fade (until i'm gone)

It became their routine: wake up, build his strength and then pass out on the couch. There was hardly ever any conversations because Peter was usually exhausted to the bone-- well if he had bones. He crawled up on the couch next to Tony and held him hostage there as he took a short nap.

Tony didn’t mind being trapped there and it wasn’t like he was his actual weight on top of him; Tony could easily push Peter off and leave. Especially once the kid fell asleep. But Tony never did. He looked forward to these moments the most. They were totally worth having to drink those nasty smoothies every morning.

Every morning, Peter stayed out there longer and longer. Sometimes, he came back like it didn’t bother him, but other times, he came back shaking and scared. It depended on how safe he felt in The Dark while they were practicing.

Tony was always there for him as he came to. Especially on the bad days, he would hold him close and hush him gently until he was calm and realized he was safe on the couch.

Today was on one of those days. A really bad one.

When Wong helped bring him back, he let out an almost pained whine and reached forward before his eyes were even open. Tony grabbed his hands and held them in his. Tony could see the tears dripping from the corner of his eyes.

Tony hated these days.

Most times, he’d open his eyes and smile as he waited for the others to praise him for being so strong.

But on these rare mornings, he didn’t register anyone else except for Tony in the room.

“Mr. Stark,” he cried out quietly even though Tony had him pulled close against his chest.

“Shh,” Tony hummed, trying his best to remember wha Wong told him. When Peter’s emotions got out of control, it was near impossible for him to get them back to normal on his own. He needed to feel Tony’s calm to feel safe. “You’re okay, buddy. I’m here. You got back.”

“Hate The Dark,” Peter mumbled as he tried to get his breathing under control.

“I know you do. It’s okay. But you’re not there. You’re here with me.”

Peter didn’t say another word for a while. This was normal. He continued to cling to Tony like a lifeline and then when he was finally calmed enough, he pulled away and wiped at his eyes. Tony wished he wouldn’t look so embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Don’t apologize,” Tony told him. “You did so good. Right, Wong?”

The others were standing behind Tony, knowing to not say a word until Peter was okay again. Too much at once only scared him more. “You sure did, Peter,” he said, his voice soft. “You’re getting stronger everyday we do this.”

“I don’t wanna mess this up,” he said. He always had the whiteboard closeby now, but he was usually too shaky and tired to even hold the marker after the times her went into The Dark.

“You’re not going to mess this up,” Tony said before even relaying that to the others.

“He’s right, son,” Steve said. “You’re doing such a great job. You’re almost there. It’s all going great because of you.”

Peter looked up at Steve hesitantly, hand grabbing onto Tony. Tony held him closer. “Does he mean that, Mr. Stark? Am I doing it right?”

“You’re doing it perfectly, kiddo. Don’t worry. Soon we’ll send you in and it’ll be the last time you’ll ever have to do it.”

“Can’t wait,” Peter mumbled, his eyes drooping. The exhaustion was kicking in and extra strong today as his body calmed down after his panic attack.

“Neither can I, kiddo.” He turned to the others behind him. They were never allowed to stay because being around them usually had Peter too excited to sleep. Even though he didn’t think that would be an issue today, he still said, “Alright. Pete’s okay.”

The others all looked relieved to hear this. Clint was the one to speak, trying to joke and hide their real worry that they had every time they sent Peter inside. The others had only known Peter for a few days and only through a whiteboard, but they already loved the kid. “Does that mean we’re being kicked out now?”

“Kid’s too tired to even try to stay awake and talk. He’ll pass out for a few hours and then you can come back in and play your games. But not until he gets his rest.”

Clint rolled his eyes with a smile. “Alright, Mr. Mom. We’ll be back to bother him later.”

And Tony know they would be. Especially Clint. Hanging out with Peter was bringing a smile back to his face again. Tony guessed that hanging around Peter was enough to resemble his own children he had lost.

“Try not to get into too much trouble,” Tony said. “Peter likes being awake for that.”

“Will do,” Clint said, smiling down at them.

