Words hung above, but never would form
“I don’t know if I can do this.” Steve muttered to the man standing next to him.
Senator Brandt’s aide, whose name somehow always escaped Steve’s memory despite the enhanced memory granted by the super serum shrugged off his concerns. “Nothing to it. Sell off a few bonds, bonds buy bullets, bullets kills Nazi’s. Bing bang boom. You’re an American hero.”
“It’s just not how I pictured getting there.”
“The senator’s got a lot of pull up on the hill. You play ball with us, you’ll be leading your own platoon in no time.” he thrust a prop shield to him, “Here, take the shield.” then pushed him towards the stage where the bright and effervescent fluorescent lights of the auditorium almost blinded Steve.
When he said yes to Senator Brandt’s offers to serve his country, he didn’t imagine his role would be a propaganda machine, a war bond selling machine. Travelling around the country like a circus act, play acting punching Hitler in the face, lifting up cars and motorcycles, shooting war movie pieces in the studio. It was the last thing he thought he would be doing after the administration of the serum turned him from a ninety pound asthmatic to two-hundred-fifty pounds of pure muscle who had the stamina of ten men. In his darkest hours, he wondered what Dr. Erskine would think of how he was using the gift he gave Steve. Would he have approved, or would he regret his choice to use the serum on Steve?
Natasha’s letters were the only light at the end of the tunnel that was Steve’s life on the road. Steve had no idea how her letters always managed to find him wherever he might be on the Continental United States. The letters came every other day, like clockwork and Steve cherished every single one of them. Even ones that only contained two lines because Natasha was too tired to write or ones that were smudged with oil and grease. Steve wrote back, telling her everything that transpired in his side of the world, how much he missed her, how much he wished he was with her instead.
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My Steve,
Peggy and Howard arrived in London yesterday and came to my apartment with a picture of you after the super serum infusion. I hardly recognized the man in the picture as you, with his muscles and his broad physique. But I saw that handsome face and knew it could be none other than you, my love. You said before that no woman or man ever looked twice your way, which was good for my mental health. Now, I would have to fight them to get them to stop looking at you. Peggy said she had a lapse in judgement and almost touched your abdomen after you stepped out of the pod. She won’t be making that mistake twice.
Would it be a good time to tell you I told you so? I told you the procedure would work! I’m sorry about Dr. Erskine’s loss. He was a good man and he didn’t deserve the hand that life dealt him with. He never write down a complete workflow on how to synthesize the serum, and I fear no matter what we try to emulate his works, it would be time wasted. In any case, if it only had to work once, I’m glad it was you who it worked on. You’re the best man I know, and you know how to handle this newly bequeathed power without letting it corrupt you.
I miss you, I want to be with you. I await eagerly for the day where we could finally meet again.
Yours,
Natasha
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Dearest Tasha,
Receiving your letter is the brightest part of my day. I wish you could see me now in this new body. I still feel out of sorts with this new body. I’m taller now and I’m still getting used to how wide my strides are. I can get from one end of the room to the other in three strides now where before, I need to make at least six. I’m stronger too now. I accidentally wrenched a door out of its jamb because I was too eager to leave a room earlier this afternoon. I can also breathe easier now, asthma’s gone.
I can see color now. The first color I saw with these new eyes was red, the red of Dr. Erskine’s blood as he laid dying on the floor. I didn’t know how striking it would be. Would I ever be used to any this?
They don’t want me, Tasha. They wanted to send me to Alamogordo, to be studied, to replicate the serum. Colonel Phillips asked for an army, but he only got a soldier, he was short changed on this whole ordeal. He called me an experiment. Like I’m no better than a lab rat.
Senator Brandt offered me a way out. He asked me to come with him to DC, take part in a special project to bolster the war effort. I just want to serve, Tasha. And I can’t do that if I was stuck in a lab somewhere being poked and prodded with instruments and syringes.
I wish you were here. You would know what to say to make sense of this situation. Even hearing you petulantly say ‘I told you so!’ a million times would be a balm for my soul. Would there ever come a time where I could cross the ocean to be with you?
