Chapter 2
“Bye Annie!”
Anne smiled and hit the hang up button on her phone. Dan glanced over her shoulder as he gave her a peck on the cheek.
“So do you think she actually has a date, or…?”
Anne shrugged, brushing a lock of stray hair behind her ear. She was considering getting it cut short, like Edie’s, but it had taken her a while to get her hair to this length and she wasn’t about to make any hasty decisions. “I don’t think she’d make up the whole Nkemdilim thing. Edie might not always be upfront, but if you press her she’ll usually tell the truth.”
Dan frowned. “Because she’s an honest person at heart, or because she’s not good at coming up with lies under pressure?”
“I’d like to think the former, but it’s probably a combination,” Anne admitted, fiddling with her ring. Dan noticed her fidgeting and put his hand on hers.
“You’re worried about her,” he noted.
“That obvious, huh? You jealous?”
He stuck out his lower lip, tilting his head. “You don’t worry about me this much.”
They laughed, Dan slipping his arms around her waist and sneaking another brief kiss above her jaw. Anne slid her fingers in between his, her smile fading as they swayed gently.
“It’s just…I want her to be okay, you know? She might be an adult, but I can’t say that I’ve really ever seen her as a grown-up.”
Dan put his chin on her shoulder. “I think you need to have a little more faith in her, Anne. She’s spontaneous and kind of reckless, yeah, but she’s got a better head on her shoulders than you give her credit for, and her heart’s in the right place.”
Anne pressed her cheek to his, biting her lip.
“So should I cancel my weekly visits to her apartment?”
Dan moved around so that they stood face-to-face. “I did say a little more faith, Anne. Maybe make it a biweekly thing instead.”
She wrinkled her nose. “So are you saying to visit her twice a week, or every other week?”
He reached up and smoothed her hair absentmindedly. “Never mind. Biweekly is a stupid word.”
Anne laughed and pressed her lips to his.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Edie saw Nkemdilim (apparently pronounced neh-kehm-dill-eem) standing in the theater lobby, buying popcorn at the snack counter. She looked good: her white sleeveless turtleneck made the warm brown tones of her skin almost glow. Her hair was pulled back into a neat bun, showing off her cheekbones, and her black skirt barely reached the tops of her knees, a modest length which was still more than sufficient to show off her long, long legs.
Suddenly a lot more self-conscious than she had been ten seconds ago, Edie approached her date, trying desperately not to draw attention to her high-heeled cowgirl boots.
“Hey there! Nkemdilim?” she said, internally wincing as she did so. Her voice was too loud. Why did she always get louder when she felt awkward?
Nkemdilim gave Edie a double take, pausing and taking her in with those strikingly dark eyes. Edie resisted the urge to look down at her feet.
Should I say something? I should probably say something. She smells nice. Should I compliment her perfume? What if that comes off as creepy? I mean, who walks up to their date and says, “Hey, you smell good?” Dang, my palms are sweaty. Why is she staring at me? Oh crap she’s probably seen my shoes…
“Um, is something wrong?” she asked. By some miracle her tongue didn’t trip over itself.
Nkemdilim shook her head a little and smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m not used to my name being pronounced correctly on the first try.”
“Oh, actually when I first saw your name I thought it was pronounced Neckumdillum.” Crap why did I say that I’m probably being really rude why am I so sweaty-
Her date laughed, crossing her arms. Edie noticed that she glanced down at the floor, but thankfully didn’t seem to notice Edie’s choice of footwear. “I’ve heard weirder interpretations, believe me. Anyway, I got some popcorn. Do you want me to get you anything, or…?”
Edie shook her head, partially indicating her refusal and partially in disbelief that her date hadn’t nope’d out of there when she saw the walking disaster she’d agreed to see a movie with. “Nah, I can pay for my own snacks.”
“You sure? It’s no trouble.”
“No, you don’t need to buy anything else. It’s the first date- let’s just go Dutch.”
Edie reached into her purse and mentally facepalmed. Her anguish must’ve shown on her face, because Nkemdilim looked at her with a concerned expression.