“Good. I’ll le--.” Tony stopped short when he felt a weight hit into his chest. He turned back to Peter, trying not to worry and scare him. He lifted Peter back up in his arms from where he was leaning against him; the boy nothing but dead weight in his arms. His head lolled to the side and his eyes were shut. Tony was about to ask Wong if it was normal that Peter passed out when he let out a soft snore. “Holy shit, kid. You’re scared me,” he said, laughing nervously in relief.

“What’s wrong?” Nat asked.

“He fell asleep and just passed out in my arms.”

The others laughed at that and Steve said, “Guess he was tired today.”

“It’s okay,” Wong said. “That just means we’re getting closer. It’ll all be worth it soon.”

“I believe it,” Clint said; he wasn’t always in a happy mood. In fact, unless Peter was by his side talking to him with the whiteboard, he was usually in a mood. Tony couldn’t wait to get his family back to him.

“Well, we’ll let you two be then,” Steve said in a low voice like he would wake up Peter. He could scream and as long as Tony stayed calm, Peter would stay blissfully unaware. Tony had gotten much better at keeping control of his emotions. He needed to for Peter.

“Thank you. You know he’ll be up soon, writing you a novel on hi whiteboard.”

Steve chuckled at them before they left the room.

Once they were alone, Tony turned to Peter with a smile. Even though he knew he was asleep and couldn’t hear him, Tony said softly, “Shh, it’s okay, Pete. I’ve got you.” He fixed him as he laid them down down together. Peter curled up on his chest, still sleeping.

Tony let his own eyes shut as he tangled his fingers through Peter’s hair. “Okay, buddy. It’s naptime. I got it.”

Tony fell asleep with Peter tucked safe in his arms, just like he did every afternoon.

And when he woke back up, Peter was still in his arms. But he was awake, staring right at him. Tony blinked his eyes at the attention. “I was waiting for you to wake up,” Peter said.

Tony yawned, still trying to wake himself up. “You’re weird.”

“I know,” he replied. “Are you up? Come on. Can we go for a walk outside?”

Tony groaned at his excitement. He was always a bundle of energy after his nap. “Alright, alright. Just give me a second.”

“Can you call in Mr. Rogers? I wanna tell him we’re going out. He said he would race me.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be resting?” Tony asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“It’s one race, Mr. Stark!”

Tony smiled. “Okay, kid, fine. Let’s go. Maybe the old man is taking his own nap.”

Peter grinned, jumping up to his feet. “Come on! Come on!”

Tony watched him hurry out of the room, staying close to his heels. As much as he loved seeing this kid run around in excitement, he couldn’t wait for the rest of the world to be able to see it too.

The world needed Peter Parker back.

--

Tony had been woken up in a wide variety of ways-- this time ranked pretty high on the terrifying list. Not because he felt something sharp pressed against his throat but because Peter was in the bed next to him. If Tony wasn’t safe, then neither was Peter.

“I know you’re awake, Stark,” a voice, assumedly belonging to whoever was on top of him, said.

Tony blinked his eyes open slowly, the adrenaline chasing away any lingering tiredness. Tony looked at the man and he looked familiar; he was one of the students that Wong swore he could trust. Great. “Listen, man, if it’s money you want, I don’t even have a checkbook on me. But if you get off of me, I can see whatever I have in my wallet--.”

The knife pressed harder against Tony’s throat and he quieted down. “I don’t want money. Why would I want money?”

“Who doesn’t want money-- and why else would you be holding a knife to my neck? I don’t have anything else.”

The man scoffed. “You have him. Where is he?”

Tony felt his heart beat faster in his chest. “Who?”

“The kid-- stop playing dumb! The kid we’ve been helping for days!” The man yelled, his voice sounding just scared as it was angry.

“He’s not here. He disappears in him sleep.” It was a lie. Peter was right next to him, still asleep. He would stay that way because sounds didn’t affect him like normal humans in this realm. But if Tony didn’t control his own feelings, Peter would definitely pick up on those and wake up.

“You’re a liar!” He screamed, leaning close to Tony’s face. The hand holding the knife to his throat was shaking. “I can drag him back. I know spells and I can do it-- I’ll drag him back from wherever the hell he’s hiding. But I promise you, it will hurt.”

Tony’s eyes widened. “Don’t hurt him-- Jesus Christ, he’s a child.”

“I don’t care!”

