Chapter 19
“Hey.” Your smile is bright as you spot Bucky walking into the Doctor Nadine ́s waiting room.
“Hi,” He smiles back. As handsome as ever. He’s been keeping his face with nothing but a light stubble lately and the little jump in your heart reminds you that, despite loving his full beard; you also have a huge soft spot for that look. Maybe it’s because the light shade enhances the outlines of his beautiful and plump lips. He’s sporting his customary outfit: white henley and dark jeans which enhances every single delightful part of him as he walks and his many, hard muscles move through the fabric.
The sting on your lips makes you notice you’re biting them as you stare at him. You blink and swiftly compose yourself as he takes a seat next to you.
“Am I late?” If he noticed your shameless gawking, he doesn’t let it show.
Goddamn those pregnant hormones, and goddamn Bucky for not helping at all by being that extraordinarily hot on a daily basis, only adding to your increasing frustration.
“Not at all. Doctor Nadine is, though.” You try to put on some nonchalance into your voice to disguise your current state of…distress.
“Here.” Only when he hands it to you, you notice the little paper bag in his hands.
Accepting the bag, you smirk and side eye him, as he shrugs. You laugh when you find in your hands a stuffed little pig, all white except for some greyish brown stamps all over it and the nose and the inside of the ears, which are pink.
“I couldn’t resist.” He looks guilty as a shy smile curls up his lips, “The clerk said it’s from a Disney movie called Moana.”
“It will look awesome next to the Unicorn.” You grin, pressing the stuffie against your cheek and relishing in its fluffiness before placing it back in the bag, “Speaking of that, the kids were pretty bummed by you leaving earlier yesterday. You have a couple of new fans.”
A chuckle rumbles through his chest, “They’re awesome…” His lively expression falls a bit as his eyes bore into yours and he bites the inside of his cheeks, “I had to sort something out… with Anna.”
“Oh…” You still feel his eyes on you as you turn ahead at the information, averting his eyes from him. “Ok.”
You both stay quiet. The silence isn’t comfortable at all as you tap your fingers on your thigh, gripping the little bag hard in your hand. The unspoken question tugging at your tongue as dread pinches the pit of your stomach. God, you hate feeling like that.
“And did you?” You can’t hold it back anymore. “Sort things out?”
“Yeah, actually.” Bucky looks down as his eyebrows snap together, “It was a good talk.” Bucky nods, almost as if he’s talking to himself.
“Good.” You repeat his words, tightening your lips in a failed attempt of forming a smile for him, “Good, good, good…” The mumble slips out quietly from your lips as you turn your head to stare ahead, legs distractedly bouncing.
“It was a very good chat.” Bucky talks again and you hum in acknowledgement. “We admitted our mistakes. Forgave each other.”
The sting is sharp against your chest as your heart drops to your stomach. You just nod, gulping down the lump in your throat, without once looking back at him. You shouldn’t be feeling like this… anxious… jealous… Weren’t you the very one to tell him he should talk to Anna? Listen to her? Very sensible of you, right? You fight the urge to roll your eyes at yourself right before you hear his voice again.
“It was good to close this chapter. Getting romantically involved was a mistake.”
Your face snap to him. His eyes were already on you, but you can’t quite read his guarded expression.
“We agreed on that and now we can move on.” He adds, softly. His hands linked together of his thighs.
“Oh, so you ́re not back together.” You ask as your unwise faltering heart needs a confirmation.
He simply shakes his head.
“Good.” You definitely shouldn’t sound as joyful as you do. You clear your throat and try to keep an even expression on your face, for good measure. “I mean… Are you ok?” You ask with honest worry. Despite the stupid feelings that keep making a fuzz of your chest, you know what Anna means to Bucky and, yeah, if it meant he would be happy, it would hurt you, but you would understand if they had gotten back together.
“Yeah.” His lips curl down, “I was a jerk to her. You told me I would hurt her, and I did.” He shrugs, and you see the little bone in his throat moving as he swallows.
“Oh, Bucky, I-”
“But we’re good now.” He nods to himself, not allowing you to lie and say you really didn’t mean that. You did. It doesn’t mean you’re happy about it, but you knew in heart at the time that he would end up hurting her. Running away is never the answer. You learned this the hard way.
“Ok,” You nod, keeping the thoughts to yourself.
His eyes meet yours and you spot the softness in them when he speaks, just as softly, “Time to move on.”
You smile at each other. A shared smile full of unspoken words. But it’s also full of history and easy and honest and it keeps plastered on your face the whole day.
~~~
A tiny kick makes you place your hand over your round stomach and smile.
“Are you waking up, peanut?” You mumble to your belly, drawing small circles over it.
You’re a little bit more than 29 weeks now and the baby has been making themselves noticeable for a few weeks already. What started out as a fluttery sensation now has turned into full kicks and jabs. A child of two Avengers, no doubt about that. You love feeling them. Well, maybe except when the little brat hits you with the force of a tiny super soldier in your ribs, which they’ve been very keen to do the last few days.
