Falling Stars

“5:00 am” my clock read.

Darnell had shaken my awake several times. He does that. He wakes me up 30 minutes before because he knows that’s the amount of time I actually take to get up from bed.

It’s still dark outside but inside my room, it was lit up like a Christmas tree. Darnell turned on all the lights and the only way to turn them off is to get up so I might as well start dressing up. I walked towards my mirror and started to survey my face for all it’s blemishes when I remembered last night’s mayhem. I closed my eyes and squeezed them hard. I wrinkled at my nose at the memory. I opened my eyes and was blinded immediately by the lights and I started seeing stars. I sighed heavily at my reflection. I really didn’t have the time or tolerance to think about this all day. I hate liking people. They take up so much of your time in your head. I NEED MY HEAD. And at that moment I tripped and fell on my suitcase, still unpacked from my trip to Australia. Darnell upon hearing the raucous came running.

“Wha—! Zendaya! Oh my god!” He ran to me and grabbed my arm to help me up. “Are you okay?! You still asleep?” I mumbled something incoherent to let him know, yes, in fact I was sleepy, but it wasn’t just that.

“Z. You do know when we say we’re “falling” for someone, you don’t take it literally..” and he laughed again. I rolled my eyes. This whole situation is a joke.

“Shut up!” I pushed him away and went to the bathroom. I could still hear him laughing as I closed the door.

I slept the whole ride. We drove up to the city where I was going to have my shoot for boohoo. I was excited because they’re going to call it the Zendaya Edit and I get to choose pieces of clothing from them. Of course, Law was going to help.

Darnell dropped me off in front of a big house where the shoot was going to be. He said he had errands to run but Hannah would take care of me until he comes back. Hannah was one of the coordinators of the shoot, she had ashy blonde hair and was small in stature. She walked towards me from the front lawn and greeted me. “Goodmorning Miss Coleman. We have a room for you inside should you want to relax first because you still have five hours before the shoot.”

FIVE HOURS?! DARNELL? We were so early! WHAT.THE.FUCK. But Darnell had already drove off. I tried to pull of my best smile at Hannah.

“Thanks” I said meekly. The sun was barely out yet but here I am, up and early. She led me to a bedroom that had a TV in it. There was also a director’s chair and a mirror with light bulbs around it. The room was empty. No clothes, no hair products, and my make-up bag was still inside my suitcase.

“I still have to contact people who will set-up the place so I would have to leave you. Don’t worry, no one will bother you here. The guys will be setting up outside. If you need anything, I’ll just be in the backyard.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Five hours.

Hannah left and I surveyed the room. I doubt Law was going to come this early or my hairdresser. That means, until Darnell comes back, I’m all alone here. For some reason, the emptiness of the room made me uneasy so I decided to put stuff on the table near the mirror. I pulled out my make-up bag from my suitcase but halfway through I got lazy. FIVE HOURS. Darnell has reached a new level of crazy. I wanted to call him and yell at him but the weight of sleep was heavier. I looked at the bed and plopped down onto it; ready to sleep again. Ohh comfy.

“Good morning.”

I jumped and turned around and saw Tom standing in the doorway. “Shit!” I didn’t even hear the door open. It’s either I’m in danger if someone tried to kidnap me or there’s a reason why they made this boy Spider-man.

“Oh, sorry” he moved forward and held my arms. “Sorry, did I scare you? I know you’re not a morning person. Sorry…” his British accent lingering on the last word. He started rubbing my arms with his hands. I looked at his hands and my eyes grew big. I immediately pulled away.

“Uh, no it’s fine. I-uh-uhm-I…ahh..” I stuttered. Why was I stuttering?

“You okay, Z?” his hands still outstretched and one of his eyebrows was up.

“Uh..what are you doing here?” That sounded mean. Also, I could feel my throat starting to dry. What. Was. Happening.