“What do you even want?” Tony glared at him, wanting nothing more than to choke the life out of this asshole.

“What does everyone else want? I want them back! I want my daughter back!” He choked out, his eyes filling with tears. The knife threatening to break through skin ruined any bit of sympathy Tony may have had for him.

Seemingly, it was the same for Peter too.

“Tell him to take that knife off of your neck right now,” Tony heard Peter suddenly growl.

Oh, not him too.

Tony ignored him. At least this man couldn’t hear or see Peter. “We’re going to bring them all back. Just give him a few--.”

“I’ve waited long enough! Years! I’m tired of waiting. He needs to help! And if he doesn’t, I will end your life so--.” He was caught off when Peter suddenly crashed into him, sending him falling off of Tony and onto the mattress. The lights flickered as bright as Peter’s anger. The man smiled. “Oh, he’s here.”

“Leave him alone,” Tony warned, glancing towards Peter to glare at him.

The man ignored Tony and said to Peter, “I don’t want to hurt you any more than I need to. I just want to see my daughter. I want to make sure she got there and that she’s okay.”

Tony shook his head. “Hurt? No, we are not hurting him.”

“I’ll do it.”

Tony turned to face him with wide eyes. “You will not. This isn’t even an option, kid. Sorry. Tony says no.”

“You have no choice in this. Neither does he, really. It’ll be better if he just complies.” The man came closer to where Peter was sitting and Tony wished he hadn’t faced the kid so this man didn’t know where he was.

“He can’t see anyone else-- he’s tried,” Tony said, trying to get then out of this mess or maybe even stall until someone else heard all the commotion. Even if it was in the middle of the night and everyone was sleeping.

“He’s tried to do it the safe and pain free way-- I don’t need him in there for a while. I can push him in and right to my daughter.”

Tony didn’t like the sound of that at all. They were taking it slow for a reason. “He needs the soul stone.”

The man rolled his eyes. “Once again, these are all things that Wong gave him to help. Sorry I’m not babying him,” he said sarcastically. “I’ll give him a choice-- either he does this or my knife finds its way into your neck.”

But he should be babied. He was a baby. He was a child. He shouldn’t be the one to have to save everyone. He shouldn’t have had to die on Titan. He shouldn’t have to give up himself.

“I’ll kill him if he even tries,” Peter promised, sounding angrier than Tony had ever heard him.

“Tell him to close his eyes-- do whatever. I just need him to go to the girl I’m sending him to and make sure she’s okay. If he does.”

“You can’t just--.”

But he could and he did. He shut his eyes and started to chant, his hands glowing orange. Tony grabbed Peter’s hand immediately to try and help anyway he could. Peter already gasped in pain. Tony held his hand tighter. “After this, bud, we are so done with magic and all of this bullshit.”

Peter had his eyes squeezed shut as he answered through clenched teeth. “Yeah-- it uh, this...burns.”

“Stop it! Fuck, just leave him alone-- Ste--!” Tony turned his wide eyes to the doorway, hoping someone could come help.

The man paused his chanting to warn, “I wouldn’t want to be caught now. Stopping halfway through a spell is never good.”

“Can’t you just fucking wait like everyone else?” Tony wanted to kill him more than anything else in the world, but if messing up the spell risked Peter getting lost forever, he couldn’t take that chance.

“I’ve done my waiting!” He yelled before continuing back up.

Tony held onto Peter, wishing he could take on the pain. “You’re okay, kiddo. Just-- just do what you gotta to make it easier.”

“I’ve-- I’ve gotta follow it, but I-- I don’t want to leave you. It’s not the same like when we practice.” His voice sounded like he was in pain even though Tony could already see it on his face.

“Hey-- this is just like the training, buddy. You’ve got this. I’m right here for you. I’m not going to let you go,” Tony promised.

Peter hesitated but nodded his head and then he let out a muffled whimper and he relaxed into Tony’s side. This was normal- just like every other time Peter went in to try and find the stone. Except this time, there were no safety nets. Wong wasn’t here. This wasn’t how they usually did it.

Tony wrapped an arm around him and looked up at the man with a glare. “He’s just a kid.”

“So is my daughter.”

Tony clenched his teeth. “He’s supposed to be saving his strength! How is he supposed to do that if you’re selfishlessly hurting him?”

