One
“John B and I kinda got into, like, a little fight.” Sarah started, standing at the door of Kiara’s house.
“Yeah, he’s been acting so gripped since his dad got back,” Kiara replies because it was true. John B hadn’t been himself since his father had come back.
“Yeah, and basically, I don’t have anywhere to stay, and Rafe’s at Tannyhill.” She looks so desperate as she speaks. Kiara can hear the panic seep slowly into her voice. “And I was wondering, like, maybe I could stay here with you?”
“Yeah of course,” Kiara replies without a second thought.
Her father appears behind Kiara. “Hey, hey. No.” His voice was stern. He was now standing behind his daughter. He looks at her with not even a hint of sympathy in his eyes. “What did we talk about, Kie? Boundaries.”
Kiara turns around on her heel and gives her father a look of disgust. “Are you serious?”
He only nods.
“You can’t do this. What if it was me? Huh?” She pointed out, turning to face him fully.
“Honey, you have to understand where I’m coming from. We’ve literally just gotten you back.” He sighs, sparing a glance in Sarah’s direction. “Sarah will find a place to stay. Just not here. Okay?”
“Bullshit.” Kiara deadpans, without a care in the world how her parents saw her anymore.
“Excuse me, young lady.” His expression turned to stone at Kiara’s word choice.
“I’m not doing this with you guys anymore.” She looks at her parents one last time, her mother remaining silent from her spot next to her dad. “If Sarah can’t stay here. Neither am I.”
Her mother’s eyes widened at her daughter's suggestion. “Absolutely not Kiara. You are staying here whether or not you like it.”
Without another word, Kiara takes a step toward Sarah and a smile plays on her face as she meets her friend's eyes. It was easy to walk away. Even easier than it used to be.
“If you walk out this door then don’t come back. You hear me.” Her father threatens.
It hadn’t stung quite as much the second time around. Kiara had grown to understand the type of people her parents were. Had become once they left the cut and started a new life. With fake personalities to show off to the twisted world that was Figure 8.
Sarah can’t find her words so she mouths them instead. ‘You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.’
Kiara shakes her head hastily and grabs hold of Sarah’s right hand. The air is thickened by the silence. It’s still quiet once the girls begin to walk away.
If Kiara was hurt that her parents hadn’t even fought to get her to stay she sure wasn’t showing it. Things had been complicated with them way before any of the hunting for treasure and sneaking out just to not show back up for days.
The fact that Kiara was still teethed down to her parent's roots, to a place they couldn’t mention in their house without it coming out distasteful, ultimately had created a rift between her and her parents. They had viewed that part of their past as something unforgettable; though it was made clear all they had wanted was for it to become the complete opposite of that.
So having their daughter trying to keep that part of her life so close to her heart. Still living through that period of time made them disconnect from each other.
“Don’t come back, Kiara.” Her father calls out, she doesn’t falter, not even a quick look towards them.
The door slams shut and Sarah squeezes Kiara’s hand reassuringly. “I’m being serious Kie. You didn’t have to do that for me.”
Kiara shakes her head. “Sar what they said wasn’t okay. They’ve never been on my side. They’ve kicked me out once without batting an eye. They’re such fucking hypocrites. Claiming that family is more important than anything. But all of that is so fucking fake because they're so far from being that for me. The pogues. You.” She pauses. “Are my family.”
“You guys have been more of a family to me than any of my actual family,” Sarah admits as they walk side by side through the streets of Figure 8.
Coming back had been surreal for Sarah. After everything; the treasure, John B, losing her family. Losing herself. It all felt like a knife twisting in her stomach, slosely punctuating her in the most vulnerable place. She’d felt so lost these last few years. Even if she had made it a priority to keep her facade up for the boys and Kiara. Playing the idea off that all this wasn’t as scary as it actually was, seemed to be easier. Because it’s what she’d learn to do. Had always done.
But something she had realized more and more as the weeks passed and the days got harder Kiara had kept her sane. Kiara with her open heart, dark locks, and bright smile.
Sarah didn’t deserve her. Not after everything she had done. Her heart ached.
So she stops abruptly. “No, but Kie you shouldn’t have done that.”
Kiara slows to a stop next to her with a puzzled look on her face. “What?”
Sarah sighs. “You can’t keep putting other people before you. It’s all you’ve ever done. You’re too good for this world Kie.” It’s said shakily. “I think you should go back. It’s not too late to make it right with them.”
Kiara should have been mad. She probably should have been yelling at Sarah. But she wasn’t, couldn’t, because this was Sarah trying to close her out when she really needed her; as she had always done.
But she knew better to fall for it. “I know what you're doing. You can’t keep hiding Sarah. I’m not going to let you run away. Not this time. Even if you hate me for it.”
