The Bad Thing About Having Two Dad's Is Being Stuck In A Constant Loop Of Dad Jokes
Peter groaned loudly and covered his ears. The incessant beeping of his alarm filled the room, only audible to him.
"Jarvis, remind me in five minutes please."
"If I may, sir, you have already delayed this by 'five minutes' 8 times. In order to have time to get dressed, eat breakfast, prepare your materials, and get to school at your usual time you must wake up right now. Do you still want me to remind you in five minutes?"
Peter groaned even louder but sat up nonetheless. "No, you can just turn it off I guess. Could you get Wall-E to find my bag and bring it in here though?" Wall-E was the name he had given to a 'household helper' robot when he was five.
"It would be my pleasure, Peter. He is on the way now."
The teen stretched and stood up, still exhausted for some reason. He had probably slept for more than 14 hours, but he felt as though he hadn't closed his eyes in days. Grabbing the first clean clothes he saw in his drawer, he headed into the bathroom to take the hottest shower possible, trying to wake himself up.
When he walked back out, some 15 minutes later, Wall-E had put his bag next to the nightstand, and floated near the door, waiting for his next instruction.
Peter gave him an affectionate pat and turned on the charging pod for him. The little robot made a purring sound and 'blinked' at Peter happily.
He opened his bag and rifled quickly through the contents, checking to make sure everything was in place and completed. He was about to close it again when a flash of white caught his eye. He pulled out the permission slip from the day before and cursed.
Wade stuck his head in the room at that very moment. "Not very lady-like, baby boy."
"I fucking forgot to fill this in yesterday, and I can't ask dad or pops to sign it!"
"Woah, calm down. You forget who runs defense here. I have everyone's signatures memorized. Give it to me."
Peter reluctantly handed it over, trying not to draw attention to the reason he even needed to get out of school that was printed in blocky letters across the top of the page. Luckily, Wade seemed not to notice, but it did little to calm Peter's nerves. It was likely that he wouldn't even be on the floors that the class was visiting, but if he was... Let's just say Peter didn't like having the spotlight on him.
-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-
The school bus was filled with screaming teenagers and teachers who just wanted it all to end. Ned was furiously tapping away at his phone, trying to finish his English homework, which was due that day at noon, and which he hadn't even glanced at for two weeks. Peter had his head pressed against the cool glass beside his best friend, and was half-heartedly scrolling through his Instagram feed.
All the sudden he sat up straight and looked at Ned. "What do you think my dad will do if he catches sight of me today? I didn't tell anyone about this."
"I mean, I don't think he'll care, it's just a field trip to the tower, he might not even notice you with the, y'know... 56 other kids on the trip with us."
"No, Ned, you don't get it. I just know I'll somehow draw attention to myself, and he'll see me, and make a big scene about saying hi, and then Pops will probably be there, and HE'LL make an even bigger scene, and then I'm sure Natasha and Wade will come to see why they're making so much noise, and then everyone will know who my family is, and I'll never get another moment of peace and I'll probably be roofied and murdered at a party when I'm 20 or something."
Ned stared at him without saying anything for a second. "Peter... Where the fuck did you get all that from? Worst case scenario Tony sees you and calls you 'son' or something and Flash has an aneurysm. I can promise you it won't be bad, and then you can just stay at the tower when the rest of us leave, 'cause you live there. The last two are actually pretty good things. I want to see Flash's head explode."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'll just stay out of sight or say I need to go to the bathroom when my dad or someone's in the room, and no one will see me."
He settled back in his seat, pulling out his phone again at its insistent chime. Then his face paled. "No, no, no, no, no. Ned!"
His best friend sighed loudly. "Yes, Peter?"
"Listen to what my dad just sent me; 'Hey Underoos, I have a few kids coming to the tower today to prepare for the expo or something, would you mind if I used one of your labs in the tour just to show them the things you've made recently as inspiration? I'll be conducting the tour since Steve doesn't want me upstairs this morning for some reason. Painting or something, I'm not sure. Tell me soon, love you.'"
