A Little bit of Strange's Strength

„Why are they like this to you?“
Tony looked up into the sorcerer’s piercing ocean-blue eyes and for a moment a puzzled expression settled on his own face. He let his eyes slide back to Stephen’s hand while Tony made a final knot on the bandage covering a nasty cut on the sorcerer’s skin.

A simple lie crossed his mind, but he dismissed it immediately. He didn’t want to lie to him. Not him.

“They think it is my fault that Steve is gone. They are worried about him. They are worried he won’t come back or that he will and I’ll be an asshole about it. Either way the team’s dynamic will go to hell.” 
He said more than he intended, but he was glad it was Stephen here listening to his slips and not someone else, someone who may once use his words against him.

“I see… Thank you.” He lifted his hand in the air, clearly happy with Tony’s work and the engineer returned his smile. His face muscles were stiff, the action a bit unnatural for them in the past few weeks.
“You could do this by yourself. You just let me, so I would feel better.”

A smirk caught his attention. “Did it work?”
Tony shook his head with a small laugh, rolling with his chair away from the sorcerer to grab a mug filled with cold coffee from his table.
“Yes, I guess.”

Stephen didn’t stand up from his chair in order to leave right away and Tony was glad. He wanted him to stay. 

“Don’t you have a reality to protect, Mr. Wizard?” he asked anyway, realizing too late he could have ruined the moment easily wasn’t it for Stephen humming a negative answer.
“No. Wong is on it. I have a day off.”
“And you came fight with us on your free day? You really don’t know any better way how to spend your time?” He didn’t mean it to sound like an accusation. Tony mentally cursed when he saw Stephen flinch. The sorcerer had helped them a great deal today. Tony had no idea how he’d learned that Steve wasn’t going to participate, so he’d showed up in his place, but Tony was thankful.  

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that…”
“No,” Stephen stepped in, “I wanted to meet you. I…” Suddenly he looked very unsure. Maybe guilty even? “I wasn’t here after the break-up. I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay,” Tony waved his hand, “it’s been only five days, not a year. I wanted to call you.” I needed you. “But I was busy. You know… new villain every other day.” His attempt at humor sounded pitiful even to him. He wasn’t surprised when Stephen didn’t relax.
There was a long moment of silence until the sorcerer let out a sigh.

“Was it because of me? I know he is jealous. I tried to keep away as much as possible after… After that one time.” 
Tony didn’t really expect him to start this conversation, but from the undertone of Stephen’s words it was obvious he was sincerely upset. 
“It’s not your fault. Our relationship didn’t work for a long time before that,” Tony found the confession to be easier than he thought it would be when spoken aloud, “and if that… moment was anyone’s fault it was mine.”

“You didn’t kiss me back,” Stephen opposed him after a while of uncomfortable silence and the memories came floating into Tony’s mind. The way they’d been looking at each other, standing just a few meters away from where they were now sitting. Stephen’s sudden movement and his lips gently touching Tony’s. It was over faster than it could really begin.
“But I wanted to.”

Tony was glad he wasn’t facing Stephen when he said that. He hid his face into his hands and rubbed them against his forehead. 

“Tony, please, look at me.”
And he did. Because it was hard to say no to that raw baritone he heard behind his back.
“Do you mean it?”
A weak smile spread on his lips. “Of course.” 

Tony couldn’t even start to describe what he felt when he saw Stephen’s shoulders sank down with a relief or when he reciprocated the smile Tony sent his way.

“Still,” the sorcerer sobered up from the shared moment, “now it really looks like it’s my fault. You were happy. I didn’t mean to deprive you of that.”

Tony laughed bitterly. The coldness making its way to his voice when he stood up abruptly in a need of some movement.
“I wasn’t happy, Stephen. I wanted to be. Hell, I tried so hard. I thought I was, but I wasn’t.” He knew he was being very emotional and uncontrolled, but he has been feeling at the edge for quite some time. He needed to let it off his chest.

Stephen brushed his hands over his knees – a sign that he was nervous.
“Tony I…”
“He hit me.”

Tony let the silence stretch out around them. He couldn’t make himself continue right away. He eyed the wall in front of him, finding facing Stephen once more too hard to manage.

“What?” The word echoed in the air and Tony didn’t remember hearing more disbelief, hatred and venom in Stephen’s voice ever before. He felt the hands fall on his shoulders, making him turn and he closed his eyes briefly before he looked into sorcerer’s angry face.
“Tell me you’re joking, Tony.”
“Oh, I would like to tell you that, Stephen…” His voice was shaking and letting out too much. When he blinked, his eyes uncontrollably filled with tears and he growled frustrated when one of them found its way down his cheek. He sniffed and wiped the wetness away from his face, freeing himself from Stephen’s hold. 

The feeling of betrayal returned to him with such a force that he feared his heart was breaking anew. “I told him what happened. We had a fight. I told him how I was feeling about our relationship, that it wasn’t working for me anymore, that something must change.” He took a deep breath, wiping his eyes again. “He called me a fucking whore.”

He could see how Stephen’s whole body tensed, his handsome features hardening and he was glad that the sorcerer didn’t try to come closer and comfort him. He felt like a gust of wind could break him and he would certainly shatter more easily in the other man’s embrace.

“I will kill him.” Something in that dead-serious way how Stephen pronounced the words made Tony feel slightly better.
“Get in the line. Bruce is first.”

Stephen looked puzzled for a moment, until his eyes ignited with realization. Bruce was the only one who wasn’t giving Tony cold stares. He knew. He’d been there.

“Tony, it’s been two months since then,” he said those words carefully like he didn’t believe what he was about to utter next. “And you broke up with him five days ago? Tell me the reason wasn’t because he did it again.”

