Chapter 16
Steve sat on the sofa uncomfortably. He could hear Bucky pottering around in the kitchen, clearly just as awkward as Steve was. Steve reflected on every moment in his life that led to this point in time, and wondered if he’d made some mistakes. Well, of course he had, he’d hurt Bucky. That was a pretty big mistake. One of the worst Steve had made. And he didn’t really know how to fix it. He knew how he’d like to fix it (with kisses and touching) but he wasn’t sure if that would be welcomed now.
The longer he waited for Bucky, the more agitated he got. What was taking him so long? He was tempted to go into the kitchen and see for himself, but felt that would be crossing a line. He’d done enough damage to Bucky’s trust in him, so he contented himself with stroking gently down Soldat’s back. The dog really was soft, and the familiar rhythm was enough to quell most of Steve’s discomfort. This was helped even more when Soldat climbed onto the sofa next to him and rested his head in Steve’s lap, whining for more attention.
“He’s good, ain’t he?” Steve jumped at the sound of Bucky’s voice, so engrossed in petting Soldat. He’d all but forgotten why he was there, and it all came rushing back with alarming clarity when Bucky spoke. He walked over to Steve, handing him a mug, careful not to spill any on Soldat. Steve accepted the mug with a grateful sigh, letting the steam envelop his face and mist his glasses. He heard a snort, but when he looked up, his vision was obscured. Bucky was just a blur. A beautiful blur, but maybe Steve was biased. In any case, talking to BlurBucky was a lot easier than talking to regular Bucky. He took a deep breath.
“Buck. I’m really sorry f-”
“Steve, no, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have unloaded all that on you, especially when you were at work. I know I’m fucked up, and it was way out of line for me to expect you could handle something like that. It’s okay if you can’t handle it, you wouldn’t be the first person not to. I’m just really sorry for putting you through all that when you weren’t expecting it and I-”
“I know ASL!” Steve blurted. It was clear Bucky was starting to spiral, and Steve couldn’t bear the thought of Bucky thinking Steve didn’t want him anymore. Of course he did.
“I-What?” Bucky sounded thrown off by the non sequitur.
He knew he’d have to look Bucky in the eyes when he explained what it meant, so he wedged his mug between his thighs and took his glasses off. Bucky remained silent while Steve cleaned them thoroughly but opened his mouth when Steve placed them back on his nose. “Please, wait. I know ASL, Bucky. I saw what you were saying to Clint about me. I was going to bring it up but I guess I was still slightly pissed about the stunt you had pulled earlier.” He paused, watching as Bucky remembered that day. He could see the moment Bucky realised what he’d said to Clint, as all the blood drained from his face. “I thought it would be fun to mess with you a bit. I now realise that was an insanely stupid thing to do and I’m so sorry. The reason I left earlier was because I felt so guilty for doing it, when you had placed your trust in me. I have no excuses for why I did it, and I am so sorry.” Steve was aware he was pleading with Bucky, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care all that much.
“Steve.” He ran his hands through his hair, silver fingers glinting in the black. “Fuck, you saw all that?” Bucky’s face had started to gain some colour, but he still looked shaken. Steve swallowed nervously.
“Yeah, uh, obviously I didn’t mean to, but it was hard to ignore. You were very…” Steve flapped his hands enthusiastically, trying to explain Bucky’s sign language. Bucky’s face darkened and he closed his eyes briefly.
“Shit. Any chance you could forget I said that and we can go back to being friends?” Steve blinked at Bucky, confused. Did Bucky really mean that?
“Actually, um, I was kinda hoping to take you out. On a date. With me.” Steve cursed as he stuttered through the sentence. Smooth, Rogers, really.
It was definitely worth all this embarrassment to see Bucky’s face like that. It was like looking into the sun. Steve grinned back, pushing his glasses up his nose.
“Yeah, sure. That would be nice.” Steve really wanted to kiss Bucky’s stupid pink face. He looked both embarrassed and elated, his eyes glinting. It took all of Steve’s self control not to just bite Bucky’s red lips.
They sat in silence for a few moments until Bucky chuckled, “this feels awkward now, huh?” Steve nodded emphatically, glad Bucky had noticed it too.
“I’m just gonna go. Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow?” At Bucky’s confused frown Steve clarified, “for our art class? Don’t think just because we’re going on a date you can get out of painting with me. You still need to learn.” Bucky huffed a laugh and Steve smirked at him, standing and stretching his arms. He started the process of bundling himself back up, glancing at Bucky one last time before leaving the apartment.
It wasn’t until he was unlocking his door that he realised he had a date. With Bucky. He couldn’t stop the grin overtaking his face as he reflected on how well that had gone. He certainly wasn’t expecting himself to be so brave, but he knew he couldn’t lose Bucky. The man was far too important for that. He spent a few seconds making coffee, basking in the knowledge of his date. When he sat down, the full force of the situation hit him. What the hell was he gonna wear? Where were they gonna go? He knew Bucky wouldn’t mind what they did, but he still felt nervous. This was their first date- he wanted it to be special.
He decided to watch a space documentary to take his mind off the impending date, and that’s when inspiration strikes. He grins when he realises the perfect place to take Bucky on a date. Grabbing his laptop, he starts to plan.