Chapter 1
Life was unfair.
One of the biggest lessons Albus Potter had learnt within the past few years.
No matter how much effort, strength and meaning you put into a thought, implementing it into an action could shatter it into a million pieces. The world wasn’t made to provide eternal fairness and joy. It picked and chose, and Albus had realised; the world really wasn’t on his side.
The week after Albus had returned from the formidable past everything seemed to just stop. Time in his mind moved slowly, yet the world seemed to be functioning at a normal pace. It became impossible to keep up with. Teachers made minor exceptions and his workload seemed to slightly decrease, yet he felt more inundated with Hogwarts than ever.
His parents had been quick to work out counselling sessions in Hogsmeade each weekend, though Albus just saw them as a pointless waste of time. He’d spent his first session staring aimlessly at the wall- the woman beside him desperately trying to configure some communication between them. He didn’t think that telling a woman he didn’t know about his experiences would help, why would it? After all, it all remained implemented and strongly envisioned in his mind. It seemed impossible that just talking could remove anything that strong and Albus wasn’t up to testing it.
That morning he’d woken up in a sweat, a bad dream.
He’d started getting them more often now. Some nights they weren’t as bad; he would be standing in the maze and a vine would spring out before him, swallowing him into the depths of the bush. Other times they were worse. He would be back in the brisk breeze, beside Scorpius. Except his best friend was on the floor, and Delphi was above him- wand aimed and ready.
There would be screams. Sometimes unduly vivid and too real for Albus to comprehend. When that happened he would wake up in tears.
He’d tried to drag himself out of bed and shake off the nightmare, reminding himself that it wasn’t real. Anymore.
He contemplated going down to breakfast to meet Scorpius, who had already left the dorms. He settled for the idea after taking an exceptionally long shower to wash away everything on his mind. It was Sunday, so Albus threw on yesterday's pair of jeans and grabbed a hoodie from his drawer before heading out the dorm towards the great hall.
There weren’t too many people down, as Albus had gotten there quite late. He looked out towards the Slytherin table in search of Scorpius, who didn’t seem to be anywhere. Of course he wasn’t. He had probably already finished and gone down to the Library. So Albus seated himself on the mostly deserted table. He grabbed a slice of toast, coating it in a layer of butter and then jam, taking a bite, when two hands grasped his shoulders.
He jumped unsteadily at the surprise.
“Merlin, calm down Al. It’s just me.”
James had now removed his hands from Albus’ shoulders and sat down next to him.
“Sorry.”
“Hey, don’t apologise. You did nothing wrong you idiot.” He grinned, trying to cheer Albus up. “How are you though?”
Albus had been trying to avoid both his siblings like the plague . He wasn’t ready for the constant questioning and they had picked up a habit of constantly asking if he was okay. “Fine, I suppose.” He lied.
“Really? I’m not sure I'm convinced, Albie. Sorry.”
Albus really wasn’t in the mood for his brother’s teasing right now. “Okay great, now what do you want me to do about it because I’m really trying James.” He snapped.
James let out a long sigh.
“Meet me later, will you? I just want to speak to you Albus. I've really missed my brother.”
Albus paused and stared James in the eye. He realised that James looked hurt, he looked angry but it seemed soft- like he didn’t want to be annoyed. “I’ll try. Where?”
“Great! How about by the bridge?” James stood up slowly patting his brother lightly on the back. “Stop putting yourself down so much, okay? I know it’s hard but please try. I don’t want to lose my little brother.”
With that, he left and found his place back at the Gryffindor table. Leaving Albus a little conflicted. He found that entire conversation immensely audacious, considering the little concern and empathy James had shown towards Albus in the past few years.
Albus had guessed correctly when he found Scorpius hunched over an exceedingly large pile of books in the library. He had one hand running through his platinum blonde hair and the other scribbling down notes of a battered piece of parchment.
Albus hesitantly made his way over, not wanting to disrupt him.
Scorpius had now spotted him. “Al! Sorry I left early. Wanted to get some more work done, we’ve missed out on so much it’s mad.”
“Oh yeah, I know.”
Albus couldn’t help but feel extremely guilty, he’d been told countless times by Scorpius that it wasn’t his fault. That he hadn’t forced Scorpius to join him, he’d made that decision on his own. Yet, either way it was still Albus’ idea and the guilt grew more and more each day.
“Have you started on the transfiguration stuff? It’s horrid.”
Albus hadn’t started on any of the work he had, alongside his current work. It was all too much still and he was struggling talking in all of the information, his mind still feeling infected with troublesome past experiences.