Sarah was ready to put her walls back up. Say something nasty to push Kiara away but before her mouth could let her ruin her life anymore Kiara’s got her arms wrapped around her. It was smothering. Like, if Kiara let go Sarah would disappear without a trace to follow to get back to her.
“I’m not letting you do this again Sar.” She says into her long blonde hair.
Just like that Sarah breaks, the floodgates open and she’s shaking into Kiara’s embrace. “Let me go.” She says while her body fights against her mouth, deciding to clutch at the girl's shirt.
Kiara squeaks her eyes shut. The world around them slows.
“God Kie where the fuck are we going to even stay.” Sarah cries out after a few more moments.
Kiara laughs softly, her warmth causing her best friend to follow suit.
“Shit.”
Once Sarah had wiped the tears off her face and apologized multiple times about getting Kiara’s shirt wet they had made their way to one of the rental condos her father still owned. It felt wrong to be still living off of that man after all this time. He was everything she hated about herself. But what could she do, no matter where she was the Cameron name would follow. Taunting her. Teasing her like some kind of sick joke.
She shoves her rampant thoughts to the deep depths of her head and lets them become only a rumble. Even if they were crawling and pushing to break through and be let out.
The first thing the girls did once they closed the door behind them was to go through the kitchen cabinets and refrigerator for food.
“Shit.” Kiara smiled, ducking her head into the refrigerator door. “This baby’s fully stocked.”
Sarah was over by Kiara’s side nudging her way into the view of the refrigerator so she could see for herself mere seconds later. She wanted to be certain Kiara wasn't messing with her.
“Perks of being a born Kook I guess.” Sarah shrugs.
“Gotta give them that.” Kiara grabs a few items from the fridge and plops on the couch in the living room. “Get in here so we can watch some shitty tv.”
Sarah relishes the way Kiara could still make things feel normal when, in reality, they hadn’t been for god knows how long. She smiles to herself and is quick to sit in the empty spot next to her on the couch. Kiara had a bag of potato chips in her lap and a hand fiddling with the remote to the tv.
Soon the sounds of a laugh track begin to drown out the absolute chaos that was both the girls' lives beyond these four walls they had themselves surrounded by. This was the type of peace both Sarah and Kiara both missed.
They missed this with each other.
Before the treasure. When it was just the two of them spending their time together just to enjoy each other’s company. The innocence of it all.
Kiara soon feels the familiar feeling of Sarah’s weight shifting, and in an instant, her head is resting on her shoulder. It fits like a puzzle piece being put into place. Kiara can’t help but let her eyes linger on her features. For a brief moment, she lets her heart seek out what it had always wanted when it comes to Sarah.
Her tan skin, bright blonde hair, and red lips hadn’t crossed her mind for such a long time. Instead, her desires had been pushed away. Shoved into a place where no one would ever dare to go seek out. Kiara had vowed to keep this stored away in a vault, not even her own mind would be able to access it.
Especially after Topper came into Sarah’s orbit. She had to swallow everything and keep it down, even more, because of how things now stood. She had convinced herself that what she was feeling was some silly phase and would pass like a rainstorm. It worked for a while, with Kiara having to watch her best friend slowly pull away, and chase a boy who’d never understand how to properly love her.
Then Sarah’s birthday happened and it was over.
Kiara had no one and nowhere to turn. So she had to go back to The Cut with her tail tucked between her legs and get her insides ripped apart from the three boys she loved most.
She remembers how badly it burned to be rejected by her best friends. Her family. She had gone to the Chateau as a last-ditch effort. She had known that she was selfish for thinking that they would welcome her back with open arms. After all, she was the one to leave them in the dust.
Because of course, they didn’t.
“Kie?” Sarah whispers, her voice soft and inviting as it causes Kiara to stir awake.
As she wakes up fully she realizes the room has become noticeably darker. Her eyes scan her surroundings while trying not to let the idea of Sarah’s body pressed against hers get to her, even when her hands are resting around Kiara’s waist.
Because to Sarah all this was platonic.
Though now Kiara had a slight reason to believe differently. She finds Sarah's hazel eyes in the dim room and she sees something behind them she hadn’t seen for ages. The last time it was this blatant and clear was during freshman year. During one of their many sleepovers.
It had been Sarah’s time to host. They were tipsy off of something Sarah had swiped from her father’s liquor seller. The sound of the waves crashing up against the shore and the buzzing of the mosquitos could be heard through an open window in Sarah’s room. Kiara was cuddled up against Sarah under a mountain of blankets. Everything felt so right. So right that it started to feel wrong. Sticky. The closeness begins to sprout hints of guilt. The way she was feeling wasn't fair. If her heart bouncing against her rib cage so hard she swore it was going to leave tiny bruises across the bone had to do with any of it.