“Oh! I wanted to surprise you…which I did, sorry ‘bout that.” He chuckled. His laugh is so cute. Oh no. Don’t think that way, he might sense it. “I know we’re going to see each other for New York Fashion Week but I told you I missed you.” There goes my heart. Please, God. I hope I don’t sweat. I sweat when I get nervous. “So here I am!” he continued.

I don’t know how my face looked at the moment but I’m guessing it wasn’t attractive or positive because he seemed nervous all of a sudden like he realized he had done something wrong. “It’s okay though, I really cleared up this day because the following months are going to be hectic. Are you sure you’re okay? Sorry, again. I didn’t mean to scare you so much. You’re not usually this jumpy.” I know! I’m not but.. but you! We were just talking about you yesterday. I can’t process what happened yesterday and now??

“I don’t have to be here if…you don’t want me to be. I won’t be here long. Just wanted to see you before you kill it on your shoot today…” His voice trailed off and he looked down at his shoes. I think he could sense that something was off and the air in the room suddenly felt thin and suffocating. We had never been alone like this before, too. Where is everybody?

“No!” I said the too aggressively. “No. Uhm. It’s fine. Sorry. Surprised.. I got surprised. Yay! You uh.. succeeded in the surprising of… me..” WHAT?

“Yeah.. Are you sure you’re okay? We’re…okay?”

“No. No! Just, I just woke up from the car and everything’s crazy right now. I’m fiiiine. I’m fine. We’re— I’m fine. It’s fine. Yeah. So.” I swallowed. I don’t know where I’m going with this but I know the direction is downwards spiral. “Uhm.. you? Are you uh..? Fine?”

“Yeah. I’m good. I’m good. I’m relieved I have this ONE day to relax. Everything is going so fast. I haven’t had the time to just taken it all in.”

What? I don’t think I processed anything he said because I was just staring at his lips. Did I ever notice his lips before? They do look like there’s a frog in it when he closes it. I wonder if it’s soft...Oh shit. Wait. Did he stop talking?

“Daya? Hello? I think you still need sleep. I’ll leave you.” He was about to turn towards the door when I said, “Huh? Oh? Uhm. No it’s okay. You… I thought you were going to hang around… a bit.. like a hang out. Do you wanna— What do you wanna do? I don’t want you to waste your day like this…On me.”

“No! I really wanted to see you!” He chuckled. So cute. Shut up, Zendaya. “Sorry. I should really ask first. Darnell told me your shoot doesn’t start until 12 noon and you had time to spare”

DARNELL. How could I have not seen it? We liked being prompt but not THIS prompt. Nice one Darneesha. Sly. VERY Sly. I see what you’re doing. You’re gonna get it from me when you come back!

Tom continued, “We can walk outside. I found a really cool pizza place like around the block and they serve ones with 6 kinds of cheese! Oh, but I think they won’t be open until later. But we can walk around first and then go —“

“Like in public?”

“Yeah…Is that bad? Is it like bad luck to be seen out before a photoshoot? Is this one of your superstitions again? I swear, that one time you just randomly threw salt over your shoulder!” he joked.

“Shut up!” I laughed. Then silence fell over us. “Uh… Let’s just hang out here.” I gestured vaguely around the room. “We can watch a movie!”

“Okay that sounds cool!” he said.

“Unless you’re hungry. We can call, I can call for food here, I think.”

“No I’m good. I got excited is all, when I saw the pizza place. I thought of you.” His grin was so wide. I could melt. Right here. You don’t even know but you’re always on MY mind ever since I figured out I liked you.

He took off his shoes, which revealed his Spiderman socks, and jumped on the bed. “Nerd!” I exclaimed. He looked at his socks, his grin still as wide, like he was proud that I caught him wearing those. He got the remote and turned on the TV. He was looking through movies and I still haven’t moved from my spot, afraid that I might do something stupid. Like… I don’t know, trip? It wouldn’t be the first time today.

You can do this Daya. You got this. Just. Act. Normal.