“Me being selfish?” The man laughed. “That’s rich coming from you! You’re the one that has the person you lost. You don’t care if this works out because you’ve got your kid-- hell, he’s not even your real kid. Meanwhile, the daughter that I made with my wife, watched grow inside her for 9 months and then raised her every second of her three short years, isn’t here with me. She’s in there! Probably terrified.”

Tony knew it was frustrating. He knew what it felt like to not know where your kid was. He knew this man was acting out of fear. “She’s probably with your wife. She’ll be okay.”

“My wife is dead,” he said. “Died the year Maddie was born.”

Tony’s voice softened. “I’m sorry.”

The man rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“I am,” Tony said, “ I am sorry that you lost your wife and now your daughter is gone, but that doesn’t give you the right to come in here, threatening me and scaring the shit out of my kid just for you. He’s been through enough--.”

“Oh, come off of it. Everyone’s been through a lot. You and your little freak-- what makes you two so special? Why the hell does he get to stay? And why with you of all people? I’ve been here since the beginning, working with these people to stop Thanos. Were you? No, you were crying in your ivory tower, drinking yourself to death. You don’t get to come here and act like you’re so much better than everyone. Because you’re not. You gave up. You gave up on us, on him. So, get off your high horse, Stark.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, so I suggest you back off,” Tony warned, despite, knowing that this man was right. The man rolled his eyes. Tony said in a strong voice, “You better hope he finds his way back.”

“I’m sure he will. And if not, that’s your fault. Why the hell would he choose you. Too weak to even get up after the snap. We all lost everything, but you wallowed around in your own self pity. If anything happens to him, it’s your fault.”

Tony wanted to argue. But he couldn’t. Not when he was right. Again. Tony was weak. He gave up on everything after he lost the kid. He’d been through worse and kept on kicking, but the moment that Peter was gone, he just collapsed. He didn’t want to fight. He didn’t want to live. Not without his kid.

So, Tony just turned his head away and stared at the spot Peter just was. He didn’t turn his eyes away from that spot until a few long moments later, Peter was back. He was gasping and immediately, his hands tried to grab onto Tony’s shirt, but his hands went right through. “No. No. No. Not again,” he started mumbling, his voice cracking at the end.

Tony wanted him to be able to hold him but at least he was back. At least he wasn’t gone. “It’s okay, Pete. We’re gonna figure it out. Calm down, buddy. It’s okay.”

The man leaned in close and Tony put himself in front of Peter protectively. “He’s back? Did he find her? Is she okay?”

Peter was shaking and trying so hard to hold onto Tony, but it wasn’t working. “Mr. Stark-- it’s not...why can’t I?”

“Shhh, it’s gonna be alright.”

“What did she say?” The man roared in a blind panic, unknowing to how much pain he put Peter through. Tony wanted to kill him.

“I saw her-- I think it was her,” Peter said in a small voice. “She looked older.”

Tony narrowed his eyes at the man. “He saw her. She’s fine, okay?”

“What did she say? Was she scared?” The man wasn’t threatening anymore. He didn’t look like the man that had been screaming with a knife in his hand only minutes ago. He looked like a desperate father. Part of Tony would have felt bad-- if Peter wasn’t in such agony over it.

“I told her we were gonna get them back. And that her dad was waiting. I stayed with her as long as I could to calm her down,” Peter continued.

“He stayed with her for as long as he fucking could. He told he you were waiting for her and she knows we’re going to bring them back. She’s fine.”

The man let out a deep breath of relief. “Thank you. Thank--.”

“Get out,” Tony growled.

“I just--.”

“You got what you wanted. Now get the fuck out.” Tony narrowed his eyes. He was definitely going to Wong with this. This asshole shouldn’t be trusted here any longer-- not with the magic he possessed.

He left the room and if he weren’t about to console a panicking kid, he’d chase him down and bring him to Wong himself. But he wasn’t a danger anymore now that he got what he wanted. Tony was going to make sure he paid for what he did though.

Once he was gone, Peter let the tears fall. He wrapped his arms around himself, desperate to comfort himself now that he couldn’t get a hug from Tony. “Hey, kid, it’s okay. You’re back. It’s okay. Does-- does it hurt?”