Come back to me.
Forever yours,
Steve
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My Steve,
“The patriot’s blood is the seed of Freedom’s tree.”
I know it pains you not to be here, fighting and putting boots on the ground in the War theatre. However I’m a selfish woman. I’d rather you safe and sound in America than anywhere near the fighting raging on in Europe or the Pacific.
Call me selfish. Call me a coward. Call me a hypocrite if you must, but I will bear that burden and the guilt of surviving if I have you to come home to when this wretched war is over. I made some headway in the (redacted) (redacted). Maybe the next time I see you, it will be in a bar somewhere where I wait for you to show up and buy me a drink.
I love you.
Natasha
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Dearest Tasha,
How do you think I feel everyday, knowing that you’re separated from the front lines only by virtue of the English Channel? Everyday reports come in about Blitzkrieg attacks on London and I have to wait with baited breath to know if my heart survives. Whether she made it through the bombing this time, or if there will come a time where she didn’t and the letters that I cling to, to bring me hope, bring me life, would cease to be delivered because my life’s joy has perished in the attack.
I would rather die a thousand times over than to live a single day without you. I guess neither of us could call the other one a hypocrite by virtue of wanting the safety of the other.
I’ve traveled all over the Continental US by now. The senator said that in every place I visited, war bond sales increased by at least 10%. I guess that’s a good thing, huh? My part of the service.
At this point, I feel like nothing more than a propaganda piece, Tasha. Just a figurehead used to inspire patriotism in people, to indoctrinate them with the “American Way”, to boost enlistment number, to feed the hungry war machine. I fear more and more people would see me as Captain America first and Steve Rogers second. Or maybe the identity of Steve Rogers would fade to obscurity, with none but you to remember him. None but you would hold him dear.
I love you.
Your Steve
--------
My Steve,
When will I see you again?
I hate this country. I hate this place. (redacted) is unbearable. Petulant, just like a child and unwilling to accept any criticism or input on his works. The good news is I finished the final designs on (redacted). Soon I’ll be free of the specter of my vengeance and desperation. I’ll finally be free to love you without consequences.
Is it really necessary to rain every day? I haven’t seen the sun in a week.
If I were to die and be reborn in a next life, I’m certain I will always remember you. For how can you forget that which makes up the other half of your soul?
Steve Rogers will live and die as a part of me. This truth is self-evident.
I love you.
Tasha
--------
Tasha,
I’m finally on your side of the globe now. Well, (redacted), to be precise. The USO show finally made its way abroad. They hated us here. They hate me, to be exact. They loved the girls, they just don’t like me. Something about me seemed to rub them the wrong way. Perhaps it’s how a man like me managed to get promoted to the rank of Captain without ever stepping foot on a battlefield?
Yeah, I’d hate me too, if I were them.
It’s been raining heavily here too. Almost depressingly so. I’m sorry you have to go through this for the better part of the year.
I wonder if there is a way for me to go to London, just a quick stop to see you again. I miss you so much. My sketchbook is filled with drawings of you, yet they don’t seem to curb the longing and the desperate need I have to touch you and be with you again. You’re so close, yet so far from me, my love.
I long for you. I love you.
Steve
--------
Tasha,
Bucky’s unit was ambushed by HYDRA at Azzano. Everyone was either killed or taken as prisoner of war. Colonel Phillips couldn’t tell me if he was KIA or still missing. I have to go after him, i have to rescue him,Tasha. He’s my brother.
I hope you understand.
I love you. I will come back to you.
Your Steve
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“The HYDRA camp is in Krausberg, tucked between these two mountain ranges. It’s a factory of some kind.” Peggy briefed him on the plane, flying clandestinely over the mountains. Howard Stark at the pilot seat after Peggy volunteered him on their mission.
“We should be able to drop you right on the doorstep.” Stark told him.
“Just get me as close as you can.” Steve looked at the two people he managed to drag into this mess with him, “You know, you two are gonna be in a lot of trouble at the lab.”