“Hey, are you okay?”
Edie waved her off. “It’s fine, I just forgot my wallet. Probably for the best- have you seen what they charge for a chocolate bar in this place? Actually, I don’t think I forgot my wallet- it must’ve caught wind I was gonna buy snacks at the theater and jumped ship while it could.”
Nkemdilim reached over and picked up her tub of popcorn from off the counter. “Well, if you need to nibble on something during the movie, I can share my popcorn.”
Edie laughed nervously. “You should probably rescind that offer- my popcorn never lasts past the trailers.”
Nkemdilim shrugged. “I’ve been trying to lose weight anyway. My waistline will thank you for getting rid of the temptation.”
Edie’s eyes ran up and down her date’s lean figure. “Uh-huh. Do you have a bridge you want to sell me too?”
She laughed again, and Edie felt her heart jump a little. Dang, she was pretty.
“You’re sweet,” she commented, putting a hand on Edie’s shoulder.
Edie grinned cheekily, hoping her blush wasn’t too obvious. “No, I’m Edie. You forget my name already?”
Nkemdilim raised her nicely-shaped eyebrows. “Cute, thrifty, and a thing for bad jokes? I think I struck gold.”
It was no use hoping that her blush was subtle now- Edie’s face was tomato-red.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
They weren’t alone anymore.
Each time, a person was thrown in, too quickly for them to even consider escape. Each time, they tried to reach out, tried to comfort, tried to make the people understand that they didn’t want to hurt, they wouldn’t harm on purpose, they just wanted someone to understand-
None of them understood.
None of the people were in good shape when they were sealed in the vault. They’d tried to help. They’d tried to heal each person in turn, but they couldn’t. Even the few that were compatible enough to be rudimentary vessels ended up dying. They could’ve kept them from dying longer if the people hadn’t pushed them away, but none of the people wanted anything to do with them.
They weren’t wanted by anyone.
Sometimes they caught glimpses of the outside world through their attempts to bond. Flashes of color, subtle scents, texture and taste- memories that weren’t theirs, taunting them, mocking them, reminding them what they could never have.
In some twisted way, they began looking forward to the times newcomers were forced into the vault. Stolen memories were naturally far inferior to actual experience, but the shadows of others’ pasts were the only foreseeable comfort in their future.
The worst part was when the people died. It wasn’t their fault- they had tried to keep them alive, and for their efforts they were pushed away, refused, again and again and again.
It wasn’t their fault the people were dying. Feeling guilt over such things was pointless.
But then again, perhaps trying to keep anyone else alive was pointless, too. And they kept trying.
Hoping was pointless as well, so they restrained themselves from that waste of energy, at least. Occasionally they would allow themselves to indulge, just a bit, and wish- wish they wouldn’t be pushed away, wish they could help for once, wish they didn’t cling to life so desperately, because life required life to live. Life consumed life. That was the way of things. There was no rejecting it, any more than rejecting death.
Sometimes, when submerging themselves in the memories of a person, a thought would poke through from the person in question. Most of the time it was a reaction to them being there (get away leave me alone I don’t want to die) but occasionally it was an observation related to the memory itself.
That night, the man with whom they had shared this space with for the last two days finally fell asleep. He had refused to rest in their presence at first, and any and all attempts to reach out to him were merely greeted with heightened panic and a greater anxiety than before. After the first twelve hours, they’d decided it was more prudent to leave him alone.
Now, he slept. It was clear that pure exhaustion was the only contributor to this- even in slumber, they could feel the creases pressed deep in his forehead, smell the stress in his beading sweat. They hesitated, not wanting him to wake to find them in his head, but the promise of a brief escape from their prison was too much. They succumbed, burying themselves in the depths of their fearful companion’s psyche.
Sunny.
It’s sunny out today.
Grandma loved sunny days. She would sit in her rocking chair and watch the street from her porch. She would say hello to the bikers, and the newspaper boy, and the little girls drawing with chalk.
It’s not fair.
Grandma should be able to enjoy this day. She should be sitting on the porch, not lying in a box.
