Wherever You Will go

Natasha stared at Steve, wondering if what she had just heard was real. She felt overloaded with emotions but was unsure of which one was her actual reaction. Was she happy, sad, angry? More importantly, did she love him too? Before she could say anything, Steve told, “you don’t have to say anything. It was stupid of me to say such things.”

Natasha acted like nothing had just happened as she said, “well, you know the good thing about being injured? Getting time off.”

Suddenly, Tony waltzed in announcing, “Fury finally came to his senses about using Stark tower for our base. We are all moving. Everybody say your goodbyes to this building and head outside.” He started to walk out but stopped. “Oh and Steve, be grateful that I did your job for you in getting those hostages out thanks to your forgetful girlfriend here.” He gestured aggressively to Natasha.

Steve stood up, walking towards Tony with whatever strength he could muster. “You don’t talk about her like that.” Steve was angry, gritting his teeth and trying to prevent himself from punching Tony in the jaw.

“Oh I’m sorry did I insult your girl.” Tony laughed slightly.

Steve glared at Tony. Steve punched him square in the face, knocking Tony to the ground, blood oozing from his nose.

Tony kept going, “Be careful with this one, Natasha. He’s aggressive.” He said cynically as he exited the room.

Natasha walked up to Steve, reaching her arms out to help him sit back down, but he only pushed her away with force. Natasha felt a little scared at the moment. The only thing that really scared her was her teammates getting angry, especially Bruce, but everyone was strong and capable of a lot of destruction.

The car ride was tense, everyone sitting in silence, not wanting cuts to run deeper than they already did. Natasha sat next to Clint, across from Steve. She looked down at the floor, but every once in a while she would look up at Steve.

Steve noticed Natasha looking at him. He knew definitively that what he felt towards her was love. He had fallen for something he couldn’t have and he hadn’t yet accepted that fact. Knowing that Natasha would never feel the same way angered him. He was disheartened, and yet he knew it wasn’t her fault. If anything it was his fault.

When they reached Stark tower, Natasha helped Steve inside, aiding him in sitting down on a couch in the lobby. Natasha mentioned, “you remember how I said we have time off?”

Steve nodded.

“How about we go see a movie?” Natasha proposed, longing to still be friends.

Steve was silent for a moment before saying, “fine. But I get to choose what we watch.” The pair laughed as they travelled to a movie theater conveniently located in Stark Tower.

They sat in the empty theater watching Frozen. Natasha sat directly next to Steve as her eyes were fixated on the screen. Steve half watched the movie and half watched Natasha. He loved her so much, too much. But as the movie went on and on, Natasha drifted off into sleep. She was exhausted from everything and she felt like she hadn’t slept in years. Slowly, her body leaned towards Steve’s as her eyes gradually closed. Finally, her head settled on Steve’s shoulder. Steve was nervous, thinking he should wake her up, but then he felt content. He understood that she would have to have a lot of trust to fall asleep near somebody and so he left her to sleep as he continued watching the movie.

Natasha opened her eyes, groggy after her nap. Lifting her head, she realized she was using Steve’s shoulder as a pillow. Steve laid back against the theater chair, sound asleep. Natasha stood and stretched, looking at a nearby clock to see that it was nearly 5 pm. Suddenly, a voice came from the entrance of the room. It was Tony who snorted, “so, girlfriend then?”

“Drop it, Tony. We’re not together.” Natasha was not in a playful mood.

“Could’ve fooled me.” His arms were crossed as he leaned on the door frame.

“Keep talking and you’ll regret it.” Natasha was aggressive.

“Ooh I am so scared,” Tony laughed. “Later sweetheart.” He blew a kiss as he walked away.

Natasha turned to find Steve, still sleeping. Without a sound, she left the room, going to the gym to work off some tension. She grabbed a jump rope off the wall and started jump roping, being careful not to hit her leg wound. She started off slow, but as she kept remembering the events of the past two days, the jump rope started moving faster and faster and faster. She stopped, falling to her knees in defeat. Everything just became too much. Her emotions flooded over her like a tsunami after they had been suppressed for so long. She didn’t know what to think about anything anymore. Everything was just too heavy and the whole contraption that was the world was toppling down on her.

