4
James sat with his therapist. A stress ball in his human hand. He watched as his doctor wrote things down. He just confessed to his sexual escapade. His doctor had a funny look on his face. He used to be her therapist, but obviously he wasn’t doing it for her. Doctor Penwood had his eyebrows furrowed as he continued to write.
“How did you feel after you slept with her James? The moment you woke up and remembered she was there, how did you feel?”
“At first I felt guilty. Like I took advantage of her when she was down. When I saw her in the kitchen I knew she was higher than the sky. So immediately, I felt horrible. But when I got her and I saw her in that way..the way she looked at me. The way she begged..it was as if everything was fine. A sudden peace for both of us.”
“Now James, did you do things to her like you did Natasha?” Doctor Penwood raised an eyebrow at him.
“No no Doc. I was rough with her but not that far. I didn’t hurt her, it was just rough sex. She tore up me actually. I had to pour peroxide down my back.”
Doctor Penwood continued to write more things down. His circle glasses at the end of his nose. “If anything James I am pleasantly surprised. I hypothesized the moment you had sex with a different person, you wouldn’t be able to control yourself. Not because of lack, but because of Natasha. The two of you had a very violent sexual relationship, the fact that the two of you can even work together amazes me. As far as your new lovely lady,” Penwood removed his glasses, his dark eyes staring down into James. “the only thing I can say without breaking confidentiality, is to be careful. Jade is a very...strong woman. She has so many walls and boundaries, the mere thought she had sex with another person is shocking to me. If you want Jade...I can’t promise it will be easy for you. Please think about your mental health as you take this journey. The two of you have come exceptionally far since you’ve come here.”
Buck felt offended but he understood. The doctor was right. Jade had problems, he did too. If he really wanted this to work out they would have to fight them together. Both of their insecurities, self esteem, anxiety. Buck put down his stress ball.
“What do I do about the team doc? I’ve only been here for three years and I fucked their precious angel. Tony already wants me dead, if he would out I would be dead. Shit, Steve would kill me!” Buck got out of his seat, beginning to pace the room.
“James, if she feels the same way about you, they wouldn’t put a hand on you. They are protective of her but we both know they want her happy. Calm down you are going to cause a panic attack. Now I recommend taking out all of your emotions, big or little. Their is no telling what your relationship will turn to. I want to make sure your emotions are in check. I also recommend trying breathing exercises again. Those helped a lot last time.”
“Will you take me off missions, Doc?”
“No Buck. This is a life situation. This is something you are going to face one day. I feel as of right now you are in a good place to face this, just take care of yourself.”
Jade sat around with Peter, her legs over his as they watched American Horror Story. Binge watching Netflix was how they connected. She would watch his shit shows until she got so into them she cried with him. Grey’s Anatomy was the biggest mistake. Peter leaned his head back into the couch, a bowl of popcorn next to him. Soda cans littered the coffee table with other various snacks.
“No don’t go down there fella.”
“Turn around. Bloody Face will get you. Ohhhhh what did I tell you? See I warned him.”
Peter made a face at the gory sight. “I love this show but sometimes it’s hard to watch.”
She chuckled at him and moved to get her drink, she twitched in pain, the soreness in her legs nearly took her breath away. Pete raised a brow at her, his eyes filled with concern. He knew her better than anyone. Even her therapist. He knew all her dark times. She was like a sister. “You alright?”
“Yeah just a long night.”
“It was a long night. I kept hearing screaming and banging. Either someone left the TV on again, or Natasha and Bucky are at it again.”
She slowly looked over at Pete, his baby face towards the flat screen. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh when Bucky first came here he was on my floor. They gave him a more...institution like room to help him transition. He had intense therapy sessions just about every day, and he was constantly in the gym. Even back then he and Sam had a thing against me. They hated each other but always loved to tease me. One time I caught him and Nat having a steamy make out session in the shower. I, of course, ridiculed him for it. Everywhere he went I’d bring her up. Because it wasn’t fair to tease me like that, and back then I was super childish. I just wanted to get him back.” Peter let out a deep sigh as his face heated up. “So the way he got back at me was to have super loud sex right against the wall that connected our rooms. It was brutal. One time his bedroom door was open after they fucked, and I swear to God, there was blood on the floor, on the wall. They made huge holes in the walls, the bed frame was broken. I don’t know what they did to each other, but when he was done with her, he was done. I’m not sure what happened but one night I heard arguing. Most of it was in Russian but I know for sure she was crying. The next day I talked to Steve and he knew nothing about it. He told me when Buck was still with Hydra, the used to have a relationship, but that’s all he knew.”
“Why don’t I know anything about this? Who knows this?” A sense of hurt filled her insides. As if he went behind her back. As if he was hers.
“I don’t think anyone knows. Maybe his therapist. Probably Wanda. She knows everything, she’s a telepath. But I know for a fact that it happened. I tried to talk to him about it and he threatened me. So I left him alone. You were on your floor, I thanked the heavens when he got a room change, you didn’t hear anything. Even then you and Buck weren’t close. I didn’t think you’d care for drama, I didn’t want to ruin anything for him. He was doing good after he left Nat.”
Jade ran a hand through his hair, giving him a gentle smile. “You’re a good person.” He gave his shit Tony Stark grin.
"Why do you want to know anyway? I only brought it up to be funny..then I realized I was the only one that knew about it.."
Jade shrugged casually, "I don't know. It sounded interesting. Maybe it will help my future."
"Oh yeah taking Nat down in truth or dare, good luck."
An hour later Jade sat with a SHEILD agent, passing a blunt back and forth. He was a married man, two children and a beautiful wife. She didn’t trust him. He always stared at her to long. But the drug flooding her sense made her not care. She wanted to forget, if she started a hole she will bury herself in it. If she has to sit around with this loser she will. Jade was on her way to her room to smoke anyway.
“Good right?” His high voice made her head hurt.
His bald head and wrinkled face smiled at him. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t even look at him. The rooftop was her favorite place, it was the only piece of the world she claimed as hers. She missed New York. She loved that tower, she loved the view. Cold air ran through her dark hair, she closed her eyes, hugging her knees to her chest. The image of Buck with another woman plastered in her mind. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, another hand on her thigh, then she felt a body press into her. The smell of man flooded her senses. Not the good kind.
“Come on baby. You are high and have no idea what’s going on. Just let go.” He pressed a kiss on her jaw. She closed her eyes tightly, a memory coming at her. Loki. Jade shoved the man off her, punching him square into his nose.
“Get the fuck away from me, jævla gris.”
She gave him a hard kick into the groin then stole his bag of weed. “Jeg hater folk.”
The man groaned and rolled around in pain. "You filthy bitch!"
Jade huffed and puffed her way into her room. Annoyed someone even had the thought to hit on her. Pissed she didn't act quicker. Furious she punched the guy cause then he would rat her out. She stopped in front of her door, tears filling her eyes, her heart felt as if it was shattering, she just spoke Norse. The very language she hated more than anything. Tears fell down her chest and her facade broke to pieces. A sob left her lips, more memories coming back to her. Loki. His dark blue eyes. His ice cold hands. She laid her head on the door, her face hot from the tears. The hallway filling with her cries.
“I hate him.” She whispered as she slammed the door behind her.