“We’ll be in an even bigger trouble with Natasha if we don’t help you.” Peggy said. At the mention of Natasha, Steve smiled and wondered what she would do if she were here with them. She’d probably volunteered to fly the plane and follow him to the HYDRA base.
“Besides what makes you think you won’t be in trouble?”
“Where I’m goin’, if anybody yells at me I can just shoot ‘em.” Steve shrugged.
“They will undoubtedly shoot back.”
Steve gestured at his prop shield, “Well, let’s hope it’s good for somethin’.”
“Agent Carter, if we’re not in too much of a hurry I thought we could stop off in Lucerne for a late night fondue.” Howard chimed in from the pilot’s seat, prompting Steve to raise his eyebrows in bewilderment. Oh wow, he didn’t know Peggy and Howard were like that…
“Oh, wow. So you two...you two are...does Tasha know?”
Peggy expertly sidestepped his awkward questioning, “This is your transponder. Activate it when you’re ready and the signal will lead us straight to you.”
“And you’re sure this thing works?”
“It’s been tested more than you, pal.” Howard chimed in again before shots were being fired at them. Steve moved towards the door much to Peggy’s dismay. And ignoring her angry calls to get back and stay inside, he told them to turn around as soon as he was free, sassing Peggy back when she told him he couldn’t order her around.
Of course he could. He’s a captain, after all.
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“We seem to have hit a plateau in our production process of the Valkyrie.” Dr. Arnim Zola, head scientist of HYDRA, fearfully told Schmidt, “Our initial designs for the extraction and stabilization of Tesseract seemed to have reach its maximum point.”
“Then increase the output by 60 % and see to it our other facilities do the same.” Schmidt said dismissively.
“But the prisoners...I’m not sure they have the strength.” Zola stammered out.
“Then use up what strength they have left, Doctor. There are always more workers.”
“As you wish, mein Fuhrer. In the meantime, I have looked over the Tesseract stabilizer, and noticed some discrepancies on the blueprint. I believe this is what is causing our difficulties in expediting the weapons manufacturing process.” Zola said again, showing the blueprints to Schmidt as proof.
“Hmph, of course it is.” Schmidt scoffed, “Scholl, that rat bastard. He purposefully filled his workshop with defective blueprints, thinking we won’t notice until it’s too late.”
“I can recalibrate and redesign the stabilizer. But it would take months, if not years, to have it operational. And it will hamper our progress significantly.”
“No need for that, doctor. There is someone else out there who have been working on the stabilizer longer than you have.” Schmidt assuaged Zola’s fears, “and she will be sharing the final design with us very soon.”
“You found her?” Zola looked surprised. Scholl’s daughter, Natasha, disappeared shortly after her parents’ death. Prior to her disappearance, she was slated to replace her father after his unfortunate “accident”. Her reputation and intelligence were well-known in the scientific community. If anybody knew how to reengineer Scholl’s stabilizer, it would be her. Her surrender to HYDRA and its missions were crucial and important for their success.
“Yes. Now we will just have to wait for the most opportune of times.” he laughed sinisterly, while Zola looked on in fear.
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Steve snuck into the HYDRA factory with little trouble. This new body of his was clearly designed for the battlefield. He easily deflected punches and kicks from HYDRA soldiers, incapacitated them with nary a thought and managed to infiltrate the facility in twenty minutes flat.
Which was where the problem starts. The factory was huge, Steve didn’t know when to start. He spotted some cartridges, glowing in bright blue, unlike any weapons he had ever seen before. He crept closer to snag a few of them as souvenirs for Natasha and Howard to tinker with. Maybe these will help them finally bring HYDRA down, once and for all.
He started to move his way to the basement, chances were they kept the POWs down there. And wouldn’t you know, he was right. One swift punch to the face of a patrolling HYDRA soldier and he swiped the key out of his pocket for the prisoners to free themselves.
“Who are you supposed to be?” one of them asked him.
“Uh…” Steve struggled to come up with a reply before deciding, what the hell, might as well embrace the inevitable, “Captain America.”