“Nah, I’ll start it all later.” He lied.
“Albus, you seriously haven’t started anything?” Scorpius peered concerningly up at his best friend. Albus shrugged and sat down in the vacant seat beside Scorpius.
“James asked me to meet him later.”
“Oh.”Scorpius paused. “Are you going?”
“Honestly, I don’t think I have much choice unfortunately.” He grinned, Albus couldn't think of any scenario where James didn’t get his way no matter what.
“I’m sure it will be fine, don’t overthink it.”
“Yeah.”
Scorpius glanced back at the growing pile of books in front of him and picked up his abandoned quill. “For now you could start that extra work though?”
Albus groaned, burying his head in arms.
Both boys had managed to spend the majority of the morning into afternoon in the library trying to catch up with their classes. Scorpius speeding ahead, stopping every now and then to assist Albus who had completely given up.
It was drawing nearer to the evening and Albus would soon need to leave to meet James on the Hogwarts grounds. He’d already started to pace the corridors, realising he’d probably be a little late. The castle seemed relatively empty for a Sunday evening and it made an effortless journey to the bridge, where he spotted an overly impatient James. Albus reluctantly made his way over. He just had to spare an hour of his day.
After all, he owed it to him.
“Al!” James called out, waving his arms about frantically. He was leant up against the railings of the bridge clutching a gold ball that he’d previously been tossing in the air. He didn’t have on his robes and had rolled his sleeves up, due to the uncomfortable heat. His hair was its usual matching mess to Albus’ and he had a showcase of freckles among his face. “Okay, let's get going!” James exclaimed, looking slightly too happy to be there.
“Sorry, but where are we actually going?” Albus questioned as James seemed to be making his way back into the castle whilst pulling out a piece of worn parchment from his pocket, the Marauders Map. He just grinned and continued to walk.
“I thought you liked a little adventure, Al?” James responded eventually. “I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good.”
Albus knew that both Lily and James were under strict rules not to mention the incident or joke about anything sensitive around him. Without his parents there though, James could do whatever he wanted. However he preferred the comments, he was used to them, he could take them. Just ignoring the fact that it happened and his family being so cautious around him was definitely worse, he didn't like the overwhelming and constant sympathy. It felt suffocating.
They walked in silence through the castle corridor until they reached the end of one and James pulled out a clump of material from a bag he’d been carrying. James instantly unravelled the screwed ball of cloth, throwing it around himself and disappearing into the depths of darkness. “James!”
“Albus you go first and I'll follow with the cloak, okay?” James peeled open a loose floorboard and lifted it up revealing a narrow passage.
“What on earth are we doing James? Is there not going to be someone down there?” Albus demanded.
“Merlin. Just stop Al. It’s a Sunday evening, so no, nobody will be down there.” James pushed past Albus signalling the passage was safe. With a look back, Albus pulled himself through the hole.
The passage wasn’t very long and it followed out to another piece of loose wood that James swiftly removed, making Albus question how he knew to do all of this. His brother slid down and landed with a boisterous thump. Albus hesitantly copied and noticed they had landed directly into a shop. The strong waft of sweets that had flown up his nose and a display of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans told him where they were.
“James, are you serious?” Albus yelped, slapping him around the arm.
“Yeah of course I’m James Siriu-“
“Don’t finish that sentence.” Albus cut him off. “What are we actually doing here?”
James grinned a worrying mischievous grin. “Well unless you want to hang around in a sweet shop we have places to be.” With that he dragged Albus back under the cloak and through to the main shop, out of the door.
There were more people than Albus had expected outside. He hasn’t ever visited Hogsmeade before, having regretfully set fire to his last permission slip and after that he’d never really had the chance. The broad streets were lined with dainty shops along the sides that spread an ablaze of amethyst, chrome and shamrock signs.
James was struggling to navigate both him and Albus around through the crowd of people underneath an invisibility cloak, bumping into several people and giving them a fright. Albus still had absolutely no idea where James was going, either. He’d heard Scorpius come back from a trip once bewildered by a book shop he’d visited. At the time Albus really didn’t think it sounded too great, but right now all he wanted was to go back and be able to visit Hogsmeade with his best friend.
They’d now stopped outside what looked to be a pub and James stood waiting for somebody to walk out. He grabbed the door as they did so and both boys went in. Albus was right, they were now in a rather welcoming and warm pub. There were fairy lights hung around the walls reaching top to bottom and various moving portraits hung between them. James was still holding on tightly to Albus’ arm trying to navigate the two around without being seen, looking for a small table in the corner somewhere. “Shit!”