But as she laid on the ground, tears pushing their way out of her eyes, Steve entered the room and rushed to help her. “Are you alright?” his voice trembled with worry.

“I’m fine.” she managed to get out.

“Are you in pain? What’s the matter?” he sat her up, placing his hand on her back in support.

“It’s nothing. It’s stupid.” she told.

“If something makes you this upset, it’s not stupid.” he said, his eyes meeting hers once again. She felt that same fluttery feeling in her heart. She wasn’t sure what it meant. All she knew was that it felt...strange.

She tried to avoid talking about her feelings as she said, “why are you here anyway? It seems like you’re following me.”

“I’ll go wherever you will go.” He lovingly said.

She broke eye contact yet again as a wave of calm passed over her. She almost never felt comfortable around people, but with him it was different. She trusted him.

“C’mon, let’s get you up,” he grabbed her hands, pulling her to her feet and helping over to a chair. He sat beside her, they both stared at the wall in front of them. “So, tell me what’s going on?” he asked, still not facing her.

She never opened up to anybody, except for Clint. But she felt an attraction between herself and Steve and so she took a big risk in telling how she really felt. “I just feel like nothing is worth it. I feel like the world would just be better if...if I weren’t in it.”

Steve looked at her, concern blanketing his whole face. “Nat. You are so needed by everyone in this world. Hell, if you hadn’t been there back at the Hydra base, I would be dead right now.”

“Feeling is hard, Steve. How do other people do this all the time?” she pondered, tears making their way down her cheeks.

“It’s always hard. Emotions are complicated. You just gotta focus on the good things.” In his mind, he knew he focused on the good things in life. He focused on her.

They were silent as Natasha contemplated what he had said. She looked at the time - 7:02 pm. “I think I’m gonna go to bed and figure all this out.” she put on a fake smile as she walked out. But Steve, vigilant as ever, followed her.

Down the hall, Natasha spotted Pepper Potts. Natasha approached, wiping the tears off her cheeks, trying to look normal. “Hey, Pepper. Where can a girl get some sleep around here?” she smiled.

“Oh, hi, Natasha. Follow me.” Pepper led Natasha to an upper floor holding a whole hallway of rooms. “Just choose a bed and fall in it.”

Steve followed behind them, also wanting to go to sleep in an actual bed instead of a chair. Natasha chose a random room towards the end of the hall. “‘Night.” she said, taking her leave from Steve. But he was still concerned for her so he chose the room next to hers.

Natasha laid in the small twin bed rethinking everything yet again. Why did the world have to be such a monster? And why did it have to make her a monster? Eventually, she fell asleep, wanting to just forget everything, at least for a short time in the embrace of sleep.

But even this could not be so. Natasha awoke screaming. She sat up quickly, her fists grasping the bed sheets. The door to her room flung open and she couldn’t help but shrink in fear. But it was only Steve who rushed in. “Are you okay?”

She was still breathing heavily when she asked, “what are you doing here?”

“I heard you screaming.” he told.

She stared at him. Why did he care so much about her? “It was just a nightmare. I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m good.” she said.

“Oh. Well, if you need anything, I’m right next door.”

“Ok.” she nodded as he began to walk away. “Actually,” she began. “I know this may be a weird thing to ask, and you don’t have to say yes. But do you think you can lay with me? At least until I fall back asleep?”

He turned to face her again. A gentle smile came upon his face. “Of course.” He closed the door to her room and climbed onto the small bed with her. They both laid on polar opposite sides of the bed. But as the minutes went by, Natasha inched closer and closer to him. Eventually, she landed in his arms. He held her close, rubbing her back until she was lulled back to sleep.

When Natasha opened her eyes, sunlight flooded into her room through the thin white curtains. She looked up to see Steve, looking down at her. “Mornin’,” he said, a little chuckle in his voice.
“Hi.” she responded, realizing she had been grasping his shirt with her left hand. She released his shirt, “sorry.”

“It’s okay.” he responded, smiling lightly.

She stared at him. He had seen her through all this bad and yet he was still here? The flutter returned, but this time she embraced it. “I...I think I love you.”