Her gravestone doesn’t have moss on it like the others. It isn’t cracked or weathered. It almost looks the same as when I was last here, except there’s a sprout growing on the grave.
Poetic, really.
They froze, waiting for him to realize they were there, bracing themselves for him to scream and yell and panic. Bracing themselves to be thrown out, rejected.
Again.
He didn’t notice them. His thought was faint, and quiet. If they had put a voice to it, it would’ve sounded like he was talking in his sleep.
Out of death, life begins, and thrives, and dies. An endless cycle. Something I would never have thought of as a child, he mused.
They waited a heartbeat longer. He fell silent, and they withdrew. They clung to the lingering sensations of sun on their skin, the smell of the grass, the noise of birds squabbling in the trees above.
He hadn’t woken, so they could’ve stayed longer. They could have lost themselves slowly in tides of memories pulling out towards pasts foreign and half-forgotten, could have shut themselves off from thinking at all and just indulged in the pure, sweet simplicity of feeling.
But the longer they buried themselves in someone else’s mind, the more vivid reality became each time they emerged. Which might not have been a problem, in another world: a world where they could hide themselves away, fade into a person until they became indistinguishable from every other passing thought crawling through a brain, and sleep and sleep until death finally conquered what little life was still in them.
In this world, however, people woke up. People awoke, and panicked, and pushed them away, and died, leaving them alone with ghosts of lives that weren’t theirs.
Each time, they could feel a bit of themselves surrender to the inevitable.
They didn’t want to die. That was foolish, of course- what was the point of wanting something when they clearly lacked the means to do anything about it? Yet they were fully able to put it off, to delay their demise.
The means of how they accomplished this, however, they nearly hated more than the idea of dying.
Out of death, life.
Except this was hardly their beginning, and they were far from thriving. No, they were a ghost, just as much as the memories they indulged in, a pathetic shadow using what they could to extend their pointless existence.
The people tasted miserable. It wasn’t that their flesh was unappetizing, exactly- it was similar to the flavor of a human food called ‘pork,’ if their snatches of the outside world were correct- but the people’s fear and pain and helplessness were always firmly imprinted on the brains they consumed, at least by the time they finally gave in and ingested them.
Piece by piece, the collective misery of the humans was picking away at them, degrading their will to live.
They should’ve been bothered by this. Part of them was, of course. Letting go of life was contrary to the basest instincts of anything that lived, and they were no exception. Their grip on life was weak from starvation, and being weakened further each time they attempted futilely to bond, but it was a determined grip all the same- unyielding, uncompromising, unwilling to release.
They did not loosen their grip by choice, not directly. They did choose to keep reaching out, keep trying to find a host, and their potential wielders kept rejecting them, which in turn scarred them with rejection and bruised their resolve.
So it was that another part of them welcomed the idea of death. Another, rebellious, ridiculous, contrary bit of them urged them to let go of their foolish will to keep living. What did they hope to strive for with their continued existence? What was the point in forcing themselves to keep going? Instinct demanded that they survive, that they preserve themselves, and presented them with many methods of doing so. Instinct prodded them to fight, to devour, to detach themselves: in these areas they had ignored instinct with a stubbornness that graced the border between admirable and insane. Instinct told them not to die: why shouldn’t they push their stubbornness further, let themselves slip into whatever oblivion lay beyond the end of their time and spite their instinct yet again?
The man was gone now. How long had he been gone? How long ago had they downed the last of his remains? Had they even waited until he was dead?
It was far too disconcerting to realize they didn’t know.
They could feel him- a ghost in their system, a faded imprint whispering in the darkness that enclosed them. Gone, and yet unmistakably there. Pain and helplessness and fear, written again and again in the mind that they’d absorbed, echoing back to them from somewhere in their subconscious they couldn’t quite reach.
Out of death, life. Beginning, thriving, dying.
Dying.
Again and again.
Againandagainandagainandagainandagainand-
They forced themselves to stop thinking. It was too loud, too much, constantly pushing, threads of obsession weaving through the fabric of their being. They needed quiet.