Peter shook his head, wiping his face with his hands. “I didn’t-- it hurt, but I found her. And, and she was--.” His voice broke in a sob. “She was so scared. She was terrified.”

“I know--.”

“No, she-- she’s been in there for years and she doesn’t even have-- she doesn’t have her dad. She was so scared. I tried to tell her it was going to be okay-- but I don’t know if she believed me. It was so weird in there.”

Tony was trying to decipher all of the words he was saying. Did he see more than just her in that stone? What did he even see? What did that fucking spell do? “I’ve got you, kiddo. It’s okay.”

Peter shook his head. “I felt it. She was so scared.”

“Peter--.”

Before he could finish, Peter stilled and looked up at Tony. Tony felt nauseous when he saw the line of blood trailing from his nose. And Tony couldn’t even wipe it away. The glow around Peter was flickering as he pinched his face in pain. “Mr. Stark...I don’t feel so good.”

Tony’s blood ran cold. He was back on Titan. Those words that had haunted so many of his nightmares were back. The kid was in pain and once again, Tony could do absolutely nothing to help him. “Kid, hang in there. You’re okay--.”

Peter’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell onto the bed, on his side. His arm was bent uncomfortably on his side and his hair was a mess and the blood was still on his upper lip. And Tony could do nothing to make the kid anymore comfortable. His hands just went through him.

“Fuck,” Tony cursed. He needed help-- Peter needed help. But he also need him to stay close by because he was unconscious and Peter said if he was ever too far from Tony he drifted away. Tony doubted he was strong enough to find his way back if he were to be lost. He turned towards the door and with the loudest voice he had, he screamed for help. “Wong! Dammit, someone!”

Steve and Wong both came rushing into the room, dressed in their sleepwear and out of breath. “What’s wrong?”

Of course. They couldn’t see the kid laying in the bed. They didn’t know how bad he looked.

“Some ass came in here-- did some shit and made him fucking crossover. Fucking held a knife to my throat until the kid agreed.” Tony felt all the anger rush back, grief of a father be damned.

“Is he gone?” Wong asked fearfully.

“No-- he made it back, but he was a mess. Crying about how scared the girl was and--.”

“What girl?” Steve asked. “He saw someone in there?”

Tony ran a hand through his hair, looking down at Peter. “The guy wanted to see his daughter. Somehow got Peter inside and to her-- though not easily for Peter. Kid was screaming in pain.”

Wong shook his head. “It’s why we’ve been slowly training to get stronger and stronger. I could have forced him through with enough magic. This is why we didn’t.”

“Thanks for that, Sherlock!” Tony snapped. “I didn’t really have a choice. Maybe you shouldn’t leave your students uncaged at night.”

“I told you, Stark. I told you that people would do crazy things for their lost loved ones.” He didn’t sound spiteful, just distraught.

“I don’t care what you said-- I care about what the fuck is wrong with Peter.” Tony’s hand hovered over him. “I can’t touch-- he needs me. God, he’s a mess.”

“He’s still here,” Wong said carefully, taking a step closer to the bed. “That’s good. I’m guessing he’s unconscious?” Tony nodded. “It makes sense. He was drained of strength he didn’t even have. Going into the stone like that is taxing on him. And it sounds like the little girl didn’t make it any easier.”
    “What do you mean?” Tony asked, turning to face him. Had the little girl hurt Peter?

“I mean that she was terrified. Did he tell you she was?”

Nodding frantically, Tony said, “Yeah. He said she was alone. Her mother died when she was born and her father is here so she’s there alone. Father said she was only three. She was scared.”

“Peter, as I’ve said and as you’ve seen, is very susceptible to emotions in this state. It’s the fear that’s making him want to hold on and his love for you that’s keeping him holding on to you. Adding this other child’s emotions to his was most likely extremely overwhelming.”

“What can we do? I don’t even know what to do.”

“He needs his rest--.”

“That can’t be your answer for everything! Rest and training! That’s all this kid has been doing for days and look where it got him!” Tony cried,  his eyes burning.

Wong didn’t let the outburst bother him and he patiently responded, “I know it’s a lot on him. I wish we didn’t have to rely on a child for this, but it’s the only way to bring everyone back. He’s strong enough.”

