When your boyfriend makes more dad jokes than your actual dads
"Title: 'Underoo's Lab'. Acess level: Executive 10. Entry granted to persons; Peter (Stark-Rogers) Parker - primary claim, Wade Wilson - relations claim, Anthony Stark - secondary claim; family claim - father, Steve Rogers-Stark - secondary claim; family claim - father. Would you like a history of individuals granted access within the past 30 days, sir?"
"No, Jarvis I just want to get into my lab without my dad realizing. I know there's a way, It's just a matter of finding it before whatever alerts he has following me go off."
"Very good sir. Should I scan and report the 'alerts' you currently have tracking you or your possesions?"
Peter paused from his fervent examination of the I.D. pad's exposed wires, and stared hard at the camera functioning as Jarvis's eyes. "You can do that? Yeah of course I want a report!"
"Executing the scan immediately, sir."
No more than a minute later the A.I.'s smooth voice sounded out from the hidden speakers again. "Protocols found for one Peter Benjamin (Stark-Rogers) Parker, in order from largest (highest priority assigned) to smallest (lowest priority assigned): Protocol 1 - 'Training Wheels' assigned to the 'Spidersuit'. Created by: Anthony Stark. Purpose: 'To slowly introduce Peter to his new suit and train him without risk of-"
"Yeah, yeah, I've already read about that one. Next please."
"Very well sir. Protocol 2 - 'Baby Monitor' assigned to Peter Benjamin (Stark-Rogers) Parker. Created by: Anthony Stark on August 27, 1999. Purpose: 'To track my sons movements and locations until he is an adult, and/or deemed responsible enough to forego it."
Peter sighed in annoyance. I'm 19, and I'm responsible enough to be Spider-man, what more does he want? But he kept his thoughts silent and motioned for Jarvis to move to the next alarm, leaning back down to fiddle with the I.D. pad wires again.
"Protocol 3 - 'Loss Prevention Unit' assigned to Peter Benjamin (Stark-Rogers) Parker. Created by: Anthony Stark. Purpose: 'Another tracking service that detects if Peter might be being kidnapped through smart location services and body movement trackers. Set to only alert me for the time being.'
Peter rolled his eyes. "Next, Jarvis."
"Sir, most of the rest of the protocols have been suddenly password protected, and the ones remaining are small and inconsequential to you. I also should inform you that Tony and Wade have noticed your abscence and are currently checking your usual hideouts. I have not given them your location under the guise of being overriden, but I don't expect that ruse to last long. I suggest you find a place to hide within the next fifteen minutes."
"Not necessary Jarvis, but thanks for covering for me." Peter carefully switched the input and output positions of two wires, and the doors slid open silently. "If that worked like I hope it did, there should be no sign that I did that to anyone else." He walked into his lab and flicked his hand upwards slightly, prompting all the lights to turn on.
The door slid shut behind him, and a thin gleaming sheet of clear glass-like material lit up on the first table in the lab. Peter picked it up casually and unlocked it, opening back up his most recent project; a miniature smart robot that would go around the living quarters in the tower and do simple tasks for people. The tasks and locomotion parts of his programming were done, but Peter was working on designing facial expressions, simple emotions, and a more complex 'brain' system.
He took a seat on his favourite wood stool that Wade detested for some reason ('It's so ugly spidey, how do you even sit in it?' 'Like a normal chair I guess? And don't insult my furniture babe. I may love you, but I love them a lot more.'), and tapped the table's screen to wake it up. A couple taps later and it had synced to the other device he was holding, which he then put down in favour of the table.
Grabbing the prototype for the robot, which he had named 'Jackson Pollock' (or just 'Jackson') after it spewed flecks of multicoloured paint across the once pure white walls of his lab, he pulled up the 3D design and put his headphones on.
Not 5 minutes later, unbeknownst to Peter, Tony, Wade, and all of his classmates stood outside his lab doors.
"So, teenagers, as you may know from tabloids and those weird Snapchat news stories or whatever they're called, I have a son. Actually wait, I think I already told you that. Well, if I didn't, now you know! Anyways, my kid takes after me, and is always making new inventions or designs. You know that cool new bow that you may have seen Hawk-eye using? My son was the one who designed and built that for him. So yeah, inventor, yada yada, boring. Well, he started using my labs to design things, and since I am the worlds richest man alive and also have a very large 'personal space bubble', I decided to get him his very own personalized high tech lab! And this door that we just so happen to be standing in front of, leads to that lab. And in that lab is one of your classmates, and my son. Now, here's where things get exclusive. Me and my husband have made it a point to never have our son photographed or publicized, and as such, he had a pretty normal, papparazi free childhood. Also as such, no members of the general public have ever seen him in connection to us. But today, good children of whatever the fuck high school you said you go to, I present to you...." Tony discreetly pressed his thumbprint to the touchpad. "My pride and joy!"
The doors slid open and Peter's classmates peered in shyly at first, then with growing confidence. Wade stood silently in a dark corner of the lab, grinning like a maniac at Peter's unsuspecting form, still sitting on his stool, working away at his Pollock-Bot. He played his music as if he was trying to be the world's youngest superhero to go deaf, so he had no idea that anyone else was even remotely near him.
Slowly, the class (and Tony) made their way over to the oblivious teen, but no one had tried to see who he was yet, everyone seemed scared to go too near him, as if he might burst into flames at the slightest invasion of space. Finally, Tony sighed and tapped the kid on the shoulder.
Peter absentmindedly took out one earbud and, without thinking or even looking up said "Yeah, Dad?". A few people gasped, recognizing his voice as that of their nerdy classmate, and the sound seemed to draw him out of his trance. He looked up at Tony, gave a yelp, realized what Tony being there meant, and whirled around to stare at the group, who stared back at him.
Flash Thompson was the first to speak, ironically.
"Pen-Peter? Peter Parker? You're Tony Stark's son?"