“Come here! Let’s choose a movie.” I took a step towards him and tripped. Nice. “Nerd!” he exclaimed and laughed. I rolled my eyes and threw him one of my make-up bags. “Ow! Ow! I’m fragile!!” he said and we both laughed.

Seeing as we were both nerds, we decided to watch the first Spider-man movie with Tobey Maguire. I must have fallen asleep because the last thing I saw was when Spider-man first encountered the Green Goblin. Also, because James Franco looked really cute in that scene, you can’t forget a face like THAT.

Tom must have started watching another movie because it looked nothing like Spider-man, it had Lily Collins in it. I adjusted my head to get a better view. I tilted it and realized I was lying on Tom’s chest while he leaned on the bed’s headboard. One of his arms was wrapped around my waist, lazily resting on my stomach.

“Hey..” he whispered.

“Hey..” I mumbled. “I slept.”

“Yeah, you did. You’re a very quiet sleeper. You didn’t even move one bit.”

“Hm…” I giggled. I was about to close my eyes again when I realized what we must’ve looked like. Hannah. Hannah could see us like this or the guys setting up. I shot up and knocked Tom’s chin in the process.

“OH!” His head shooting backwards, luckily missing the headboard.

“Oh my god! Sorry! Tom! Oh my god! Are you okay?!” I had my hands hovering over his face. He rubbed his chin that was turning red.

“It’s fine, love.” Oh my god.I’M not okay.

“Sorry… Shit. Shit. I’ll get you uhh some ice..I think we ha—” I was about to stand up to start scavenging for ice or look for Hannah but Tom held my arm and pulled me down the bed again.

“Woah! It’s fine. I’m fine. See.” He showed me his chin. It was just red but not swollen. “After that nap, you’re still jumpy huh?” he joked.

“Sorry.”

“Like I said, it’s fine. Look” He brought one of my hands on his chin. My hand was sandwiched between his chin and his hand. My heart was beating so fast that I was sure he could hear it. Our faces were so close to each other that it was hard to focus on his eyes, they were staring right at me. Everything was in slow motion. I could see Tom open his mouth to say something when  I was startled by the sound of the door opening. I pulled my hand away swiftly. It sounded like a person who wanted to be noticed. An entrance. Law.

“Hey girl! Ohh lala what do we have here!” I immediately stood up from the bed.

“Heeey Law… Is it uhm… What time is it?” I said rubbing my hand, the one Tom had held up against his chin. Was it guilt that I was feeling? Guilty for what? Having been caught? My heart was beating right out of my chest. Can anyone else hear that?

“Hi Tom!” Law said, ignoring me.

“Heeey Law…” Tom said like he was guilty of something too.

“I didn’t know you were gonna be here! Z, you didn’t tell me Tom was coming.” Finally noticing my presence. “I could’ve done the fitting for you already instead of in New York” and we’re back to Tom again.

“He uhm, surprised me. I didn’t know he was coming.”  I said as I kept switching the weight on either leg, uneasy about the whole situation.

“Surprise. Surprise”, Law replied. He had a mischievous smile on and wide eyes. I was afraid he was going to say something while Tom was here. Were they all in on this? Are Darnell and Law conspiring against me or something?

Tom stood up and gave Law a bro-hug, “I was just leaving. I waited for Zendaya to wake up before I left. Since you’re up,” he motioned to me. “I’ll be off.”

“So soon? You can stay while we glam up Miss Zendaya over here, she wouldn’t mind. You could be like uh— fourth opinion but my opinion is the last say.” Law laughed. My eyes widened. I couldn’t have him here, not with this state of confusion. I stared down at Law, hoping he’ll get the message: NO. He wouldn’t look at me and so my sight landed on Tom who WAS looking at me with a confused face. He had that look again, the one where he looked like he has a frog in his mouth.

“Uh.. no it’s alright. I have to get going anyways. I still have uhm… some stuff to do.” Tom said to Law.