The baby is big. So damn big and heavy. 20 inches and already 7 pounds. A whole lot more than expected if they didn’t have a super DNA in them. As they develop that strong, it’s been getting more and more difficult for your body to carry the pregnancy. The appointments have been more frequent, almost daily. Doctor Nadine estimates you won’t get to the 39th or 40th week, which has been making you a bit anxious, of course. As much as you’re dying to see the little face of your peanut, a premature birth is never ideal. What makes you sleep easier at night is that Tony’s has gone over the top and there’s medical assistance available for you 24/7 at a short walking distance to the Tower’s med bay.
You and Bucky have been discussing names. He’s been allowing you to come up with all the options so he doesn’t let the sex slip with a biased suggestion. After hours, days and weeks of research and debates, so far you’ve narrowed it down to Mary or Ava if it’s a girl and Theo or Lucas, if it’s a boy. Being one of the best spies in the world, he didn’t put on any expression or say anything that could spill the beans.
Speaking of the daddy, he’s always around, always bringing a little cute souvenirs which he absolutely couldn’t resist buying on his way over the tower. He’s still living at his little apartment in Brooklyn and whether this would change after the baby arrived or not you don’t know and, to be honest, you won’t ask. You’ve been talking and talking and talking, but nothing more than things related solely to the baby. Anything that could lead to certain topics or interpretations have been avoided. Having him around has been more than you could ever wish for and you wouldn’t handle him getting scared and running away from you again.
You’ve decided to continue living at the tower after the baby is born, for the team of uncles and aunts pure joy. It is the safest place on earth, and the floor Tony has been remodeling into a mega apartment for you is almost ready and perfect. He’s been taking care of everything and you really don’t mind. You were never one to really care about decorations and stuff and it’s his way of showing love, so you gladly accept it. Well, except for the nursery, which you and Bucky were adamant to be responsible for and have been working on the room together.
Just right now, he and Steve are applying the wallpaper you two have chosen and putting the crib together while you’re in your new kitchen, which is already done and fully functional, squeezing some fresh lemonade for the two hard workers.
After you place the Jar and the glasses on a tray, you walk towards the nursery, but what you find when you cross the opened door makes you choke on air and almost drop all the lemonade to the floor.
Bucky. Standing on a ladder. Shirtless. With his built, bare back to you as he reaches the roller up to glue the highest part of the wallpaper. His locks are trapped in one of those damn low buns of his, as droplets of sweat ran down the deepened line between the muscles of his back. Your eyes descend his body and meet his jeans hanging low, showing you a large stripe of the black boxes he has underneath.
Shit. It’s been like this now. Just the sight of him making you dizzy and most definitely… bothered. As a rush of heat washes over your core, you tell yourself it’s the damn hormones fault and, of course, you being completely sex deprived for so long, but you’re not really sure if it’s really this or the fact you have him around you almost all the time now, and having him around had always been enough to cause a number on your body reactions.
You hear an inhuman sound when he stretches his back. Your eyes widen at the realization the sound must’ve come out from you when he looks over his shoulder and spots you there: pathetically standing by the door, holding a tray with lemonade, dumbly staring at him.
He smiles and promptly climbs down the stairs, “Hey,” He greets as he drops the roller on the floor, covered by newspaper, and walks towards you, using his forearm to clean some sweat off his forehead.
Goddamn.
“Hey,” You mumble back, somewhat breathless as his broad, shirtless, sweaty figure stands in front of you. Your tongue darts out to run over your dry lips.
“So? What do you think?”
“What?” You blink.
He narrowed his eyes at you an chuckles before pointing his hand towards the walls.
“Oh.” You jump, finally taking your eyes off of him to let them roam around the room. The balloons wallpaper is neatly glued, and you can see the room turning into a nursery by his hands, “Oh, Bucky.” You sigh, already feeling tears forming in the corner of your eyes. Yeah, besides horny as fuck, you’ve been easily emotional, too. “It’s perfect.” A huge smile across your face.
His smile matches yours, “It’s almost done. Steve went to his room to grab a toolkit so we can start putting the crib together.” He nods towards the closed box on the floor behind him, before his eyes drop to the trail in your hands.
“Oh, I brought you guys some lemonade.” You lift the trail, “I figured you’d be thirsty.”
When his gaze meet yours again, you spot the change in his eyes, the blue a bit darker and a hint of amusement sparkling on them, “You have no idea.” His voice drops a note and laces you by the core.
You swallow thickly, not sure if he’s deliberately trying to drive you crazy or it’s your pregnant dirty mind making you see things.
“Ahm, h-here,” you stutter and move fast to place the trail on a worktable which is right beside you and pour him a glass, handing it to him and trying to pay no attention to the flames burning you up from the inside.
You, obviously, can’t take your eyes off of him as he thanks you with a smirk and brings it to his lips. His eyes close as he gulped down the whole glass all at once. Your gaze drops to the scars on his chest… He must’ve got them treated, because they’re light and clean, almost blending to his skin. Very different from the angry marks you used to trace your fingers on while he was sleeping, feeling him sigh deeply under your touch-
“Hmmm, ice cold and full of sugar. Delicious.” He licks his lips and your gaze snap up to his face, taking you out from your mind filled with memories.