It was quiet. Too quiet.
Their thoughts were too loud, but they wouldn’t have minded noise.
Alone.
Someone, please talk to me.
Someone, please understand me.
Someone, please drown out my thoughts.
Someone, please.
Please.
Please.
They realized that their emotions were stronger than usual. Their loneliness had intensified, compressing itself into something dull and sharp all at once.
Please-
Somebody-
Save me-
Dying-
Vague impressions of the last feelings their rejected hosts had possessed just before their deaths, pressing in on their brain, crushing their mental state with a despairing, unanimous cry of alone.
They would’ve laughed, had they the energy. They were far from alone in being alone, at least.
At this point, it seemed to be the closest to company they were going to get.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“So, Nkemdilim-”
Edie’s date smiled, plucking at the collar of her turtleneck. “You can just call me Kim, if you like. I know my name can be a bit of a mouthful.”
Edie paused, considering. “Kim…huh, sounds kinda ordinary. Not that there’s anything wrong with Kim, but Nkemdilim’s a beautiful name, if you can wrap your tongue around it.”
Nkemdilim/Kim shrugged. It was a weirdly fascinating movement, Edie thought- her head tilted down slightly as her shoulder moved toward her ear.
Hm- does everyone shrug that way? I’ve never noticed before. What does Annie look like when she shrugs, again?
A memory of Anne laughing, one eyebrow raised, her shoulders lifting simultaneously as she did that little head toss that always gave Edie a warm feeling.
Guilt pooled in Edie’s stomach. She was on a date- she shouldn’t be dwelling on her exes, especially not her ex who was in a happy and committed relationship with a great guy, especially not when she was miraculously, somehow, still on good terms with her ex and actually friends with said ex’s boyfriend/fiancé, and going to be maid of honor at their wedding.
Crap. What had she been thinking about? Crap, crap, crap, Nkemdilim (or Kim- Kim would be easier to say, definitely, but Nkemdilim was more memorable) was talking about something and Edie hadn’t been paying attention to a single word because she had been obsessing over Anne, and now she was missing what Kim? was saying because she was freaking out about obsessing over Anne and she was such a mess why couldn’t she get her brain to shut up-
“Edie? Are you okay?”
She blinked, suddenly seeing Kim staring at her concernedly. “Oh. Um, I’m sorry, I just-” She ran her fingers through her hair, sighing. “I-I’m sorry, really, it’s just been a while since I’ve been out on a date. And by a while I mean that this has been the first date I’ve been on since I broke up with my girlfriend, and I’m worried I’m going to screw this up, and I’m probably making this awkward and talking too much, and I…I’m just gonna shut up now,” she finished, fiddling with the beads of her necklace.
Kim, bless her, did not show a single sign on her face that things had gotten awkward at all. Instead, she nodded understandingly, her expression sympathetic but not pitying. “Human interaction is difficult. The majority of the time I prefer the company of dogs to humans: if dogs judge you, they can’t vocalize it.”
Edie grinned, glad that her continued idiocy hadn’t turned everything into a colossal train wreck yet. “Dogs are awesome. Honestly, though, I do a lot of stupid stuff, so I’m pretty sure anything and everything is judging me at any given moment whether they say so or not.”
Kim grinned back and pointed at a bin nearby. “That trash can is most definitely judging you right now.”
“Yeah, and I’m pretty sure that that hanging plant is giving me the stink eye.”
“Don’t look up, but I think the chandelier is mentally critiquing you.”
Edie hadn’t realized that she was smiling stupidly until she saw the exact mirror of her expression on Nkemdilim’s face. It was nice- grinning like idiots in the middle of the theater lobby, stretching out a ridiculous joke that should not have been funny at all but somehow was.
It was the sort of thing she would do with Dan when she hung out with him and Anne, while Anne would roll her eyes but smile right along with both of them.
Aaaaand she was thinking about Anne again. Dangit.
Edie gestured to the theater door, trying not to look distracted. “Hey, is there anyplace else you want to go tonight?”