“Oh.” I mumbled under my breath. Fuck. Now he’ll think I DON’T want him around. I mean I don’t because it’s awkward but he doesn’t know that. He might just think I’m a snob. I wanted to hit my head on the wall right then and there.

“I’ll see you guys in a few weeks?” and he gave Law a hug again and came over to me. Our hug was awkward and full of arms, “‘kay, bro, see you! Sorry, I slept on you” I said.

Tom looked confused again. I never called him ‘bro’ before. “It’s fine. You were kind of weird this morning, I think you needed the nap. Anyways, I’ll go. Bye.” Tom slipped out the door. I stared at the spot where he had just been a second ago, not knowing what to make of our situation now. I saw in my peripheral vision Law  who was staring at me.

“Mmm..Hmmm…” he had a smug look on his face.

“What?”

“Oh! Nothing… Didn’t know you were a rendezvous type of girl. So how’s our spider boy?”

“I’m not… it was not a rendezvous. I told you he surprised me. And, and he’s fine. He just had a day off and came by to…. say hi except…I fell asleep. Darnell woke me up crazy ass early for today.” I returned the suspicion, wondering if Law knew Tom was going to surprise me as well.

“Good thing I was late. The traffic was in your favor Miss Zendaya.” I was going to say something back when the door opened and for some reason I had hoped it was Tom but it was Darnell with the rest of the clothes I had to try on. My disappointment was immediately replaced with annoyance.

“Darnell! What the fuck?!”

“What? These are your clothes. Sheesh. I think you need more naps.”

“No! Not the clothes! How could you leave me here with Tom? Did you really have errands? Huh? Really? Errands. I’m so STUPID!”

“I did! I went to the gym!”

“And why didn’t you tell me? After everything I told you yesterday? You thought it was a good idea to throw me into the fire like that? I can’t. I made a fool of myself!”

“What? What happened yesterday?” Law piped in.

“Uh.. He said he wanted to surprise you, Z. I think if I told you, it would defeat the purpose. Am I right? Tell me I’m right.”

“No.” He was right but I wanted to be stubborn.

“Did you have fun on your play date?” Darnell teased.

“Shut up, Darnell.” I wasn’t really mad, I love Darnell like a brother. We get to each other’s nerves but never enough to actually get upset with one another. It’s just so annoying. This whole situation is a big mess.

Law, being Law, did not liked to be ignored but he knew not to push on things like this, “Okay, enough about your love life. Go try this on.” He’s known me since I was 15 so he was there for my first boyfriend. And he was there when that boyfriend became an ex.

“There’s—no— not love..” I managed to choke out.

“Sh..sh.. try it on, try it on. Come on! We haven’t had all day!” Law gave me a little push and I walked towards my suitcase to get my things out. I could see in my peripheral vision that these two were up to something. They both smiled at each other for a brief second like they just sent an instant message.

“Law?”

“Yes, dear. That bra.” Not even looking up from his phone where he was taking a selfie and deleting it after, then taking another one.

“No. No. Law? Do you think I like Tom?”

He squealed. Why did he squeal?

Darnell gave him a look and said, “I told you so.”

“Told him what, Darnell???” I said.

“Before, we were betting if you liked him. Of course we both bet you did so it was completely useless but Z!!! This is so cute! You can have matching outfits. Okay, no. We’re not going to do that. It’s cute though. You guys are cute. A power couple. Can you imagine? I can. Him. And Her.” Law said dreamily.

“I didn’t say… I liked him. But I’m guessing your answer means yes.” I rolled my eyes. Just. Great. I got my stuff and got ready for the shoot. Luckily, when my hairdresser came the two shut up about the whole thing. They understood that when it comes to relationships I liked keeping things private. I was still unnerved with how they noticed. Darnell, I wasn’t surprised because I’m literally with him all day everyday. Where I go, he goes. Where he goes, I don’t always go so he knows more about my life than anyone else. But Law? My family? Who else knows? I didn’t want people to know until I’ve figured it out myself. I’m not even a hundred percent sure if I do like him or it’s just the teasing that’s getting to me. Believe me when I say that a lot of what I do is dictated to me, especially as a child star. But I’ve grown into my own and I won’t have anyone tell me what to do. I won’t let people influence who I’m going to love.