She was surely fucked.
She shouldn't be thinking of her best friend this way. Especially when she had her legs tangled with her in a bed, Sarah with nothing but pure and friendly intentions behind those pretty eyes and smile.
They were both giggling messes going on about completely nothing. Though at the time it had seemed like everything.
It had been muttered so quietly that it could have been easily written off as a mumble of sorts.
“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”
Kiara is almost positive Sarah hadn't heard her and was ready to turn over and pretend it never happened.
But her blood runs cold when she watches Sarah’s lips turn upward into a smile, so genuine that it seems too good to be true. The look her eyes held felt so complete and incomplete at the same time. They gleamed with so much at once. It was too hard for Kiara to disperse and pick apart.
All she had to latch onto was the fact that Sarah reached up to tuck a loose strand of her hair behind one of her ears and said. “I think you are too.”
“It’s getting late.” Sarah smiles and a yawn escapes her mouth. “You getting ready to crash?”
Kiara nods and lets the way Sarah’s eyes glistened only moments ago get pushed to the back of the locked seller within her mind. “I’m ready when you are.”
Sarah’s up on her feet grasping at Kiara’s arm within an instant. It’s so reminiscent of their shared past. Down to Sarah being the one to drag Kiara to bed. It was all a little too much because when they reached the bedroom Kiara stops her.
“Hey look I think I might just sleep in one of the other beds tonight.”
Sarah turns towards her body in her direction and gives her a worried look. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just tired. I just kind of like to sleep alone when I’m this wiped.” It wasn’t the worst lie, not even bad, but something told Kiara that Sarah wouldn’t take the bait.
“Kie,” she whispers.
Just like that Kiara knew she wouldn’t be sleeping alone. I took one hushed syllable to convince her otherwise. Kie.
She flashes Sarah a little smile and lets herself give in like putty. Sarah had always had that effect on her, like no other had, though she would never be able to admit that to herself let alone the girl she was crawling in bed next to.
Once the girls are comfortable, quietness seeps into the room from underneath the crack of the door. Out the window, the sky is dark with white specks scattered like a skillfully painted landscape.
Sarah tosses and turns long enough that she thinks her best friend has fallen asleep. It seems that way for a few minutes. She is left with nothing but her own thoughts. It never used to be this scary to lay in the darkness, waiting for the light tug of her eyes and body to swiftly carry her to sleep.
But now the darkness was a monster and the silence was the weapon it was holding. She was never ever able to escape it during the night wherein she was left defensively, with nothing but the clothes on her back to protect her. Everything that had happened to her swam behind her eyelids. They would come and go like a flicker so it was impossible to stop or slow them down.
She was afraid to let anyone see her during these moments. Where she could barely hold on to herself. John B had never seen this part of her. The part where her mind held her capture. She never willed herself to let him in that close to who she truly was when she was completely stripped of all her armor.
She knew it wasn’t fair. It was selfish to keep herself at a distance. But it ran in her blood. It was the only thing she had known. She told herself it was only to protect the people in her life from getting hurt.
“Sar?”
The voice startled her. She takes a deep breath to ground herself in the present again. “What are you doing up? I thought you had fallen asleep a while ago.”
Kiara’s voice, her presence calmed the monsters lurking in Sarah’s muddled brain. “No, I can’t fall asleep.”
“Me either.”
“I really haven’t been able to for a while,” Kiara admits, the bed dips as she turns to face Sarah.
Sarah can’t seem to get herself to roll over to meet her best friend's eyes. She needs to keep a distance like she always did. Giving in was losing an inter battle for her. “You know me. I’ve really never been able to sleep much.”
“I’ve missed this.” At that, all of Sarah’s monsters go back into hiding fully. It’s said so truthfully. Sarah has grown up knowing how to piece out lies dressed up all pretty to mask the malice that was really behind it. Most of the people she grew up with lied straight through their teeth. So a truth like this meant worlds to her.
Laying here with Kiara was the first in ages Sarah had felt completely content. John B and her hadn’t really been in the same head space for a while now. With the circumstances that had brought them together in the first place Sarah always had a lingering thought in the back of her head that all of what she and John B shared was meant to be left in the summer.
But she was never able to let herself think about that thought too much. Because if she did, she’d know she’d regret it.
“Me too.” Sarah’s still too afraid to find Kiara’s eyes in the dark. Though she dares to let her walls falter slightly. “It feels like the first time I’ve been able to just stop and enjoy the feeling of the quietness. It's actually really scared me lately. Y'know when everything goes silent and all there is." She pauses to collect her thoughts for a brief moment. "Pitch black. But now with you.”
"It's different."
Kiara smiles, though she can’t see Sarah she knows how hard it is for her to let people in like this. “I really haven’t gotten the chance to ask but how are you holding up?” She asks. “And before you say you're fine I won’t buy it.”