Peter was the strong one. Tony wasn’t.

“So, we have to wait? We just...wait for him to wake up?”

Wong sighed heavily and nodded his head. “He should wake up soon. But he’s going to be weak and maybe in slight pain. Please encourage him to just rest. I know he’s going to want to run around and try to touch again-- try to touch you for comfort...but the more he tries, the weaker he stays. He just needs to rest.”

“You really expect Peter Parker to sit still?” Tony’s shoulders slumped in slight relief, knowing that Peter was going to be okay. “You can’t see him, but most of the time when he’s bored and just hanging around, he’s running around jumping on everything he can. I don’t think his body is capable of staying still.”

Wong gave him a small smile. “He’s going to have to. And you’re going to have to stay in here with him.”

Tony nodded right away, looking Peter and hating how broken he looked. “Sure. Anything for the kid.”

Steve walked over and squeezed his shoulder firmly. “It’s going to be okay, Tony. It’s all going to be okay.”

Tony swallowed down the doubt that was still lingering. “Yeah, how do you know that?”

He shrugged his shoulders with a grin. “Let’s just call it Cap’s Intuition.”

--

Tony stayed by his side the entire time. Steve came up to bring him food. Wong came up to check in on Peter. But Tony never moved. Not unless he was using the restroom just a few feet away.

Wong had assured him that he had taken care of the man that had done this. Tony didn’t think it was going to be enough to pay for what he did to Peter. Every time he stared at Peter, still unconscious on the bed with the dried blood flaking off his upper lip.

Tony looked up at him and was reminded every time that it was his fault. Peter was hurt because of him; he should have fought the guy off and stayed calm so Peter didn’t pick up on his panic.

    He was out for a little over a day when he finally opened his eyes. He was barely coherent, but was finally conscious enough to fix his position and lay down in a more comfortable position. Tony’s eyes widened when he saw him move.

    “Peter!” Tony shouted, hurrying closer, as if that would help. “Can you hear me, buddy?”

    Peter groaned, blinking a few times. “Mr. Stark…”

    Tony wanted to reach out and grab his hand to give him any sort of comfort. But he couldn’t. “Yeah. It’s Mr. Stark.”

“Hurts,” he mumbled.

“I know,” Tony said. He was hurt because of Tony. It was Tony’s fault. Alll of it was Tony’s fault. “You’re gonna be okay though. You just have to rest.”

“Sleep?” Peter asked, his eyes fluttering shut, unaware of the guilt eating away at Tony.

“Yes, kiddo. Sleep.”

Peter gunted, looking slightly pained, but relaxed again and soon he was unconscious again. Tony hoped he didn’t feel any pain when he was asleep.

The next time Wong came up after that, Tony told him and he seemed happy at the news. Tony was still didn’t think it was going anywhere. When he came back, he’d only be just as scared, even weaker, and there was no way Tony was strong enough to keep him feeling safe.

He was going to cost Peter his life.

Tony wasn’t going to be strong enough to keep him from The Dark. Why didn’t he go to someone stronger? Someone better?

Over the next few hours, Peter woke up here and there. He gained a little more strength each time, but all that did was keep him awake for longer. He was still weak and he couldn’t touch anything other than the bed he was laying on.

Tony had to remind him each time he woke up not to panic. Usually Peter was okay with that and understood.

But one time he woke up with a pained whine. Tony was already by his side like he always was. “Pete,” he asked, hands hovering over him. “You okay?”

The kid blinked his eyes open and Tony could see they were glassy with tears. “Scary.”

Tony swallowed past the lump in his throat. “You’re okay. You’re doing great.”

“Can I have a hug?”

Just like every time he asked, it hurt Tony to answer, “No, Peter. We’ve already talked about this. Remember? Trying to touch will only make you weaker.”

“Just one hug,” Peter said, reaching a hand out to Tony.

Tony watched his fingers wiggle beseechingly and he couldn’t do a thing about it. “I’m sorry, Peter.”

“Please,” he begged.