Tony wanted to laugh more, but he didn’t. He turned on Stephen unconsciously touching his wrist. Unfortunately, the sorcerer’s eyes followed him.
“He hurt your hand.” That wasn’t a question. “You said it happened during the fight in Boston.”

“That is the funny part, Stephen. You see, I always wondered why those abused women could lie and lie just to protect someone who was hurting them. And here I am, doing exactly the same thing because I believed it was right at that time. He made me believe it was my fault.”

Stephen let out a sound through his lips which reminded Tony of a very frustrated animal he couldn’t remember the name of.
“You can’t mean this, Tony. Whatever you would do, he has no damn right to rise a hand on you. And you know that.”

Tony nodded, thoughtfully. “I do know that now. But I was blind then.” It was extremely hard to talk about it and Tony wasn’t sure how much he wanted to tell. “I loved him so much,” he admitted at the end, feeling how those words weren’t true anymore, but still caused a lot of pain.

“I forgave him… twice…” He looked up into Stephen’s eyes, slowly realizing that none of what he’s just told him would be ever forgotten and that the sorcerer would make him do what was right even if he himself didn’t have a strength to do it. In the bottom of his heart, that was exactly what Tony wanted from him.
“What happened?” 

The engineer almost didn’t recognize Stephen’s voice anymore. He turned back to his chair because his legs wobbled. All he wanted to do was to get it out. Until now he had no idea how much he wanted to tell someone. How much he wanted for someone to understand.
“Five days ago he tried to force me into something I had no interest in doing with him… ever again,” he said, feeling a weight falling down from his chest. He tried to take a proper breath. It should have been easier, but it wasn’t. Not yet.

He heard an abrupt inhale and then few seconds later steps. Tony lifted his head to find Stephen touching his ring just like he did every time before he would conjure a portal.
“What are you doing?”

But he knew exactly what Stephen was doing. He could see it in his cold distant eyes. The coldness which wasn’t aimed at Tony at all. 

“Please, don’t,” he begged, feeling the panic seeping through his voice. “Don’t go. Don’t leave me alone.” And he maybe sounded pathetic, but all he wanted in that moment was to wrap his hands around the sorcerer and to never let go. That wish came partly true only a second later when Stephen threw himself at Tony, not worried anymore about giving him space he didn’t actually need.

Tony buried his face into Stephen’s neck, inhaling the familiar cologne the doctor used. It was comforting in the way that was impossible to describe.
“I will find him, and I will kill him, and you will never tell anyone.” 

Tony chuckled, creating some distance between him and Stephen’s hands on his arms.
“You don’t kill people, Stephen. You are a doctor.”
“I can make an exception.”

Tony shook his head with a small smile. “No, you can’t, and you won’t. I don’t want him dead no matter what he did. I don’t love him anymore, but I can’t just erase everything we lived through. I don’t want him behind the bars either.”
He put a hand in front of Stephen’s mouth, when he saw that he wanted to argue.
“No, you need to understand there are still threats out there. We might need him in the future whether I like it or not. This needs to stay quiet. You need to listen to me, please, Stephen?”

The doctor looked at him helplessly. His hands sliding off Tony’s body.
“He can not stay near you.”
To that Tony nodded. “No, he can’t. I was thinking about something, but I don’t know how it will come out for me at the end, but I guess there is not much choice.”
“You want to tell SHIELD?”

Tony knew Stephen could pick up on his plan fast.
“I want to tell Fury only. No need to spread it any further. I guess I will give him two options. He can have Steve or he can have me on the team. The choice will be his.”
“The choice should be yours,” Stephen corrected him, but didn’t push. He ran his shaky hand through the silver and black hair. Tony hated the fact he was a cause of his distress.

“Promise me you won’t try to find him,” Tony pleaded, giving Stephen a time to regain his composure. 
“Please, I need you to listen to me. It’s important for me, Stephen.”
“Tony, if he ever comes near you, I can’t promise to stay calm.”
“He won’t,” Tony protested. “We’ll make sure of that.”

Stephen seemed doubtful and still very angry, but his eyes were betraying his acceptance. He would not ignore Tony’s wish.
“I will send all the evidence to Fury tomorrow.”
The sorcerer’s brow went up in confusion. “What evidence?” 
“Videos,” Tony admitted, “Jarvis was recording our room. Not for this purpose, but it doesn’t matter now.”

He once again saw Stephen tense and take a steadying breath through the gritted teeth.
“Will you show me?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Just no,” he said gently, his eyes probably displaying the same emotion. Tony wasn’t sure he could stop him in finding Steve if Stephen saw the footage.
“I just need you to be here tomorrow, so I won’t back away from this. I…” Tony remembered how defenseless he was against Steve only because he was unable to strike back. “I always froze when he hurt me, I never fought back because I could never hurt who I love… loved,” he corrected himself. 

Something in Stephen’s stare hurt to look at.
“Sometimes I think you are too good for this world, Tony.”
The engineer let a smile spread over his face, just a little one. He didn’t feel like he could manage more.
“Would you stay with me tonight? I could use a company.”

For the first time that evening Steven seemed to relax a bit, nodding. 
“I think the cloak doesn’t feel like going anywhere either.”

They both turned on the ancient artefact occupying Tony’s couch and it seemed like the red piece of clothing returned their gaze. Now Tony laughed for real. 
An idea crossed his mind. A foolish one. 
Suddenly he felt like he could make it. Maybe with Stephen’s help, he could really change how things were for him.

Maybe that pain he was constantly feeling, numbed only by the sorcerer’s presence, would go away one day. Not tonight. But one day. Tonight, it will be just enough to gather a little bit of Strange’s strength and hoping he won’t miss it too much.