside. I guess. It’s worth it if it means seeing this face. If it means two in the morning hang-outs. If it means I get to see that smile and know that I can be the reason behind it.

“Yeah I do. That’s good to hear. I couldn’t afford to lose one of my best mates.”

“Yeah, dude. You got me.” You SO got me. I sighed heavily and we continued to space out on the empty TV. I could see his reflection on it and he still had that stupid smile on his face and I could see he was staring at my reflection too. I had a stupid smile on my face. This is how it’s going to be.

I don’t want to lose you.

Tom and I kept talking until the sun started peeking through the windows and the sky turned pink. We had moved into my house’s front steps as the temperature increased and we were sure we wouldn’t freeze our butts off. We caught up on the things that were going in our lives and the feelings we still needed to release even if the occasion from which it was produced was long over. Of course, excluding whatever I felt for him. We laughed until we were coughing, waking up the early birds. Tom then started asking advice again about his fame. Ever since the Civil War movie came out, the amount of attention he has been receiving has tripled or quadrupled, or whatever. It was insane how quickly he became famous and that’s amazing but there were downsides to it. He’s not used to it since it happened so quickly. He would call me up especially when it got too out of hand. I’m happy enough to help. Being under the spotlight for so long that I basically grew up in front of everyone, I had some experience with the press and their unrelenting goal of knowing EVERYTHING. I was no expert, though. My fame was different from his. He’s a superhero. A well loved and known icon even before any of us were born. He was integrated to not only the icons of the superhero world but the biggest stars in Hollywood. Yet, he turned to me every time. He trusted in what I said and looked up to me in a way.

“I don’t know how you do it.”

“Nah. You get used to it or you pretend to look like you do…”

“You just look so unbothered, not even, not just unbothered but elegant.”

“…Thanks.” I managed to croak out. I’m pretty damn sure a crazy ass smile is plastered on my face. I pursed my lips to keep it from showing.

“Hey, Z.”

“Hm?”

“Do you think…” he trailed off.

“What? What do I think?”

“No. It’s stupid. Nevermind.” He looked far off onto the street. I looked at him and his perfect jawline as it casted shadows on his neck. The sunrise was giving him a glow.

“Just say it. You’re already stupid.” I laughed and nudged him.

“Hey…”

“Go!”

“Fine. Do you think…it’s possible to date…?” Me? Yes. Kidding. He didn’t say me but duh. That was the first thing in my head. It was sad that something so simple as dating became trivial once you were under the spotlight. Believe. Me. Been there, done that. As much as I thought I would be devastated being single again, I actually prefer it. There was nothing to hide. Except maybe now with my feelings for Tom. But a whole part of me was hidden when I was in a relationship. It was safe there but it was hard. It was something I wanted to keep safe but you sacrifice being real with people who support you, look up to you. I haven’t even told Tom who I dated before. Not the name. Not the specifics.

“Of course! It’s still your life, Tom. Don’t let it stop you from loving someone besides, with you being Spider-man! You could get any girl!” You could get me.

Tom laughed and I laughed with him. It occurred to me the truth of my words. He could get anyone.Literally, thousands of girls would sign-up for him because he was Spider-man but not just that. He was beautiful and kind. What girl wouldn’t love that? Suddenly, my mood dropped. Not only do I have to worry about what would happen if he knew I was catching feelings for him but whether I would, against all those other girls, be the one he chooses. If I’m even a choice. I was looking at my hands as I unclenched them. I didn’t even realize my hands were balled into fists, trying to hold on to nothing. I looked at Tom to see if he saw my hands only to find that he had been looking at me this whole time.

“What?” Did he see my ball up my fists? Oh no. He said nothing at first and opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. Just like the little bubble in the text messages.

“Wha-at?” I repeated. He smiled. A beautiful and kind smile. The smile that knees go weak for.

“Nothing.” He turned to look at the street again. It was my turn to gaze at him.

“Do you think I could date a celebrity?,” he asked quietly like a little boy too shy to ask questions but is genuinely curious about the world. He turned to me and locked his eyes on mine. “I mean, is it hard? If both of us were famous?”

I looked away. I felt the blood pulsate all the way to my cheeks. I didn’t want to hope that it was possible that he could like me back especially the idea that we could be together. I’m not prepping myself up for disappointment and even if we could be together….”It is kind of…hard.”

“Yeah?”

“But not impossible. I guess. It depends on who you’ll be with, you know what I mean? Lots of celebrities end up together! Selena Gomez and Justin B— okay no they broke up, Channing Tatum— no they got a divorce. Uhm… Beyonce and Jay-Z! There you go! Two perfectly famous people.”

“Jay-Z cheated though.”

“Okay. But! But, they’re still together.” I said but Tom didn’t look convinced. I wasn’t either because WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS WOULD CHEAT ON BEYONCE?!

“Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone…,” Tom piped in.

