Chapter 3
And then he spiralled.
He didn't mean to spiral, he really meant to prevent everything from falling apart. Head up high, focused on the company, doing Pepper's job as best as he could – which was never gonna be as good as Pepper. He got himself busy with some neighbourhood spider-boy with an awful red and blue costume, too. The kid was awful at hiding his identity.
Then the Avengers called him for that mission in Wakanda and Tony declined. They were probably doing better without him anyway. Except this time, they didn't.
What are we doing? Are we helping this world or are we causing its chaos?
“We're a time bomb”, Bruce – good old missing bro - was right. So when Secretary of State Thaddeus Ross approached him with the Sokovia Accords, Tony thought it was time to make things right.
And then and then and then, Cap had gone crazy, the government had gone crazy, Cap's crazy best friend-boyfriend had killed his mom and he had gone crazy himself all over again. He would have killed Barnes and not cared at all. Which is frightening. Killing him would have left him more damaged than he already was, and in the long term. And yes, he knew Barnes was brainwashed and he was sorry, but that didn't change how Tony felt. Hate.
And betrayal.
Rogers had looked into his eyes and swore he knew nothing. Who was he trying to protect? Tony from the pain? Barnes from the blame? Or was it himself? Bit of green in the blue of his eyes, the psycho-iatrist said. Tony saw bits of gray.
Now that also made Tony question everything else. How long had Steve looked into his eyes and pretended everything was fine? Trusting someone is hard, Tony found. Perhaps equally as hard as finding love, on his part. And Tony trusted Steve Rogers. Just like he trusted Obi. Betrayal comes from the ones we hold the dearest, they say. He wasn't just hit in the arc reactor, it felt like he was also stabbed in the heart.
The only good thing that came out of this was now Tony knew what prioritizing meant. As everyone left his close and narrow circle of trust, it came down to the most important ones. Rhodey. Happy. And at the center of it, Pepper. Pepper may have left his side but she never left that circle. And now Tony understood. His world was this circle. That's where he needed to be.
He came back from Siberia alone, cold and beat, yet somehow he was already starting to feel... better. Because he could finally say it again – it's over. The outcome of this chapter of life was shitty, but at least it was finally over. He could finally move on.
*
So first things first in this new chapter: the kid. Deal with the -
“Mr Stark? Are you okay? Did you get Captain America? Did I make it? Did I impress you?”
Now that was a hell of a lot of questions for his hammering head, Tony thought the next morning with a wince, as he looked into the first-aid kit for an aspirin. “You don't have to impress me”, are the only words that came out of his mouth, as some sort of statement. The kid didn't have to give his all to impress the adult in the house. Tony knew this all too well.
“Oh, okay, I just thought, with all these superheros around me, I'd have to keep up -”
Tony turned and squinted, the aspirin sparkling in the glass of water he was holding in his hand. “Did you do your homework?”
Prioritizing.
“Yeah, I did. I do struggle with that one math problem though -”
Tony drank his aspirin in one long swallow. “Alright”, he said, putting the glass in the sink. “Let's pack, I'll help you with it in the jet.”
*
They dropped the kid to his place in the evening, then made a straight departure for the hospital where Rhodey had been transferred. He was stable, they said. Which was good news in this whole series of bad news.
He was asleep when they arrived. They had barely entered the room when they heard someone at the door.
Pepper was there, a paper cup of coffee steaming in one hand. Her shoulders loosened when she saw Tony, as if a huge weight was suddenly leaving her back. “Hi”, she said.
“Hey.”
“He just fell asleep.”
“I figured.”
She smiled. Stretched her arm, offering her cup of coffee. “You need it more than I do.”
It was his turn to smile, now, as he gladly took the cup from her hand. “Then let me get you one in return, Miss...?”
“Potts”, she said, her smile turning into a soft laugh.
“Potts. Hap, you want one? Strong?”
“Oh, yes please”, Happy nodded as he moved Pepper's stuff away from the chair next to Rhodey's bed to sit on it.
*
Waiting in front of a vending machine probably wasn't the best place and situation to hold a private conversation, yet they shared more in here than they ever did in their household this whole past year. There was a moment of silence as Tony put in the coins and chose Happy's coffee. Then -
“How are you?” he asked.
“You look tired”, Pepper said at the same time.
He smiled and rubbed his face, confirming her words. “Yeah, well. I spent the night helping a kid with his homework.”
She raised an eyebrow, genuinely intrigued. “You'll need to tell me about that.” She raised her hand and brought it to his face, gently tapping his black eye from the tip of her fingers. “I also want to know about that.”
Tony sighed, all traces of his previous smile disappearing slowly – from the small wrinkles at the corner of his lips to the spark in his eyes. “Cap.”
Her hand was now resting on his cheek. “I just wanted to make things right”, Tony continued. “Cooperate. The Avengers shouldn't act as they wish, that doesn't make us any different from the bad guys. We shouldn't – or maybe only I shouldnt.”
And now a finger was on his lips. “You should rest.”
“There's a lot of things I still need to take care of.”
“Not today. Today you take care of yourself.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow we take care of ourselves.”
Tony smiled, and nodded into her hand. “I missed you”, he said, and it came out in a whisper, like these words were fragile.
She nodded too, and closed her eyes, her eyebrows frowning in a sore way, as if this confession was painful – but it was painful because she felt it, too. “I missed you too.”
*
Rhodey was awake when they got back to his room.
“Coffee”, Tony said, handing his cup to Happy.
Rhodey took it instead. “Thanks.”
“How come you're awake?”
“Hap dozed off. Snored. Woke me up.”
“I wasn't snoring! I... was breathing loudly.”
Rhodey leaned, going for the remote control Happy had in his hand. “Give me that back.”
“You took my coffee”, Happy snapped, looking daggers at him.
“The game is on, how many times have you watched Downton Abbey anyway?!”
Tony rolled his eyes. “I see you're doing good.”
“Yeah, the doctor said I can leave tomorrow.”
“I said we'd keep you tomorrow”, the doctor corrected.
She entered the room and went for Rhodey's bed, checking the drip, and taking the cup of coffee from his hand. “That is not recommended.”
Rhodey groaned and threw his head back on the pillow. “I'm dying here.”
“Clearly you're not. You're in great shape. A bit too much, perhaps. We're gonna go lower on the morphine.”
“You're no fun.”
“Two more days”, she told him, looking over her glasses with a warning look, before making a departure.
“Actually, that's great”, Tony said, closing the door behind her. “Gives me time to work on that prototype I've planned for you.”
“Great. Can't wait to use my legs again so I can kick his ass”, Rhodey snapped.
Yeah, Tony thought as he watched his best friend try to get the remote control once more. Despite the drama, despite the events, there was a sense of normal.