Woah. Not love. What I mean to say is. If I’m going to like someone it’s going to come from me and me alone. I don’t want people poking in on my relationship.

It didn’t help when I started scrolling through my phone. It wasn’t new— the whole shipping thing but I had different eyes now. I had a new perspective on things and now things seem clearer. Every post it seemed like the shippers were right.

“Darnell? Can you call my publicist?”

“Yeah. He’s coming in at 6pm. Why?”

“I need to ask him something.”

New York Fashion Week is in four days and I had just finished packing the last of my clothes before we fly out to New York. I sat on my suitcase and closed it shut. “There” I said triumphantly. That was a workout. I walked towards my bed where Noon was lying down and tucked myself in. I patted his head and he moved towards me and snuggled himself under my armpit. “Watchu doin’ there son?” I laughed.

I opened my phone and saw that Tom had sent another message. I can’t say that things were back to normal, it wasn’t. I was still constantly brooding over my feelings, sometimes they would just explode out of nowhere or there would be days that it remained no matter what happened in my day. It felt more like a disease. Maybe that’s why they called it lovesick. Every time he said something sweet, I get this mini heart attack but it was easier to mask when we only spoke online. Thank God, he doesn’t ask for video calls. Darnell, however, was relentless in teasing me any chance he could get and ever since I told Zink about my revelation of liking Tom, the two became a tag team and I always lost. I didn’t mind losing as long as no one else would know. They understood that I wanted to keep this a secret. It was easier to pretend that nothing had changed.

But now that we’re going to see each other in a few days, I don’t know if I can keep the up the act. I’m scared Tom is going to see right through it that they’re all going to see right through me. Even before I had realized I liked Tom people were already suspecting, what more now that I really do.

“Can’t wait to see you.” Well, there goes my heart again. This wasn’t the first time I saw the message but it still gave me a little shock to the heart. I looked at Noon who had already fell asleep and took a picture of him. This is what I replied to Tom. “I’m gonna miss Noon again though. But see you!” Calm. And. Collected. I got this.

Next day we were flying out. We had two days before the event. Tom and I had planned awhile back that we’d use those days to hang out. I wish we hadn’t. It just made me more nervous and on the plane ride going to New York I could barely sleep. My heart kept pumping and pumping. We were going to be together for almost a week. I don’t know if I could last that long but I had to remind myself that it wasn’t going to be the same situation as when Tom surprised me. Darnell was going to be around, so was Law. I’m pretty sure Tom must have brought some of his friends along too.

We settled into our suit when we heard a knock on the door and Darnell opened it. “Are we going to stay in again?” Tom said as he walked in. “I really want to walk around New York, I mean, it’s New York.” I felt my sweat breaking in. We were going to be seen in public if we go out though.

“Uhhh…”

“Yeah, we can go out!” Darnell answered for me. “Z over here stayed at home the whole time. You startin’ to smell like a couch potato. We need to get you some sun or you gonna be full on Caucasian”

“Hey! It doesn’t even work that way!” I retorted.

“Come on, Z! Let’s see New York!” Tom said and I couldn’t tell if he was doing the puppy dog eyes on purpose or his eyes are just naturally big. Damn it. Why did he look so damn cute. Was he always this cute??? This boy is going to be the death of me.

“Okay. Fine. Let me get dressed.”

“I just have some err—“ Darnell started.

“NO! NO ERRANDS!” I shouted a little too loudly that Darnell jumped.

“Okay… fine. We ALL go out then. Do you want me to bring the receptionist too?” Darnell joked.

“Shut up! I’m going to get dressed and so will you Darneesha. Let’s go! Get!” I waved at him to get a moving. “We’ll see you at the lobby, Tom.”

“Oh, okay. See you.” Tom said, a little confused but he went out.