“Yeah but I think they broke up…” Silence. Again. I can’t have this. “But you can be the exception.” He looked at me, I looked away. “I mean. Why are we comparing you to all these people? You’re not them. Tom. This is still your life. Don’t let other people tell you who you get to love or if you’re allowed to love. You know what I mean? I know this whole fame thing is scaring you but you’re still you. You still control YOUR life. If being in a relationship with someone who is famous, maybe as famous as the queen…”

“THE QUEEN? SHE’S TOO OLD!”

“B. Queen B. You didn’t let me finish!” We both laughed. “No matter who it is, crazy famous or not, as long as it makes you happy? Go for it. Shoot for the stars!”

“Or..rewrite the stars…” he whispered under his breath.

“SHUT UP! I was really in the moment.”

Tom laughed stupidly, leaning forward the way he does when he’s genuinely laughing so hard. “I know. I know. That’s some good advice.”

“Well. You know…” I said, flipping my hair, pretending to be snooty and proud. Tom was still staring at me with a smile on his face and I felt conscious about it. I looked down onto my toes and prayed to God, I didn’t start sweating because it was going to be seen through my shirt.

“Would you do it?,” Tom asked.

“Date someone famous?”

“Yeah?”

“Uhm… I mean yeah. If it made me happy, like I said.” And you make me happy. But this okay. It’s okay if we’re just friends. I don’t want this relationship to end and I know I shouldn’t be basing it off of the last relationship I had but if I do date Tom, what if ends bad? I need this face. I need his soul. He makes me feel like how someone people feel when they get a million likes on Instagram, validated in some way, like I belong somewhere, maybe right here, beside him. He was an extension of home. A comfort I never thought I needed.

“Did he make you happy?”

“Who?,” I said, snapping out of my reverie.

“Your ex?”

“I mean. We were together for 4 years so that must have accounted for SOME happiness,” I joked. Tom seemed serious, however. “Of course. Of course he made me happy. You wouldn’t last in a relationship that didn’t feel right. He made me laugh… a lot. Made me feel good about myself…and then it didn’t… then he just brought sadness…”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” I brushed it off.

“I didn’t mean to pry… We don’t have to talk about it…Sorry…”

“No, man, it’s all good. I really am over it. I’m just saying that…yeah for a time he made me happy. It ended bad but I can’t deny that for a time…” I shrugged. I hate looking back at it because I was so young and so ignorant. You always go in blind the first time but you come out smarter, wiser. Maybe a little bruised, sometimes walls up but when you can find someone to bring them down…I looked back at Tom who was still staring at me. I smiled at him to let him know I really was okay but he still had that look on his face. “Stop staring at me!”

“Sorry!,” he said as he put his hands up. He smiled and looked away.

Eventually our energies ran dry and we fell asleep. Tom leaned on my front door and I settled on his lap, one of his hands resting on my back. I want to say that that’s how Darnell found us but I think it wasn’t a smart move for Tom to have leaned on a DOOR. Imagine Darnell pulling it open, hysterical that I was not in bed.

SMACK.

Tom’s head hit the floor of my house. “FUCK!”

“SHIT!” That was Darnell. I was luckily safe from any harm because I was cushioned by Tom’s legs.

“OH SHIT! TOM? TOM? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?” Darnell frantically lifted Tom’s head up and ran to the kitchen. I removed myself from Tom, “What the fuck happened?” Tom was rubbing the back of his head and had his eyes squeezed shut. “Why…do I… always get hurt…when you fall asleep…on…me?” he said in between breaths. “Ahhhhh…,” he released a painful breath.

“Fuck! I’m sorry!” I reached out for the back of his head and kneeled in front of him. There was a bump this time. “OW!” A big one. Do you think his manager will kill me or Nikki… or his brothers…? Oops. “Sorry, dude. But you shouldn’t have leaned on A DOOR!”

“Hey! I’m already injured here!!”

“Right, right, sorry.” I rubbed the areas surrounding the bump instead, careful not to touch it so it wouldn’t cause anymore pain that it already did. Darnell came back with a pack of ice.

“Here…” he gave me the ice and I held it to the bump on his head. “Ow..ow! OW! Careful!”

“Sorry…sorry… here you do it…” I said as I tried to hand the ice pack to him.

“No. it’s fine. You do it…” He pushed the ice away and I held it again to his head. I moved in closer so I wouldn’t strain myself and lifted his torso a little more. His eyes fluttered open. We were so close again. Those eyes stared back at me intensely and I could feel like something was happening. Like a tornado in my stomach. What are you doing to me again, Tom? We held each other’s gaze forgetting that Darnell was standing right behind us.

“WAIT! HOLD UP! What in the hell were you doing here in the first place huh?” Here we go again. Darnell is grandmother mode. “Yo Z! I was worried when you weren’t in bed? God knows you never leave that place and so imagine the fear that fell over me when I found it empty! Huh!?”

“I mean, it’s not like we left. We’re here,” I replied.

“AND TOM! Sorry again…for the head but why would you lean on the door…”

“I told him that too!” I exclaimed.

“HEY! HEY! Wait a minute. Wait a minute! I’m already hurt here! Am I really getting scolded on this?” and Tom pointed to the area where his bump was and where I was holding the ice pack on.

“Sorry ‘bout that, again. I guess not. What were y’all doin’ out here anyways?”