"Oh my god." Ned paused. "He calls you 'Underoos'?"
-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-
"Hey, Penis! I bet you're freaking out right now, 'cause when we get to Stark Tower everyone will know you're making up the internship."
"Fuck off Flash. You're just jealous because Peter's better than you at everything." Ned, as usual, defended his best friend from Flash's belittling.
"Hah! In your dreams, loser!" Flash looked around the bus for support, but no one even pretended to pay attention to his shitty attempts at bullying Peter anymore.
"Hey! Flash, don't call people losers. Ned, don't curse, and you, uh... edgy kid! Michelle! Stop vandalizing the history books!" Mr. Del called out from the front of the bus, unsuccessfully trying to reign in his students.
Flash grumbled but sat back down, Ned rolled his eyes discreetly, and Michelle continued to black out the section on Christopher Columbus with a sharpie.
"Alright, now we will be arriving at the Stark Tower in about 5 minutes! I expect you to be POLITE! I expect you to be RESPECTFUL! I expect you to not TOUCH THINGS! If you get separated from the group you are to find your way to THE FRONT DESK and STAY THERE until someone can come to collect you! You will be given a visitor pass! You are not to lose these! There is a chance Tony Stark himself will be conducting the tour, in which case you are NOT to ask for a picture or interrupt him!"
Mr.Del stared at the rows of students meaningfully. "Now, as to the Avengers. There is a chance you will see them around the Tower or during the tour. I know it will be hard to ignore them, but that is what I expect you to do. If they interact with you, or if Tony Stark gives you permission to talk to them, you may do so RESPECTFULLY! We are here to represent Midtown High! That means we follow school rules and we make a good impression. If you fail to adhere to the rules, you will be written up, and you may get a detention. Otherwise, enjoy yourselves."
The bus jerked to a stop with his last words. Everyone scrambled to get up and be first out of the bus. Everyone, that is, except Ned and Peter. They trailed behind, Peter pulling his hoodie up to cover his face as best he could. Finally, when they jumped down, they were met with the gargantuan sight of Stark Tower, Peter's home.
One of the ground floor staff, who Peter knew, stood at the front of the crowd of students, introducing herself.
"Midtown High! Welcome to Stark Tower! We are so excited to have you here today! I'm Meghan, I'm the head of the tour staff here, and I'll just be here to give you your passes, explain a couple things, and make sure no one gets separated from the group!"
She smiled at everyone, and Peter desperately hunched down to try not to be seen. He had known Meghan since he was seven, when she had started working at the Tower. She was just nine years older than him, and had always been helpful to him, letting him hide under the front desk during his and Thor's games of hide and seek, taking time to explain homework he didn't understand, and even buying him ice cream and letting him cry on her shoulder when he had his first break up.
Of course, she would be in charge of my tour. Peter thought bitterly. There goes trying not to be recognized.
As she talked on about basic rules, such as not trying to get into places they weren't supposed to be during the tour, not stealing things, and not messing with the exhibits, Peter chewed his nails nervously and tried to distract himself by thinking about the experiment he was currently working on.
It worked, and he tuned back in just as she started explaining the Pass system.
"There are 15 tiers of passes. You all will be getting level two's, which will enable you to go on any floor below the 12th, provided someone with a higher pass scans it first. Without a staff scanning their pass, yours will only get you down to the first floor, nowhere else. The only people with tier 15 passes are Tony Stark, the Avengers, and Tony's family. Your names are printed on these passes. Please step forward and take your pass when I say your name. Do not lose them, as you only get one, and do not trade yours among your friends." She looked around to make sure everyone understood, then opened the bin of laminated passes beside her and began reading off names.
After around 20 minutes, everyone but Peter had received their passes. He still had his hood up, so Meghan didn't recognize him, thankfully. "I'm sorry young man, I don't appear to have anymore passes. If you give me your name I can check my list again and grab you one, though."
