blood and family are not synonyms
Tony misses his parents he doesn’t know why, logically it makes no sense Howard never did anything good for his son and probably shouldn’t have been a parent in the first place, and his mother was mostly detached from his life to the extent that she may as well have been an acquaintance of his parents rather than one of them. Clearly neither of them would have won parent of the year. Still tony misses them. But it’s getting better he has Jarvis, and his primary father figure remains just as constant as ever.
Barnes has begun bringing him food and he’s fairly certain he’s the one that carried him to his bed when he fell asleep in the lab. Obie is acting as CEO of stark industries even though tony has to design many more weapons than before, he now has a freighting efficient personal assistant in Virginia “pepper,” Potts, a spit fire of a woman who charged into his life and office after her now former boss told her to “take it to the boss if your so sure, see how fast you get thrown out on your ass,” when she found a calculation error. She was right of course. She keeps him on track and recognises when he’s being difficult for the sake of it and when he’s just scared to be seen being serious about saying no.
His human friends have come to visit first Rhodey who scoops him up in his arms and tells him that he’s here, it reassuring that no matter how big tony gets, Rhodey just gets proportionately stronger so he’s never struggled lifting Tony up, Tony doesn’t care that he’s to old to be manhandled at this stage of his life. Not when Rhodey’s arms around him are the only things holding him together.
Then carol, who comes with soft whispers as she cards her fingers through his curls and Tony’s soul begins to stitch itself back together. Tony lays his head on her lap as she reads to him it makes him feel small and safe, two things that have not tended to go hand in hand for him before now.
And then Hope who doesn’t mention it. She’s just there like a normal friend coming to visit and tony couldn’t be more grateful for the respite from thinking about it. All tony seems to do these days is think, cry, and forget to take care of himself.
In the spirt of thinking, Tony wonders if he can count more than 5 friends now. Bucky might count probably. Maybe Steve. Pepper isn’t quite his friend yet but, she’s the only one who didn’t know him before, well before. So, she doesn’t look at him like he’s broken like everyone else does, that alone makes her a miracle a veritable God send, one tony knows he doesn’t deserve.
Well actually, everyone except maybe the Bucky’s, Barnes is less insistent in attaining Tony’s company, giving him more space than before seeking Tony’s attention only when Tony is in the communal areas or up too late in the lab and Tony very rarely has to worry about being caught off guard in the corridors anymore. Bucky bear is, as always, the perfect confidant and comfort.
Tony appreciates that his bear doesn’t judge him because he’s starting to get mad at his parents, mostly his mother, thoughts of Howard leave him numb and raw, which isn’t surprising given that the man himself often made Tony’s skin feel the same after a drink or two. His mother died, and he knows it’s not her fault that she died that not why he’s angry, but he wants an explanation, wants to know why they had a child they didn’t want, and now he’s never going to know the answers, because the one person who could give him answers he could trust rather than speculation is dead.
Maybe that’s what he misses not the mother he never knew and would probably have been better off without, but the opportunity for some sort of resolution to the questions that have plagued him since he was old enough to fathom them into existence or, maybe, maybe they’re his parents and he loves them even if they don’t deserve it. Even if they hurt him or ignored his pain and turned they’re backs to him, even if loving the monster that haunts his unconscious mind makes no sense maybe he just does. You don’t get to choose if someone loves you, Tony figured that out many years ago but it would seem that you can’t control love at all not even to deny your own to those unworthy of it.