“I beg your pardon?”
Once all the prisoners have been freed, Steve asked him if there were anyone else in the building that needed to be rescued. He didn’t find Bucky among the prisoners here and was grasping for hope, any possibilities that could mean he was still alive.
“Is there anybody else? I’m looking for a Sergeant James Barnes.”
“There’s an isolation ward in the factory, but no one’s ever come back from it.” one of the men answered, pointing at the direction of isolation ward.
“All right. The tree line is northwest, 80 yards past the gate. Get out fast and give ‘em hell. I’ll meet you guys in the clearing with anybody else I find.” Steve commanded them.
“Wait! You know what you’re doin’?”
“Yeah. I’ve knocked out Adolf Hitler over two hundred times.” Steve answered back cheekily then ran towards the isolation ward.
On his way to the isolation ward, Steve spotted two figures running away. One a taller man with slight muscular build and another shorter man, with rotund build. Steve hesitated to run after them, deciding the possibility of rescuing Bucky to weigh more than chasing after some HYDRA goons.
He found Bucky strapped to a chair, muttering deliriously, once in a while spouting out his serial number, name and rank.
“Bucky? Oh, my God.”
“Is that…” he trailed off as he saw Steve’s face hovered above his.
“It’s me. Steve.”
“Steve?”
“Come on.” Steve urged him gently, propping Bucky up and placing his arm around his shoulder to make it easier for Bucky to walk out of the room.
“I thought you were smaller. What happened to you?” Bucky asked again.
“I joined the Army.” Steve answered simply, looking around for the best way to exit out of the compound.
“Did it hurt?”
“A little.”
“Is it permanent?”
“So far.” Steve shrugged. They managed to return to above ground floors. The factory ablaze around them, Steve assumed it was the handy work of the prisoners he freed earlier. Steve had to admit he was impressed by it.
They ran through the factory, looking for an exit. Bucky seemed to be feeling better, or perhaps the adrenaline rushing through his system gave him the strength to escape. As they ran, they encountered two figures. The same two Steve saw earlier in his search for Bucky. The taller of the two spoke, addressing him.
“Captain America! How exciting! I’m a great fan of your films.” The smarmy man exclaimed. It was Johann Schmidt, Steve recognized him from the briefing packets, “So, Dr. Erskine managed it after all. Not exactly an improvement, but still impressive.”
This man killed Dr. Erskine, killed Natasha’s parents and ruined Natasha’s life. Steve felt the overwhelming urge to punch him, and he did.
“You’ve got no idea.”
“Haven’t I?” Schmidt retorted. He parried a blow at Steve, which he deflected with his shield. Schmidt, possessing super strength that equaled Steve’s, managed to dent the shield. They sparred for a while. Steve channeling all his rage and frustration into his punches and kicks and blows aimed at the man. As they fought, Schmidt’s companion pulled the lever, separating the two super humans.
“No matter what lies Erskine told you, you see I was his greatest success!” the Schmidt proceeded to peel his face off, revealing a red colored skull underneath the facade. Steve and Bucky stared on in horror at the spectacle.
“You don’t have one of those, do you?” Bucky asked faintly. Steve was too speechless to respond.
“You are deluded, Captain. You pretend to be a simple soldier, but in reality you are just afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind. Unlike you, I embrace it proudly. Without fear!” as he said so, he and his companion entered an elevator that started ascending to a one man plane. Schmidt threw a car key at his companion, telling him to not get a scratch on said car.
Steve and Bucky were left behind in the burning inferno that was HYDRA’s factory. They started to step on the catwalk above the fiery ruins of the machines below, Bucky walking first. As soon as Bucky was safely on the other side, Steve stepped on the catwalk that promptly collapsed under his weight.
“Gotta be a rope or something!” Bucky yelled.
“Just go! Get out of here!” Steve yelled back.
“No! Not without you!” Bucky insisted. Steve looked at him then back down at the gaping chasm that offer certain doom if he fall below.
Here goes nothing. Natasha’s gonna kill me when she finds out about this, he thought.