Peter sighed to himself and savoured his last moments of being the boring, nerdy kid that no one paid special attention to. "I already have a pass." Ignoring Meghan's look of surprise, he dug in his backpack and pulled out the thin blue card with his name printed across it. Carefully keeping the side with his 'tier 15' facing away from his classmates, he shoved his hood back and looked at Meghan.
"Oh, Peter! I didn't know you were in this tour, I would have gotten Wade to help me with the greetings!"
Peter carefully ignored Flash's gaping at her familiar greeting and made a face at Meghan. "Please don't tell him I'm here, I don't really want him to make a scene about seeing me." He lowered his voice so no one else could hear him.
"I mean... Well, I shouldn't tell you, but he's going to be doing a whole part of the tour with Mr.Stark, so he'll most likely recognize you anyways."
"It's fine Meg. Just don't say anything about my dads in front of the group, please." With his last whispered plea, he flipped his hood back and moved to the back of the group again, ignoring everyone's expressions at his familiarity with the head staff. He consoled himself with the thought that no one was able to hear what they had said to each other.
"Alright everyone, we're going to go into the lobby, and your surprise tour leader will take over from there! Remember, if you get lost or separated from your classmates, just go to the closest elevator, scan your card, and it will take you back down to the first floor!" Meghan opened the doors and stepped aside so as to not be trampled by the sudden flurry of excited teens.
As Peter and Ned joined them, yet again last in the group, they heard awed murmurs at whoever was standing before them, and Peter's stomach dropped. He leaned over to Ned. "If that's who I think it is I swear to god I might actually throw up." His best friend gave him a sympathetic look but nevertheless craned his head around eagerly to see whoever it was.
The person began to speak and Peter groaned. "Welcome to Stark Tower, Midtown High! I'm sure you all know who I am; billionaire, Avenger, Iron Man, world's greatest inventor, all that humble stuff." He paused briefly for the laughter. "As you may have guessed, I'm here to be your tour guide for today, because my assistant told me it's good for my image." More laughter. "So!" He swung around, motioning vaguely at the giant lobby. "We'll be going around to a few of the floors, namely the rooms that the Stark Expo will be held in, the Weapons and Transport rooms, and as a special treat, I've been given permission to show you around my son's lab, which could give you some ideas for your own inventions for the Expo. Oh, and before you say that you won't be able to do whatever he does, he's a senior, just like all of you, so you don't really have an argument for that, other than being outright stupid."
There was some murmuring at the mention of his son, and Peter pulled his hood down further around his face. Tony, as a rule, barely mentioned his family to the press. Sure, they knew he and Steve were married, and there had been a big fuss when they found out they had adopted a kid, but, in an effort to keep Peter and their private lives protected from the eyes of the public, they tried to say very little on the subject.
Thankfully, due to their efforts and no one being competent enough to connect Peter's coming and going at the tower, the only thing about him in the media was his initials, and a few unrelated pictures of him being presented with awards and such for winning this decathlon event or coming first in that science fair. Oh, and the pictures of Spiderman. Couldn't forget those.
Peter had zoned out thinking about the press, and all of the sudden they were in an elevator, and Jarvis' cool voice was counting the floors they passed.
"Floor four." A soft ding echoed around them, and the doors slid open smoothly. "Destination: weapons transport. Room 403. Tour Group: Midtown High School Senior Chemistry Classes. Please enjoy your day!"
They all stepped out, and the doors closed silently behind them again. Tony and the rest of the group were already there, heading down the spacious hall towards the transport room. Peter had been there more times than he could count, so his bored sweep of the room initially missed something that had all the other kids excitedly chattering and pulling out their phones to take pictures of.
Ned nudged him. "Dude, this day is just not working out for you, is it?"
"What?"
The other teen gave him an 'are you an actual fucking idiot?' look. "Look. Down there, next to that big pile of crates. The guy in red look familiar at all?"
At that exact moment said 'Guy in red' turned to look up at them, and Peter's stomach dropped for the second time in not even fifteen minutes.
Wade Wilson grinned and waved from the floor.
"Well, so much for not wanting to be noticed, I guess."
Peter wanted to die.