Albus jumped at James’ sudden shock and turned to look at what he’d just seen.
His parents. Both Harry and Ginny Potter were seated at the table to their left. His mother was sipping a glass of butterbeer and his father had obviously turned around to the sudden sound James had made right besides his ear.
“Gin, did you…hear that?”
Albus pulled back suddenly, making the cloak slip back slightly; revealing both boys' shoes. James had thankfully reacted quickly enough pulling it back and covering them once again. He gripped onto Albus’ arm harder and guided them forward back towards the door, before their father noticed anything more than he already had.
As soon as they were out of the pub Albus pulled his brother into a small passage to the right of them. “What on earth was that, James!” Albus cried at his brother as he threw the invisibility cloak of them. He went to slap him but James skilfully dodged it.
“You thought I'd know that mum and dad would be in there??” He sighed dramatically. “What are they even doing in Hogsmeade anyway?”
“I don’t know.”
James threw the cloak back over him and his brother. “Well, we should probably move before we see anyone else we don’t want to. I’ve got somewhere we can go.”
James led them to a small deserted bit of forest on the edge of Hogsmeade. It looked severely untouched and deserted. His brother went to sit against a substantial oak tree and bundled the invisibility cloak back up and stuffed it into his bag. “Come, sit.” He motioned towards a log that lay near him.
Albus reluctantly went over and sat beside his brother. He felt weirdly uncomfortable. He’d noticed that since he’d started Hogwarts. His family seemed more distanced, the jokes became taunts and their interest in his life seemed invading. He wasn’t sure if that was just something he’d made up in his head all this time. He didn’t think being in Slytherin had really changed anything, not really. His family had always been accepting about it, he just didn’t know what else to put the blame on.
“Why’d you do it?” James said suddenly.
Albus froze. How would he explain it? How could he explain something so stupidly complicated to James Potter; to a boy who never really seemed to have any trouble in life. A boy that never had the looming fear of disappointing his parents every day. A boy that never had trouble with making friends. A boy that radiated the utmost love consuming energy.
“I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to help someone.” He shrugged.
“Come on, Al. I’ve known you your whole life; I’m not calling you heartless, but I don’t believe you when you say you wanted to save someone you didn’t even know.”
Albus still wasn’t sure on what to say, or what James wanted.
“I don’t know, James. I really have no idea why I did it. It was so stupid.”
“Did you think it would make dad happy?” James whispered, he was staring intensely at his brother now.
“Why would you say that? It clearly didn’t, did it.” Albus mumbled.
“Because I would know how that feels.” That surprised him, he wasn’t sure why though.
“Really? You’re exactly the son dad wants James.”
“Dad doesn’t want either of us more than the other. He just wants us to be happy, and you’re making that very difficult, Al. I know, we grew up listening to stories of dad at our age from everyone and anyone. How he was risking his life every other day. Of course I listened to those at a young age, wanting to be just like him when I was older and thinking that was what he expected of me. But now I know it’s not, you have to remember that.”
Albus knew that wasn’t ever what his dad expected. He just thought it would make him proud, and at the time that seemed like a solution to their current situation.
“Yeah. I know.”
Albus stood up to go and join his brother on the floor, leaning his head up against the tree.
“You really scared me, you know.”
Albus hadn’t really thought about it; it seemed so selfish now.
“Waking up and being told my little brother was missing. Being told he was stuck in time. I didn’t think you would come back.” James was staring at the ground, passing the snitch back and forth between his hands. Albus could see tears forming in his eyes.
“I just remember thinking about the way I had left it with you. That you hated me and I kept treating you like that, and that you were gone.” A tear streamed down his face.
“I never hated you.” Albus didn't hesitate. He knew that he never did. He couldn’t hate James, not his brother that had protected him fiercely for the first ten years of his life. Even if he’d stopped it at some point.
“But I treated you like shit. I did that without even questioning it, which is probably the worst part.” He sniffed.
Albus knew he was right.
“You're my brother. You didn’t mean it.”
“What if I did, though?”
He could tell James didn’t even know himself if he meant it, but Albus knew he didn’t. “Remember when we were younger? Every single time you said something horrible, even if it was ridiculous, you would become ‘joyful Jamie’ for an entire week. You wouldn’t say a single bad thing to anybody or about anything to prove that you were sorry for what you said. You knew then that you didn’t mean it, you know it now as well. That’s how I know.”
James was looking up at Albus now. “I forgot about that.” He smiled.
“I didn’t.”
Both brothers sat in silence, darkness enveloping the surroundings.