Chapter 1
“You said that you would stop!”
“That was the point of the whole thing! I created Ultron to stop -”
“You should’ve thought this through, Tony!”
They were at it for five minutes, tops. When he came back home after – let’s keep calling it "the whole thing" – Pepper was waiting for him.
“Is it true what they say?” she had said.
“What?”
“Was that you? Ultron.”
“Yeah, I’m fine and alive, thank you.”
He didn’t mean to be bitter but it had been a rough day.
“Answer me, Tony.”
“Yes. Yes, it’s all on me.”
And she had gone mad. Which is understandable, really, but he didn’t need to be told over and over again that he had “killed hundreds of innocent people!”. He knew.
“You know what, I’m just gonna walk away. That’s it, I’m walking away”, Tony said as he did, raising his hands in the air.
“You come back and face your actions!”
He turned again to face her.
“I already do, Pepper! You think I don’t blame myself? Because I do! But it’s done and it’s too late and right now I need to eat, I need to have a shower and maybe have some sleep, you know?!” And a fucking glass of wine, he thought to himself.
“Oh you go get your golden shower and sleep in your golden bed while people are still dying in a hospital -”
He walked away.
*
He got his shower, got some snacks and two or three glasses of wine but he gave up on trying to sleep. It was three in the afternoon, anyway.
Pepper was nowhere to be found and Tony didn’t know if he was relieved or worried about it. They were arguing all the time, but this time was different. It was damageable. The world had already crumbled outside, he didn’t need his own world to crumble from inside.
When she didn’t come back in the evening either, his chest began to hurt.
“Jarvis, can you locate Pepper?”
But there was no Jarvis anymore. “Shit”.
“Why not just call her?”
Tony’s heart jumped. “Holy shit, Vision!”
The android was just standing there, in the middle of the living room, seemingly coming from nowhere.
“Where do you come –“ Tony was about to ask, but then remembered Vision could actually walk through walls. “Nevermind.”
“Miss Potts let me in this morning. I was here the whole time but I assumed you didn’t want to be bothered.”
“Great, that’s fucking great. What made you change your mind?”
“You called Jarvis.”
It caught Tony off guard for a second. Was this loyalty? Was this just programming? What even was it that he created now anyway?
“You’re not Jarvis”, he pointed out.
“Indeed I am not, but I have kept some of his memory so I believed that maybe you’d want me to – oh. I’m still new at this. Do you wish me to leave?”
Tony sighed, rubbing his face. “Nah, it’s fine. You can stay. If you want to learn how to be human though, I’d suggest you sit down on the couch. Standing here – well, floating here like this is kinda creepy.”
“Understood.”
“Hey, you wanna try a drink? Wine?” Tony said as he poured one glass for himself.
“I do, but as for you I believe you’ve already had five glasses of this beverage today, which I heard is toxic for the human body.”
“Gosh, you really do sound like Jarvis. Here, try this.” He handed the glass to Vision, before sitting down on the other end of the couch. He had already finished his own drink when Vision was still dipping his lips in the wine, eyebrows frowned, sounding like a professional sommelier.
“So?” Tony asked.
“I do not taste nor feel a thing.”
“Lucky you.”
“You should call Miss Potts.”
“We need to work on changing topics, too.”
“She was worrying about your mental health.”
“I worry about that too.”
“She’s afraid you might do something stupid -”
“Too late, already done that.”
“To yourself.”
Oh. So why did she scream at him? Because what you did is unforgiveable. And you know you’re both hot-blooded.
“Right. I’m not going to do that.”
“Which is why you should call her and tell her.”
Tony stared at Vision, then frowned and nodded approvingly. “You know, for a newborn, you’re a fast learner. I sense a romantic in you. Can I have a moment of privacy, please? I’m gonna call my girlfriend.”
Vision nodded, then floated away and through the window, just more than 900 fucking feet in the air. The guy still had a lot of things to learn.
