Chapter 2
Months later and “maybe we can fix ourselves” became “maybe we can't fix ourselves.”
That was ten days prior the September Foundation event. Pepper had spent the whole morning looking at old dresses in the closet and when Tony walked in their bedroom again, he found her in that blue, backless dress she had worn years ago.
“I remember that dress”, Tony said. “My birthday present for you.”
She had a silent laugh, looked down and touched the silky texture thoughtfully. “I was wondering if it still suited me.”
Of course it did.
“We danced with you in that dress.”
“Hmm.” She smiled at the memory.
He held his hand in the air and after a second of hesitation, she took it. Already he was pulling her closer against his chest, put the other arm on her hip. She dropped her head on his shoulder, he put his nose in her hair, and they moved slowly in silent. They hadn't been this close in a while. They barely touched each other these days. Barely even talked to each other. Even arguing – they didn't do that anymore.
Of course it had to be one of these too short sweet times.
“Maybe we can't fix ourselves”, she whispered.
That was point blank a shot in the heart – those words he had said months ago turned against him - but he kept dancing. That's what he was used to do. Carrying on despite the pain.
“It's over, right?”
Those words he had said and heard so many times and they had always meant relief. Selling weapons? It's over. The battle of New York? It's over. Ultron? It's over. They meant turning a page to the next, better chapter. The world was just a big machine that needed upgrading and he did well, since Afghanistan, but this whole past year was a downgrade. That chapter wasn't over yet.
So there was no point in hiding the obvious. They had stopped acting like a couple a long time ago. Oh, he still loved her and she still loved him and they still showed it and said it but these things don't matter when you don't know how to be together anymore.
“It's a break”, she said, and as if to emphasize her words, she pulled out from their dancing embrace. She looked at him straight in the eyes. “I'll leave tomorrow.”
That's when he realized – and that was a proof of how dizzy his head was outside of work, because Tony used to noticed everything - that she wasn't picking up a dress earlier. She was packing up her suitcase, open on the bed, already halfway packed. “You don't have to leave.”
“I do. We need to part ways for a while. It's not together that needs fixing, it's one another first. We didn't make this right.”
“We never did anything right.”
“And we should start doing it. I don't want us to be that unhealthy, toxic couple that hurts each other. So we have to take time away from each other before that happens.”
“You never hurt me.”
I did. She read his mind or maybe knew him too well because she sighed and said “Neither did you, Tony. It's nobody's fault.”
“Right.”
There were so many things he wanted to do with Pepper. Marry her. Have children with her. Build her a farm. Yet he had focused more on trying to fix the world than building his own. Gosh, I sound like my dad. Is that how it went for him?
She turned and began to undress, the silky straps falling down her arms.
“You can stay here. I'll leave.”
“Can't. I only own 12% of this place.”
She meant it as a joke, but he only had half a smile. You deserve it all remained unspoken.
“Anyway”, she said, pushing her fringe away after putting on and old shirt, “I need to... get a change of scene for a while. Maybe a farm life will make me feel good.”
“So you're going to that eccentric uncle of yours.”
“Morgan.”
“Morgan. I never seem to get his name.”
“Yeah, prioritizing. That's what you need to work on.”
She wasn't telling him off, she was paraphrasing their therapist. They had had a few couple therapy sessions, on Pepper's request, that they had dropped two months later because Tony kept missing the appointments. Not on purpose – he just forgot. He was too busy doing whatever the next thing to do was. And there was always something to do, something to fix, something to get ready for. Things were actually never just over. And then she argued, and then he argued back, and then she had become tired of it and stopped trying to reason him, and then they had stopped talking at all, outside of the small talk and the work related conversations.
They had had a few occasional, too short sweet moments as they co-worked together on B.A.R.F. He let her see times of his past – she laughed when she saw him create Dum-E and U, smiled with him when his mother sang him to bed, stroke his neck tenderly when his father shouted at him for various reasons, cried with him when he learnt about his mother's death.
But the problem was, they didn't know how to be together in this world anymore. Tony was a futurist and trying to change the world was part of the job but he had come to admit that there were limits to what he could do and that maybe, maybe he couldn't prevent the next bomb to be dropped, only get ready to fight it. He hadn't expected for the next bomb to drop in his own private life. And that's what she meant. Prioritizing.
Rogers, for an old man, surprisingly fitted in much better than him. Tony let the world weigh down on his shoulders, Rogers carried the world on his shoulders. I'm the old man.
So right now, the next thing to do was... letting her go.
*
So the next morning, he carried her suitcase to the doorway for her – which was the elevator. Happy took it from here. He was wearing sunglasses. Early at dawn. Tony squinted to peer through the tainted glasses. “Did you just cry?”
Happy sniffed dramatically. “Didn't you?!”
Tony patted him on the back. “Hey, hey. She's gonna be alright. She's tough.”
“But are you? And by you I mean you two. It can't be over! What am I supposed to do with that rin-”
Tony hushed him as Pepper came in. She paused.
“I'll wait in the car”, Happy said, taking her suitcase with him.
“Please.”
The elevator closed and Tony and Pepper were left alone. There was a moment of silence as they both looked at the digits go down.
“So...”, she said.
“How long?”
“I don't know.”
He knew already that there was no answer to that, but he needed to ask anyway.
“Remember. It's a break but please, don't break yourself even more.”
No promises could be made here.
She put a hand on his chest. Right where his arc reactor used to be. “You're a mechanic. You fix things. So fix yourself, please.”
He gave her a little smile. “I'll try.” He had to give her that at least. He couldn't not try for Pepper. He had to make things right for Pepper. His world right now was about... Pepper. Too bad he only realized it when she wasn't leaving it.
She gave him a kiss on the cheek. It was soft, it was tender, it was everything he needed but it meant goodbye. His hand somehow grabbed hers, holding on to this last moment, then her hand slipped out of his, just as she slipped out of his life. Just like that, she was gone.
Just like that, the world became suddenly a lot darker.