“Of course,” You chuckle, “That’s the right way of lemonade.” As he laughs and his eyes crinkle adorably, you spot a drop slipping from his lips and running down his jaw. You need to do something about it, don’t you? Lemon could damage his skin, after all. “Ahm, you have a… let me-” You reach to his face and he stiffens when you delicately brush your thumb over the his jaw to catch the drop. You sense the twitch on his jawbone, when, almost unconsciously, your hand cup his face and you let your thumb skim up to the corner of his lips.
You don’t know what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. All you focus is on the loud hammering of your heart as his eyes flutter close and he leans on your touch. You breathe through your parted lips and your gaze falls down to his mouth. His beautiful and rosy lips… It’s been so long since you got the chance to kiss them…
“Ouch.” Your hand flies from Bucky’s face to your belly.
Bucky’s eyes swiftly open. For a second he seems lost, as if he’s just woken up from a dream and didn’t know exactly where he was. When he spots your hand on your belly his eyes go round, “What’s happening? Are you ok?”
“Yeah, yeah,” You chuckle, “The baby has kicked me. They’ve been doing this a lot, but it has never felt so strong-ah-” You gasp and laugh as your eyebrows draw together when the little one hits another heavy strike.
“Oh,” Bucky breathes, looking down at your belly as pure awe takes over his face. When he glances up to you, his eyes is evidently glowing with expectancy, “C-can I?” He hesitantly asked, raising his hand in direction of your belly just as timidly.
When you nod and takes your hand from your stomach to allow him to touch it, he immediately places the empty glass of lemonade on the worktable and steps closer to you. Not until that day Bucky had asked to touch your belly… The gentle touch of his hand through your dress is almost too much as the electricity runs down your spine unbidden and makes your heart race.
“Here.” Taking in a shuddering breath, you place your hand over his to slowly move it to the right spot where he would be able to feel the baby. He’s so close to you… so close.
“I-I can’t feel anything.” The disappointment is evident in his voice and in the small pout that follows.
“Ahm, why don’t try talking to them?” You suggest and he glances up at you, “It usually works for me.” You shrug.
His eyes narrow and he smiles tightly after focusing on your belly again. Your hand still covering his.
“What should I say?” He whispers.
“Um, why don’t start with “hello “”?
“Ok…” He nods before taking in a deep sigh, “Hello, my baby.” He murmurs softly and carefully strokes your belly, “I’m your daddy.”
Just like that, as if it had been planned out, you feel the kick. Bucky promptly lets out a breathy smile.
“It was a big one. Did you feel it?” You ask, quietly, trying hard to not ruin their moment.
He nods quickly, his lips pressed hard against one another. As his gaze remains down, yours remain on him. His forehead almost touches yours and you try to breathe. The magic you had experienced moments before enveloping the both of you again. The three of you, actually.
“I can’t wait to see you,” He keeps talking to your baby and it kicks again, “I love you so much already, my baby.” The blue of his watery eyes meet yours, “Our baby.”
Your melt under his words as you sulk in a breath and nod, “Our baby.” Your hand tightens the grip on his as the warmth of a single tear runs down your cheek.
Every single one of your days, you spend trying to suppress, deny and bury the feelings, the stubborn and immeasurable love you have for him. The love you once felt so afraid of…Because it’s the right thing to do. It’s what’s best for you, but most importantly it’s what’s best for him… You’re not afraid of this love anymore… You haven’t been afraid of it for a long time now. But he is. He is and what you’re afraid of is he’ll run away from it, from you…
Every day is a fight against your feelings, sometimes you lose, others you win. Today…one simple touch and the fight is slipping off your grasp…
His right hand doesn’t move from where he feels your baby saying hello to him, while you shudder at the cold sensation of metal meeting your middle before his arm circle your waist, pulling you closer to him as the warmth of his body rolls off to yours. Your legs turn into jelly and you’re grateful for his hold keeping you stand. He drops his forehead to yours and all you have to do is move one inch and you would be able to feel the taste of him again, after so long…
“Bucky…” You whisper, as your eyes flutter.
“Hey, pal. I think this will do it-”
You could feel the soft brush of Bucky’s lips on yours before you quickly let go of him, ceasing any kind of contact as Steve bursts into the room.
“Ahm, am I interrupting anything?” Steve asks, frozen in place with the toolkit in hands, after an uncomfortable silence settled in the room.
From the corner of your eyes, you spot Bucky, with hands on each side of his waist and head hanging low as his chest heavies, “No, of course not.” You put on a smile for a skeptical Steve, “I was just here to bring you two some lemonade. There it is.” You point to the jar, “Help yourself, Steve. Ahm, I – I gotta go to the bathroom, my bladder is the size of a marble, now, you know? I’ll come back later for the tray.” You cringe rushing to the way out without taking a breath to spill the words, or sparing another glance at Bucky before you leave the room.
Today, you lost.
~~~
Thanks for reading. Just so you know, I'm a sucker for feedback.
Ch. 20 coming soon(ish)