CAN WE GO ONE DAY WITHOUT YOU BEING A FUCKING WHORE, KENNY?
{PRIVATE MESSAGES: StanleyM and KennethM}
StanleyM: my mom doesnt like any of my splatoon outfits….wtf
KennethM: your mom also married your dad so yknow she clearly doesn't have good taste
StanleyM: DAMN…
StanleyM: randy isnt THAT bad…
StanleyM: but yh i sometimes think about that
KennethM: stan, i love you and all, but randy is definitely THAT bad.
KennethM: also
KennethM: are you alright?
StanleyM: why wouldn't i be?
KennethM: you’ve been listening to lazy by the living tombstone for the past three hours
StanleyM: im fine dw. just feeling a bit off today
KennethM: need me to come over? i can bring kyle, cartman, and butters too. we could have a sleepover! watch movies on my laptop
StanleyM: im @ craig’s currently, i’ll be okay
KennethM: okay, good.
KennethM: but if you need us, we’re always here, alright?
StanleyM: i know
StanleyM: thank you, kenny
✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽
{GROUP CHAT: CAESARING CARMAN}
Longinus: my kink is when people actually care about me and my feelings and what I have to say
Brutus: Did you have to word it like that?
Leo the Lion: relatable but are you alright, ken?
Longinus: yeah i just thought it was too quiet and you’ve all had it good for too long (>ᴗ•)
Longinus: also
Longinus: @Leo the Lion
Longinus: you look like my first husband.
Leo the Lion: you’ve
Leo the Lion: you’ve been married before?
Longinus: no. :)
Leo the Lion: kjFDHJKDFHJDFDF
Caesar: CAN WE GO ONE DAY WITHOUT YOU BEING A FUCKING WHORE, KENNY?
Longinus: you’re just jealous nobody’d want to fuck you, cartman ♥️
Caesar: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
Brutus: Why are you guys even talking about this?
Caesar: BECAUSE WE GET BITCHES, KYLE
Caesar: UNLIKE YOU, YOU FUCKING JEW
Longinus: doesn’t kyle get like, more bitches than all of us combined.
Brutus: I do?
Longinus: kyle…basically ALL of the girls in our grade have been interested in you at some point.
Brutus: They have?
Junius: he wields so much power and he doesn't even know it…oh my god…
Longinus: ON ANOTHER NOTE
Longinus: its been a while since we’ve hung out outside of school……..
Longinus: we should have a sleepover (★≧▽^))★☆
Junius: YES
Caesar: oh fuck yeah
Brutus: We could have it at my house, if you’d like! Mom’ll be glad to see you guys since it’s been a while.
Leo the Lion: you fellas ever had that scratchy blanket at a sleepover?
Leo the Lion: y'know the one. it's made of wool. it has a satiny trim that tries to deceive you into thinking this will be a nice blanket experience. but it's not. every house has one. it's buried deep in the bowels of the linen closet, under some afghans and a comforter with the down coming out of it, but make no mistake.
Leo the Lion: the scratchy blanket is there. and it waits.
Longinus: leo…..are you okay?
Leo the Lion: yeah, why’d you ask?
Longinus: (ס_ס;;)
Caesar: I DIDNT THINK THE BLANKETS WERE THAT BAD AT MY HOUSE, DAMN
Caesar: you could have. you know.
Caesar: SAID SOMETHING LAST TIME YOU WERE OVER
Leo the Lion: no
Leo the Lion has gone offline
Brutus: Does that mean he’s not coming to the sleepover? Or…
Leo the Lion has come online
Leo the Lion: tbh i didnt think it included me
Brutus: Of course you’re invited. You’re our friend, too.
Brutus: You’re always welcome to join us.
Leo the Lion: oh
Leo the Lion: oksu
Longinus: are you crying, leo?
Leo the Lion: NO
Leo the Lion: i was just. distracted
Brutus: Was that too much??
Leo the Lion: no no you’re fine don't worry
Leo the Lion: but uh. If i can convince me parents, i’ll come
Brutus: Oh! I can have mine talk to yours if you’d like?
Leo the Lion: i dunno if that'd help..
Brutus: Trust me, it’ll work. Dad manages to get Stan’s parents to let him come over to our place all the time, so…
Junius: thts true
Leo the Lion: well, okay, if you’re sure..
Brutus: I am! Don’t worry about it <3
Brutus has gone offline
Leo the Lion: is this what it's like to feel loved
Longinus: yeah it takes a while to get used to
Junius: are you two okay
Longinus: stan you know the answer to that question fully well
Junius: didnt hurt 2 try 😔
✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽
Leo the Lion: @Brutus.
Leo the Lion: how.
Leo the Lion: my parents never agree to ANYTHING ??
Brutus: I told you I could do it!
Brutus: My dad’s great at convincing people :)
Leo the Lion: i have a feeling if you kill someone, your dad could cover it up
Brutus: Oh, don’t be silly. Of course he couldn’t.
Leo the Lion: phew
Brutus: My mom could, though!
Leo the Lion:
Leo the Lion: suddenly i am afraid for my life
Brutus: Don’t worry, Butters. I like you. You’re safe.
Leo the Lion: is eric the one unsafe
Brutus: We’ll find out in the car :)
Caesar: WHAT THE FUCK I HAVENT EVEN SAID ANYTHING
Brutus has gone offline
✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽
Longinus: just got exploded to death by evil lightning powers #girl
Leo the Lion: ken, you didn’t die
Leo the Lion: i just lightly tapped you with a taser
Longinus: (×﹏×)
Leo the Lion: YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAID I COULDN'T GET A HIT IN
Leo the Lion: DON'T COMPLAIN NOW THAT I PROVED YOU WRONG
Brutus: Why are you guys typing in the group chat we’re literally right next to each other?
Longinus: it’s more dramatic this way .+(´^ω^`)+
Brutus: Dude, Cartman’s going to win if you don't get your head in the game
✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽•*`*•.¸¸.•*`*•.¸¸✽
Brutus: God, the lag on this game is so bad.
Caesar: i think you just suck
Brutus: I’m going to fucking kill you.