Her date paused, considering. “There’s a pretty spot out by the forest. It’s a bit of a walk, but we could always call a taxi. If you’re interested, of course.”
“I’m game, but before you call that taxi, I’d like to tell you I am in possession of a motorcycle and two helmets.”
Kim’s eyes widened, her expression genuinely surprised and impressed. It was pretty cute. “You have a motorcycle?”
The blonde grinned. “Yep. Congratulations, you have learned about the only cool thing I own.”
Nkemdilim pouted exaggeratedly. “That’s too bad. I was hoping you had a leather jacket too.”
“Nope, it’s pleather. Also, it has ‘Drama Queen’ on the back in hot pink letters, which may downgrade the ‘cool’ factor slightly.”
“But it ups the fabulousness factor to compensate, right?”
Edie beamed. “How are you still single?”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
One six-minute walk to the apartment later, Edie was driving her motorcycle with Kim’s arms clasped around her waist. (In hindsight, riding her bike while wearing a dress was not the brightest idea. At least she had put on her pleather jacket beforehand.) It was a short ride- the ‘pretty spot’ Kim had in mind was at the edge of town, which only took another six minutes or so to reach on the motorcycle.
“Our destination, milady,” Edie announced, dismounting carefully and offering a hand to her date to help her off the bike.
Kim smiled and grasped Edie’s hand, not letting go as she stepped down. “So, what do you think?”
Edie glanced up at their surroundings. It was nice: a little clearing half-surrounded by trees, with a single weeping willow near the center of it, overlooking the nearby pond. However, one little detail threw her off a little.
“Is this a graveyard?” she asked warily, eyeing the carved stones dotted about.
Nkemdilim nodded. “Yeah. My grandma’s actually buried here.”
Edie shifted uncomfortably. “Okaaaay…did you want to visit her grave, or…?”
The taller woman shook her head. “No, there’s something else I want you to see.”
Kim led her underneath the branches of the willow, showing her a log lying on its side next to the trunk. Releasing Edie’s hand, her date sat down on the log and gestured for Edie to sit next to her. Edie sat, still mildly concerned about Kim’s choice of location.
Does she bring all her dates to graveyards? Or does she just bring them to this particular one? Holy crap, what if she’s secretly a serial killer and this graveyard is where she puts her victims?
Don’t be stupid, Edith, she scolded herself. It’s not like she brought me out here to a secluded spot so she could stab me without anyone seeing. Although if someone passed by, they wouldn’t see me behind these branches OH FISH STICKS SHE IS A SERIAL KILLER I’VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE-
She jumped as Nkemdilim gently placed her hand over hers. “You okay? You seem tense.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. So, um, what did you want to show me, again?” Please don’t kill me.
Kim pointed with her free hand towards the pond. Despite the branches, Edie had a surprisingly clear view of the scenery- the reflection of moonlight shimmering on the still water, the tall grass colored almost black by the shadows of nighttime. There was a word that she’d have used to describe it, if she could remember what the word was.
“It should happen any minute now,” Nkemdilim remarked, knocking Edie out of her thoughts.
“What should happe- oh.”
The pond lit up with streaks of white light, thin and gleaming, stitched throughout the water like threads of silver in dark silk. It glowed so brightly that the stars seemed to vanish, turning the sky into a colorless backdrop for the lights below.
Serene, Edie recalled suddenly. It looks so serene.
Except the glowing streaks now effusing the water made her think more Selene than serene. If there was a goddess of moonlight, she could’ve looked like what they were beholding- an ethereal tapestry that lit up the night, shining purer than any flame or lightbulb.
Edie smiled to herself. I’d totally date a glowing blob goddess.
The lights lingered for another few heartbeats, then vanished, leaving no indication that anything of note had just happened. Edie let out a breath that she didn’t realized she’d been holding.
“That was amazing,” was all she could think to say.
Kim’s expression showed her agreement. “It’s beautiful. I’ve been keeping track of when it happens, so if I have time, I try to be here when it does.”
“Wait…so the lake puts on this light show regularly? How come this isn’t on the news or something?”