“Peter, you’re so strong. You can do this. Wong said you’re almost back.” He wiped at his eyes quickly even though Peter wasn’t coherent enough to register the fact that he was crying. “I’m sorry I’m not strong enough to pull you back yet. I’m trying.” I’m not strong enough.

“I’m scared,” Peter whispered.

“I know,” Tony said, his voice cracking. “I’m trying to keep you safe. I’m trying. I’m sorry I can’t be better, Peter. I’m sorry-- you desrve better. I know you do.”

When Tony looked back over at him, he saw he was already unconscious again.

Clint came up to visit him not long after that. He looked down at him and winced. “You look like shit, man.”

“Your kid ever been really sick? Crying and begging for you to make it better, but you can’t do a damn thing?” Tony asked from where he was laying on the bed.

“Unfortunately.”

“I can’t take it anymore,” Tony said.

Clint shifted on his feet. “Anything I can do to help you?”

Tony looked up and him and asked, “Can you bring him back?”

Clint shook his head. “I can do something easier...how about a beer? We can have a drink.”

A drink...Tony smiled. “Please.”

Clint smiled right back. “I’ll go grab us something. Be right back.”

Tony relaxed when he was out of the room. He knew he shouldn’t. He promised Peter he would stop. But it wasn’t easy to just drop the habit. Especially when Peter wasn't awake to stop him. And drinking made him feel so much better.

It could take the pain away...and if he didn't feel the pain, maybe Peter wouldn't have to either.

--

“Mr. Stark?”

Tony cursed under his breath at the weak mumble. Tony turned around and saw him sitting up in bed, staring at him with tired but concerned eyes. He looked just as faint as he’d looked since that asshole shoved him into the stone. He was flickering in and out. Tony was surprised he could even hold himself up. “Just go back to sleep, Pete,” Tony grumbled as he turned back around.

“What’s wrong?” Peter asked, sounding both worried and even a bit disappointed. “You’re drinking.”

No shit, Sherlock. Tony took another sip of the beer in his hand. “‘M fine.”

“You’re really not,” Peter accused in a weak voice. “Did you forget that I can feel what you’re feeling?”

“Another reminder I’m doing nothing but hurting you.” Tony glared down at the table.

“Mr. Stark, come on. Talk to me, look at me.” He paused, waiting for Tony to listen but sighed when he didn’t move. “You’re not hurting me. You’ve never once hurt me.”

Tony was silent for a long moment, tugging at the ripped label on the beer bottle. When his finally spoke again, his voice was low. “Why did you choose me?”

“What?”

“Why did you come to me? Why didn’t you choose a different anchor? May, Rhodey or Happy? I’m not strong enough to help you. You deserve better than me.”

“I didn’t choose. My soul did. And it chose you.”

Tony groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Don’t say that. God, you’re screwed seven ways to Sunday if you really rely on me.”

“How can you say that? You’re the reason I’m even here. You had to hold onto me just as much as I held onto you. You found me too. Who else would hold on that much? I found you for a reason.”

“You need to find a new anchor.”

“What?” Peter said, sounding confused. “I can’t just find a new anchor. Wong said they’re like a bond and especially ours, is strong.”

“Then go to Wong. He knows what he’s doing. He’ll be able to protect you.”

“I don’t want to go to Wong.”

“Go to Steve then! Hell, go to anyone else in this freaking place. Anyone would be better than me.”  

“I don’t want anyone else.”

“I don’t care.” Tony squeezed his eyes shut, knowing Peter would never leave on his own. “I don’t want you with me anymore.”

“What?” Peter asked, his voice small once again.

“You heard me. I’m tired of you following me around.” Lies.

“You don’t mean it,” Peter said, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself than state facts.

“Yes, I do.”

“No…”  

It sounded like Peter’s voice was breaking and Tony couldn’t handle it. If he heard the kid start crying, he’d give in. But, neither one of them could afford that. The entire world was depending on Peter to get their loved ones back. Peter needed strength and Tony couldn’t give it to him. Not as well as someone else could. “Find someone else, Peter.”

“But--.”

“Go!”

For the first time since Peter appeared in front of him, those few days ago, Tony felt cold. He didn’t need to turn around to know that Peter was gone.

Tony closed his eyes and took the last sip from the bottle. He wasted not even a second before he was opening up the next bottle.