“Darnell, I swear to god if you do ANYTHING while we are out together or say ANYTHING imma beat yo ass.” I told Darnell as soon as Tom left the room. Darnell was laughing again. “I’m serious!” I said.

“Yeah. I gotchu Z!” I gave him a look that I was not messing around. “Yeah Z! Geez! No fooling around. We’re just going to hang out like we cool. We chill. Okay?”

“Okay.”

I wore minimal make-up so as not to seem like an eager beaver and a heavy coat because it was still cold in New York. We met up with Tom in the lobby and he was alone. No friends. “No Harrison?” I said walking up him. “Uh. No. He’s back in London. I’ll see him in a couple of weeks though!” he said smiling. I couldn’t help but smile back. Weirdly enough when I was around him I didn’t feel as anxious as when I anticipated hanging out with him. It still felt warm and comfortable in his presence. So I thought, maybe I can act normal around him. I just need to stop overthinking everything.

We walked around New York city and I didn’t stutter as much. Darnell did become a good buffer from time to time but I didn’t need him as much as I thought. Tom and I talked normally and joked normally. I wasn’t going to lie, the feelings were there, pounding on my chest but it didn’t seem to show so I was okay. But just when I thought everything was going back to normal, Tom held my hand. I didn’t see him reaching for it until I felt his fingers intertwine mine and my fingers mirrored it automatically. We were moving through a thick crowd of people. Darnell was behind me and Tom in front leading us through. I swear. There was a tingling sensation where our hands touched. He dropped it though as soon as the crowd was gone. I looked back at Darnell but I don’t think he noticed. I put my hands in my coat and tried to keep calm. A fan then walked up to us and asked if we could take a photo. I was still shocked from the hand holding that when Tom was getting into the frame I pushed him out. He looked shocked but took it as a joke.

“Too cool for me now huh, Z?”

Oh no. I had to think FAST. “Get out mah shot boy! You ain’t got no juice!” And I smiled and the girl took a picture. “Thank you!” she said and left a little disappointed because I think she did want Tom in the frame. Nice save though, self.

“Okay, next one who comes up to us, YOU’RE not going to be in the picture” Tom teased.

“Who said anyone else is gonna come up?” I teased back but as soon as I said that another person asked to take a picture and just like what I did to him he pushed me out of the shot. “Celebrities only” he joked. The person thanked him but also asked if they could get a picture with me.

“Ha! Celebrities only.” I mocked. I took a picture with the guy and he thanked me then left.

“Damn. It’s hard hanging out with you!” He said.

“This is what real fame looks like. Watch and learn. Take notes, okay?” I joked and he laughed.

For the rest of the time though, I became wary of people who wanted to take a photo of us. I kept trying to find excuses for Tom not to be in the shot and I started walking farther from him, putting Darnell in between us. Suddenly, I was becoming awkward again. I was conscious that we were being watched and that people were going to read it on my face. “I’m falling for Tom you guys! Y’all were right!” I was afraid Tom was going to know.

When we got back to the hotel room and I got ready for bed I surveyed today’s events. I wondered why I suddenly became so conscious that we were seen together. I was so paranoid that I think we only ever took one photo together the whole day with a fan.

It’s because he held your hand, I thought to myself.

I felt it then and there that I was falling HARD. I can’t hide this for long unless it dies down. I don’t think it will. What I feel for him is becoming more solid, more real that I’m starting to actually WANT to hold his hand and be seen with him. But it takes two to tango and if he doesn’t feel the same way— I mean he did let go of my hand… I don’t know. I don’t want these thoughts! And so I smothered my face with a pillow and went to bed.

The next day, Law was going around with us. Two buffers who may or may not drag me down. I hope not. Thankfully, none of them did but I was still conscious about being seen out with Tom that I stuck to either Law or Darnell the whole time. I kept our conversations short and would always bring in Law or Darnell into the conversations so we were never alone for a long time.