Nkemdilim shrugged. “It’s actually not that unique. Instances of bioluminescence in nature have been recorded since Aristotle. From what I know, this is probably a combination of chemical factors and a particular type of algae.”
“Huh. Are you a closeted aquatic life geek? Don’t worry, I won’t tell your secret,” Edie teased.
“Ha! No. The first time I saw it I Googled ‘glowy stuff in water.’ My knowledge of the subject extends as far as what Wikipedia tells me,” Kim assured her.
The blonde smiled again, this time looking up at her companion. “Hey, thanks for showing me this.”
“Well, I don’t really have a lot of people to share this with, unless you count my dogs. Thanks for coming out with me.”
They sat there for a bit, staring out over the water.
“It is really pretty out here, even without all the glowy pond scum or whatever,” Edie commented.
Nkemdilim’s gaze flitted over to the one sitting next to her. “Yeah, it’s a really nice view.”
Edie smirked as they made eye contact. “You putting moves on me, Kim?”
The one addressed tilted her head, closing the distance between them. “I don’t know. What do you think?”
Then there were warm hands cupping Edie’s face, and eyelashes brushing her cheek, and the scent of Kim’s perfume everywhere, and-
It felt wrong.
It was nice, but somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew it just wasn’t right, she didn’t want this, she wanted- she wanted-
What the heck did she even want, anyway?
Edie didn’t realize there were tears on her face until the cold air hit her skin. At the same time, she saw Kim sitting upright, backing away, a look of alarm on her face.
“Oh no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean- I wasn’t trying to-”
Edie shook her head vehemently, wiping her eyes. “No, it’s not you. It’s just…I’m sorry. I think I have some stuff to work out.”
Nkemdilim nodded, still a little concerned. “I’m sorry if I was too forward. I just thought…well…”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time?” she offered. “Don’t worry about it. I thought it seemed like a great idea, but apparently my emotions don’t agree with my brain. Or my brain doesn’t agree with my emotions, or whatever.”
The taller woman fidgeted. “Yeah…um, I guess I should head home. It was a nice date, and all, but my dogs probably miss me, and you probably want some alone time, and…”
Edie bobbed her head in assent. “Thanks for understanding. If it’s not too awkward, could we hang out again sometime? Like, on a friend date, not a date-date.”
Nkemdilim perked up. “That sounds nice. Would you like to come over and meet my dogs?”
“Um, heck to the yes. If one of them goes missing afterwards, you know where to find me. Hey, do you need a ride home?”
“Nah, I took a taxi here, I’ll take a taxi home. It was nice meeting you, Edie.” She paused. “Do you have a pen?”
Edie dug a pen out of her purse and handed it to her. Kim took Edie’s proffered hand as well, scribbling something on the back of it before returning the pen. “Give me a call sometime. We can set up that friend-date.”
Edie waved goodbye as Nkemdilim walked off. She didn’t get up right away- instead, she sat there and pondered what the heck was wrong with herself.
She was beautiful, smart, funny, and she actually liked me. Did I really just friendzone her on our first date? Am I really having that much trouble getting over Anne?
No, I’m not. Not really. Yeah, there are still some feelings there, but I don’t want Anne back. She and Dan are happy, and I’m starting to like being friends with her more than dating her. So why the heck did I do…whatever I just did?
It just wasn’t right, a tiny part of her explained. Kim was nice, but she wasn’t right for me, not in that way. She’s not what I’m looking for.
And what am I looking for? Edie shot back. I’ve got friends, and I can make friends, so what’s missing? What else am I looking for?
You’ll know, that bit of her replied. When you find it, you’ll know.
Edie crossed her arms and groused, “Well, that tells me nothing, but okay.”
Hey, I’m just you talking to you. How am I supposed to tell you something you don’t know? Anyway, it’s late. Go home. Get some sleep instead of watching conspiracy theories until three a.m. and maybe you’ll actually be awake in the morning when Anne calls you.
Edie got up, brushing aside the curtain of weeping willow leaves as she went to her motorcycle. “Good advice, me. Let’s see if I actually follow it.”