“We fell asleep,” I replied.

“On the front door?”

“Yeah.”

“When there’s a perfectly good couch inside?”

“We watched the sunrise and we were talking….” Tom said. When he said that, Darnell looked at me and suddenly had this look on his face like his whole demeanor changed from grandmother to brother. I knew that face. He was about to bust my ass.

“NO NO NO!,” I exclaimed. I gave Tom the ice pack and stood up to push Darnell inside. I cut off whatever Tom was going to say because I was terrified that Darnell was going to say something. He had a goofy ass smile on his face and wide eyes, which, as history would tell, was not a good thing.

“Oh shiiiit! Did you tell him?”

“What? What’s going on?,” Tom said as I left him and pulled Darnell and I out of earshot.

“SHHHHHH. No! Darnell shut up. I DIDN’T tell him anything. Why would you think that?,” I said in a loud whisper.

“Because sunrise shit is such a couple thing to do miss Daya, okay… also finding him here? When did he even come? I slept at one in the morning and the boy wasn’t here. So what time did he come, huh? WHY did he come?”

“Did you guys just really leave me out there? Really? Do you hate me that much?” Tom walked in, balancing the ice pack on his head and it already made his hair wet. “What are you whispering about?”

“Why are you here, Tom?” Darnell blatantly asked. My eyes grew wild. HE DID NOT JUST ASK THAT??? I hit Darnell in the arm, “OW! What?” Darnell rubbed his arm to ease the pain. “Shut up.” I whispered. Tom laughed at the sight. Thank God. He just thinks Darnell is being funny.

“I was helping Zendaya unpack her stuff. We both couldn’t sleep last night so I thought I could come over… Sorry… am I allowed to come over?”

“Yeah, of course! It’s MY house.” I emphasized the last part to Darnell and tried to send him a signal to shut the fuck up.

“Of course, Tom. You’re always welcome here, no prob. We good. Sorry if that came off wrong!”

“No pro— oh shit. What time is it?”

“Last time I checked around twelve…twelve thirty…”

“In the afternoon?!” Tom said, exasperated.

“Yeah?” Darnell replied.

What the fuck? We slept for that long? I’m surprised none of us got cramps.

“OH FUCK! I HAVE TO GO! Sorry about, why am I saying sorry? Uhhh thanks…for the ice? I’ll see you…OH SHIT!”

“What!” Darnell and I said in unison.

“I asked someone, Brian, my manager’s driver to drop me off here…,” Tom explained.

“WAIT! I’ll drive you. Anyways, you can’t go out alone with that bump in your head.” Darnell said to Tom and he turned to me, “I’ll take your car. Okay?”

“Sure!” I said.

“Give me a sec. I’ll just get the keys. Bring him to your car already, Z.” Darnell left and I held Tom’s arm. I led him down to the garage where my car was parked.

“Sorry, again for THAT.”

“It’s cool. Literally.” He said, holding on to his ice pack. I laughed at how corny that pun was. How does he manage to make me feel better when I almost blew his head off? Not me, though. Darnell. But still.

“Thanks for helping me out, by the way. You’re really nice, you know that? Like. I can’t tell you enough.”

“It’s okay. I like the compliments, keep them coming, keep them coming.”

“If you didn’t have that bump in your head… I swear…”

We both laughed and Darnell eventually came. He opened the car and slipped into the driver seat. I opened the door for Tom and he went inside. Darnell started the engine and Tom had opened the passenger’s window.

“D’you know, in England, we do this thing to make the healing process faster…”

“What?!” I said too eagerly out of guilt, concern, and maybe fear that one his talent managers was going to have my head on a stake some time today.

“A kiss.” That took not only me by surprise but as well as Darnell. We both looked at each other like… oh shit. He did not just…SHIT.

“Kiss on the bruise? I was kidding about it being an English thing!” Tom laughed, amused at his joke that no one seemed to have gotten but himself. Darnell and I just laughed along with him. “Wait. Do you really not have it here?”

“We do…” Darnell said, focusing on the steering wheel.

“Keep dreaming, Spider-man,” I said coolly.

“I will,” Tom said with a smug.

“Okay, lovebirds. I remember someone was late for some shit… so are we going?”

“RIGHT! Okay. Let’s go. Bye, Love!” Tom waved like a little boy from inside the car. Darnell pressed on the gas and the car left. Tom has called me love a bunch of times before and other people too, it doesn’t mean anything but nowadays it doesn’t fail to send butterflies into my stomach. I wondered if Darnell saying “lovebirds” had any bearing on Tom. I stared at the ice pack in my hand, forgetting when I took it away from him. I walked back inside the house and dropped it in the sink.

Things haven’t changed. I was still falling for Tom. I say falling because I feel like every moment I spend with him I just dig deeper into the pit that is my feelings for him. But for the first time since I liked him, I was calm. It was possible to act like everything was normal, to act like things were the way before. I released a tired breath and dumped myself on to the couch. But it didn’t mean it made it any easier.

“I deserve an Oscar for best actress!” I mumbled into the pillow before falling back to sleep.