His phone in his hand, and Tony wasn’t so sure anymore. Was he supposed to explain himself? Pepper didn’t seem like she wanted to hear any explanations this morning. Was he supposed to apologize? It will never be enough for what he did. Was he supposed to tell her he loved her and beg her to come back? It was probably too early for that.
But he was going to do exactly all that anyway.
It’s Pepper Potts, leave a message.
“Hey. Pep. Can we talk? I mean, actually talk and not… shout at each other? I just – I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing but things got out of control. I got out of control. You’re right, I should’ve thought this through. Don’t know why I didn’t because… It’s my whole nightmare again. My weapons turning against innocent people. I was so sure and – it’s a huge mistake I’ll have to live with my entire life. I’m not asking you to – well, maybe I do. Please forgive me.”
He could never forgive himself so he was hoping at least the one person that mattered would.
“Come back when you’re ready. I’ll… stick around for a few days. But please come back. I need you. I love you.”
*
He slept till noon and when he got up, his body felt sore everywhere. His head hurt too, though probably not from the battle. But it didn’t matter because above all things, it smelled like Pepper’s favorite homemade chicken salad.
“Hey”, he said as he walked in the kitchen.
“Hey”, she said without looking at him.
She was wearing a black legging and a white tank top, her hair tied in a pony tail. Gosh, she could be wearing a rag and Tony would still think she was beautiful.
“Where did you sleep?”
“Maria’s.”
“You don’t look like you actually slept”, he pointed out.
She had dark rings under her eyes. “I did a lot of thinking.”
She set a plate and cutlery in front of him but still avoided his eyes.
“Did you get my voicemail?”
“I did.”
“Can we talk, then?”
“I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen. But eat first. Vision told me all you did yesterday was drink and eat snacks, which is totally not healthy.”
Only Pepper could think about eating healthy in the darkest of times.
“Vision’s still around?”
“I gave him the guest room.”
“Great.”
“Let’s talk.”
“Okay.”
“You are responsible, so far, for the death of 150 people.”
Tony sighed, dropping his fork. He wasn’t hungry, and what was it with the chest pain again? He didn’t expect her to be so straightforward. And why did she choose that moment to look at him in the eyes? “You don’t need to -”
“Let me finish. It is what it is and, like you said on the phone, you will have to live with it forever. But I know you, Tony, and I don’t want you to go into self-destructive mode. This bottle of wine was full yesterday. Take this aspirin.”
Despite himself and as he took the aspirin, Tony smiled. Pepper was observant and caring and tough and honestly, he didn’t know what he would do without her. What he would be without her.
“I knew what I signed for when I got into a relationship with you.” Pepper continued. “This job, or whatever you call being a superhero, I knew what it would involve and despite all the dangerous situations you put yourself in, I was okay with it because you always took the right decisions. And now, just one wrong decision turned… lethal. And I have to live with that burden too, which is why it is going to be very hard for me to forgive you. I love you, Tony. But I hate what you did.”
There was a long silence after that. After escaping death so many times, this was the first time Tony felt like he was actually dying.
“This is the part where you can talk”, Pepper said, probably seeking a reaction that didn’t come.
Tony shrugged. “Got nothing to say. Uh, I understand?”
“Tony.”
“It’s okay. You hate what I did, I hate myself for what I did, things are pretty clear. We can move on from here. At least we both love each other. These things matter, right? Gosh, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be bitter, it’s just harsh and too much in a very short time and I need to process all that is happening but right now, I’m lost.”, he admitted. “But I understand, I do. If that’s what you want to hear.”
“I want to hear that you’re gonna be okay.”
“Are we gonna be okay?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then I don’t know either. But you don’t need to worry about me. I’m going back to Sokovia tomorrow. I’m gonna fix as much as I can. Of course some things will never be… repairable. You can’t fix the dead.” He let out a humourless laugh. “And then maybe we can fix ourselves, too.”