Sarah had forgotten how easy it was with Kiara. Hated how she was the one to ruin what they had because she wasn’t ready to open her door fully to someone. It was easy to let everything just flow between them. It was nothing like the rehearsed words or calculated replies she was used to.
“Honestly I really don’t know myself right now, Kie.” It’s like a weight has been lifted as she speaks.
“Honestly same.” Kiara agrees. “I didn’t even have any sort of clue of who I really was before all this shit. But now I feel like I’m just walking through the motions because I was told to. Y’know?”
Sarah finally turns on her side to find Kiara’s eyes. She loses the fight.
She’s met with a pair she’d seen a couple of thousand times, but her eyes look different. Sarah wants to believe that this look was only reserved for her. But she wasn’t that self-absorbed so she chose to brush her thoughts off.
“You read my mind.” She simply says.
The atmosphere around them shifts. It’s quiet save for the sound of crashing waves from outside.
Just like that Kiara feels just as close as she was with Sarah freshman year. She’s just as overwhelmed by Sarah’s eyes on her with her signature smile playing on her lips. But like freshman year she also remembers how to conceal her feelings.
“All of this shit is so crazy.”
Sarah nods. “Don’t get me wrong. I want the gold just as bad as you and the boys but it’s just been harder than I thought it would have been.”
“You’ve had to sacrifice so much Sarah so don’t beat yourself up.”
“I know I should have told you this sooner but I was too scared to. I always told myself I was keeping stuff away from people because that's just the way I am, but I’ve realized it’s just because I didn’t want to get hurt.” It comes out easier than anything this vulnerable had come out for Sarah before.
She knew and frankly had always known Kiara had seen through her smiles and Cameron's name in ways no other had. She remembers how scared she was when she realized that the first time.
Kiara had promised Sarah that they go to the beach together and she would teach her how to surf and then they would go turtle hunting after that. Sarah thinks she had never been that excited about something before in her life. Rafe had agreed to drive them after she had promised to do his chores for a week.
Rafe sped off before Sarah even shut the door to his car fully.
“God my brother’s such a dick,” Sarah complains as they make their way down to the shore.
“No kidding.” Kiara jokes.
Sarah can’t even count how many times she had fallen off the board but she wouldn’t trade it for the world. Kiara only smiled each time and would help her get back up. By the time Sarah was able to stand up and stay standing the sun was already beginning to set.
“I’m still sorry that I didn’t make much progress and it was kind of a waste of time,” Sarah says as they walk the shore in search of turtle babies.
“Sar you got to stop saying that. You’re better than you think you are.” Kiara tries to reassure Sarah.
“You’re just saying that because you're my best friend.” Sarah groans as she kicks at the sand under her feet.
“You know me, right?” Kiara starts. Sarah nods not entirely sure where Kiara is getting at. “I wouldn’t lie to you. It was cool that you even tried. Most of the girls from school would have just brushed it off or laughed at me so thank you for agreeing.”
“Anybody that would say no to your invitation is crazy. You’re like the coolest person at that stupid place.” She nudges Kiara’s shoulder playfully.
Kiara shakes her head. “Girls have never liked me. I’ve never fit in with them. Boys always think that by befriending them I’m telling them that I’m into them." But you." She smiles briefly. "You’re different.”
“How so?” Sarah asks curiously.
It’s silent for a moment. “I don’t know really.” She starts once she finds what she wanted to say. “When I first met you I thought you were like everyone else. Two-faced preppy lunatics."
"But when I actually got to know you I just kind of knew you weren’t like that.” She adds with a level of truth and certainly that could not possibly be faked.
“What’s different about me?”
“You didn’t judge me. Even if you had every right to. You took me in when I needed you most. You’re so giving that sometimes when people step all over you I can’t stand it.”
Sarah felt her heart leap out of her chest. No one had ever said something like that. No one had taken the time to get to know Sarah for more than Ward Cameron’s princess. Or Rafe’s little sister.
Her eyes search Kiara’s as they look at each other. She feels so vulnerable and for the first time, she lets her walls waver. She can’t put her hand on the feelings her heart is spitting out at the moment. She doesn’t want to explore the potential of what lies inside them so she pushes them down into her stomach instead of letting it control her.
All she knows is that Kiara had become the utter most important person in her life.
Soon though she felt a pit beginning to form at the bottom of her stomach. She'd formed so many by now most people couldn't start to understand.
She gets scared and fucks everything up.
Like she always did.
“You’re probably my favorite person ever.” The words come out all the while her mind is battling with her to stop. “Scratch that. You are.”
Kiara beams. “Not more than John B though.” She nervously laughs.
Sarah goes against all of her morals and the walls she had built for years. “More than John B.”