You Know When You See A Turtle And It Does The Head Thing And You're Just Like Same
Wade looked up at the assembled group of teens, fully clad in his superhero costume, as usual. He grinned and gave them a small wave, before turning back to check a few more things off his official-looking clipboard as Tony rambled on about the transportation process (No one was listening).
Finally, after a couple minutes of Peter hyperventilating next to Ned, and Wade taking his sweet time to finish the forms, the teen came to his senses and ducked his head down.
"Ned, what am I gonna do? Oh my god I can't let him see me why did I even come today I'm never gonna live this down this is so embarrassing NED HELP-" He squeaked out the last two words desperately, almost falling over a stray box in his bumbling hysterics. Of course, Wade took that exact moment as an opening to run across the floor and flip himself up to stand before his boyfriend's astonished classmates.
Peter, still rambling quietly in the background to himself, tried to get back up unsuccessfully. Ned, ever the level headed one in their friendship, shoved him back down on the third attempt.
"Ned what the actual heck let me up you doofus... There's no way he won't recognize me, oh god why did I come here, my life was a mistake, I'm gonna yeet myself off the next bridge I see I swear to-"
"Peter, will you shut up and let me think for a couple moments?" Peter barely paused for two seconds before starting up again, but that was all the time Ned needed. "Okay, here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna use your spiderman sneaky powers to get back to the doors without being seen, then use your face ID to scan out of here, and go back down the hall to the elevators. When our group comes back out it will just be Tony, and you can slip past him and pretend you 'got lost' on your way to 'the bathroom'. That way Wade won't get a chance to recognize you and your dad will be too busy talking about the company to notice that one of the kids in the tour looks exactly like his son and is wearing his son's boyfriend's hoodie. Got that?"
Peter nodded mutely, either too anxiety stricken to answer, or just in awe of his best friend's sudden genius.
"Alright, when I say, then." Ned focused carefully on Tony and Wade, waiting until they both had their backs turned to the doors, then hissed a sharp "Now!" at Peter, and watched him dissapear silently behind a large discarded crate. A few seconds later he heard the telltale *click* of an accepted face scan, and the doors opened ever so slightly, closing again silently almost immediately. He breathed out a sigh of relief, only to be shot back into panic mode a half second later by the familiar sound of Jarvis's alert signal coming from Tony and Wade's watches.
The kids were still engrossed in videoing the room and the two Avengers standing before them, and they didn't even notice the flickering on their Idol's screens.
Tony glanced at his, did a double take, and brought his wrist up to his face to re-read it carefully. He gave the red-clad superhero a 'You seeing what I'm seeing?' look.
Wade responded in kind, and the two had a silent conversation that seemed to comprise entirely of the raising and lowering of their eyebrows, or, in Wade's case, the area where his eyebrows would be, and slight head movements. Finally, Tony turned back to the group and his publicity façade slid back on.
"Okay then kids, It seems like we are going to have a slight change of plans in the tour! It's nothing bad, I promise! In fact, some of you will probably really enjoy this!" He shoved his hands in his pockets and merely glanced at the security interface for the doors before they opened. He continued to talk as he led the group back down the hall towards the elevators. "I bet you all do things that annoy the hell out of your parents, right?" There were murmurs of agreement from the still starstruck teenagers. "You know, when I was younger, I used to mess with anything I could get my hands on. It would piss my dad off to no end. I still remember... One time I was just twisting an elastic around while we waited for my mother to finish getting dressed, and, you know, it was just fidgeting, I didn't even realize I was doing it. But boy, my dad sure noticed! One second I have three knots tied into the elastic, and the next it's out of my hands and I feel the side of my face stinging like hell. Turns out, my dad had somehow grabbed the elastic, untied it, aimed, and shot it right at my cheek in the span of maybe half a second or so. I stopped using rubber bands after that, I switched to drawing on my arms with ballpoint pens. But I guess my dad didn't like that either, because one day I came home from school..."
As Tony rambled on with humorous stories from his childhood, setting the group into a trance-like awe, Ned felt his phone vibrate from his back pocket. He pulled it out, and there's a text from 'Peter's Dad' simply reading;
Ned, I know you had something to do with this. I'm not mad, I just would have liked to know that Peter was on this tour before it started. I'm willing to spare you two the 'Honesty is an important trait in this family, where else have you been going without telling me, I just care about you, blah blah blah' chat... IF you can tell me where Peter is.
Ned groaned silently. Man, Peter is gonna kill me. But he typed out a brief Lab. anyways, and said screw the consequences. Peter could only hide from his lineage for so long, and anyways, he wanted to see Flash's face when he eventually made the connection between Peter and Tony.
His phone buzzed again, and he checked it again.
Thanks.