The same thing happened. People asked us for photos and I became smarter in making sure Tom wasn’t in the photo. I decided that it was best if we weren’t seen together. It would just bring in more suspicion like, WHY we were together? WHY we shared a stylist? People are going to think we’re coupling and I don’t think I can shake it off like before because the situation isn’t the same. I’m not the same.

For the rest of the trip I made sure Tom and I were never alone together that Darnell or Law were always around. When Tom was about to sit beside me on the runway I immediately asked Law to sit between us since he’s both our stylist and it looked better that way. I tried to move away from him during events and joked it off every time he looked confused why I wanted to leave his side.

“Zendaya?” Darnell said back in the hotel. We were getting ready to fly back to L.A., finally finishing up NYFW.

“Hm?” I said, not looking up from my phone where I was scrolling through Instagram. I was looking at photos of Tom and I or lack thereof. Good.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Looking at Instagram.” I clicked on a video of slime just in case Darnell peeked.

“No not that. You know what I’m talking about?” he said never looking away from the mirror where he was trying to fix his hair. I looked at him confused.

“What?” I said. He turned around and looked at me with hands on his hips. Here comes grandma.

“I know what you did, Z.”

“What I do?” I teased. “If it’s something to do with your hair, you know as hell I didn’t touch that.” and I went back scrolling through Instagram.

“What you’re doing to Tom.”

I stopped scrolling. “I didn’t do anything…

“Right. Huh. You didn’t just avoid him the whole trip?”

“I-I wasn’t avoiding him! Why would I do that?”

“That’s what I want to know! Z. He has been trying to talk to you, sit beside you and you move out like he contracted some sort of disease. You’d think you hated the boy! What happened? I thought you liked him?” Darnell started yammering. He was going full on grandmother tonight.

“Shhh!! I never said I liked him.” I whispered. “Also, keep your voice down what if he walks right into this room and he hears you??”

“Z. Come on. I also know you asked your publicist to take down photos of you and Tom when he went to see you on set at Disney. It wasn’t just that. Other photos too. What’s going on here?”

“Nothing…” My voice grew quiet.

“Don’t you nothing me! I’ll tell you what. Tom noticed it too. That you’ve been avoiding him the whole trip.”

“I was— I’m not avoiding him. He noticed nothin’” I said defensively.

“He did.”

“…”

“Daya...I shouldn’t be saying this because he has asked me not to bu--”

“Who asked you?” I said, not letting him finish. Darnell let out a huge sigh.

“Tom. Tom asked if something was up. He’s upset that maybe he upset you.”

“When did he ask?” I said surprised.

“When I went to go buy you dinner, I ran into him in the hallway. I guess, maybe he was going to our suite. I don’t know. Now, whatever is going on in your head whether you do like him”I opened my mouth to say something but Darnell continued,  “or NOT, he’s still your friend. I don’t think it was very nice that you spent the whole trip giving him the cold shoulder.”

“I just… about the photos. I didn’t want people to think something was going on between us…”

“That never bothered you before?” Darnell said, sitting down on the bed.

“I know but—“

“It’s different. I get it Z. But people aren’t going to start figuring out you like him from the photos. They already think you did before you ACTUALLY DID. Nothing’s going to change. Let them do whatever. Don’t let them bother you.”

He was right. Since when did it matter what people thought of me? Since when did I let them decide how I should act?

“I don’t know. It’s weird, I’ll be honest. It’s like when you like someone, the more you stay away. I feel like I’m just a big sign saying, I LIKE TOM!!! you know? Like it’s plastered on my face even before I say anything. I’m scared he’s going to know…”

“So?”

“It’s going to ruin our friendship, Darnell. I don’t want that.”

“How’s it gonna ruin your friendship?” I rolled my eyes. Is Darnell not getting this? Do I have to spell it out for him? I stared at him and mustered up the courage to tell him the fear that’s been creeping on me ever since I felt something for Tom.

“What if he doesn’t like me back?”

“Well…What if he does?”